The last three days of my life has been terrible. I've gotten much more closer to God, He has used me to help others more than ever before, and that has been wonderful. My mind has been in disarray, but all that has come out of my mouth has been from God. 
I have been constantly attacked, and that had been exhausting, but all I've felt is His victory over the enemy, and I rejoice in how much the devil hates me, because of how much God is using me for His Kingdom. Praise Him!
But... The Father has also convicted me of my most severe sins from the past. Sins that I did as a new Christian, that I did in ignorance, but that were really, really terrible. It hurt so much. The conviction and the anxiety is horrible to face. God is of course not holding it against me in any way, thanks to His Son, but He has opened my eyes to how offensive it was to Him, and how He feels about the sins. I'm in pain. And joy, because it means that He is bringing me closer to Him, removing anything and everything that is between us. But it hurts so much!
I'm happy though. Praise God, I have no words to speak. I've seen His Mighty works, and they're all I can think about.
Now, if I wasn't such a terrible sinner... The conviction keeps me humble, but I wish I hadn't done the things I've done. I tried to hide them from God for so long, thinking I could just move on without dealing with them, because it hurt too much to think about, but the guilt was killing me... I finally showed all of it to Him. After God put so much pressure on me that I had to. And now it hurts. So bad!!!
I know He forgives me, I know He understands it. I know I'm not the only one who has stumbled and sinned, not even as badly as I have. His Grace is wonderful.
Without Jesus, I'm nothing but a terrible, evil person. In Him, what He is creating, I praise Him for it all day long! I can barely believe it!
Just needed to ramble again. We all need our Savior, and I for one choose Him, and not myself. I'm never going back to the life I lived before!!!
Jesus, I need You more than ever right now!!!
I have been constantly attacked, and that had been exhausting, but all I've felt is His victory over the enemy, and I rejoice in how much the devil hates me, because of how much God is using me for His Kingdom. Praise Him!
But... The Father has also convicted me of my most severe sins from the past. Sins that I did as a new Christian, that I did in ignorance, but that were really, really terrible. It hurt so much. The conviction and the anxiety is horrible to face. God is of course not holding it against me in any way, thanks to His Son, but He has opened my eyes to how offensive it was to Him, and how He feels about the sins. I'm in pain. And joy, because it means that He is bringing me closer to Him, removing anything and everything that is between us. But it hurts so much!
I'm happy though. Praise God, I have no words to speak. I've seen His Mighty works, and they're all I can think about.
Now, if I wasn't such a terrible sinner... The conviction keeps me humble, but I wish I hadn't done the things I've done. I tried to hide them from God for so long, thinking I could just move on without dealing with them, because it hurt too much to think about, but the guilt was killing me... I finally showed all of it to Him. After God put so much pressure on me that I had to. And now it hurts. So bad!!!
I know He forgives me, I know He understands it. I know I'm not the only one who has stumbled and sinned, not even as badly as I have. His Grace is wonderful.
Without Jesus, I'm nothing but a terrible, evil person. In Him, what He is creating, I praise Him for it all day long! I can barely believe it!
Just needed to ramble again. We all need our Savior, and I for one choose Him, and not myself. I'm never going back to the life I lived before!!!
Jesus, I need You more than ever right now!!!
