Your families?

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

How much do you interact with your SO's family? How much does you SO interact with yours?

My parents live pretty close, and if I have a boyfriend, it's pretty much expected he become 'one of the family' - they always meet him fairly soon after it becomes 'official' (ie serious) - and I wouldn't have it any other way!

His parents live about 1000 miles from us, and his brother about 500 miles, so we don't see them much, but whenever he visits, I've gone along too, and most phonecalls to his mum end up with me chatting to them too (this used to happen before we were dating as well).

I was surprised to read in one of the engagement threads some posts that hinted that this isn't the same for a lot of couples -that times like Christmas just involve the two of them, and then them with their parents separately. My parents would be very upset if I didn't introduce my partner to them (after we were serious), and wouldn't dream of not inviting him when I get invited to dinner - especially Christmas!

So, what kind of relationship do you and your SOs have with the other's family?

Sasch

 

[plum]

sadly, my fam and his fam don't interact at ALL... we live on oposite sides of the country so of course it's rather difficult to socialize. this is something i want to fix so badly!

 

[gracefaith]

I might be somewhat persnickety, but while I always introduced my boyfriends to my family, I never brought one to official holiday celebrations until I was engaged to my husband. Holidays are meant to be spent with family and I think I was always squeamish about giving any romantic relationship that priviledge (and pressure!) until it proved it would lead to an addition to the family. I even remember spending Thanksgiving with my best friend's family (her mother was basically mine, as I had none) rather than my boyfriend even though we became engaged not 2 months later.

 

[TJMan2050]

Well, my gf has met my family, and I've met hers, as of right now since it is a relatively new relationship, our families haven't interacted with each other. I would be fine with it either way, I don't feel the need to have that happen until the relationship is more serious, but in terms of christmas, my parents think it would be a good idea, but not so early in the relationship, so next year if we are still together then she will come to the family things, and I'm guessing I'll be going to hers, but for now its still just a family thing.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I'm part of my husbands family and he's part of mine. We regularly see my parents (normally every two weeks) for dinner and whenever his family get together (not very often as his sides huge!) I'm treated as one of their own. My mother in law is great and treats me like the daughter she never had. At Christmas she likes to keep herself to herself and so doesn't come to ours for dinner though she knows she's quite welcome to. So on Christmas my husband and I have a quite dinner at home and then spend the afternoon with my parents, brothers, cousins, gran, aunt and uncle...we all pile round to someones house and have a mini Christmas party.

The only members of my family/his family that interact on a regular basis are my parents and his parents. They email each other quite a bit. Though everyone on my side met everyone on his side at our wedding we introduced our parents to his parents a few months before.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I guess I come from that 'love me - love my family' side of things

I like it cos I get to see how he interacts with his family members, which gives me a pretty good clue on his character in different situations, plus you can see the family culture a bit better when they're around - therby understanding where a lot of his belief structure/attitudes come from.

Same with mine - although my family is MUCH closer and involved with each other, than his, it's helped him understand why I put so much importance on staying connected with other people, and will often be on the phone to mum/grandma a few times a week!

I'd advise everyone that to get to know your SO even better, start to incorporate his family - I'm so thankful I did, it's made communication so much easier!

Sasch

 

[Glorianna]

sadly, my fam and his fam don't interact at ALL... we live on oposite sides of the country so of course it's rather difficult to socialize. this is something i want to fix so badly!

Sounds familiar. I live in BC and he lives in South Carolina so my parents and his don't get to talk too much. Nor do we get to talk to each other's parents very much. But it is something that we are definitely working on fixing.

 

[VanillaRose]

Well, we live about 15 minutes away. Our families haven't really interacted with each other very much, but we do go to church with each other. I am close to his family and he's close to mine. It takes me a lot to get close to someone so I think it's nice that I feel at home over at his house.

 

[PurpleBunny]

Well, Chris interacts with my family a fair bit when he is in town (we're 300 miles apart and both of us live with our parents 'til the wedding). Sometimes when he's here I have to work so he'll hang out with my mom or my brother or whoever's around. They trust him alone in our house. He comes to church with us. He met my grandparents and my dad's side of the family Christmas Eve 2002, which was our 2-month dating anniversary. He met a big chunk of my mom's side of my family the next day--basically all the locals and whoever could make it in town (my mom has a biiiig family). Since then he has gone to family weddings, family birthdays, and more Christmas dinners and Thanksgivings, etc. He interacts with my family a LOT.

On the other hand, I hardly know his family. I've met most of the ones who live in the same city as him during our 26 months together. I've had Thanksgiving dinner with his grandparents once, last year, when I was able to get the time off of work (being Canadian and all) to go. However, from July 2003 until June 2004 his mother didn't say more than about ten words to me. She dislikes me, though she hasn't forbidden me from staying in their home. His father and I have talked a bit more, but since Chris' parents are extremely close it's rare to see one without the other, and since his mom doesn't talk to me it means I don't have much opportunity to talk to his dad. Whenever I'm in Olympia to visit Chris, his parents go to bed before I get into town on the Friday and then go out on day trips Saturday (always leaving before I wake up and never waking up Chris to ask if we'd like to come along). Then on Sunday they do the same thing. I think the rest of his family likes me but since he only sees them a handful of times per year and I can't be up there for all of those times, I haven't had much opportunity to interact with them at all.

 

[StephanieD]

My boyfriend and I have gotten to know each other's families pretty well. We're just trying to arrange a time for our families to meet...both want to, but nothing has worked out yet. They live about 2 hours apart. He spends Christmas Eve with my family and I and I spend Christmas Day with his. I live closer to his family than my own, so I've also spent the last 2 Thanksgivings with his. I'm pretty close with his parents. I actually knew his mom before him, so she and I spend time together every so often by having lunch and going to the movies. I'm very thankful for that.

 

[Maeyken]

I've gotten to know my bf's parents fairly well, mostly cuz he's living with them right now. But even before he moved back home I saw them fairly often, cuz he's pretty close with his mom especially. He's only met my parents a couple times, cuz they live an hour away, and I don't see them much either. Our parents met once, and they got along great. It was a good time. It's just hard to co-ordinate 6 ppl's busy schedules!!!

 

[kiora]

at the moment I interact alot more with boyfriends family because i am at uni where my boyfriend lives which is 300 miles away from my 'home' (opposite sides of the country). we haev been going out for three years and our parents have never met. my boyfriend has met most of my family once on my 18th Birthday but my family arent close and Dad lives in spain and my BF usually comes with me when I go.
I hang at his house everyday when i am at uni and I feel very welcome there.

 

[Lbiagm]

i am a single.

 

[sculpturegirl]

I consider people either
single
betrothed
married
divorced
widowed

When FH and I were serious, but not yet engaged, I was still "single" even though I was not "available". Now we are betrothed. Just because two people have decided to be "exclusive," unless they are engaged, they are single. I think the confusion of such offers a lot of confusion of relationsip and prematue intimacy (not just physical).

Just my 2cents.

 

[Lbiagm]

i am single as in i have no gf.