Would you date/marry someone with drug problems?

[Keri]

I hope some realize that even if you don't marry an addict-there's a chance this person becomes an addict during marriage right? Many pick up heavy drinking once married if the marriage is stressed and it goes from there.

The only thing that strikes me funny sometimes on these "dealbreaker" threads-is people have all these dealbreakers and "well it doesn't mean we won't befriend them but we all chose what we can live with or not". Like I won't date a divorcee, a single parent, a recovered addict, a smoker, a fat person, a (insert whatever you want here) ....and....they're still single 5 yrs later..10yrs later...ha! Just sayin....

So, so true.



For me, I stand by my answer. It depends on how long they've been clean and if they were serious about being clean and staying clean. In other words, Jesus has the power to heal and change. My mother used to be what they call a functioning addict. She was single, with 3 kids all in school or daycare, she worked 12-14 hours a day in a lab at as research hospital. We never knew she actually did drugs. She didn't do it for very long, but God healed her and restored her and she never again used after that.

I'm not going to assume that just because someone had a drug addiction in the past, that they're forever doomed. I've seen many lives restored from that kind of lifestyle. Men who went on to pastor a church, women who went on to be a women's group leader, a pastor's wife, etc. God uses the broken and the weak.

I know this thread is about whether or not you would date someone with current drug problems, and no I wouldn't. But I wouldn't shun someone away because of their past. We ALL have "pasts" that we aren't proud of. I'd be a snobbish hypocrite if I did.


(BUT, I also understand those of you who said absolutely not, and one reason is because you have children and you want the best influence for your children and have super high standards because of that. I understand that drive to protect and shield your child. I respect that.)

 

[Wren]

I hope some realize that even if you don't marry an addict-there's a chance this person becomes an addict during marriage right? Many pick up heavy drinking once married if the marriage is stressed and it goes from there.

The only thing that strikes me funny sometimes on these "dealbreaker" threads-is people have all these dealbreakers and "well it doesn't mean we won't befriend them but we all chose what we can live with or not". Like I won't date a divorcee, a single parent, a recovered addict, a smoker, a fat person, a (insert whatever you want here) ....and....they're still single 5 yrs later..10yrs later...ha! Just sayin....

Dealbreakers are sometimes a necessary evil. I'd rather be alone than deal with the nightmare I dealt with as a pre-teen and teenager of living with a violent alcoholic, my step-father. I realize that not all addicts are like that, but I'm not interested in finding out first-hand. I've seen other people struggle with drug addictions (growing up family or family friends) and they weren't violent, but had other major issues as a result.

ETA: I do agree that sometimes people go overboard in their dealbreakers and become especially picky. But in this issue, I think having standards is not such a bad thing. Most here seemed to be okay with a recovering addict. That's a lot different than someone who is currently self-destructive and may take others down with them.

 

[LoveJC9]

To me, this is not understanding at all what an addict can do to a family. Do you have any idea how many times my dad was "clean" and then started back up again? He's been in and out of jail, he's been to prison once..I've not seen him in so many years. I know God can change people, but I'm not taking the risk of picking the one person who can't break the habit. I'm sorry if I'd rather be with someone who I don't have to worry about starting again...

It's a moot point anyways..I'm engaged and he's not, nor has he ever been, a drug abuser.

I understand more than anyone what an addict can do to a family. I was one. God has delivered me and in the name of Jesus I will never have that problem again.

I also live with 5 more who have destroyed their lives and God is restoring them.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Then we'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't think my not wanting to be with a past abuser has anything to do with my faith in God.

 

[LoveJC9]

Then we'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't think my not wanting to be with a past abuser has anything to do with my faith in God.

I am not saying at all you should go out and marry an ex addict. I am just saying that we have to believe that God can restore a person. If not we are putting limits on what the blood of Jesus can do and that he wasted his time dying for us.

Also, I wasn't refering just to you.

Things can trigger a person into becoming an addict. When I was much younger I did all sorts of crazy drugs for years. I was able to walk away from all of that and never look back. Then something happened in my life that I needed pain medication for and that was actually my down fall. I was able to stop using cocaine and smoking crack on my own. Painpills took me out......

So never say never....

 

[Gym]

I would not date a current drug user and the likelihood of me dating a former drug user is VERY low

 

[white dove]

Someone who has drug problems right now? No. It's a dependency issue as well as a legal issue. Even though I side with the more "liberal" side of things on marijuana usage, it's still illegal and can get you in jail. Please note: I see the validity of using marijuana for medicinal purposes. I also do not necessarily look down upon those who use it occasionally for recreational purposes -- although I am a firm believer that if you are married and/or if you have children, you need to stop with the clowning and grow up. Same with alcohol.


Someone who's recovered from drug addiction and has several years of a clean track record? Yes, I would consider such a person. To reach out for help takes a huge leap of faith and humility on their part. That's a big deal. And it's an honorable thing to admit to needing help on something so clearly wrong. I wouldn't take that lightly.


I've seen alcoholics and drug addicts (not very many, but enough)... enough to know that it is a lifestyle I do not want anything to do with. I don't understand "needing" a substance in order to talk to people (especially people I already love and care about), in order to feel "normal" or in order to do things I already love.

 

[Rhye]

I'm going to say no as well.

But only focus on the topic of alcoholism.

Alcohol has destroyed to many people I have known. If anything, I refuse to put my children in that position. Maybe, I could handle it, maybe I can go through it, but I would NEVER put that on my children. So, I refuse to be with a man like that.

Throwing away alcohol, lying, covering up for their actions, being humiliated and embarrassed.

As a loved one to someone suffering from alcoholism it always feels as though I should somehow be doing something more or different. Question what went wrong, and blindly assuming that our love can stop it, but it doesn't. Because they don't want to stop or they don't know how too, or they just gave up on trying. I don't know.


My answer is no. If I fail God in that sense that I cannot forget someone like that, then I don't know what to say. God and I have to work that out together, I guess.

 

[smacky ramone]

It'd depend on the situation, but I'm not sure. Having an addiction isn't a damning thing, but a lot of folks who had drug problems tend to get caught up in them again.

If you smoked a few joints over your lifetime, it's not a drug problem. If you shot smack for three years, it is a drug problem.

 

[Omceer]

If you smoked a few joints over your lifetime, it's not a drug problem. If you shot smack for three years, it is a drug problem.

Soo what would you say classifies popping pills for six months then quitting because you realized it was getting out of control?
Problem or not?

 

[smacky ramone]

Soo what would you say classifies popping pills for six months then quitting because you realized it was getting out of control?
Problem or not?

That's kind of a gray area.

 

[Gym]

Soo what would you say classifies popping pills for six months then quitting because you realized it was getting out of control?
Problem or not?

problem

 

[CoachR64]

It's kind of like with alcoholics... no such thing as a former alcoholic. Same thing with drug abusers. Even if they stop and never use again, they still spend time, energy, and piece of themselves every day to fight the addiction. And often times, one addiction is replaced with others, even if the others are/seem to be healthier.

Coach

 

[Stravinsk]

It's kind of like with alcoholics... no such thing as a former alcoholic. Same thing with drug abusers. Even if they stop and never use again, they still spend time, energy, and piece of themselves every day to fight the addiction. And often times, one addiction is replaced with others, even if the others are/seem to be healthier.

Coach

That's not neccessarily true. I quit drugs at age 22 (cocaine, lsd, pot, meth, some heroin - 7 years of doing narcotics in general) and it *was* difficult at first. Very difficult. I asked for the Lord's help and He answered. But after a few years, and after getting married - it was not a daily struggle at all. Nor a weekly struggle. Given that I wasn't around it, didn't need it, and had no friends who talked about them or used them - I've hardly given it a thought since I was 24.

I drink too much alcohol now(almost exclusively beer), I admit that - but it's not as if that replaced drugs - since from age 22 to age 31(the year my wife died) - I hardly drank and didn't do narcotics *at all*.

My one slip up with regards to narcotics was a mistake - I took a drag off someone's cigarette where the tobacco had been mixed with pot(at a smoky outdoor venue pub). That's one time in 14 years - and it wasn't as if I'd been itching for it all that time. Not at all.

Narcotics nearly destroyed me. I have no love for them, nor desire. I am in a very good position now and I could see it all go away if I got back into them.

 

[ProAntiRevolution]

Meth, heroine, stuff that really cannot be recreationally used probably not. However, I'd much rather have a girlfriend that tooted a little coke every now and again than someone that was overweight.

 

[LoveJC9]

It's kind of like with alcoholics... no such thing as a former alcoholic. Same thing with drug abusers. Even if they stop and never use again, they still spend time, energy, and piece of themselves every day to fight the addiction. And often times, one addiction is replaced with others, even if the others are/seem to be healthier.

Coach

This isn't true. God can deliver you from addiction. I know it for a fact. I live it. It isn't a desire of mine anymore and I don't think about it every day. My only addiction now is Jesus.

 

[Blank123]

This isn't true. God can deliver you from addiction. I know it for a fact. I live it. It isn't a desire of mine anymore and I don't think about it every day. My only addiction now is Jesus.

 

[Obzocky]

Not my ideal situation and not one I can envisage actually happening, but hypothetically yes. However they would have to be at the stage of recognising they had a problem and were actively seeking help. If they were still using and were not at the stage of seeking help it wouldn't be possible. Not only because of my own personal views on the use of "recreational" drugs but because there's a huge difference between a youth group leader dating someone in recovery and a youth group leader dating someone actively using without wanting to get clean. Especially if they deal with 'troubled' teenagers who may be recovering from various addictions.

 

[Omceer]

That's kind of a gray area.

That's what everyone says, and personally I believe I'm fine now.I have a therapist/counselor, and I talk one-on-one with my Pastor on a frequent basis because he's a lot of my moral support, and I also have a psychiatrist I have been seeing since 4 years ago.I'm coming up on my four-month marker of being clean.Which to me is a very big accomplishment because it shows how much everything is returning to normal after a speedbump like that.I don't believe its a problem, and I would tell anyone I was dating about it in a heartbeat and tell them just as quickly that its nothing to worry abouut because it is in my past and I have left it there.

 

[CoachR64]

It is actually IS true. Addiction is not something that ever truly goes away. Yes, it does become easier with time, but that addiction is still there. I've known alcoholics who went for years without drinking, got sick, and took some NyQuil for their cold. That small amount of alcohol in that medicine hooked them again. From a scientific standpoint, addiction is generally genetic (not necessarily specific addiction, but the tendency to addiction) and is not something that just goes away.

Coach