I have some words I felt inspired to write. I decided to make a second blog, where I will only share stories from my walk with Christ, where the focus is all on God, and not myself (though they are about me). I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous to share, because of the way some people react to certain things, but... I don't care!! I can't wait to share. Why even live if it's not for the Glory of God?
I pray that the Lord will bless you with this.
I had a wonderful day today, where God broke through so many barriers. And He has been reminding me of all the big prayers I have prayed in the past and how much faith and passion I put into them. These are the main two prayers:
"Lead me into ALL truth, and cleanse me from all falsehood!"
"Make me like Jesus, no matter what!"
I've prayed these prayers constantly since the fall of 2016. I knew this meant trials, and I felt as I first started praying them that my life was gonna go down the drain. But that had to happen. I was still living in darkness, stumbling and in so much anxiety. I was tormented by my past and the evil spirits that were still in me, with no idea how to overcome it. I was struggling with madness and deception, and though my faith was strong, it wasn't Biblical enough. I was stuck in the world, still putting too much faith in science and not enough in the Bible. I had a gaming addiction, and for a while I wasn't doing anything to grow closer to God. I was stuck. And in fear. I hadn't been to church yet or been in any fellowship, and I couldn't even bring myself to read the Bible.
During summer I had decided to give my entire life to Jesus, knowing it was going to be hard. I didn't care. He is worth it. He then pointed me to the Scriptures about giving up everything for Him, taking my cross, being crucified in Him. All of that. I knew what I had to do. It hurt. But I am a very determined person.
But I had been so persecuted and bullied for my faith at my previous jobs, that I was physically sick from the stress, and I was struggling with so much sin and so much shame. I just gave up at some point. And I just kept doing absolutely nothing to move forward.
Then God did some amazing things to get me out of it. He gave me two dreams, one that made me realize how little I was trusting in Him, and then one that made me understand just how much I can trust Him. But nothing changed. I was still stuck in fear. I kept hearing voices telling me I was going to Hell, and tormented by them. When I got to the point of desperation, I asked God "Am I going to Hell?" and the response shocked me. He said "Yes!" Silence. Then "But I will save you!" And after a few days, I had the most intense experience. I felt His presence suddenly everywhere, and He made me focus on my forehead, and my thoughts. I started crying in panic, telling Him there was no room for Him. He then made me look at everything that was in my apartment, including my computer, and I realized that He was showing me all of my idols. He then pointed me to a lantern that is on top of my bookshelf, one that I had bought many years before and had forgotten that I even had. It was empty. And everything just fell into place for me, I understood just how bad my situation was.
I asked Him what to do, and I felt led to fast for three days. I did. It was hard, but I spent three days doing nothing but praying and reading the Bible, not eating, and only using my phone to talk to people, no entertainment. It was so good and cleansing for me, and that's when I started praying those prayers. Something had to change. Everything had to change.
I told God that He was going to have to take my life, because I wasn't willingly giving it up. Of course God doesn't take our lives like that, but He can certainly bring us to a place where we become so desperate or so in love with Him that we give it willingly. And He did for me.
What I went through was so much worse than anything I could have imagined. Back then I would sit and be very nervous about what would happen next, but knowing that Jesus would be with me through all of it. I didn't expect just how much this world can throw at one person.
What God did was to first made me sell my computer. I cried for a week, I was that addicted. Then He blessed me with a wonderful job where I can learn and He can use me, and then He led me into fellowship. He led me here to Christian Forums. I started growing really fast, and I felt Him leading me and maturing me very quickly. I met opposition, and He was using it to strengthen and teach me.
Then I met my abusive ex and both me and my whole life fell apart. That was the beginning of my trials. Jesus let me know that He was going to let Satan test me for a while, just like Job, like Jesus in the wilderness and like Peter being sifted like wheat. I loved hearing that, it seemed exciting, because I was so close to Jesus at the time. He was giving me so much joy.
I won't go into a lot of details about what happened in this post, I'm not sure God will ever want me to speak about some of it in public, because every life is different, and we all struggle with different sin, different addictions, different pasts, and our trials are therefore different. They are there to bring us closer to God. They are there to increase our faith and bring us to a place where we give up our self-will and really start focusing on God.
My trials broke me. And God healed me.
I had so much pride. So much fear. So much I was holding on to, I hadn't even fully repented of my past yet. I was hiding all of my sins from God, thinking I had repented just because I had confessed them to Him. I had anger and control issues. Enormous trust issues. And I hadn't dealt with barely any of the traumatic memories from my past, in fact I couldn't even remember most of it. God brought me where I had to start facing it. All of it. It was HARD. But He used all of it for so much good.
I actually started praying for more trials as I realized how good they were for me. And they kept coming, and God kept using everything to heal me. I gave more and more to God, and as I did, God gave me more and more of Him. I saw so much of His glory and greatness, and I learned to trust Him so completely, I'm so glad I went through what I went through. I can barely remember why I was holding on to the world and my past, it all seems so foolish.
And I learned so much. I want to share all of it, and I hope I get to once the Lord has sorted through the mess that is still in my head. Which is why I decided to start this second blog. It will all be dedicated to Him, to hopefully inspire.
My prayers right now are:
"Cleanse me from every sin, and make me Holy like You!"
"Make me everything that You want me to be!"
Anyone who has read my blog know what emotional and mental state I am in right now, and I bet you're thinking "Nope! I'm never going through all that!". I'm not gonna lie and say this has been a pleasurable experience, although it has brought me a lot of joy. But I faced it, and I survived it. Because of God. And now my life is His, and I know that my future is going to be bright, because of it. And I'm ready to face it. Spiritually I am in an amazing place right now.
My point is that Lord Jesus Christ will get you through anything that happens in this life, and you will get to see so much of God's Glory and learn so much from it, if you only trust that He will do so. God is trustworthy, and He is always in control. He will not let you fall away, and He won't let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. He loves you so much and He wants to be involved in everything you do. He wants to teach you and increase your faith. He wants to bring you out of darkness, and He wants to use you.
So go ahead! Pray those prayers! I dare you!
I pray that the Lord will bless you with this.
I had a wonderful day today, where God broke through so many barriers. And He has been reminding me of all the big prayers I have prayed in the past and how much faith and passion I put into them. These are the main two prayers:
"Lead me into ALL truth, and cleanse me from all falsehood!"
"Make me like Jesus, no matter what!"
I've prayed these prayers constantly since the fall of 2016. I knew this meant trials, and I felt as I first started praying them that my life was gonna go down the drain. But that had to happen. I was still living in darkness, stumbling and in so much anxiety. I was tormented by my past and the evil spirits that were still in me, with no idea how to overcome it. I was struggling with madness and deception, and though my faith was strong, it wasn't Biblical enough. I was stuck in the world, still putting too much faith in science and not enough in the Bible. I had a gaming addiction, and for a while I wasn't doing anything to grow closer to God. I was stuck. And in fear. I hadn't been to church yet or been in any fellowship, and I couldn't even bring myself to read the Bible.
During summer I had decided to give my entire life to Jesus, knowing it was going to be hard. I didn't care. He is worth it. He then pointed me to the Scriptures about giving up everything for Him, taking my cross, being crucified in Him. All of that. I knew what I had to do. It hurt. But I am a very determined person.
But I had been so persecuted and bullied for my faith at my previous jobs, that I was physically sick from the stress, and I was struggling with so much sin and so much shame. I just gave up at some point. And I just kept doing absolutely nothing to move forward.
Then God did some amazing things to get me out of it. He gave me two dreams, one that made me realize how little I was trusting in Him, and then one that made me understand just how much I can trust Him. But nothing changed. I was still stuck in fear. I kept hearing voices telling me I was going to Hell, and tormented by them. When I got to the point of desperation, I asked God "Am I going to Hell?" and the response shocked me. He said "Yes!" Silence. Then "But I will save you!" And after a few days, I had the most intense experience. I felt His presence suddenly everywhere, and He made me focus on my forehead, and my thoughts. I started crying in panic, telling Him there was no room for Him. He then made me look at everything that was in my apartment, including my computer, and I realized that He was showing me all of my idols. He then pointed me to a lantern that is on top of my bookshelf, one that I had bought many years before and had forgotten that I even had. It was empty. And everything just fell into place for me, I understood just how bad my situation was.
I asked Him what to do, and I felt led to fast for three days. I did. It was hard, but I spent three days doing nothing but praying and reading the Bible, not eating, and only using my phone to talk to people, no entertainment. It was so good and cleansing for me, and that's when I started praying those prayers. Something had to change. Everything had to change.
I told God that He was going to have to take my life, because I wasn't willingly giving it up. Of course God doesn't take our lives like that, but He can certainly bring us to a place where we become so desperate or so in love with Him that we give it willingly. And He did for me.
What I went through was so much worse than anything I could have imagined. Back then I would sit and be very nervous about what would happen next, but knowing that Jesus would be with me through all of it. I didn't expect just how much this world can throw at one person.
What God did was to first made me sell my computer. I cried for a week, I was that addicted. Then He blessed me with a wonderful job where I can learn and He can use me, and then He led me into fellowship. He led me here to Christian Forums. I started growing really fast, and I felt Him leading me and maturing me very quickly. I met opposition, and He was using it to strengthen and teach me.
Then I met my abusive ex and both me and my whole life fell apart. That was the beginning of my trials. Jesus let me know that He was going to let Satan test me for a while, just like Job, like Jesus in the wilderness and like Peter being sifted like wheat. I loved hearing that, it seemed exciting, because I was so close to Jesus at the time. He was giving me so much joy.
I won't go into a lot of details about what happened in this post, I'm not sure God will ever want me to speak about some of it in public, because every life is different, and we all struggle with different sin, different addictions, different pasts, and our trials are therefore different. They are there to bring us closer to God. They are there to increase our faith and bring us to a place where we give up our self-will and really start focusing on God.
My trials broke me. And God healed me.
I had so much pride. So much fear. So much I was holding on to, I hadn't even fully repented of my past yet. I was hiding all of my sins from God, thinking I had repented just because I had confessed them to Him. I had anger and control issues. Enormous trust issues. And I hadn't dealt with barely any of the traumatic memories from my past, in fact I couldn't even remember most of it. God brought me where I had to start facing it. All of it. It was HARD. But He used all of it for so much good.
I actually started praying for more trials as I realized how good they were for me. And they kept coming, and God kept using everything to heal me. I gave more and more to God, and as I did, God gave me more and more of Him. I saw so much of His glory and greatness, and I learned to trust Him so completely, I'm so glad I went through what I went through. I can barely remember why I was holding on to the world and my past, it all seems so foolish.
And I learned so much. I want to share all of it, and I hope I get to once the Lord has sorted through the mess that is still in my head. Which is why I decided to start this second blog. It will all be dedicated to Him, to hopefully inspire.
My prayers right now are:
"Cleanse me from every sin, and make me Holy like You!"
"Make me everything that You want me to be!"
Anyone who has read my blog know what emotional and mental state I am in right now, and I bet you're thinking "Nope! I'm never going through all that!". I'm not gonna lie and say this has been a pleasurable experience, although it has brought me a lot of joy. But I faced it, and I survived it. Because of God. And now my life is His, and I know that my future is going to be bright, because of it. And I'm ready to face it. Spiritually I am in an amazing place right now.
My point is that Lord Jesus Christ will get you through anything that happens in this life, and you will get to see so much of God's Glory and learn so much from it, if you only trust that He will do so. God is trustworthy, and He is always in control. He will not let you fall away, and He won't let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. He loves you so much and He wants to be involved in everything you do. He wants to teach you and increase your faith. He wants to bring you out of darkness, and He wants to use you.
So go ahead! Pray those prayers! I dare you!
