Your last date

[sundewgrower]

Oh thats funny this thread go revived.
Well an old workmate who is a guy came over and visited me the other day, and was gonna invite him in for a cup of tea but never got round to it lol. He just randomly wanted to come over as had a christmas present for me.

I just showed him round my garden, and then got a txt asking if I was single. I didnt reply. Well I dont know what to say really. Yes, go away? Or, yes, why do you ask?

Hes a divorcee or separated with children and way too old for me anyway, but maybe should just say 'whats it to you?' I dont know. Its a minefield.

The divorce part is hard to swallow. If his spouse died and he had kids that'd be another thing which could be more palatable perhaps.

 

[Goodbook]

Yea, i heard is split wasnt amicable, i dont want psycho exes in my life. Am not particularly keen on being a stepmum if their mum is still alive or a lover/concubine situation. Which for some ppl think just cos you asian or look asian that we think thats acceptable. Uh no.

 

[Cactus Jack]

Darlin', I got some terrible news for ya- EVERYONE has baggage. Some more and some less. That's what sucks about getting old'er'. No longer have the youthful perfection we once thought we had.

 

[Goodbook]

Ive got news for ya, not going to take on someone elses baggage. Dont dump it on me is all im sayin.
Put where it belongs..closet, or op shop. Im not sorting through someone elses mess. Fold your own laundry.

 

[Cactus Jack]

I never said that you have to take on anything of the sort. But when you get into a relationship, it is still a partnership.

 

[Goodbook]

Wel, yea, but im not looking into getting into a relationship or partnership, so...not sure what you trying to say.

If you do end up getting married you bear one anothers burdens for sure, but you both make a vow to do so, one doesnt just dump all their baggage on someone else.

If divorcess get remarried they ought to marry another divorcee, all things being equal.

 

[Goodbook]

Anyway a visit doesnt count as a date. Eapecially when someone just randomly decides to drop in. A date would be when someone asks someone out. Of the house!

 

[Gnarwhal]

I haven't been on a date in a while. School's been my first priority so I haven't made the effort, the last one I was on a date was early October I think. I went to this pub with a girl on basically a second date, we got some good food, I had a beer and she had a cider. We had great conversation, but even though we had a lot in common I didn't feel a physical attraction to her. I feel guilty cause she was real sweet and we got along really well, but I never talked to her after that night. Mostly because I was getting into the nitty gritty with school, but also because I wasn't really keen on going out a third time.

I was supposed to meet this other girl from school for drinks sometime during this winter break, but neither of us have really made the effort to arrange it. Meh.

 

[blackribbon]

Ive got news for ya, not going to take on someone elses baggage. Dont dump it on me is all im sayin.
Put where it belongs..closet, or op shop. Im not sorting through someone elses mess. Fold your own laundry.

"What's it to you?" and the statement above...that is the speak with kindness that you talk of in your other thread?

 

[William67]

Anyway a visit doesnt count as a date. Eapecially when someone just randomly decides to drop in. A date would be when someone asks someone out. Of the house!

Ive had a number of dates where I cooked for her in my home.

 

[LoveDivine]

Anyway a visit doesnt count as a date. Eapecially when someone just randomly decides to drop in. A date would be when someone asks someone out. Of the house!

I think when you are first meeting someone this would apply. I generally prefer to meet up somewhere public for a first date. That is mostly due to safety concerns. Personally, I think that what makes a date enjoyable is good conversation that flows. You can really have that anywhere. I have been on dates that were more active or creative and I never enjoyed them as much as the times I was able to just talk and connect with the guy. The way I view things is that you have the rest of your life (should you marry the person) to do activities together. I really don't focus so much on what the guy plans for the date. Now, I do agree with you that it is nice to have a guy put some thought and effort into planning a special outing every so often. I also enjoy getting dressed up and would appreciate going out for a nice dinner once in awhile. I think a mistake some women make is to view a very casual or simple date as a lack of interest or respect on the guy's part. I think there is a lot of pressure on guys to come up with whirlwind romantic dates. I don't think that is quite fair. Every woman is different and it can be hard for a guy who doesn't know the woman well yet to figure out what she would like to do on a date. Some women really don't like the dinner/movie date at all. I think if you do have a preference than it's best to nicely communicate that to the guy. Everyone is happy then, haha.

 

[Goodbook]

I suppose it depends if you a talker or not.
I mean for me, if a guy wanted to talk to me he could just call me on the phone and do nothing but talk. And it would be cheaper than making the effort to go out.

Then he could arrange a date where we go and do something together that he would have found out what I liked from all this talking. In general not keen on talk just for the sake of talking.

 

[Goodbook]

I do think that women shouldnt lower themselves, not that im high maintenance or anything, but i think it does show a bit of care and respect when a man makes the effort, not to just impress us but to really look after us, rather than just talk about it. As they say, actions are louder than words.

 

[Somber]

I have never dated. I have been asked out before, but turned those down. I honestly dislike the concept of dating how our culture has it. I personally don't think it is wise to become romantic with someone before any commitment. I just would want to get to know someone first before thinking about those things. I'd be fine with going out for romantic things with my spouse if I were married though.

 

[Goodbook]

Thats good to know quieted. You really aren't missing that much.

 

[SeekerOfChrist94]

Last week, can't remember the day. I saw Star Wars with my boyfriend.

 

[sundewgrower]

I do think that women shouldnt lower themselves, not that im high maintenance or anything, but i think it does show a bit of care and respect when a man makes the effort, not to just impress us but to really look after us, rather than just talk about it. As they say, actions are louder than words.

Spot on. Talk is cheap, but actions can show where somebody is really at.
With enough time you can see through the white wash and know what you're really dealing with.
When things go south how does he act? And so forth...

 

[vanillaicecream]

Yesterday. It was his birthday. We attended the mass and had a lovely dinner.

 

[Cactus Jack]

"What's it to you?" and the statement above...that is the speak with kindness that you talk of in your other thread?

I think she is speaking out from being hurt in the past, and trying to warn others "don't hurt me again". And I can't say that I blame her. I've been hurt before as well. And it's awful. I hope she someday realizes that there are others in her boat too.
FWIW.

 

[Rhamiel]

Yesterday. It was his birthday. We attended the mass and had a lovely dinner.

sounds like a nice date
lucky guy