When there is nothing left to live for

It's so hard to live this life when no one thinks you're good enough to be more than friends. Some people throw away friendships completely. Some try to let you down easy -- "let's be pen pals." And then they make an excuse as to why, if they haven't heard from you, they would *not* call you to find out if you're okay -- "Don't have a phone." As if there isn't a single phone in the world you could use for 5 minutes??!!?? It's just an excuse to say, "Yes, i will go on with my lonely life if you end your lonely life and you're right, Chris, I won't miss you after awhile."

So easily disposable I am? Yeah, apparently :(

Why live? Seriously, why live like this? There's no sense in continuing this way.

My life got so far off track because of someone's doing 11 years ago -- satan won. Now he's winning again. He's taking what could have been beautiful and he's ripping it to shreds and turning it into crap. It hurts so much not having value in this world. So it should be time to say Goodbye. My stomach is knots, my head hurts, I feel so beat down and kicked in the gut, kicked in the face, and just completely stomped and spit on. My worthlessness has been reaffirmed. Maybe I should be thankful that I know my place in the world and that's no place.

"You do have value, you are special, you'll find someone." Spare me. Open your eyes. If I'm not good enough for you, I'm good enough for no one. So forget it. I was a pillar with God's strength but in one swift blow you knocked me down and turned me into nothing. Just dirt. Thanks for helping me realize once and for all that's all I am -- nothing.

I have no ill feelings towards her, none at all. I miss her. And I wish for her the happy ending she desires.

For me it will be just an ugly death totally alone with no one to even give a crap.

So easily disposable :(

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Zoooma
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