God is awesome! Praise Him and all Glory to Him!
Something happened a few days ago that made me fall apart. I was reminded of what my abusive ex did, and I had a panic attack, and all the pain came back, my mind in chaos. God used it to pull me closer to Him, and help me deal with all of it finally. My mind doesn't want to go back there, but I had to, to heal from it. What he did to me was so evil, that is the only word I can use for it, and that doesn't even cover it. And right when I was trying to heal from it, satan sent everyone who is susceptible to his lies, non-Christians and Christians who walk in the flesh, to harm me even more. Over and over, and I just went back into absolute darkness for a while. And God was with me, saving me, delivering me, and so much more than that!
In the middle of my most severe panic attack a few days ago, I started feeling so angry at God for allowing all of it, only for a second, and I know He didn't do anything evil towards me, He cannot, so I asked Him to help me. Suddenly His light just filled my heart and I felt such deep comfort, and He reminded me of everything that He has done for me, Him basically being the only good thing in my life through all of it. No one else was really there for me. Some people tried, but they ended up hurting me as well, and only God knows exactly why.
Psalm 30 came from the Bible app in my phone, and as I was fighting off the lies and the anger inside, my mind went CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!
1 I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me. CHECK!
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me. CHECK!!!
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit. CHECK!!!!
4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning. AMEN!
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, AMEN!!!
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever."
Everything got easier then. Praise God! God used my trials so effectively to remove my pride, my anger, my stubbornness, my blindness, my fears, my sadness and depressions, and He delivered me, He healed me, He put so much praise in my heart and in my mouth that all I do some days is praise Him and sing to Him, joyfully and without fear, though I know that there is a battle raging around me.
He tried to stop me from dating my ex, He also tried to save me from listening to his lies and He then opened my eyes to his manipulation. He then answered all of my prayers when I wanted my ex to be saved, and though it worked for a while, I do believe that God's wrath is on him, because he didn't change. Instead he blasphemed God, and hurt me more and more. And six months later after we were broken up, he was doing the same old tricks, excusing his sins and lying, trying to flatter me and control me.
Then God saved me from all the other people who were trying to hurt me, over and over, He has never left my side. Then when I rebelled, He changed me, then strengthened me and protected me from the devil, who just keeps losing over and over, and He pulled me out of the darkest hole I have heard of, washed me clean and then set my feet on the Rock. God said to me, very early, as I was battling demons that had come from when my ex forced me back into the occult, "I'm never letting go of you!" and He didn't. He always keeps His promises, and nothing can snatch us out of His hand!
And look at where I am today. My life is going so well. Jesus is so good, I am at a loss for words. And He is quickly changing that as well, putting a new song in my mouth.
Praise God! Hallelujah! I love Him so much, and I hope that all of you get to experience Him for who He is, because He is 100% Good, Holy and Righteous! And nothing, absolutely nothing, can stop His will be done!
I will exalt you, Lord!
Lord my God, I will praise you forever!
Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people!
Praise his holy name!
Something happened a few days ago that made me fall apart. I was reminded of what my abusive ex did, and I had a panic attack, and all the pain came back, my mind in chaos. God used it to pull me closer to Him, and help me deal with all of it finally. My mind doesn't want to go back there, but I had to, to heal from it. What he did to me was so evil, that is the only word I can use for it, and that doesn't even cover it. And right when I was trying to heal from it, satan sent everyone who is susceptible to his lies, non-Christians and Christians who walk in the flesh, to harm me even more. Over and over, and I just went back into absolute darkness for a while. And God was with me, saving me, delivering me, and so much more than that!
In the middle of my most severe panic attack a few days ago, I started feeling so angry at God for allowing all of it, only for a second, and I know He didn't do anything evil towards me, He cannot, so I asked Him to help me. Suddenly His light just filled my heart and I felt such deep comfort, and He reminded me of everything that He has done for me, Him basically being the only good thing in my life through all of it. No one else was really there for me. Some people tried, but they ended up hurting me as well, and only God knows exactly why.
Psalm 30 came from the Bible app in my phone, and as I was fighting off the lies and the anger inside, my mind went CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!
1 I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me. CHECK!
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me. CHECK!!!
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit. CHECK!!!!
4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning. AMEN!
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, AMEN!!!
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever."
Everything got easier then. Praise God! God used my trials so effectively to remove my pride, my anger, my stubbornness, my blindness, my fears, my sadness and depressions, and He delivered me, He healed me, He put so much praise in my heart and in my mouth that all I do some days is praise Him and sing to Him, joyfully and without fear, though I know that there is a battle raging around me.
He tried to stop me from dating my ex, He also tried to save me from listening to his lies and He then opened my eyes to his manipulation. He then answered all of my prayers when I wanted my ex to be saved, and though it worked for a while, I do believe that God's wrath is on him, because he didn't change. Instead he blasphemed God, and hurt me more and more. And six months later after we were broken up, he was doing the same old tricks, excusing his sins and lying, trying to flatter me and control me.
Then God saved me from all the other people who were trying to hurt me, over and over, He has never left my side. Then when I rebelled, He changed me, then strengthened me and protected me from the devil, who just keeps losing over and over, and He pulled me out of the darkest hole I have heard of, washed me clean and then set my feet on the Rock. God said to me, very early, as I was battling demons that had come from when my ex forced me back into the occult, "I'm never letting go of you!" and He didn't. He always keeps His promises, and nothing can snatch us out of His hand!
And look at where I am today. My life is going so well. Jesus is so good, I am at a loss for words. And He is quickly changing that as well, putting a new song in my mouth.
Praise God! Hallelujah! I love Him so much, and I hope that all of you get to experience Him for who He is, because He is 100% Good, Holy and Righteous! And nothing, absolutely nothing, can stop His will be done!
I will exalt you, Lord!
Lord my God, I will praise you forever!
Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people!
Praise his holy name!
