My Ramblings

I need to ramble again. I've had so many strange reactions to my faith in the past, and just bad advice to just about everything, and it has been my biggest obstacle, and God has been helping me understand it. Now, I'm not here to slander anyone, I'm just sorting out my thoughts. In public, because it helps me. This is a general ramble, not directed towards anyone at all.

I started this blog because I needed it. I was in such a bad place, and God has used my blog to heal me. I'm not advertising myself, or trying to make any statement. I'm sharing my walk with God, because I know that God wants me to, and this is good practice for me to not hide myself. I have grown so much from writing here. God used it to save my life. And a huge part of it was all the wonderful brothers and sisters who have supported me as well, I'm really grateful. :) I'm also learning how to speak about Him. Sometimes it's really hard for me to get my words out, but I'm getting there.

But people seem to have these suspicions that I have an agenda or that I'm doing this to get a reputation. I've gotten advice not to share too much, or to be more "humble" (pretend that God isn't doing anything?). But I'm not trying to neither create nor maintain any image of myself. If I do have any agenda, it's to put all focus on God. Whether it's directly on Him or the work He is doing in me, that's all up to Him. Look at Him! He is God, not you, not me. Let go of the flesh, and walk by the Spirit! If God is with you, why focus on anything else?

I have a ministry that God takes care of, as with everything else in my life, and He has already walked before me, made a way for me. I don't need to market myself or do anything to get a reputation. I humble myself before God by obeying Him and keeping my eyes on Christ, and then He will lift me up if it's His will. He sends me people to help when He wants to and has made me ready.

So I'm just being honest. With what I'm going through, with what God is doing, with what I'm learning. And I'm doing my best to please God with my words as I write, maybe not always, but mostly led by the Spirit. And if God wants to use it to minister to others, then that is wonderful, and all Glory to Him, and if some people feel offended, then that is between them and God. I'm only sharing what He allows me, and leaving the rest between Him and me. He gives me testimonies so I can share them. I'm just really happy and grateful that I get to share them. That I'm able. Courageous enough. Not hiding myself away any longer behind fear.

The Lord has done amazing things for me and through me. I want to share that openly. I'm realizing though how it looks to others, and I'm not blind. God is speaking through me as I'm posting here, and as with everyone else, the devil will want to get a foothold. So God forbid that I would ever not expect others to test me, since my main gift is discerning of spirits, and I'm always telling everyone to test the spirits. Which is why I'm also always being honest. I also know how jealousy works, and doubt and unbelief, and pride, and everything else that is of the flesh and the enemy. So I'm also realizing how some people may be reacting to what I'm sharing, and will be in the future. Being in any spotlight is the opposite of what I want, but I also can't be who God wants me to be without letting other people see me or hear me or read what I've written.

But I will keep my eyes on Christ and do my best to walk with Him and in Him, which is going really well, despite everything. Praise Him! It's all His doing. :) In everything I do, I will give God all the Glory, because it is His. I have been overthinking things my whole life, stressing out over every detail, being a perfectionist. This blog has helped me overcome that, as I'm giving it all over to God, trusting in Him and accepting that I'm a mess and He is perfect, but also that in Him, I'm no longer a mess (or as messy, I've got a lot that needs to change). I belong to Him, I'm His child, my ministry is for Him, so I'm completely surrendering.

Father, Your will be done, in Jesus name, amen!

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Emli
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