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I find that amusing as well. I think people that say that physical attraction doesn't/shouldn't matter are just kidding themselves. It also may be a way to make themselves feel better or feel superior to us "shallow" folks.
I have found that those who truly feel that looks do not matter are in the extreme minority. Most people, however, do focus on looks to an extent. I also think those of us to whom looks do matter should also be given the benefit of the doubt without being judged as "shallow" by the nay sayers.Or, maybe it really is true for them and it doesn't have anything to do with what everyone else does or thinks.
Maybe it would be nice if they were given the benefit of the doubt instead of being judged...
Or, maybe it really is true for them and it doesn't have anything to do with what everyone else does or thinks.
Maybe it would be nice if they were given the benefit of the doubt instead of being judged...
Not to sound crude, but I'd be curious to know if any of the posters here who said "Yknow, my spouse should ACCEPT me even if I become physically ugly, and was physically ugly to them when we met. By the way, I don't look at other people's looks at all. It's so Un-Christian! Bathe in my virtuosity!" would be gungho to have sex with someone who they knew found them physically ugly. Masochistic, no?
That still doesn't mean everyone would should go after 10s, or that we all should find the exact same people to be 10s. Nor does it suggest Jack Black should've had more luck with Sports Illustrated models in Shallow Hal. But this idea of going out with someone we find physically unnattractive - and I'm not talking about someone with a trigger for Francophones and chain-smokers choosing someone conventionally less attractive like Serge Gainsbourg over say, Taylor Lautner - or repulsive seems like a complete waste of time.
I don't think the point people who say 'Looks and Sexual Attraction Matter' were making was that only the Liz Taylor's of the world should be allowed to get married or be pursued; but that looks play a role in attraction; and that holding out for someone one is sexually attracted too - even if the rest of the planet thinks they've beaten by the Ugly Stick - is not nessecarily a bad thing. It's just called having standards.
Again, I can't understand settling. To put it in the most basic and banal of terms, I can't understand having sex with someone I'm unnattracted too; nor can I understand getting into a relationship whom I know thinks I am beneath them in looks, prestige, or whatever the case maybe.
Some of us maybe shallow, but I'd rather be shallow and holding out over settling for second best.
Um... can we not do that? The whole adding words to what people have said to paint them in a bad light thing? It isn't conducive to a mature and friendly discussion.
You don't want them to call you shallow - so try to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Okay?
First, I have no idea who those people are. And I don't feel like googling them. Not everyone on this board is a pop-culture know it all.
Good. I don't think anyone has said that anyone has said that. (And no, that sentence does not contain a typo).
I think that what some people have said is that they believe sexual attraction can be based on non-physical attraction and is for them. So while I may not find Joe Bob to be all that attractive physically, I may still have a desire for him because of the attraction to his personality.
I'm not saying that I think it's all that common, nor am I saying that it is for everyone... just that it does happen.
So if someone answers the question in the OP with a "yes" there's no real reason to believe that person is fooling him/herself or just trying to appear super-virtuous.
However, I do - like some of the posters here - believe comments about 'I'm not looking for someone I'm sexually attracted to and I don't expect my spouse to find me sexually appealing...' to be utter poppycock at best, and borderline masochistic at worst.
Um...I don't see where she was judging anyone. She was just stating her opinion on the matter.Okay. If you can't accept that not everyone is exactly like you and at least try to see and respect a different POV - or at least refrain from judging anyone who disagrees with you - then there's no sense discussing it with you.
The only reason I joined this thread was to say that I think it's uncalled for to be so judgmental.
I've said it. Those with ears to hear will hear. I'm unsubscribing now lest I get drug into a condescension competition.
Enjoy.
Okay. If you can't accept that not everyone is exactly like you and at least try to see and respect a different POV - or at least refrain from judging anyone who disagrees with you - then there's no sense discussing it with you.
Um...I don't see where she was judging anyone. She was just stating her opinion on the matter.
FTR, none of us here are "judging" anyone. We just simply disagree and in some cases call bull poop where we see it.
3) Calling people "masochistic" is judging them - and probably flaming them too.
4) There's a lot of different lifestyles that I don't understand - that doesn't give me the right to go around calling their POV "poppycock" and bull poop.
Thanks. I did.1) You should edit that before you get in trouble for bypassing the profanity filter.
And likewise, I think that calling people "shallow" because looks matter to them to also be judgemental. The pendulum swings both ways.2) Calling people self-righteous is judging them. Saying that the only reason they say they don't see looks is because they want to appear "super virtuous" is essentially calling them self-righteous.
3) Calling people "masochistic" is judging them - and probably flaming them too.
4) There's a lot of different lifestyles that I don't understand - that doesn't give me the right to go around calling their POV "poppycock" and bull poop.
I think that's explanation enough. Now, I really am bowing out of this discussion. Good night.
You could fall in love with their voice and know whatever they look like it was their voice that drew you in, you could fall in love with their dancing, their passions, the way they answer questions, their little quirks and ways. It isn't necessarily about finding the other person the most physically attractive person in the world, it's about finding them the most wholly attractive person in your world. You can acknowledge others are prettier, smarter, kinder, whatever, but in your heart you know that given the choice you'd always take your partner when it comes to meaningful relationships. If that makes any sense? It does not have to be something physical that attracts you to them but that attraction has to be enough to differentiate it from being a close friendship to being something more.
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