would you have done this?..*may trig*

[HolyOne87]

my best friend and her SO broke up on April Fools day. Her SO's parents didn't feel they should be together because of distance, and other things.

My best friend has been a wreck since. And today, i found out from her ex-SO that she was contemplating ODing once her mom left for work today and she was very sure of what she was gonna do.she had it all planned in her head what she would do. When I heard this(and knowing she had cut herself the past day and a half pretty badly), her ex-SO and I decided that someone should call her mom and let her know. I called and now they are watching over her. Her mom didn't go to work.

At the moment, my best friend is mad at both me and her ex-SO. She has an away message up saying, "If people just let things be, I'd be dead".

Would you have done the same thing? Would you have said something?

Right now, I don't care if she is mad. I'd rather her mad then her being dead. But, her ex-SO and I feel she needs therapy but neither one of us can suggest it to her since she isn't speaking to either of us (or anyone for that matter). And even if we told a therapist about it, my best friend wouldn't go. She will refuse it.

She is taking this harder then her ex-SO is. Her ex-SO is just seeing the bright side of things, saying if in two years they still want to be together, they can. But for now, its out of the question.

My best friend became VERY dependent on her SO that now she doesn't have them right now, she wants to be dead.

I feel she will attempt doing something again, but how is one suppose to stop her if there is no way to?

Any advice and words would be greatly appreciated.

 

[rasis]

Hello you,

i know that the situation for you must be very hard.
Take care of yourself!
A few weeks ago i was in a similar situation... had to call the police for a good friend... afterwards i have had the same thoughts (if it was the right decission.)

If your best friend really tried to do that, and announced it to you, it was a good decission to inform her mother! You are not able to prefend her from doing... it is not in your power, but i think that her mother could help her to get the help which your friend need.

I do not know how the law is in the United States, but in my country you are forced to call the police e.g when someone really announces things like that...

And i think it is easier to "loose" a good or best friend for a short time... than for ever.
At the moment she will be angry with you, of course, in her eyes you are a traitor... but that is her anger about the situtation. When a few days passed by and she get help, she will recognize, that it was just a normal reaction of a good friend in fear!

Hope, that together you will stand it.


rasis

 

[berry2000]

Of course you did the right thing. You showed you cared and were concerned and you acted. You may have saved her life. She may not see it now...but you were a true friend.

Sounds liek your friend has a hard road ahead of her. Do you think she might come onto the board sometime?

 

[livingforGod135]

you did the right thing, one day your friend will thank you but atm i imagine she feels betrayed, just ask her the question: did she honestly expect to tell that to you guys and for you guys to just stand back and let her go thru with it?

dunno if i would have done it exactly the same but i would have said something to someone

I dunno what the right thing to do now is but i would try to talk to her, get her to understand why you did it... find out if she wants help or not, because if she doesn't therapy probably wont do her much good. Just be there for her, if she is trusting you again talk to her, listen to her... she might just need to know there are people there for her

hope this helped

Laura

 

[HolyOne87]

Thanks for the replies.

Berry2000-> I am not to sure if she will join the forum. She isn't that devout of a Christian. She doesn't know where she stands yet. Like, she believes in God, but is against some things the church teaches (not sure what, but I know thats how it is with her).

LivingForGod135--> At the moment, I am going to give it a few days before I contact her...just to give her time to calm down. Her ex-SO and I exchanged phone numbers, to keep each other notified. So, I will be up to date, and that they will be up to date as well.

Rasis-> I agree. I kept saying that too with her ex-SO. We kept saying, "We'd rather her not talk to us then her be dead". I am sure she will be okay, but she just needs space probably. I hope her mother realizes that she needs help though. Because she has done this so many times before, and all her mother did was talk with her and that was that and my best friend would sometimes pretend she is okay then go back to how she was not long after. I hope they get her help this time around. I know some colleges offer free counselling. Even if my friend checks it out, at least she is taking a step in the right direction.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[ChristInAction]

you did the right thing.
I did the same thing last year. my friend was really mad for a week or two but she ended up stoping cutting, shes not all better & needs to work through stuff but shes alive & she forgave me. Give it time.
As for if she does try this again & you dont know or cant do anything. Its not your fault. I know its hard. I've been faced with it a few times. Think about the senserity prayer (i cant spell or speak lol) God grant me the senserity to acsept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.
keep strong. & just be there for her when she needs you.
prayers. xox

 

[HolyOne87]

well, i gave her a day or two to cool off. This morning i woke up and got a message from her and she said that she, after the other day, is starting to get over the breakup. She said slowly but surely she will.
She understands now why her ex-SO and I did what we did. Her and I are talking now and she seems up in spirits which is great to know.

 

[angelkiss]

Hi!
I think you definately did the right thing. She may be upset right now, but when things slack and she starts realizing that you really care, she will then know that it was for her own good.
I have friends and family who step in and, as a matter of fact, just last night my parents and my best friend, (who is like a sister to me) were in the middle of an "Alana Conference" just as I had called them. I have been out of one of my meds for a few weeks and they were worried about me. I had actually called about something else, and then they put me on speaker phone so I could talk to them all. My friend told me, "You know we care and that we love you."
Sometimes, it's good to step in and show that you love and care for someone. It lets them know that they're not alone and that there is a bit of hope.
Since she's not talking right now, maybe you can email her and pour your heart out into words and it could be the thing that makes her realize that you did it out of love.
My prayers are with you and your friend!!
s and es!!

 

[angelkiss]

Well, my post was quite delayed somehow.
Anywho, I'm glad your friend is doing better and that she has the understanding of your actions. She is really lucky to have a friend who cares so deeply!
s and es!!

 

[HolyOne87]

well, today i found out she is mad at her ex-SO and not at me. Like, she is basically giving the ex the cold shoulder...but isn't giving me one.
She doesn't even consider her ex her best friend anymore.
Very awkward. I figured she'd hate me for a while because I made the call to her mom.
She keeps telling her ex about how she will cut (which she probably isn't doing..she is just saying it).
I find this a little messed up to do. She is making the ex feel guilty just because that persons PARENTS (not her ex) made them break up.
Very confusing stuff. I am keeping my eye on my best friend for a while. I got to make sure she doesn't do anything. I kind of told her ex not to get too bothered with what my best friend is saying. She might just be saying this stuff out of anger.
What do you think?

 

[livingforGod135]

yeah she probably is saying it out of anger... she's gonna be upset