Okay, I’m here at the library again and again on one of the three side computers to charge my phone and kill some time before the corner internet computer is free. There, hopefully, I can also charge my phone and use the internet. I must watch carefully each person who departs that room as I am looking for someone, unknown if it’s male or female, wearing black. That might be my “target.” When I see that person I’ll save this document, pull my charging mp3 player, grab the Zip-loc bag with papers and cords and go in there to use the internet . . . and hopefully charge my phone. I say hopefully because working the internet room desk right now is militant Asian lady who has gotten library management to talk to me when I refused her orders. She ordered me to unplug my phone back in late January and I refused because she could not show me that it’s a library rule that there’s no charging of cell phones. She then went to unplug it herself and I blocked her from touching my personal possessions. That’s when she stormed out in a fit to get someone. All the while I was as pleasant as I could be; there was no meanness on my part. Head library lady came over and yada yada yada, it was closing time anyway and I had gotten two hours of charging done. In any case, militant Asian Desk Lady is working again now so even if I get corner computer with the wall socket, I could still get busted. Then again, that was like 4 weeks ago and I was told the library board was going to vote on the issue. Surely they’ve voted by now, yeah? Surely. But maybe they did and the vote didn’t go my way. That would be a shame to block my 1st Amendment Right to freedom of information. You see, since I do not have electricity at home, if I do not charge my phone here, I cannot use internet at home to read news and . . . gain information. Maybe that’s a stretch but we’ll see what the ACLU has to say about it. I wonder if they’d even take the case. Is there even an office here in this town? I’d probably have to go all the way to Charleston. Ugh. I might be going there Monday anyway. Or Tuesday. We’ll see. I just don’t know yet. Sooner the better, I suppose. Even if you can only donate plasma twice in 7 days, and I can’t get there on Saturday, then going Monday and Friday would be best? I suppose so. Or Tuesday and Friday. Either was will skip 3 days then 4 then 3 then 4, etc, or vice versa so that’s the plan. But when to go first? Tuesday then only 3 days later . . . if they even let me in the program? I have a fear that due to either high blood pressure or small veins I will not be allowed. About the small veins I really have no idea. And I read a little about high blood pressure and mine might be acceptable. I’ll find out. $300 in the next one month would be nice. I need it. I guess I’ll see what happens. Right now I hope for the best . . . but think the worst. They will probably reject me. How lame but that’s the way it is. That leaves me to collecting and selling scrap metal and maybe an eBay auction for some slide holders. The latter won’t net much, maybe $50 if I am lucky. The metal might get me another $50 if I am lucky. Ugh. This looks bad. I’ve spent about $170 in cash in the past month and in my current situation it would be best to make that up somehow. I need money. And then I think I might be going to church tomorrow (for the first time in years and years) and I may tithe which means $180 spent (not to mention $15 for a movie ticket and popcorn on my debit card which, for whatever reason, I’m not very concerned about items purchased off my debit card. Strange psychology.)
Well, I guess that’s all for now. That one paragraph above should’ve been split up, I know better. Oh well. Sometimes a long ramble in uno paragrapho seems just fine since this ain’t exactly a professional journalistic writing, though practicing in that would be good for me . . . assuming I live to be able to write something substantial in the future. That prospect doesn’t look good. So depressed I often am at the seemingly dead end life I am living. It’s not really that it looks like there’s a dead end . . . just nothing positive. I’m stuck. Very stuck. I don’t pray for specifics to happen but I do ask God to guide me. But where? He will decide, I guess. It’s difficult when His plan for your life is impossible to get to. That’s been blown out of the water. To get back to that is 99.999999999999999999999% impossible . . . yet as incredibly stupid as it may be, I still hope. I’ve missed so much but if possible I’d pick it back up in the present. Unfortunately that prospect seems hopeless. That leaves me to wonder what this world has in store for me. I have no idea where I’ll be in two weeks or five weeks or 2 months or a year. Many, many, MANY people have some idea. I have absolutely none, literally NO idea at all. I fear not having a place to live -- no kitchen to cook food in, no couch to rest on, no electricity, no running water. I have no electricity and no running water now but the routine that comes with that is difficult and dark and cold. The cold’s not so bad as I have clothes to bundle up with and blankets to cover me. It’s just getting old. No TV since about September 3rd, no electricity since about October 28th and no running water since about November 2nd. I’ve adapted but I long for more. I know many in this world live with far less and I’m not necessarily complaining . . . I just so desire more for my life. For so many years I have known and had more -- I was comfortable. Now I’m near destitute. And I just don’t know what I can do . . . except pray.
Well, I guess that’s all for now. That one paragraph above should’ve been split up, I know better. Oh well. Sometimes a long ramble in uno paragrapho seems just fine since this ain’t exactly a professional journalistic writing, though practicing in that would be good for me . . . assuming I live to be able to write something substantial in the future. That prospect doesn’t look good. So depressed I often am at the seemingly dead end life I am living. It’s not really that it looks like there’s a dead end . . . just nothing positive. I’m stuck. Very stuck. I don’t pray for specifics to happen but I do ask God to guide me. But where? He will decide, I guess. It’s difficult when His plan for your life is impossible to get to. That’s been blown out of the water. To get back to that is 99.999999999999999999999% impossible . . . yet as incredibly stupid as it may be, I still hope. I’ve missed so much but if possible I’d pick it back up in the present. Unfortunately that prospect seems hopeless. That leaves me to wonder what this world has in store for me. I have no idea where I’ll be in two weeks or five weeks or 2 months or a year. Many, many, MANY people have some idea. I have absolutely none, literally NO idea at all. I fear not having a place to live -- no kitchen to cook food in, no couch to rest on, no electricity, no running water. I have no electricity and no running water now but the routine that comes with that is difficult and dark and cold. The cold’s not so bad as I have clothes to bundle up with and blankets to cover me. It’s just getting old. No TV since about September 3rd, no electricity since about October 28th and no running water since about November 2nd. I’ve adapted but I long for more. I know many in this world live with far less and I’m not necessarily complaining . . . I just so desire more for my life. For so many years I have known and had more -- I was comfortable. Now I’m near destitute. And I just don’t know what I can do . . . except pray.
