It's Not Supposed To Be This Way

It's so hard to live this life when no one thinks you're good enough to be more than friends. Some people throw away friendships completely. Some try to let you down easy -- "let's be pen pals." And then they make an excuse as to why, if they haven't heard from you, they would *not* call you...

Ay caramba. Sittin’ here in the library again. This is (almost) a daily thing now. Actually it has been for several months. When they close for a federal holiday then it’s time for me to sit in the laundromat to charge up my cell phone. Unfortunately I don’t even really use the phone part...

At the library on Daytona 500 afternoon. No church today. That’s kinda too bad but at the same time I was not quite awake this morning. I mean I could’ve but I set my alarms to be awake and it just failed miserably. At times in life I have been a morning person but that ain’t the case now...

Okay, I’m here at the library again and again on one of the three side computers to charge my phone and kill some time before the corner internet computer is free. There, hopefully, I can also charge my phone and use the internet. I must watch carefully each person who departs that room as I...

Left and right people are comin’ after me and judging me. Their guilty verdict (I’m not even sure what the charge is) is based on what evidence? They just ramble on, spewing forth garbage that I don’t even read before reporting it for harassment. One I did read because whoever the person was had...

So scared I am right now that I could lose someone from my life, someone who is so special to me. This has just been the worst night and one of the worst 24 hours ever. It's not Kathy's fault. I just wish we were talking instead of texting. If we were talking, this would never be happening...

Half a day has come and gone. We move thru the afternoon and into the evening and not a peep from her. Why am I so stupid to think that my life has value??? Obviously it does not. If it did I would not be silenced out like this. God hates me. He does not care if I am happy. I always believed He...

It's been 12 hours since she's contacted me. We have not gone this long in 2 weeks. I feel so disposable, like a piece of trash so easily thrown away.

All I wanted last night was to drink. Okay, that's not really all I wanted but at a point when the night was over, but there was no sleep to be had, all I wanted was to not live. Again. I walked 20 minutes up to the nearest 24 hour gas station/mini-mart and bought a . . . [gasp] a Pepsi...

We call them "Man's Best Friend" and this image will always always always be with me. I cried so hard during this. I'm left mostly without words. Wow. Dog Won't Leave Fallen Navy SEAL's Side - YouTube

Jeremy Camp - The Way (Official Music Video) - YouTube 1) Over at YouTube, Copy the URL 2) Come back to your blog post 3) Click the LINK ICON --> 4) Paste (the URL) 5) Click OK that's it :P When composing your blog post, if you click the button, the html should look like...

Hot. So hot. My Location isn't Hudson River Valley, New York right now, it's the Lowcountry of South Carolina, near Charleston. NY's my home but this is where I am at the moment and it is HOT. Two days in a row now have been essentially identical. Each day I've decided to go and challenge...

It's been a fascinating night. It was simple enough for awhile -- I was quietly watching my favorite baseball team, the New York Mets, on Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN. Good game until the Bottom of the 8th when Philadelphia tied the score 1-1. Then sometime around the early Top of the 9th...

There's always a blog commentary running in my head but I just never have the drive to type any of it out. Maybe now. Why? I don't know. I got a frightening outlook on the future an hour or so earlier. I might be homeless soon, truly homeless without a place to go. ALL of my possessions...

Should be asleep at 3 in the morning. Listening three times in a row now to Jeremy Camp's first album -- Stay. Not a bad song on there. Such positive Biblical messages from start to finish. Two songs in particular have been speaking to me... maybe not speaking to me but I feel a pretty...