Years passed by...

[blackwolf001]

I write this with tears in my eyes, so sorry if i spell bad.. cant really see well ,. Thank you for the words .. the hug does help .. thats why the tears i think. Thanky oyu Micheele for the blessings and the kind words. Also yes asking for patience tends to lead to situations where ones patience is tried. hehe should have learned that lesson years ago. I also know what you mean by putting more trust in your partner than in God. I had a thought today which has never been stronger than now .. i want to be rebaptised Dont know which church yet I think my trust in God is getting stronger. although anger is still there .. I love this lady so much it hurts.. but ... she has gone.. maybe she will return i dont know .. but if she is to do so then it i\can only be after i have let her go ... hehe i thought ihad been in love before but this feels so different. I know i have to wait for her to do what she needs to do .. and i need to just ... wait. hard to do ..l but God will help me. I know this now. I will pray for you sampa that everything worksd out for you. Uncertainty is the hardest. Good luck and God Bless all of you.

 

[peacechild4]

I write this with tears in my eyes, so sorry if i spell bad.. cant really see well ,. Thank you for the words .. the hug does help .. thats why the tears i think. Thanky oyu Micheele for the blessings and the kind words. Also yes asking for patience tends to lead to situations where ones patience is tried. hehe should have learned that lesson years ago. I also know what you mean by putting more trust in your partner than in God. I had a thought today which has never been stronger than now .. i want to be rebaptised Dont know which church yet I think my trust in God is getting stronger. although anger is still there .. I love this lady so much it hurts.. but ... she has gone.. maybe she will return i dont know .. but if she is to do so then it i\can only be after i have let her go ... hehe i thought ihad been in love before but this feels so different. I know i have to wait for her to do what she needs to do .. and i need to just ... wait. hard to do ..l but God will help me. I know this now. I will pray for you sampa that everything worksd out for you. Uncertainty is the hardest. Good luck and God Bless all of you.

I have been married 18 years.. have five kids.. and my husband left.. doesn't want to pursue the relationship.. ohhh how my heart has broken.. only GOD can heal that.. it takes time.. but you know no matter how hard we want something.. how right it may seem.. GOD knows everything.. and will help you..

I don't think we can wait and wait.. I did and it kills.. because every day can be exactly the same.. it is letting go to GOD and not dwelling on it..

I am facing divorce now.. seems hopeless huh.. but you know GOD can still work in him and me.. but that now is up too GOD... not me.. I have heard of couples getting back together after divorce..

But the thing is.. now I am content.. peaceful.. not waiting.. even though I desire things.. GOD is helping me.. helped me to a place where I am content.. not looking forward.. not looking back.. just content.. not worried.. not fretting.. not anxious.. not in pain.. praise HIM.. this is possible.. but only in HIM.. focusing on HIM.. not what I wanted.. or want.. not on even what I hoped for.. but on HIM..

It has been extremeley hard.. but this place.. is good.. hope it helps that I share this with you.. I know the pain you speak of..

I have no idea where my future will go.. what direction.. but I am going to let GOD lead me.. I pray.. praise.. believe.. and let what happens happen..

I will pray for you..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Peacechild, SO glad to read your post. Our hearts DO hurt when we can't get what we want or even what we think we should have (especially a marriage saved). But your advice is spot on and you are exactly right. A few months ago, all I could think about was my old boyfriend (before my 25 year marriage, as if THAT makes any sense) because I had seen him a couple of years ago. I KNEW there is NO chance for ANY relationship. One because he is in a different state than I am, but also because he is not a Christian. But I couldn't get him off my mind for some reason (still don't know the reason). So I just prayed for him to be saved. For his whole family really. But FINALLY as time went on, WHEW I can finally say I don't think about him very much. Of course then he had to go and get on FB and I DID try to friend him, but he didn't accept, so I withdrew my request and now I am glad. Maybe there was something left I had to get over from all those years ago, IDK, but I guess my point is, we CANNOT go by our feelings. Our hearts are deceitfully wicked the Bible says, so they are NOT to be trusted. The LORD however IS totally trustable and whenever he says NO or not right now, it's for our protection, not to hurt us or make us hurt.
So blackwolf001, I don't know that you should "wait". My pastor tells us singles to LIVE don't LOOK, so I think waiting for a certain someone would also apply especially since she said she is never coming back. Get your focus on your Lord and Savior and ask HIM what He wants you to do. He will show you if you really want to know. And whatever happens, when you look back years from now, you will say OK I get it, I understand. It's hard to understand when we're in the moment and our hearts are aching.
Sampa, so sorry to hear about your illness. I will say a prayer for you. Be strong and God will see you thru all of it.

 

[Karen-Rose]

Waiting also.....and trusting HIM

 

[blackwolf001]

Thank you all I said in the post earleir that she said she would never come back .. and yet .. when i ask God for an answer i keeping getting the same strong feeling that she will I dont know if i can trust that. I have stopped asking that question now and i dont want to ask it again. She has a strong personality disorder that confuses her and those around her. She needs the help she can get where she is now. And i hope it helps her. She has been pushing me away so she doesnt get hurt by me .. part of the disorder. However last night I told her that i would not abandon her.. and that she cant push me away.. i am staying put that might sound a bit strong for most people but it is what she needs to hear. I am trying soo hard to let all this go to GOD. I am finding it hard. Especially today. If anything were to happen it will be on her terms and that I know. I sooo want to help her through this time and hold her when she needs it .. bit hard though .. she is 1000km away from me now While we have never actually been a couple in that she said yes to me .. she has never actually said no without the qualification of "I cant". She has said all along that she hasnt rejected me. That she wants a long term relationship.. any relationship she gets into now will be a rebound relationship becasue she has recently (5 weeks or so ago) broken up with a long term bf (who physically abused her). I know i am being impatient .. but we kissed and held each other.. like a couple for weeks ... I do miss that. she could have said no to a kiss at any time but didnt. I just hope that when she finally lets go of her exbf that the love she holds for me will only strengthen rather han go away. It is in GOD's hands... i have to trust in that. Pray for me please to be able to let everything go .. desires, wants, and such, and that if it is God's will that she come back .. or I find someone else (which i dont think will happen) Pray for me that God will help me through this, and that he will heal us both. Pray that God will heal her, and show her the path she needs to follow, and that she will feel the power of the love of God as she hasnt done before. She wants to be a true believer but hasnt come to that yet. Tme to stop rambling i think Thank you all again.

 

[peacechild4]

Peacechild, SO glad to read your post. Our hearts DO hurt when we can't get what we want or even what we think we should have (especially a marriage saved). But your advice is spot on and you are exactly right. A few months ago, all I could think about was my old boyfriend (before my 25 year marriage, as if THAT makes any sense) because I had seen him a couple of years ago. I KNEW there is NO chance for ANY relationship. One because he is in a different state than I am, but also because he is not a Christian. But I couldn't get him off my mind for some reason (still don't know the reason). So I just prayed for him to be saved. For his whole family really. But FINALLY as time went on, WHEW I can finally say I don't think about him very much. Of course then he had to go and get on FB and I DID try to friend him, but he didn't accept, so I withdrew my request and now I am glad. Maybe there was something left I had to get over from all those years ago, IDK, but I guess my point is, we CANNOT go by our feelings. Our hearts are deceitfully wicked the Bible says, so they are NOT to be trusted. The LORD however IS totally trustable and whenever he says NO or not right now, it's for our protection, not to hurt us or make us hurt.
So blackwolf001, I don't know that you should "wait". My pastor tells us singles to LIVE don't LOOK, so I think waiting for a certain someone would also apply especially since she said she is never coming back. Get your focus on your Lord and Savior and ask HIM what He wants you to do. He will show you if you really want to know. And whatever happens, when you look back years from now, you will say OK I get it, I understand. It's hard to understand when we're in the moment and our hearts are aching.
Sampa, so sorry to hear about your illness. I will say a prayer for you. Be strong and God will see you thru all of it.

Thanks for your reply.. I love this.. so very very right and good advice..

My pastor tells us singles to LIVE don't LOOK...

 

[peacechild4]

Thank you all I said in the post earleir that she said she would never come back .. and yet .. when i ask God for an answer i keeping getting the same strong feeling that she will I dont know if i can trust that. I have stopped asking that question now and i dont want to ask it again. She has a strong personality disorder that confuses her and those around her. She needs the help she can get where she is now. And i hope it helps her. She has been pushing me away so she doesnt get hurt by me .. part of the disorder. However last night I told her that i would not abandon her.. and that she cant push me away.. i am staying put that might sound a bit strong for most people but it is what she needs to hear. I am trying soo hard to let all this go to GOD. I am finding it hard. Especially today. If anything were to happen it will be on her terms and that I know. I sooo want to help her through this time and hold her when she needs it .. bit hard though .. she is 1000km away from me now While we have never actually been a couple in that she said yes to me .. she has never actually said no without the qualification of "I cant". She has said all along that she hasnt rejected me. That she wants a long term relationship.. any relationship she gets into now will be a rebound relationship becasue she has recently (5 weeks or so ago) broken up with a long term bf (who physically abused her). I know i am being impatient .. but we kissed and held each other.. like a couple for weeks ... I do miss that. she could have said no to a kiss at any time but didnt. I just hope that when she finally lets go of her exbf that the love she holds for me will only strengthen rather han go away. It is in GOD's hands... i have to trust in that. Pray for me please to be able to let everything go .. desires, wants, and such, and that if it is God's will that she come back .. or I find someone else (which i dont think will happen) Pray for me that God will help me through this, and that he will heal us both. Pray that God will heal her, and show her the path she needs to follow, and that she will feel the power of the love of God as she hasnt done before. She wants to be a true believer but hasnt come to that yet. Tme to stop rambling i think Thank you all again.

Praying..

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

So blackwolf001, I don't know that you should "wait". My pastor tells us singles to LIVE don't LOOK, so I think waiting for a certain someone would also apply especially since she said she is never coming back. Get your focus on your Lord and Savior and ask HIM what He wants you to do. He will show you if you really want to know. And whatever happens, when you look back years from now, you will say OK I get it, I understand. It's hard to understand when we're in the moment and our hearts are aching.

Wait, yes I see where you are coming from. You know Ive heard many people mention the "wait" word re seeking a mate. I agree that we all need to keep our focus on Christ and that we need to do this one day at a time.

However what bugs me about the waiting is that God tells us in His word that its not good for a man to be alone. Now in this context the waiting is not good for man. To personalise it more Ive been waiting for a mate for over 20 years. My wait is well over due and no it hasnt been an inactive wait, Ive tried my best to find a mate.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in this life. Now I dont blame God for not having a mate, God gives us all the ability to make choices and Ive made wrong choices in my life. Also when Ive met someone who I thought might be a possible mate they too made the choice to reject me.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, most fine its not as easy to find a mate as Paul implies in 1Cor.7. But then most marriages were arranged. So most probably felt some what obligated to go thru with the marriage when everyone in the family had set it up. Doesn't help us tho. Ya, I'm one that says go out there and actively look for a mate.

 

[Karen-Rose]

so ...where are you supposed to look?

 

[peacechild4]

I think we have to be led by the HOLY SPIRIT as christians.. in our heart.. look I believe GOD is more out there around us and in us and our circumstances then we realize.. but we worry.. fret.. try to work things out ourselves and basically get in the way.. HE made the earth for goodness sakes.. knows where every one of us.. every minute.. second etc of the day.. speaking bout self mostly but hope it helps someone else.. we just gotta stop with the working it out.. we cannot.. look to HIM.. HE made eve for adam.. so HE will work it all out won't HE..

 

[Karen-Rose]

Peacechild... that what's I have to believe.....to keep going. He is My Source of joy, and He will cause all things to work for my benefit.

 

[peacechild4]

Peacechild... that what's I have to believe.....to keep going. He is My Source of joy, and He will cause all things to work for my benefit.

Bless your heart.. it sure helps with the sads... and ache inside.. GOD takes that away.... and helps me be content as is..

 

[Karen-Rose]

Peacechild... some days the ache seems like an eternity... but we have to remember where our eternity lies....and there is no ache there. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve the ache...but then I have to remember...there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus who abides in me and I in Him; I may not know my future..but I know who holds my future in His Hands. We have to trust His Ways which are not our ways, and keep our hearts focused on loving Him. Seek Him first, He says, and all else will follow....all else meaning all our needs fulfilled. Not our wants, but our needs. I like it when He throws in a want or two in the mix though, have to say..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think we all feel that some days we fair better than others in "waiting". I believe God is always working on our behalf, but more so for HIS plan than ours. Some days I'm fine with the fact I may never have another mate, and other days I feel like "why am I the only one (even though I know I'm not) that doesn't get a mate or a second chance?". BUT when I truly consider everything, I just have to realize that God is not God to serve ME but the other way around and He has a plan for us to be in eternity and THAT is the plan He is working on, and we should be too.
Yes God did say it was not good for man to be alone, but Paul also said it was better if people remained like him, not married, because some people when they are in a relationship forget all about God and their relationship with Him and it's harder to serve God and your significant other but he also recognized not everyone can handle being alone. GOD knows what you can handle, no matter what YOU think. JMHO

 

[Karen-Rose]

I think we all feel that some days we fair better than others in "waiting". I believe God is always working on our behalf, but more so for HIS plan than ours. Some days I'm fine with the fact I may never have another mate, and other days I feel like "why am I the only one (even though I know I'm not) that doesn't get a mate or a second chance?". BUT when I truly consider everything, I just have to realize that God is not God to serve ME but the other way around and He has a plan for us to be in eternity and THAT is the plan He is working on, and we should be too.
Yes God did say it was not good for man to be alone, but Paul also said it was better if people remained like him, not married, because some people when they are in a relationship forget all about God and their relationship with Him and it's harder to serve God and your significant other but he also recognized not everyone can handle being alone. GOD knows what you can handle, no matter what YOU think. JMHO

wise words I needed to hear today. Thank you.

 

[peacechild4]

For me that ache went away.. when I was honest.. brutally honest with GOD.. telling HIM what I wanted and how hard it was for me.. and how I could not cope with all of this and how I needed HIS help and could not do this on my own.. Also though I have had to come to realise that GOD must be first place.. not my desire for a mate.. only GOD is enough.. only GOD can be there 24/7

I have wanted a soul mate since early on in our 18 year marriage.. I almost despaired that I would/could ever have that.. so I prayed and prayed for Justin to be that one.. but it did not work out.. and so now almost two years since him leaving.. I am not going to wait anymore.. yet I want it.. I just cannot.. because now not only am I alone.. but I have to cope with all the mess of abuse and emotional coldness and turning the other cheek.....

GOD in his wonder.. encouraged me that HE can speed up the healing process because it would have killed me to have to heal over many years and also be alone.. Ohhhh how that helped me...

I have peace and contentment now that I have let go of everything.. what I wanted in HIS hands.. I cannot explain it.. but the ache has gone.. I know how deep that ache is.. how it lives with you.. and hurts.. and reminds you daily of everything that happened and how.. but GOD in HIS mercy is now even as the divorce is being finalises.. yes I have stalled.. yikes.. showing me that HE will work it all out..

I have no doubt.. that what I desire.. will happen.. I just know it now.. but all the details are in HIS hands.. absolutely every last one.. glory to GOD..

 

[Karen-Rose]

I must say, Peacechild.....you are an encouragement. Today was a good day..... I prayed this morning...and find that when I earnestly pray early, that my day is better than if I do not. I did not linger in the 'aloneness' but busied myself doing things on the ranch, checking Walmart for things I will soon need.... and being peaceful.

Most of the time, I am content. I think it is when things go a little hairy, that the ache for someone to share the 'burden' with comes upon me. But then Jesus did say "Come to me all ye who are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.

Today I'm resting. Thank you for your responses. They helped bring peace to my heart again.

 

[peacechild4]

Aww that is precious to me.. and shows me everything I have gone through is for a reason.. today.. I am remembering our baby son that died.. but through this experience in my life.. GOD showed me what peace was.. HE so comforted my heart over this loss.. that I had peace so powerful.. I was not able to mourn as parents would normally mourn.. that peace you feel is GOD.. who has touched you through me.. and HE touched me first.. GOD bless you.. I am sure some days in the future will be achy breaky days for me.. I still love and miss my husband.. just that GOD is directing me forward.. I am glad you are resting..

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

WOW Peacechild, you are such an encouragement! I have listened to you for awhile now and am watching before my eyes the growth of the knowledge of the Lord in you!!! How AWESOME is THAT? I love you sister! I know as well as anyone, that each day is a new day and we all have choices to make in that day and I am with you in the fact that I tell God
"LORD MY EYES ARE ON YOU, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO THIS, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING BY MYSELF" and then I wait and He directs me. Glad to hear he is directing you too.