So scared I am right now that I could lose someone from my life, someone who is so special to me.
This has just been the worst night and one of the worst 24 hours ever. It's not Kathy's fault. I just wish we were talking instead of texting. If we were talking, this would never be happening.
The past 24 hours have not been right. I brought up some things that I didn't understand, some things totally uncharacteristic of our friendship. These things upset her which I never ever intended. Several times I apologized but it seemed to bounce right off her. This whole thing has my heart aching and every "sorry" could not have been more sincere. I asked her if we could talk to discuss this and fix this so we don't both go to sleep upset. Unfortunately she wanted no part in talking to me. Twas only 9 o'clock and she pushed me away with "I'm too tired for this, no more, good night." I just wanted to patch this up.
Now I am devastated, broken, feeling destroyed. I cried so hard because she's so special and she doesn't deserve in her life another single ounce of hurt, sadness or being upset and here it was coming from me. I hate myself right now. I'm just pathetic. And I was right -- I am disposable. All I did was lift her up all the time. I supported and helped her, I told her she's important to me when there was no one else making her feel that way. I told her she's beautiful and cute and silly and funny and wonderful in every way. In return I get thrown away. I know it's not in her heart to intentionally hurt me, but I am devastated because of this. Kathy fills a hole in my life but that hole is right now bigger and worse than before. The laughs and smiles we have shared are too numerous to count. She fills me with such happyness and I can't stand losing that. I just don't understand how things went from great to me feeling so very alone. The past day has shown me my true self -- unimportant and so completely worthless.
This has just been the worst night and one of the worst 24 hours ever. It's not Kathy's fault. I just wish we were talking instead of texting. If we were talking, this would never be happening.
The past 24 hours have not been right. I brought up some things that I didn't understand, some things totally uncharacteristic of our friendship. These things upset her which I never ever intended. Several times I apologized but it seemed to bounce right off her. This whole thing has my heart aching and every "sorry" could not have been more sincere. I asked her if we could talk to discuss this and fix this so we don't both go to sleep upset. Unfortunately she wanted no part in talking to me. Twas only 9 o'clock and she pushed me away with "I'm too tired for this, no more, good night." I just wanted to patch this up.
Now I am devastated, broken, feeling destroyed. I cried so hard because she's so special and she doesn't deserve in her life another single ounce of hurt, sadness or being upset and here it was coming from me. I hate myself right now. I'm just pathetic. And I was right -- I am disposable. All I did was lift her up all the time. I supported and helped her, I told her she's important to me when there was no one else making her feel that way. I told her she's beautiful and cute and silly and funny and wonderful in every way. In return I get thrown away. I know it's not in her heart to intentionally hurt me, but I am devastated because of this. Kathy fills a hole in my life but that hole is right now bigger and worse than before. The laughs and smiles we have shared are too numerous to count. She fills me with such happyness and I can't stand losing that. I just don't understand how things went from great to me feeling so very alone. The past day has shown me my true self -- unimportant and so completely worthless.
