I feel like I've been growing a lot lately. I've felt and seen God's Hand in everything. He is with me, and He is happy with how dedicated I am to Him and to Truth. And that's all His doing, yet He encourages me.
Last year, everything went wrong, then the Lord turned it all into His Glory. I wasn't sure I was doing anything right last year, to be honest. I messed up so much I couldn't see a way out. But now He tells me to look at my life. There's fruit. I've matured. I've grown. Despite everything. Because He pushed me so far out of my comfort zone, all I could see was own sin. And I cried in terror. Then I faced it. Finally. I was hiding for so long. Hiding from Him out of shame, hiding from my past out of fear. But I finally opened those old doors that had been locked for so long, so Jesus could see what was in there, and clean out my messy, messy closets. All the skeletons and all the pain.
But I know life isn't going to be easy. I feel pure love for others for the first time, but the more I see of God's Love, it's like I also see even more of others hatred. The wolves charge at me, and the vipers spit their poison. But God keeps me going, and He keeps me from breaking apart. Because it's not me they are attacking when I preach the Word. It's Christ! And it's not flesh I'm up against.
I trust that the Lord has got everything under control. He has been blessing me so much lately, and I used to reject it, because I felt such condemnation, but I have stopped rejecting it. I used to live in so much self-hatred, I refused to accept His love. I wanted it, and I wanted it for everyone, but something in me made me flee. Too many barriers.
The Lord broke them all down. I feel free for the first time in my life. Finally. And God, who created the Universe, somehow keeps telling me that He is proud of me, that He delights in me. He tells me to keep going, to keep walking in faith, to keep fighting for Him and for the Gospel.
I'm still running, to be honest, because I feel so unworthy, but I'm feeling His hand holding on to me, and hearing His voice loudly saying "Stay! Don't run from me! All I'm giving you is love!"
All I've wanted since Christ came to save me was to become like Him, to love like Him, and to know His Truth, because it's Truth that saves. To do His will and His commandments. And He is getting me there, step by step. Sometimes one single thought is a battle, but He teaches me to take them captive. I keep messing up, but the Lord keeps teaching me. I keep stumbling, but He picks me up.
Some ramblings...
I'm happy. Deeply happy, for the first time in my life. And despite knowing that this life isn't gonna be easy, I'm rejoicing, because it's to His Glory! And when people fight against me, that's because Christ lives in me. That is victory! The world gets to see Lord Jesus through me, how amazing is that??? I'm in awe...
Praise the Lord, and may He bless all of you.
Last year, everything went wrong, then the Lord turned it all into His Glory. I wasn't sure I was doing anything right last year, to be honest. I messed up so much I couldn't see a way out. But now He tells me to look at my life. There's fruit. I've matured. I've grown. Despite everything. Because He pushed me so far out of my comfort zone, all I could see was own sin. And I cried in terror. Then I faced it. Finally. I was hiding for so long. Hiding from Him out of shame, hiding from my past out of fear. But I finally opened those old doors that had been locked for so long, so Jesus could see what was in there, and clean out my messy, messy closets. All the skeletons and all the pain.
But I know life isn't going to be easy. I feel pure love for others for the first time, but the more I see of God's Love, it's like I also see even more of others hatred. The wolves charge at me, and the vipers spit their poison. But God keeps me going, and He keeps me from breaking apart. Because it's not me they are attacking when I preach the Word. It's Christ! And it's not flesh I'm up against.
I trust that the Lord has got everything under control. He has been blessing me so much lately, and I used to reject it, because I felt such condemnation, but I have stopped rejecting it. I used to live in so much self-hatred, I refused to accept His love. I wanted it, and I wanted it for everyone, but something in me made me flee. Too many barriers.
The Lord broke them all down. I feel free for the first time in my life. Finally. And God, who created the Universe, somehow keeps telling me that He is proud of me, that He delights in me. He tells me to keep going, to keep walking in faith, to keep fighting for Him and for the Gospel.
I'm still running, to be honest, because I feel so unworthy, but I'm feeling His hand holding on to me, and hearing His voice loudly saying "Stay! Don't run from me! All I'm giving you is love!"
All I've wanted since Christ came to save me was to become like Him, to love like Him, and to know His Truth, because it's Truth that saves. To do His will and His commandments. And He is getting me there, step by step. Sometimes one single thought is a battle, but He teaches me to take them captive. I keep messing up, but the Lord keeps teaching me. I keep stumbling, but He picks me up.
Some ramblings...
I'm happy. Deeply happy, for the first time in my life. And despite knowing that this life isn't gonna be easy, I'm rejoicing, because it's to His Glory! And when people fight against me, that's because Christ lives in me. That is victory! The world gets to see Lord Jesus through me, how amazing is that??? I'm in awe...
Praise the Lord, and may He bless all of you.
