Years passed by...

[peacechild4]

WOW Peacechild, you are such an encouragement! I have listened to you for awhile now and am watching before my eyes the growth of the knowledge of the Lord in you!!! How AWESOME is THAT? I love you sister! I know as well as anyone, that each day is a new day and we all have choices to make in that day and I am with you in the fact that I tell God
"LORD MY EYES ARE ON YOU, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO THIS, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING BY MYSELF" and then I wait and He directs me. Glad to hear he is directing you too.

Thank you... and so are you.. I love you too.. HE directed me to find you.. and know you... doesn't that just bless your socks right off.. Thank you.. every word of kindness I hear goes deep down in my heart.. and then comes up to help another.. and it is such a blessing.. cause I get to meet and make new friends.. such a joy...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you... and so are you.. I love you too.. HE directed me to find you.. and know you... doesn't that just bless your socks right off.. Thank you.. every word of kindness I hear goes deep down in my heart.. and then comes up to help another.. and it is such a blessing.. cause I get to meet and make new friends.. such a joy...

Yeah cuz if He ever grants my wish I want to visit Australia and I'm comin to stay with you LOL. (REALLY wish I could! I have always wanted to go there).

 

[blackwolf001]

Today it seems that i have lost the one i love for ever I have read the posts and replies .. i have prayed and still she has gone.. What am i doing wrong. I am sure God brought her to me.. she says she still wnats to be friends I will try. But I love her so much and so deeply. I am broken and lost and need help. I no longer want to live. There is an icy coldness in my heasrt where she was.. and i dont seem to be able to feel God anymore Oh how i want her so.. I have so had enough of this life of pain and misery. I cant suicide i have tried .. and my will to live is so much stronger and God has stayed my hand for that i should be thankful but i am not. I need prayers to help me hand this to God completely, even if it means forgetting her for this moment of time .. months or years .. if she is meant to come back then she will regardless of if i have forgotten the love for her that i have. Pray for me that this pain will end in some way .. Just pray please .. please

 

[peacechild4]

Today it seems that i have lost the one i love for ever I have read the posts and replies .. i have prayed and still she has gone.. What am i doing wrong. I am sure God brought her to me.. she says she still wnats to be friends I will try. But I love her so much and so deeply. I am broken and lost and need help. I no longer want to live. There is an icy coldness in my heasrt where she was.. and i dont seem to be able to feel God anymore Oh how i want her so.. I have so had enough of this life of pain and misery. I cant suicide i have tried .. and my will to live is so much stronger and God has stayed my hand for that i should be thankful but i am not. I need prayers to help me hand this to God completely, even if it means forgetting her for this moment of time .. months or years .. if she is meant to come back then she will regardless of if i have forgotten the love for her that i have. Pray for me that this pain will end in some way .. Just pray please .. please

I will pray.. there is only one way out that will give you peace and help you move forward no matter what.. that is to let go.. It is obvious you love her so... and that this love is so deep not having her with you is killing you slowly and robbing you of life..

It doesn't mean you don't love her.. it means you are letting GOD take the load of it.. and help you heal your broken heart.. I know the pain of a broken heart.. and wanting that person with you.. that ache.. and desire not to live if you cannot be with them.. but this is not love.. it is not... love is two people giving and receiving love back and forth.. and being lifted up.. not broken like this..

I will pray.. I know the prayers of others have helped me heal.. I am sorry.. for your pain.. I really am.. it tears me up to think of what you are going through.. GOD can heal you.. but HE wants all of it.. HE will even help you do it.. HE loves you so.. I thought people were weeird who said GOD is enough.. but HE really really is.. HE can touch you in places you did not even know were broken..

 

[blackwolf001]

Thankyou peacechild4 .. help me with your prayers to give it all to God .. i so want to.. i do... and i dont sem to be able to .. i have tried .. am i not trying enough? The coldness around my heart has been warmed .. by God? i wonder.. i dont know. The strange thing is that while I love this lady .. and i know deep down in the hidden recesses of her heart that she also loves me .. i know that i can help her in many ways.. i have stopped her from suicide by talking to her .. i have stopped her from medicating too much when she was overdosing on anti-anxiety pills .. i know i can help her through anything she needs .. and she nows this too .. she has seen it .. Help me please to pray .. and to pray that God just takes this from me .. for when i give it to him .. it seems to not go .. i am asking God for an intercession .. to take forcibly from me what i have given and want to give him.. I know people say that God wont do that ,, that is our free will that allows him to take .. well i give God and Jesus his son permission in the loudest terms to take this from me .. to take all that is needed from me to make me let go ... I give God permission to heal me .. please pray for this...

 

[peacechild4]

I see brother.. that sometimes we have done all we can do.. GOD can do this without us or move someone else into that place to help them.. we are not GOD although GOD uses us to help people.. and even if there is not another soul in thier life helping them.. our prayers are there.. your prayers.. your faith can move mountains.. and you know I will pray too.. and others here will.. I suggest you go to the prayer section on Christian forums and post a request.. there are people here who pray and pray amazingly..

I see that the devil also robs us.. through grief and people whom we have helped who are not getting helped which can suck the life out of us.. our every thought seems consumed by them and it really isn't helpful or helping our faith or their faith.. cause GOD can do it without us.. It does stretch our faith.. to pray and take our hands off.. or not work at something with someone.. especially if we have invested alot of ourselves to help them.. and you have done that.. glory to GOD for that..

With my marriage and speaking about self.. I was depressed.. crying always.. anxious.. consumed by thoughts about how to fix the marriage.. I was losing self.. and my prayers were desperate prayers... I even prayed so much I lost the ability to pray...

Peace is a sign you are in the right place.. doing the right thing.. and there seems no peace for you.. GOD needs to show you where to go.. what to do and what direction to take.. It might be that there is more you can do.. or it might be that GOD HIMSELF is moving you on.. HE will not forsake this precious one.. HE loves her.. but right now sometimes we need to be moved away so GOD can do what HE will do.. whatever that is..

Healing is good.. but GOD must do the healing.. not us.. it is an inside job.. you need to rest.. restore your mental, physical and spiritual strength.. spend time with GOD.. and let HIM lead you wherever that may be..

Proverbs 3:5-6... Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.. in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will guide your paths..

 

[blackwolf001]

I see your words peacechlid4 .. i understand them and thank you. I have placed a prayer request in the prayer forum.. in the subforum actually. its called "broken and lost". I am tired .. but not sleepy like... emotionally.. This lady is now in SA i am in Tassie. So I suppose u could say God has moved her there for the healing she needs. But I wish he hadnt. Not seeing her is actually worse than not being able to visit with her when she was here. But it seems to be God's will.. But lately she and I have had two disastrous fights .. due to my impatience .. my fault.. I need forgiveness for that .. i am having trouble forgiving myself.

Oh God i ask for your Forgiveness for what I have done and ask that you help me to forgive myself. I aslo ask, God that you help Jenna to forgive me too.. Amen.

Thanks again for your words.. I need so much helkp at the moment it seesm so overwhelming .. i need a sign from God i think that will show me the path i need to take.. and also to show me if this lady truly is the one i think.. God i hope she is .. I couldnt take losing another one especially when she seems to have been brought to me by God.

 

[peacechild4]

Just rest brother.. you are forgiven.. Jenna will one day realize the love you have for her.. I believe that.. rest in the LORD.. regain your strength.. HE will do everything..

my sister who is in QLD.. I am in Victoria posted this on her face book today..

Cast your cares on the Lord & He will sustain you, He will never let the righteous fall - Psalm 55:22 (this is the word from the Lord to me)

You will be ok... I know how lost I was not so very long ago.. and it is only for the love of friends and family.. the prayers of friends and family and GOD never leaving me I could ever write this to you..

I love you brother.. as a sister to a brother who understands the hurt you are feeling.. the confusion.. GOD will move others into your life to help you through this.. keep your eyes opened to others.. sometimes we are so looking backwards to what we lost that we miss the good caring helpful people GOD has right before our eyes..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Today it seems that i have lost the one i love for ever I have read the posts and replies .. i have prayed and still she has gone.. What am i doing wrong. I am sure God brought her to me.. she says she still wnats to be friends I will try. But I love her so much and so deeply. I am broken and lost and need help. I no longer want to live. There is an icy coldness in my heasrt where she was.. and i dont seem to be able to feel God anymore Oh how i want her so.. I have so had enough of this life of pain and misery. I cant suicide i have tried .. and my will to live is so much stronger and God has stayed my hand for that i should be thankful but i am not. I need prayers to help me hand this to God completely, even if it means forgetting her for this moment of time .. months or years .. if she is meant to come back then she will regardless of if i have forgotten the love for her that i have. Pray for me that this pain will end in some way .. Just pray please .. please

Will pray for sure, but you need to understand that you cannot put another human being before God. How can you say you know God brought her to you yet since she is gone you don't seem to be able to feel God anymore? That cannot be from God, it simply cannot. And God does not bring something into our lives that if gone cause us to want to die. I feel for you I really really do, but you have to put God back first place in your life, you need to quit putting this woman in front of God. And you need to have faith that when you pray God will answer and that you will accept His answer and His will for your life even if it doesn't include her. I know about loss. I lost my husband to cancer after 25 years of marriage and I miss him terribly!!!! And I don't understand why God took him. But the fact remains that He did, and I am still here and I need to still follow His plan for my life whatever that is, and so do you!

 

[blackwolf001]

Will pray for sure, but you need to understand that you cannot put another human being before God. How can you say you know God brought her to you yet since she is gone you don't seem to be able to feel God anymore? That cannot be from God, it simply cannot. And God does not bring something into our lives that if gone cause us to want to die. I feel for you I really really do, but you have to put God back first place in your life, you need to quit putting this woman in front of God. And you need to have faith that when you pray God will answer and that you will accept His answer and His will for your life even if it doesn't include her. I know about loss. I lost my husband to cancer after 25 years of marriage and I miss him terribly!!!! And I don't understand why God took him. But the fact remains that He did, and I am still here and I need to still follow His plan for my life whatever that is, and so do you!

"but you need to understand that you cannot put another human being before God." I understand this .. i dont feel i am putting her before God .. Maybe i am .. where am I going wrong?

"How can you say you know God brought her to you yet since she is gone you don't seem to be able to feel God anymore? That cannot be from God, it simply cannot. And God does not bring something into our lives that if gone cause us to want to die." Since she has gone i have prayed day and night for answers and receive none... none.. I feel an icynesss around my heart where i used to feel the love of god.. although as i write this the warmth has started to return. Confused .. sure am! I love God, but I feel he does not love me.. I have major trust issues with people because of things that have happened to me in the past. I am trying to trust God.. i need help in this. Trust is not something that comes easy to me .. and yet this lady i trusted .. and it seems i still do .. i dont understand why. I have major depression with suicidal tendancie (medically diagnosed) and this is possibly one reason why i am having so much trouble with what is happenieng.. not just with Jenna but with everythign around me including God. How do i put Gid first if i am not doing so??? How?

 

[blackwolf001]

Also I want again to than peacechild4 for your answer and prayers .. thank you

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

"but you need to understand that you cannot put another human being before God." I understand this .. i dont feel i am putting her before God .. Maybe i am .. where am I going wrong?

"How can you say you know God brought her to you yet since she is gone you don't seem to be able to feel God anymore? That cannot be from God, it simply cannot. And God does not bring something into our lives that if gone cause us to want to die." Since she has gone i have prayed day and night for answers and receive none... none.. I feel an icynesss around my heart where i used to feel the love of god.. although as i write this the warmth has started to return. Confused .. sure am! I love God, but I feel he does not love me.. I have major trust issues with people because of things that have happened to me in the past. I am trying to trust God.. i need help in this. Trust is not something that comes easy to me .. and yet this lady i trusted .. and it seems i still do .. i dont understand why. I have major depression with suicidal tendancie (medically diagnosed) and this is possibly one reason why i am having so much trouble with what is happenieng.. not just with Jenna but with everythign around me including God. How do i put Gid first if i am not doing so??? How?

Well God DOES love you otherwise He would not have died on the cross for you. And He does have a plan for your life, it just may not be the plan you have in mind at the moment. If you are medically diagnosed than you need to get back to the Dr. stat so you can be helped my medicine or counseling to protect yourself. You are not putting God first if you are saying you don't want to live if she can't be in your life. That is elevating her to a status above God. How do you put God first. Well you said that you have been praying, right? Have you been praying for His will in your life or just that you want her in your life? Have you been reading and meditating on the Word of God everyday? Have you been asking God what is He trying to teach you in this circumstance? What is His plan? Ask Him for wisdom and knowledge to understand His Word? Have you been helping others? Volunteering for the needy? Do you have anyone IRL that can help you in studying, and serving and accountability? Those are ways that you put God first in your life. When you are able to say, not MY will God but YOUR will be done and mean it. If you don't trust God who can you trust?

 

[peacechild4]

Also I want again to than peacechild4 for your answer and prayers .. thank you

My pleasure.. you are not going through this alone.. others have helped me.. that is why I am able to be here to help you.. I continue to pray..

 

[blackwolf001]

Well God DOES love you otherwise He would not have died on the cross for you. And He does have a plan for your life, it just may not be the plan you have in mind at the moment. If you are medically diagnosed than you need to get back to the Dr. stat so you can be helped my medicine or counseling to protect yourself. You are not putting God first if you are saying you don't want to live if she can't be in your life. That is elevating her to a status above God. How do you put God first. Well you said that you have been praying, right? Have you been praying for His will in your life or just that you want her in your life? Have you been reading and meditating on the Word of God everyday? Have you been asking God what is He trying to teach you in this circumstance? What is His plan? Ask Him for wisdom and knowledge to understand His Word? Have you been helping others? Volunteering for the needy? Do you have anyone IRL that can help you in studying, and serving and accountability? Those are ways that you put God first in your life. When you are able to say, not MY will God but YOUR will be done and mean it. If you don't trust God who can you trust?

Ah... hehe ahah moment nice. Thank you .. yes it will be hard not to ask God to bring her back (cause i so want her in my life) .. It will be hard to ask God to act on his will and trust it .. I have to learn to trust. I see where i have benn going wrong .. yes it i shard to not have her with me .. and it is hard tolive wthout her .. but that is what i have to do regardless.. I have truly lost her for now .. forever maybe I said things i didnt realise i was sayng .. i am evil I treated her in a way that i had said to her that someone who loves someone should never treat her .. and didnt know I was doing it . I lost her. For Good it seems. I have afriend who is helping me with God But i need more help .. i am at university so while it would be nice to go back on to meds it is not an option if I want to get my Law degree Counselling may work agan .. i have been thinking about it. But now I can get the councellor to target a problem .. one i didnt know I had. need to pray more for his will in my life not what i want. Sobering Words thank you. Well I cant trust me I know that Thank you everyone for the answers and help. God bless you all.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Ah... hehe ahah moment nice. Thank you .. yes it will be hard not to ask God to bring her back (cause i so want her in my life) .. It will be hard to ask God to act on his will and trust it .. I have to learn to trust. I see where i have benn going wrong .. yes it i shard to not have her with me .. and it is hard tolive wthout her .. but that is what i have to do regardless.. I have truly lost her for now .. forever maybe I said things i didnt realise i was sayng .. i am evil I treated her in a way that i had said to her that someone who loves someone should never treat her .. and didnt know I was doing it . I lost her. For Good it seems. I have afriend who is helping me with God But i need more help .. i am at university so while it would be nice to go back on to meds it is not an option if I want to get my Law degree Counselling may work agan .. i have been thinking about it. But now I can get the councellor to target a problem .. one i didnt know I had. need to pray more for his will in my life not what i want. Sobering Words thank you. Well I cant trust me I know that Thank you everyone for the answers and help. God bless you all.

Well if you can't get some meds to balance you out I really hope you will get the couselling immediately. Law Degree WOW that's great! And you are absolutely right we cannot trust ourselves. The Bible says our hearts are deceitful above all things and desparately wicked, who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9 so we cannot let our hearts (or emotions) rule us. And God is totally trustable. Read the Bible stories, again and again He rescues and protects His people, the ones that trust in Him. And keep in close contact with your friend that helps you with God. And just know that you are a valuable person and God does love you and everything has a reason. We don't always get to know the reason here on Earth but someday it will all be clear to us, and in the mean time, trusting in God is the way to go, no matter what, trust in God, not in people. People will let you down every chance you give them. God never leaves or forsakes us.

 

[blackwolf001]

Well if you can't get some meds to balance you out I really hope you will get the couselling immediately. Law Degree WOW that's great! And you are absolutely right we cannot trust ourselves. The Bible says our hearts are deceitful above all things and desparately wicked, who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9 so we cannot let our hearts (or emotions) rule us. And God is totally trustable. Read the Bible stories, again and again He rescues and protects His people, the ones that trust in Him. And keep in close contact with your friend that helps you with God. And just know that you are a valuable person and God does love you and everything has a reason. We don't always get to know the reason here on Earth but someday it will all be clear to us, and in the mean time, trusting in God is the way to go, no matter what, trust in God, not in people. People will let you down every chance you give them. God never leaves or forsakes us.

Done first year Law.. but have to get another degree out of the wqay before i can finish the law degree.. lol.. silly way to do it but thats what the uni wants me to do .. anyway .. today i talked to a friend (and lecturer) who's brother is a psychiatrist. He is going to help me find someone.. I hope. Yet to hear from him,.. lol well its only been about 5 hours LOL.. i am a bit impatient.. patience a virtue i dont have... yet! Trust is hard but it is going to come .. it is there a bit .. i am reading the new testament again. And i will do so again ... hehe keep reading As u may see the rollercoaster is on the way up .. hope it stays that way for a bit longer this time.

 

[dayhiker]

5 hours! .. does anythng happen in 5 hours. ... just had to have some fun with that!

 

[blackwolf001]

5 hours! .. does anythng happen in 5 hours. ... just had to have some fun with that!

yes i agree.. called impatience lol

I have to wait on God's time ... patience is comeing .. i can actually feel it .. lol .. wow.. what week i have had.. also i got an exam comeing .. think i need some prayers for that

Thank you all .. trust is hard but trust is comeing I hope thats what i feel ...

 

[dayhiker]

Praying for your exam ...
nice positive post this time ..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

keep your focus and don't pray for patience. It will come, but it comes thru having to wait and wait and wait some more and if you pray for it you get more of those "tests". Focusing on school is good and I do hope you do well on your exam. I also hope your friend comes thru with his friend to help you. Being alone with your thoughts is what makes all those negative thoughts swirl around uncontrollably so that is why it is imperative to have real live people to talk to in addition to your online friends like us. I don't know if you know this or not, but there are 31 Proverbs and if you read one everyday you will read thru Proverbs every month. So whatever day it is, like today is the 15th, read the 15th Proverb and in doing so, you will be reading the Word and gaining alot of insight into God as well. JMO.