wrong decision?

[Mayflower1]

I moved out of my apartment in Indiana, and gave up my job and everything to move back to Texas to college so that, I could be closer to my family. I got back Dec 13 and it has been a big fight since I have gotten back... I have recently connected with my family on my dad's side, my grandma, aunt, and cousins. And my mother, brother, and sister are angry at me, because my father had sexually abused me... so they think I should have nothing to do with this side of the family. At first, my sister was loving this side, but after a week, she talked to my brother and mom, and now has stopped talking to them. She had actually taken me to my aunt's house to stay the week and I was going to stay on the weekends and for Christmas. Well, now... she said she wouldn't pick me up for Christmas unless I stopped talking to them cause she wants nothing to do with them. She said she would talk to me once I got in my dorm. Then my aunt offered to take me to see my mom at least, and my mom said she doesn't want them to even drop me off where she is at... so I spent Christmas here today... but since it was so high stress, and new family and stuff, this morning, everyone seemed to be in a bad mood, so I broke my internet fast for today and sort of escaped into it in my rpg games and stuff.

It has cheered up a bit today. I am grateful to spend this time with my aunt and grandma. I gave my dad a card, but do not plan to see him for awhile. He lives very close to here, but can no longer walk and is sick at his house, so I am not afraid of him. I have forgiven him. Then since it is storming bad, the lights went out completely, so I sit in the dark. It is pretty and peaceful with candles around. And my aunt and grandma is very sweet. My grandma is eighty four with cancer, so it has been very nice to see her. I have only seen her once since I have been alive. my aunt too.

I really haven't anyone to talk to yet, cept indiana friends, why I am typing it here. But it is better to get this out, cause my heart is sort of heavy today. Still, Christ brought hope into the world with His birth, so regardless of how this Christmas has went, I thought it was a nice beginning. If God unifies, then this is the first step. I just have to make a stand. Since I will be living on campus at a Christian University, I hope it will be easier when I start school. My aunt even talked about family counseling she would pay for for anyone who wanted to join. I think that would be great if any would do that.

Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you for being here. CF has been such a wonderful support through the years here. Shara

 

[joey_downunder]

Lily00, was it your father's family or your father himself who abused you? I think your mother's side is being a bit unfair. However I can understand that they may fear that your father's family might make excuses for him etc and therefore they don't want you to get hurt in the process.

If you are truly comfortable with keeping in touch with them then that is great.

 

[Mayflower1]

my father's family, doesn't even know what my dad did, except for my aunt who I confided in. She believes me completely, and is supporting me through this.

But one of my siblings said I was a selfish spoiled brat who ruined Christmas and that I needed to fix the situation.

It very much hurt me, and I haven't spoken to them since then.

 

[PetLuv]

I think it is great that you are reconnecting with family.
Your father's actions were his own, no one else is to blame for it. Least of of people who are merely related to him.

 

[Mayflower1]

yes, they are wonderful people. I seem to be able to connect more with them. It is nice to have family go to church with me for the first time. who actually enjoy going.

It just escalated and got out of hand. I am hoping after the holidays we can work this out, cause my sister for one, I think is just listening so much to my mom and brother. I am afraid though, maybe I have put myself too close to this situation. My dad eventually wants to see me. I had wrote him a letter awhile ago confronting him about the past, four to six years old I believe is when it happened... and other things. I have been in intense therapy in residential programs for the last few years, it is why I feel safe enough to reconnect with this side of the family. But I also don't know if I am ready to give up the half of family that I have known since I was born. It is a hard decision.

I am hoping it will be better when I get into college.

 

[Spiritlight]

Lilly what can I tell you other than you have my wholehearted admiration for doing the right thing under duress.
If you have recently revealed the crime against you sometimes its good to give people space till things settle down.

one of the hardest battles in life is trying not to expect people will act the same way as someone else they remind you of or are related too.

A couple of days ago someone stole from me (i got it back eventually), now I must struggle with trusting everyone else as i had done before. I need to not think everyone else is a thief, and treat them that way because that guy was.

In the same way you have a double challenge of not treating your dads family as though they did the crime to you.Those people didn't hurt you but you should never underestimate what their loyalty to your Dad might be.

it is admirable and very good the way you have been trying to get on with everyone.

it is also very important not to do the thinking for others what they think about you, let them tell you that.

i know in family upsets I have formulated scenarios about what I think is going on to only find I was completely wrong and entirely unfair to those I was judging.

If you keep doing the right thing at times like this you always eventually come out on top.

Distancing yourself by withdrawing from communication or visiting for either yours or another's protection temporally is needed sometimes and can save a relationship.

I hope things work out.

BTW dont worry about Christmas, people turn it into a sort of idol but its just another day like any other and you shouldnt feel guilty about exposing a crime against you.

Hope that helps a bit, its the best advice I could think of.

 

[Mayflower1]

well no, my mom, brother, and sister know. But they also had to go through me being away for so long, self injuring for ten years, and going into these programs. So I understand how they can react in fear over this...

But this is my grandma's last christmas... there is a good chance she won't be alive next year, and it has been wonderful spending it with her... the hard part is it may be my mom's too since she is in a nursing home with heart failure. She wouldn't see me as long as I am here.

But no, I'm not choosing sides... if I can't be picked up for christmas with no transportation by my sister and brother, and they are upset for asking if my aunt can bring me... I couldn't get from Tomball to Houston and I really wish we could have put this situation aside just so we could be together today. It is why it hurts so much. Like I am told they will still be here for me, but am pressured to reject them before I can see them for Christmas...

and it has all been over text just about... as much as I asked to talk on the phone. urrrr. now I'm just getting frustrated again talking about it. I was the one this happened to, not them... and I can accept these innocent blood relatives.