Here we are, brokenhearted
Lost, confused, we've barely started
to understand how to take your hand
to trust in your plan
All too eager to seize the wheel
but through the rocks, only you can steer
So take my hand, and take my heart
Lord show me how, how to make a start
~PoetStorm
But I was suffering, and struggling, probably more than I realized. As some of you may have seen here, I've been struggling with some family issues for a really long time and was just so weary and worn. That may have had something to do with it.
Whatever the reason, last December, in the back of my mind I could almost hear a voice calling "Come to me, learn of me, and find peace." And suddenly I was hungry for it. From the first re-reading of Genesis and the creation of the world I was floored like I'd never been before about the sheer creation of it all, in awe at the glory of God in a way I was never before. And then I was inspired when God promised Abraham children even despite a barren wife and many years. And then, eventually, it actually happened! If God could do that, well then what couldn't he do?
But along the way I was also confronted, questioned, convicted. I've literalyl been moved to tears of both joy and sorrow. I realized I had a hard time being humble, and realized I wasn't such the good person I thought I was. My eyes were opened, and then I closed them tight, and then they were opened again. It has been like a budding flower, where petal after petal is slowly peeled back, revealing yet another layer again and again.
For the first time, I found a love of God as I watched him rescue Lot and Noah, watched him grieve over our actions. And I found just a little strength and just a little peace, a few pebbles as small as mustard seeds that I've picked up and put into my pockets for the journey. My journey is still only just beginning. I am still a bible beginner. There will be wrong turns. I will get lost in the woods, and I will fall down. But the thing is, for the most part I'm not as afraid of the journey anymore. I'm more afraid that it will stop, that my feet will get tired. I'll stop and rest and not get going again, or get going in the wrong direction. Here's a hope that my feet, and my heart, will take me ever onward towards Him who I love. Amen.
