I'm feeling a lot better today. Jesus is encouraging me and reminding me of everything that He has done for me and for the people in my life, and telling me not to give up hope though everything seems like a huge mess right now. It's just a storm, and He is not only leading me out of it, but teaching me through it, just like He always has since I first gave Him my life.
For a long time last year, I was so convinced I was supposed to become a deliverance minister, because Christ was teaching me about demons and the authority of His name. Everything was chaotic back then, and all I could do was to just keep moving. I learned how to cast them out and how to overcome lies with truth. How to stand my ground and keep my focus on Jesus through everything. It wasn't fun, but I got to learn so much about God and I saw so much of His power and Glory it made me very joyful.
But the Lord is now reminding me of my true calling in Christ, and what I have always hoped and prayed for, which is to live a life completely dedicated to Christ, preach the Gospel and bring Christ into everything, allowing God to shine His light through me. Preaching the Gospel with power, and that includes casting out evil spirits and healing people, which I'm also learning to do. I once asked God kind of annoyed, realizing I did not want to live a life focused on Satan, which to me seemed like what was happening at the time, I asked Him "What?? I'm supposed to just tell people they have demons and then get yelled at????", because that had been happening a lot in my walk with Christ, and He corrected me "No, I will show you were people need healing, so you can heal them". I felt like my mind was set straight at that point, and I stopped being frustrated.
Last year, I was so trapped in condemnation from what happened with my ex and other people, I could no longer believe that God would ever use me for anything. And it was all lies. All falsehood, but not just lies about me, but about God and the way He looks at His children.
So now the Lord is bringing me back to where I was before it all turned into disaster. Dedicated, focused and determined. What I love mostly about living for God is that I never have to focus on myself. God's love and provision covers all of my needs, and I see that every day. He made me speak in the Spirit today "what good is my life if it is focused on myself?" and it brought me back to devotion to God. I became very self-centred a while because other people focused so much on themselves, on their identity, their callings, their gifts etc, and I guess my soul got tainted by all of that. I never understood it before why people are like that, because we are supposed to live lives dedicated to Jesus, and die to ourselves. He kind of just leads me, and I don't have to worry a lot about anything else. That is, when things are what they are supposed to be like.
I need to stop listening to other people, even more than before. I've asked the Lord to sort that whole mess out. Knowing I'm loved by God is enough for me. And when it comes to focusing on myself, I know I do have to care a whole lot more about my heart, my soul and my body, and allow God to heal me, and accept who I am in Christ again. I lost all of that.
I rejected myself so much last year, because when I was abused, my friends kept telling me to just forgive, forgive, forgive, pray for him, and even to just blindly agree with what my ex was saying just to keep the peace, but that was very poor advice, because I ended up losing all sense of self-worth, thinking it was okay for him to tear me apart all the time, because in the end it would be for his good. I'm positive at this point that no good came from any of that. God has been fixing all of it, teaching me how to properly rebuke sin, and He once made me speak to myself "we do NOT tolerate abuse!" (we as in the Church, God's children) and if anyone is ever excusing sin instead of convicting someone for it, especially if they are hurting others, that's not of God. Forgiveness is something very different, which I am learning about.
My mind is still so messed up right now... But Jesus is bringing a lot of good memories to mind, and He is telling me to start another blog, where I should share those stories. I'm feeling very positive about that, because that is exactly what I want to do. Talk about Jesus, and nothing but Jesus. Can't wait, and I hope it will edify people.
I'm feeling a lot of joy right now!
For a long time last year, I was so convinced I was supposed to become a deliverance minister, because Christ was teaching me about demons and the authority of His name. Everything was chaotic back then, and all I could do was to just keep moving. I learned how to cast them out and how to overcome lies with truth. How to stand my ground and keep my focus on Jesus through everything. It wasn't fun, but I got to learn so much about God and I saw so much of His power and Glory it made me very joyful.
But the Lord is now reminding me of my true calling in Christ, and what I have always hoped and prayed for, which is to live a life completely dedicated to Christ, preach the Gospel and bring Christ into everything, allowing God to shine His light through me. Preaching the Gospel with power, and that includes casting out evil spirits and healing people, which I'm also learning to do. I once asked God kind of annoyed, realizing I did not want to live a life focused on Satan, which to me seemed like what was happening at the time, I asked Him "What?? I'm supposed to just tell people they have demons and then get yelled at????", because that had been happening a lot in my walk with Christ, and He corrected me "No, I will show you were people need healing, so you can heal them". I felt like my mind was set straight at that point, and I stopped being frustrated.
Last year, I was so trapped in condemnation from what happened with my ex and other people, I could no longer believe that God would ever use me for anything. And it was all lies. All falsehood, but not just lies about me, but about God and the way He looks at His children.
So now the Lord is bringing me back to where I was before it all turned into disaster. Dedicated, focused and determined. What I love mostly about living for God is that I never have to focus on myself. God's love and provision covers all of my needs, and I see that every day. He made me speak in the Spirit today "what good is my life if it is focused on myself?" and it brought me back to devotion to God. I became very self-centred a while because other people focused so much on themselves, on their identity, their callings, their gifts etc, and I guess my soul got tainted by all of that. I never understood it before why people are like that, because we are supposed to live lives dedicated to Jesus, and die to ourselves. He kind of just leads me, and I don't have to worry a lot about anything else. That is, when things are what they are supposed to be like.
I need to stop listening to other people, even more than before. I've asked the Lord to sort that whole mess out. Knowing I'm loved by God is enough for me. And when it comes to focusing on myself, I know I do have to care a whole lot more about my heart, my soul and my body, and allow God to heal me, and accept who I am in Christ again. I lost all of that.
I rejected myself so much last year, because when I was abused, my friends kept telling me to just forgive, forgive, forgive, pray for him, and even to just blindly agree with what my ex was saying just to keep the peace, but that was very poor advice, because I ended up losing all sense of self-worth, thinking it was okay for him to tear me apart all the time, because in the end it would be for his good. I'm positive at this point that no good came from any of that. God has been fixing all of it, teaching me how to properly rebuke sin, and He once made me speak to myself "we do NOT tolerate abuse!" (we as in the Church, God's children) and if anyone is ever excusing sin instead of convicting someone for it, especially if they are hurting others, that's not of God. Forgiveness is something very different, which I am learning about.
My mind is still so messed up right now... But Jesus is bringing a lot of good memories to mind, and He is telling me to start another blog, where I should share those stories. I'm feeling very positive about that, because that is exactly what I want to do. Talk about Jesus, and nothing but Jesus. Can't wait, and I hope it will edify people.
I'm feeling a lot of joy right now!
