Do you ever have something happen and it makes you think of the past?
I signed up for facebook recently (why I don't know as there is no one that I speak to there) and an old friend from my past added me as a friend. I used to be very good friends with this person and when she moved house she seemed to cut all contact with me completely. I wasn't all that bothered... people move and grow apart, that's part of life, but it got me thinking about some of the people that I went to school with, where are they, what are the doing....so I looked some of them up...and much to my surprise most of them were there.
One of the girls there is responsible for alot of heartache in my life...she seemed to go out of her way to make my life as difficult as possible (she used to verbally bully me).
I've never known what I did to her to make her hate me so much, but looking back on it, I can see why.
I'm an only child, she had a sister that took all the attention.
I had a mum and dad that loved me and showed it, she had a dad that left her and a mum that worked long hours and never had much time for her.
I was not spoiled, but I got most of the things that I wanted, she had to rely on hand-me-down stuff from her older sister or wait so long for what she wanted that it was out of fashion by the time she got it.
From the time I stared school, to the day I left I was always put in a class with her, so my school life was fairly horrible, really. I was fine until I facebooked her name, but as soon as I saw the picture in her profile, I went right back to being in school and I could hear her voice and all of the snide little comments that she used to make...I could feel my (very small and fragile) confidence ebbing away by the minute.
I thought that I had forgiven her for the past, but I felt a ripple of fear when I saw her photo (I have sometimes seen her around, but not often, and I don't know if she recognises me...hopefully not).
I know that I have nothing to fear from her now, but the small terrified child inside me is not so sure
I really have no desire to revisit my childhood school days, as they are a time that I would rather forget.
I know that I should forgive her, and everyone else that gave her help in outcasting me at school, without their input I wouldn't be the person that I am today. In the grand scheme of things...looking at the things that have happened in the world recently, it is small potatoes...but to me it is the one thing that has really happened that I need to forgive.
I hope that I can get over this soon as carrying it around any longer is quite absurd...I'm a 31 year old woman, and even if she hasn't changed that is no reason for me to do the same.
I signed up for facebook recently (why I don't know as there is no one that I speak to there) and an old friend from my past added me as a friend. I used to be very good friends with this person and when she moved house she seemed to cut all contact with me completely. I wasn't all that bothered... people move and grow apart, that's part of life, but it got me thinking about some of the people that I went to school with, where are they, what are the doing....so I looked some of them up...and much to my surprise most of them were there.
One of the girls there is responsible for alot of heartache in my life...she seemed to go out of her way to make my life as difficult as possible (she used to verbally bully me).
I've never known what I did to her to make her hate me so much, but looking back on it, I can see why.
I'm an only child, she had a sister that took all the attention.
I had a mum and dad that loved me and showed it, she had a dad that left her and a mum that worked long hours and never had much time for her.
I was not spoiled, but I got most of the things that I wanted, she had to rely on hand-me-down stuff from her older sister or wait so long for what she wanted that it was out of fashion by the time she got it.
From the time I stared school, to the day I left I was always put in a class with her, so my school life was fairly horrible, really. I was fine until I facebooked her name, but as soon as I saw the picture in her profile, I went right back to being in school and I could hear her voice and all of the snide little comments that she used to make...I could feel my (very small and fragile) confidence ebbing away by the minute.
I thought that I had forgiven her for the past, but I felt a ripple of fear when I saw her photo (I have sometimes seen her around, but not often, and I don't know if she recognises me...hopefully not).
I know that I have nothing to fear from her now, but the small terrified child inside me is not so sure
I really have no desire to revisit my childhood school days, as they are a time that I would rather forget.I know that I should forgive her, and everyone else that gave her help in outcasting me at school, without their input I wouldn't be the person that I am today. In the grand scheme of things...looking at the things that have happened in the world recently, it is small potatoes...but to me it is the one thing that has really happened that I need to forgive.
I hope that I can get over this soon as carrying it around any longer is quite absurd...I'm a 31 year old woman, and even if she hasn't changed that is no reason for me to do the same.
