Would you date me...?

[Amped88]

I know it is hard to believe, and that is how i know that i will be single for a long time because nobody will believe that i struck bad luck 2 times. My first marriage (which I had my son), she was an alcoholic. It was my fault that i decided i could change that with "kill em with kindness" but she got very moody and had to have it. During that marriage we would argue 90 percent of the time about alcohol (until she cheated on me going to sea). My second marriage of almost a year, i went to sea she cheated on me and sent me a "Dear John" letter saying it wont work. We tried to work it out when i got back then she was pregnant with someone elses kid and so i still tried to make it work, but there was nothing left there feeling wise for me so i bailed out and asked for a divorce. I can honestly say i expected the very words and advice you guys put out. Like there had to be something I did to corrupt it and make them not like me or something. Im not perfect and there are things i have done probably to stem arguments, but not to goto the degree of cheating. That is why i know i'll be single probably the rest of my life....i've doomed myself for making the wrong choices in the begining. I can do the ungodly thing and go try it again at the bar/club, but thats not who i want to be. Im trying to live for God now and hopefully someone will see that one day. BTW no i dont have any addictions porn/drugs/alcohol. I just thought i could change the people who i was with and married too early cause it "felt" right.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I know it is hard to believe, and that is how i know that i will be single for a long time because nobody will believe that i struck bad luck 2 times. My first marriage (which I had my son), she was an alcoholic. It was my fault that i decided i could change that with "kill em with kindness" but she got very moody and had to have it. During that marriage we would argue 90 percent of the time about alcohol (until she cheated on me going to sea). My second marriage of almost a year, i went to sea she cheated on me and sent me a "Dear John" letter saying it wont work. We tried to work it out when i got back then she was pregnant with someone elses kid and so i still tried to make it work, but there was nothing left there feeling wise for me so i bailed out and asked for a divorce. I can honestly say i expected the very words and advice you guys put out. Like there had to be something I did to corrupt it and make them not like me or something. Im not perfect and there are things i have done probably to stem arguments, but not to goto the degree of cheating. That is why i know i'll be single probably the rest of my life....i've doomed myself for making the wrong choices in the begining. I can do the ungodly thing and go try it again at the bar/club, but thats not who i want to be. Im trying to live for God now and hopefully someone will see that one day. BTW no i dont have any addictions porn/drugs/alcohol. I just thought i could change the people who i was with and married too early cause it "felt" right.

Hmmm...I don't think that is what Hope was saying and I know that wasn't what I was saying at all...

You admitted that you played a part in the arguments and in making bad choices in spouses...that's what we're talking about - it's about owning your part in the failure of the relationship no matter how big or small and not trying to place 100% of the blame on the other person because I don't believe a person can be 100% at fault in a relationship - I do believe it takes two to make it work and two to make it fail.

I think you focused on the one negative thing you were expecting us to say and disregarded the other things we said...and both of us said that we wouldn't rule out dating someone who had been divorced 2 times...but you seem to have overlooked that part.

 

[Amped88]

Im sorry, that is something i have to change about my life. I focus on negative things people say and try to explain or fix them. I need to work harder on that. No disrespect at all tho, my apologies. I'll re-read and try to look at it from the view you guys are trying to put out.

 

[country woman]

I know you have changed so I hope you will find some one. If I were 10 years younger I would probably go out with you.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Im sorry, that is something i have to change about my life. I focus on negative things people say and try to explain or fix them. I need to work harder on that. No disrespect at all tho, my apologies. I'll re-read and try to look at it from the view you guys are trying to put out.

No worries! I think we all do that at times...I just think that if you are expecting the negative you will only see and get the negative. I know that is something I found to be true in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I think that there will be women out there that struggle with the issue of you being divorced twice and it may be to much for them but then they weren't the right woman for you. I don't think it is an obstacle that you can't overcome or that the right woman wouldn't be willing to accept about you.

 

[country woman]

Hugs to all

 

[Inkachu]

Date yes, get serious no. Don't want the responsibility of someone else's kid.

Why date if there was no intention of getting serious? Why not just stick to women with no attachments or familial responsibilities? Just curious.

 

[Inkachu]

To me the girl comes first. I have kids myself, so i would have no problems dating or even getting serious with a single mom. Although i would think twice, if the kid was the jealous type and mom let that happen.

Dude, you have a beautiful cat!! He/she looks just like my cat, Gracie

 

[Inkachu]

To answer your question, YES I would date you, and if it would lead to more, then I would accept you and your child with the same love and commitment.

Not to steal your thread away from you, but you have hit on what i want to know myself, but from a womans perspective. Would you date a guy with a child that does not live with him but in another state with a mingling crazy ex wife? I have been divorced 2 times of which I believe was not my fault. First and second cheated on me while I was at sea on a sub (to sum it up). Even tho i am single, have my own apartment and live alone, i feel that as soon as i tell a woman that I have been divorced two times she'll immediately throw up the flags and wont see me for who I really am. I have learned my lessons and changed my lifestyle from not meeting women at bars, but will the next woman see that?? I dont know, that is why I am asking. I have baggage tho I am single. I am planning for the worst, which is a lonely life, because im choosing God and my salvation over the wordly way of doing things/meeting women.

I would absolutely consider a man with children. Now, the fact that you have a psycho ex and SHE'S got the kid instead of you...that would definitely make me pause and consider what to do. Also, it's one thing to have a crazy ex, but one who meddles in your current life is NOT going to sit well with any woman. But I wouldn't just dismiss you because of your divorces. I'd get to know you and ask lots of questions.

Hope that helps answer your question

 

[Inkachu]

I know it is hard to believe, and that is how i know that i will be single for a long time because nobody will believe that i struck bad luck 2 times. My first marriage (which I had my son), she was an alcoholic. It was my fault that i decided i could change that with "kill em with kindness" but she got very moody and had to have it. During that marriage we would argue 90 percent of the time about alcohol (until she cheated on me going to sea). My second marriage of almost a year, i went to sea she cheated on me and sent me a "Dear John" letter saying it wont work. We tried to work it out when i got back then she was pregnant with someone elses kid and so i still tried to make it work, but there was nothing left there feeling wise for me so i bailed out and asked for a divorce. I can honestly say i expected the very words and advice you guys put out. Like there had to be something I did to corrupt it and make them not like me or something. Im not perfect and there are things i have done probably to stem arguments, but not to goto the degree of cheating. That is why i know i'll be single probably the rest of my life....i've doomed myself for making the wrong choices in the begining. I can do the ungodly thing and go try it again at the bar/club, but thats not who i want to be. Im trying to live for God now and hopefully someone will see that one day. BTW no i dont have any addictions porn/drugs/alcohol. I just thought i could change the people who i was with and married too early cause it "felt" right.

Don't be so gloomy!! If you keep your nose clean and live right and honor God and your child...there is no such thing as "hopeless" with the Lord

 

[ulu]

Dluvs2trvl+country woman:
I was kidding about the 19. I have no kids.

Why date if there was no intention of getting serious? Why not just stick to women with no attachments or familial responsibilities? Just curious.

I don't like to limit my options. It's pretty unlikely I would fall for someone with kids, but there's always a slight chance it could happen. I don't go into dating with the mindset of "maybe she's the one"
Too much pressure. The number of single women over 35 without kids who don't want kids is pretty small.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Dluvs2trvl+country woman:
I was kidding about the 19. I have no kids.



I don't like to limit my options. It's pretty unlikely I would fall for someone with kids, but there's always a slight chance it could happen. I don't go into dating with the mindset of "maybe she's the one"
Too much pressure. The number of single women over 35 without kids who don't want kids is pretty small.

Well, I've always wondered cause you show all the kids in your profile.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I know it is hard to believe, and that is how i know that i will be single for a long time because nobody will believe that i struck bad luck 2 times. My first marriage (which I had my son), she was an alcoholic. It was my fault that i decided i could change that with "kill em with kindness" but she got very moody and had to have it. During that marriage we would argue 90 percent of the time about alcohol (until she cheated on me going to sea). My second marriage of almost a year, i went to sea she cheated on me and sent me a "Dear John" letter saying it wont work. We tried to work it out when i got back then she was pregnant with someone elses kid and so i still tried to make it work, but there was nothing left there feeling wise for me so i bailed out and asked for a divorce. I can honestly say i expected the very words and advice you guys put out. Like there had to be something I did to corrupt it and make them not like me or something. Im not perfect and there are things i have done probably to stem arguments, but not to goto the degree of cheating. That is why i know i'll be single probably the rest of my life....i've doomed myself for making the wrong choices in the begining. I can do the ungodly thing and go try it again at the bar/club, but thats not who i want to be. Im trying to live for God now and hopefully someone will see that one day. BTW no i dont have any addictions porn/drugs/alcohol. I just thought i could change the people who i was with and married too early cause it "felt" right.

I wouldn't automatically rule out someone based on the number of divorces, but my mom would. I was my ex-h's third wife and I dated someone who was divorced twice. My mom had a big problem with that. The ex-bf's first wife left him one day and his explanation was that she thought he wasn't going to be able to give her what she wanted and also she was just an unhappy, critical person. The second one was shipped to another base and decided to divorce while they were apart. I'm not sure if they had even been married a year. He told me that one of the reasons she didn't want to try was because of his disorganized messes. He told me he'd been to counseling to figure out why he kept picking people who kept leaving, but I found out after a year of dating that he was extremely critical, racist (he'd deny that), and financially irresponsible. If he was the same way with his exes I could see why they left.

I put out a lot of effort to make things work with my ex-h, but he seemed to be missing a little something upstairs and I have to say that I feel like he bears the vast majority of the blame for the reason our marriage failed. Maybe he was dropped on his head as a child, but the fact remains that he was just not right as a husband or father. I should never have married him, but the rest is mostly his fault and not many can understand that unless they've lived with someone who is not right in the head.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

. . . Sometimes I think to myself "Nobody's going to want you...why would they want you when they could find someone younger, with no kids...just give it up". . . .

Plenty of men will want to date you, your son won't be a deterrent. Don't worry about that.

That said,

. . . My question is to the men: Would you date a 30 year old single mother?

No, I wouldn't. First, 30 is too young for me. I have a friend I click with on a number of levels but we just couldn't make it as a couple. She's 29. We both thought it was weird: She is the same number of years younger than I am that I am from her mother (who, by the way, is a beautiful woman). It was kind of, well, creepy. We had other reasons it didn't work out, but that was one.

Second, for me, the child is a barrier. I have worked as a divorce lawyer and I know all the, er, garbage that happens when one ex-spouse finds out the other is dating. I won't go into details, but I'm sure you can imagine. Then I always wonder: what happens if we pursue the relationship, and get married. Will I be able to be a parent to the child? Will I share the responsibilities equally? Will I have any say in his/her upbringing? Or will I be the odd person out, sharing a house with the parent and child and yet not be able to have a relationship with the child(ren)?

Not all men think or feel like I do, as you've seen in your thread. Just give yourself a break and a chance and you'll find one who knows you're the gem we know.

 

[Mark2010]

Ok Silver,

You have had a number of guys respond and we're waiting for your selection.

 

[country woman]

would you date an older woman

 

[Mark2010]

ME? Or Silver The Sprite?

 

[country woman]

you of course

 

[Mark2010]

Oh, OK. The thread wasn't really about me. But...

Of course I would! I suppose there are limits, like if she was twice my age or pushing 100, or whatever. But a few years wouldn't matter.

 

[Gareth]

No, I'm not asking anyone out, lol.

My question is to the men: Would you date a 30 year old single mother?

Sometimes I think to myself "Nobody's going to want you...why would they want you when they could find someone younger, with no kids...just give it up".

I'll try to keep my chin up, even if some of you say you wouldn't. I would really like some honest answers, though. Just be kind, please.

Why not? I know a single mum with three kids I would just love to get to know better. However she has just started her study again and it is deemed in my faith not a good thing to get emotionally attached to someone in their early spiritual life. They would not want to be hurt in any way and vice versa.

Everyone, especially single mum's in their 30's, need to have a chance for happiness. It brings stability for all involved. Added to this is when all serve in the same faith there can be untold blessings. Well, that's what I've heard, but never experienced as I'm 40-something and still single. So there is still a chance for me, I'm not getting out the zimmer frame yet!