Yeah, okay... guilty

JRSut1000 said:

Shabbats dont mean rest to me, they dont mean anything different than durng the week except that I have my husbands help, which even that wont happen in a few weeks cuz he wont be here. Blah. *sighs* Everyday is the same, just trying to survive the colic, manage to take care of my very basic needs, and give my daughter some one on one attention cuz I can tell shes digressing emotionally without my attention.

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I can certainly relate, as you might have guessed, with your current struggle. I felt guilty for a while about not finding meaning in the religious talk and behavior, or even in prayers anymore. My wish for you would be that you find your own meaning in life and get rid of the sense of guilt that has been taught to have value – but which really has no value so long as you do right by your fellow man.

JRSut1000 said:

Shabbats dont mean rest to me, they dont mean anything different than durng the week except that I have my husbands help, which even that wont happen in a few weeks cuz he wont be here. Blah. *sighs* Everyday is the same, just trying to survive the colic, manage to take care of my very basic needs, and give my daughter some one on one attention cuz I can tell shes digressing emotionally without my attention.

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What you describe sounds a lot like burnout. I think it has already been suggested that you need to periodically find some alone time. Get a babysitter, take a bath, go to a movie, etc. Even just spending an evening alone with your husband might be nice.

Although I would not argue that "Shabbat" is primarily about the sort of recharging often used to describe it, there is an aspect of taking a break from the weekly grind which needs to be respected.

Be creative with it. Enjoy the fact that your husband is not at work. Make a game out the things that drag you down.

Regression in older siblings is common. It's a phase--an immature reaction to perceived lack of attention, since Mom now spends more time with the baby. That's almost guaranteed to happen. Nothing new, there. Just try to find ways to include her in what goes on with the baby. I taught my children that acting below their abilities was not appropriate, set them onto age-appropriate projects, and moved on. The worse error is fixating on the behavior, which is just a form of selfish egotism--you end up rewarding the very behavior that ought to be quenched.

Take the long-range view of things. In a couple years, you won't have a "baby" anymore. You will have a toddler, and things will move on to the next level for awhile. This is called "being a parent". The choice to have children brought with it the committment to be "other-oriented" for at least the next 15-20 years. It is a phase of life, just like children go through phases.

In the meantime, find ways to take brief vacations. Sometimes, just locking the door to the bathroom for a few minutes with the lights out can be a help. What we really crave, I believe, is a few minutes to meditate, put our thoughts in order, and make plans that extend beyond the next 10 minutes. There are many creative ways to do this. But you may not get the full day once a week to do so. Not for awhile, anyway.

Sounds like depression to me, perhaps PPB, you should see your family Doctor about it.

Originally Posted by JRSut1000

Shabbats dont mean rest to me, they dont mean anything different than durng the week except that I have my husbands help, which even that wont happen in a few weeks cuz he wont be here. Blah. *sighs* Everyday is the same, just trying to survive the colic, manage to take care of my very basic needs, and give my daughter some one on one attention cuz I can tell shes digressing emotionally without my attention.

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yonah_mishael said:

I can certainly relate, as you might have guessed, with your current struggle. I felt guilty for a while about not finding meaning in the religious talk and behavior, or even in prayers anymore. My wish for you would be that you find your own meaning in life and get rid of the sense of guilt that has been taught to have value – but which really has no value so long as you do right by your fellow man.

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I agree with that

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ContraMundum said:

Here's my take on this- I think the best way out of religious doldrums is keeping busy with the things that one is called to do. When you read that old Sermon on the Mount, you get a real clear picture of what the life of a person following this Yeshua guy is supposed to look like, and the emphasis shifts from from ceremonies and legal requirements to mitzvahs that focus on the heart of the Torah- God and neighbour.

So, when my enthusiasm is waning (as it is right now- overworked etc) I visit someone who is sick, or cook for someone, help a neighbour or whatever else I can find that is actually useful for this planet. Or- I just take a break from that all and watch some comedy for half an hour or play some music, call a friend, watch some sport or whatever. You gotta balance life with both living and service. Sometimes when religion is the centre of your world you forget to live a little.

Just remember- this too will pass.

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Good advice...and many thanks for noting such. I think all have those spots where you're in a dry place - but ultimately, as long as you have solid fellowship and friendship/laughs and love...in addition to having places you can pour into others...you can truly make it. I think that is how Yeshua handled things often, as it was never a boring matter since he was always focused on what His father was doing. To him, Sabbath wasn't simply about services or status quo. Jewish teachers held that God continued to "work" after creation, sustaining the world even on the sabbath...and he found joy in what he did.

ChavaK said:

Reason I asked is that in my experience converts to Judaism (or BT's) often hit the wall either at 5 years or at 10 years. They get burned out.
But they get over it.

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It is like a religious version of the "seven year itch"!

JRSut1000 said:

Shabbats dont mean rest to me, they dont mean anything different than durng the week except that I have my husbands help, which even that wont happen in a few weeks cuz he wont be here. Blah. *sighs* Everyday is the same, just trying to survive the colic, manage to take care of my very basic needs, and give my daughter some one on one attention cuz I can tell shes digressing emotionally without my attention.

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This is not uncommon for mothers. It's difficult to "rest" when you have children, especially a new baby. I previously asked if you live near your family. Did I miss your answer?

Ask your doctor about post-partum depression (not sure I spelled that correctly), it's not an uncommon thing after a birth.

JRSut1000 said:

I love my kids very much.

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Children are indeed a blessing from the Lord. And thankful for the ways the Lord blessed you with them (Psalm 127 and Psalm 128) - as they're such an awesome means of hearing from the Lord on His heart for you. Praying your year would be full of laughter/joy as He shows himself to you through them and however else He wants to encouraged you Blessings..

JRSut1000 said:

Yes, I wish we all believed that every moment of every day in the way we think and act and respond.

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Can relate, as some days you feel like saying "You're not worth it!!" or it feels like you really could do without them. Having to handle younger children a lot and seeing what my mother went through in raising the family I grew up in, I have so much respect when she says it wasn't easy - but it's so amazing knowing how that's a part of building a godly legacy ...showing your family how it's not always smiles nor does it take smiling to know that in the Lord we're blessed. And He's faithful to us as our Father - depsite how we feel with our kids - just like He may have days where he feels as we do with our family and says "Wish they wouldn't do that."

JRSut1000 said:

Yes, I wish we all believed that every moment of every day in the way we think and act and respond.

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If I may suggest, have you ever considered doing things like writing letters to the Lord on how you feel - or, more specifically, writing letters to your family members as if you're talking to them and sharing how you feel?

There's actually a really good book someone once passed to me years ago - entitled The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents (more shared here)

Really helped me in processing bad relationships or times of difficulties - as I was involved in a small group for believers where we learned of the power of releasing things to the Lord by writing letters. In example, if you had an issue of strife with your father, you'd write a letter sharing how you felt - and later, you would write a letter sharing tribute to your father for how the Lord used him to bless you..despite all that happened. Did so in regards to things I experienced (biological father) and it truly helped me to get freedom on things - and the same thing in regards to hurts from friendships.

The same also applied when I would write letters on others who gave me a hard time. Learning how to honor what you have so that the Lord can move powerfully in our lives.


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JRSut1000 said:

Hmm I forgot what I was going to write. Oh yeah, I used to write letters a lot, especially on weekends when I had the time to think and listen to worshi pmusic. But lately and for along time I havent done this and I should really go back but I guess it feels forced nowdays. Im further away than I was then.

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Sometimes, from what I've experienced, it's something that just takes time to get involved in - or something that happens in the moment. I often wonder what it was like for the Psalmists in all the things he had going on and how some of his best words came in the most intense moments where he probably didn't feel like saying anything to the Lord.

But sometimes, writing can take place in spurts. I did that one time for a Graduate School class - as I had been wanting to write poetry/spoken word for a long time but was unable to because of not feeling it. And one day I was just really depressed over a lot of issues. And for 5 minutes, I just began writing in my notebook some of my feelings. Was amazed at how quickly it came to me - and yet that's all I was able to get for that time and then it was done. It's not finished yet - but I'm guessing some things take time

Easy G (G²);62090717 said:

Can relate, as some days you feel like saying "You're not worth it!!" or it feels like you really could do without them. Having to handle younger children a lot and seeing what my mother went through in raising the family I grew up in, I have so much respect when she says it wasn't easy - but it's so amazing knowing how that's a part of building a godly legacy ...showing your family how it's not always smiles nor does it take smiling to know that in the Lord we're blessed. And He's faithful to us as our Father - depsite how we feel with our kids - just like He may have days where he feels as we do with our family and says "Wish they wouldn't do that."

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I remember that this was a time of child trials and my overcomings to continue to be an example challenge in life. There were times I could just cry when the situation got the best of me, and there was times when I was on top of my game and I could smile to myself in a job well done.

I remember this one instance where I had invited lady friends over so that another friend could do one of the demonstrate - sell product parties. We had our children outside playing in our yard where I had set up the biggest canvas hammock imaginable between two trees, enough for 10 children to get on together and low enough that when fully loaded was just barely off the ground. It worked in entertaining all ladies' and my children happily for the hour set aside for this party.

But in the last ten minutes, in walks my oldest hickupping with drying tears running down her cheeks. I motioned for her to come over and asked what happened. All the ladies watched with baited breath wondering if it was their child or whose child caused this. As my child poured out her little story of being bullied off, the ladies took in a deep breath of resolution for their child's part. I calmly called my child over at the end of her story and said, "It sounds like you could use a hug" which she gladly accepted. After receiving her hug, I asked her, "feel better?" she nodded. "are you ready to go back out there and not let them stop you from playing on the hammock too?" She nooded with a grin and took off back outside.

The children outside were probably worried about what my girl told the parents because there was not another lick of trouble from them as she went back out to play. We, ladies, inside were able to finish our little get together without any more incidents.

I love it when the Lord answers a little mother's prayer for wisdom.

visionary said:

I remember that this was a time of child trials and my overcomings to continue to be an example challenge in life. There were times I could just cry when the situation got the best of me, and there was times when I was on top of my game and I could smile to myself in a job well done.

I remember this one instance where I had invited lady friends over so that another friend could do one of the demonstrate - sell product parties. We had our children outside playing in our yard where I had set up the biggest canvas hammock imaginable between two trees, enough for 10 children to get on together and low enough that when fully loaded was just barely off the ground. It worked in entertaining all ladies' and my children happily for the hour set aside for this party.

But in the last ten minutes, in walks my oldest hickupping with drying tears running down her cheeks. I motioned for her to come over and asked what happened. All the ladies watched with baited breath wondering if it was their child or whose child caused this. As my child poured out her little story of being bullied off, the ladies took in a deep breath of resolution for their child's part. I calmly called my child over at the end of her story and said, "It sounds like you could use a hug" which she gladly accepted. After receiving her hug, I asked her, "feel better?" she nodded. "are you ready to go back out there and not let them stop you from playing on the hammock too?" She nooded with a grin and took off back outside.

The children outside were probably worried about what my girl told the parents because there was not another lick of trouble from them as she went back out to play. We, ladies, inside were able to finish our little get together without any more incidents.

I love it when the Lord answers a little mother's prayer for wisdom.

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