I'm writing this blog entry literally with tears in my eyes. Since I've been back on CF. I have seen so many posts from so many who are suffering, physically, emotionally, financially, feeling hopeless, unwanted, so devastated. Maybe I've been blind to it a long time, wrapped up in my own thoughts and my own life. Some days it seems I lack the energy to handle more than that.
But the sheer force of the heart-break has just hit me right now and I'm sitting here thinking not only about those on CF whose posts I've read or responded to, but how many others out there around the world there must be.
There's no easy fix, no snarky or inspirational quip I can offer that's going to make someone say, "Oh wow, you've just fixed my life with that quote!" Life is hard. Life can bring us to the brink of our strength. I've felt it first hand and my troubles are light in comparison with many, yet even they seem too heavy to bear a step further at times.
I hope the Lord will move me to say clearly what's been put on my heart because rarely does anything I want to say come out exactly how I'm thinking it. It's something like seeing this beautiful picture in your head, but when you try to draw it it comes out like the work of a five year old.
But sometimes, you reach a point where you just can't fathom holding on for another minute. Seconds feel as hours, days feel like years. But we're blind, and we have the worst sense of time ever because it's so short sighted. Even though it doesn't feel that way, it's the opposite. Our lives are like days, our years like seconds compared to eternity and God's love. This is but a blink of an eye that we're trapped in for a moment. All we have to do is hold on tight, close our eyes, and hold our breath for this brief time, just like taking a dunk in the water. But you have to believe you'll be able to come up for air. If you think only of the water around you, you won't get up for that gulp of oxygen, that breath of life after the wait. We just have to keep holding on.
And don't think for a second that He isn't mourning your suffering, even if it is allowed to happen for whatever reason. I believe tears are shed up there for our suffering down here. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your suffering and that we can comfort each other. Close your eyes and picture all the people in the world. There is someone, somewhere, maybe across the world, who is going through something much the same as you are right now. I am reminded of the passage in Ecclesiastes 1:9 which I've only read for the first time last week:
What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
If it helps, when you're going through something that you feel you can't get through, think of everyone else who have passed through similar problems, and who are going through them now. Imagine offering each other strength. From the outside, it is easy to see that it will pass, that our lives are so fleeting on the grand scale of things, but from the inside it feels an eternity.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.”
– Jeremiah 29:11
This is the phrase I draw most of my comfort on, and I hope reading it again helps you. This doesn't mean that life will be roses, and those plans may even be not in this life but the next, but rest assured, those plans are there and they are in place. All we have to do is hold on, keep going, keep walking forward.
Hold on, though your heart is hurting
Hold on though your tears are falling
Hold on though you feel alone
Hold on when the burden's crushing
It's so hard to be strong when you suffer alone
It's so hard to see past the next bend
But each day that dawns brings you closer to home
And the peace, warmth, and love that is waiting
Please steady the flames in the hearts of those who are hurting and help them find peace wherever they and and whatever they are dealing with. If I can be of any help, please show me how. Please help us to feel more connected to each other and to your great love. There is too much loneliness and sadness in the world. Everyone is an island all to themselves in rising seas and they're sinking Lord. Please lift them up so they can see you more clearly and so that they can see that we are one land and not many islands. Bring them the warmth of your sun and a new day in their hearts.
With love and all the hugs in the world.
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