Would You Be Willing To Have A Long Distance Relationship?

[GodAndChocolateVanilla]

Hello! Would you be willing to have a long distance relationship with someone you want to marry? Why or why not? And would you be willing to relocate to be with them?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Yes. I've had them before with CF members, but nothing ever progressed to the actual meet-up stage because distance was too great. I would never actually consider anything "Facebook official" unless a meeting did manage to occur.

 

[TobiaAJoshua]

you know, I don't know enough about long distance between dating couples. I did know this lady from Church once who had a long distance relationship with her husband. What happened was her family immigrated to New Zealand from Taiwan. But instead of moving the entire family here, they decided her husband should stay in Taiwan to continue to run his business while she came to New Zealand to supervise the children's education. Anyway, long story short, her husband started an affair.

 

[GodAndChocolateVanilla]

you know, I don't know enough about long distance between dating couples. I did know this lady from Church once who had a long distance relationship with her husband. What happened was her family immigrated to New Zealand from Taiwan. But instead of moving the entire family here, they decided her husband should stay in Taiwan to continue to run his business while she came to New Zealand to supervise the children's education. Anyway, long story short, her husband started an affair.

Oh no. That is sad.

 

[TobiaAJoshua]

Oh no. That is sad.

I should add this happened a long time ago. this lady was diagnosed years ago with terminal cancer. She is with the Lord now. Her husband might have married the mistress since then.

but you are right, in some ways it is really sad. The Christian lady who told me this story seems to try to use this story as a cautious tale for long distance relationship, at least for married couples.

 

[d taylor]

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What are you talking about, a relationship conducted over the computer. If that is what you mean by a long distance relationship, that is not for me.

But, i did a long time ago, 25 years ago when yahoo messenger was a popular mode of communication on the computer. Have a girl travel from Istanbul Turkey to meet me. That was not though a dating relationship. We would talk three or sometimes four times a week through messenger. But it was her decision to fly here to meet me, i was clear that was not into a long distance relationship plus she was not a believer.

But i really did not like spending time communicating (typing) with a person that often in a relationship like that. But the computer was new and being able to meet someone that far away that was really from a different kind life was interesting at the time. I really never meant her to actually fly to Mississippi, but she was determined to do just that.

 

[dqhall]

Hello! Would you be willing to have a long distance relationship with someone you want to marry? Why or why not? And would you be willing to relocate to be with them?

I drove almost two hours to buy lunch for a divorced lady in a restaurant after online dating. She taught me to use FaceTime on my iPhone. It allows live video calls. We video toured each other’s homes using FaceTime. She was nice, but I did not want to move there and remained single. I used a dating service and wrote to many women. I met a few of these after written and phone communication. Occasionally a woman wrote to me. I was in my 50’s back then. I am not currently dating. I was using OurTime for people over 50. I used POF too. There were no sexual relations with any of these. It taught me about others and myself.

 

[Cute Peonies]

Yes I can start a long distance relationship if I can see myself married to the guy. It won't bother me at all because I'm flexible work wise ... at least for now.

As long as the person suits me, I don't care about where he lives xD

And yes to the 2nd question too. I can relocate but we have to be at least engaged. I won't move anywhere just to be someone's "girlfriend", no way

 

[Saucy]

Yes. I think it's very possible to fall in love with someone from a long distance and have a long, successful relationship with them. I've seen it happen time and time again here and in other places. God is more than capable of bringing two people together. And yes, I would move for that person if needed, but that would require a lot of discussion and prayer to make sure it's what the Lord would want.

 

[JAM2b]

I've done it before and it didn't work out well. It felt too lonely and we didn't get to know each other as fully as we had thought we did before we actually met.

The only way I would do it is if it started local and one of us needed to go away for a time. I could wait that out.

Willing to relocate? I mean anything is possible but it's not likely that I would because I have grown kids I want to be close to.

 

[bèlla]

A bird and a fish may fall in love but where will they build their nest? That’s my starting point on this subject. In short, who’s moving?

I’ve conversed with many over the years through this medium. Casually and otherwise. And I’ve aided my share as well. Long distance connections are dependent on several factors for success:

Groundedness
Flexibility
Practicality
Commitment

The majority I’ve encountered are lacking the first three. Especially the first and third.

Conversing via computer and the phone without physical contact or an ability to bridge the gap isn’t a relationship. You can’t build a connection through that medium. You need the human element to gauge their character and person.

When its absent the mind fills in the gaps and emotion is center stage. You get more unbalanced over time. You have nothing to anchor on beyond sentiments and wishes.

The idea of the person and relationship displaces reality. It happens frequently. Posing the question minimizes fantasy and disappointment. And you have to be honest with yourself.

There are places I didn’t want to live and would never move to. I didn’t consider suitors in those areas. Meeting frequently is important. I restricted myself to prospects with the means and flexibility to do so.

And I understood the caveats. Everything isn’t cemented in stone. I’ll bend more than I admit. But it depends on the person and their relation to my mission. The more we align with God and what He desires the more I’ll compromise.

That was the linchpin in our connection. I’ve known him for several years. He’s an open book. Personally, professionally, and financially. I don’t have to hunt for information. He provides it.

Secrecy is a big issue when you live apart. It’s easy to hide or downplay unpleasant things about yourself to others. Things aren’t always as they appear. Every one isn’t single, never married, living alone or childless. They’ll tell you what you want to hear.

You’ll alleviate a lot of that through levelheadedness and commonsense. When someone welcomes you in their world you know it. It’s more than words.

That sealed the deal for us. He wasn’t on a computer talking to me or texting from home. He was living vibrantly. He brought me along on his adventures. Even when I wasn’t there. He shared the projects at work, time with family, and dishes he made at home.

I wanted to be part of it. Because its real. He didn’t sell me a fantasy or woo me with hopes and dreams. He showed me the here and now. And I love him for it.

Oftentimes people will emphasize the life they hope to have. Where they want to go and what they want to do. Far more than how they live. They’re painting a picture and hope it appeals.

You’ll see it a lot on the Internet and dating sites. You have to get beyond the fluff to see the real person. Hopefully they feel the same.

 

[GodAndChocolateVanilla]

I would be willing to have a long distance relationship and I would relocate to be with the person.

 

[DragonFox91]

No I wouldn't have the courage to tell everyone I'm flying out to meet someone I met online

 

[com7fy8]

Answering our original post #1 here > @ChocolateVanillaLion >

yes-but.

I would be praying about what God wants. And my opinion is I don't need to move somewhere to get in a real marriage. And so I would not expect God to have me do that.

And so . . . if I am sharing long-distance, I make it clear I simply am sharing and do not plan or consider marriage, and so the person is welcome to discover sharing with others, also. And if we are Christians, God wants us to share as family with various other children of God . . . not to get isolated with some one. And with this see what develops

If I am still alive after my lady friend, I think God wants me to share with people right where I am, and learn how to love with ones right here. With her and her people I have gotten into more and better relating. I would say God wants us to be all-loving, ready for love with any person, but He will regulate how He wants things in each relationship. So, if there is someone for me, I need to share with her while also with all our other Jesus people where we are. So, this might not work well, for a principle, if a lady was in another country.

But God does have surprises.

 

[Somber]

In the past I would have always answered "no" to this question, but since then I actually have attempted getting to know some people long distance, which so far hasn't worked out for me too well. I only gave them a chance just because the men in my area aren't exactly relationship material (lot of drug problems and such) and we had some pretty good conversations. With the long distance stuff though I felt like I was putting in all the effort to travel to see them. One guy I travelled 5 hours almost ever week to see him and he only travelled up once to see me. The last guy I was getting to know I travelled 2 hours to see him so was the one doing most of the travelling and he only travelled halfway to see me once (that was our first date). So I think it is extremely important to find someone who puts in the same amount of energy and is just as invested in you as you are them, otherwise it probably won't work out. Building trust and good communication is really important too, since it is easy to let insecurity creep in if you don't know someone well enough yet. Another risk factor is getting really close and emotionally involved with someone and then after meeting not feeling good chemistry with them, so I think it is important to meet before becoming official.

For me I guess I would still be willing to try out a long distance relationship, although it would likely be hard. As for moving, it would have take someone very special for me to be willing to give up my single life and move distances for them!

 

[Somber]

No I wouldn't have the courage to tell everyone I'm flying out to meet someone I met online

I used to care too much when I was younger and now I wish I hadn't cared so much. My family always talks about me anyways, so why not give them something to talk about? muahahahah

I am sure if you did meet someone you wouldn't have to tell everyone about it right away anyway until you got serious!

 

[Saucy]

I used to care too much when I was younger and now I wish I hadn't cared so much. My family always talks about me anyways, so why not give them something to talk about? muahahahah

I am sure if you did meet someone you wouldn't have to tell everyone about it right away anyway until you got serious!

Let me guess...you're the rebellious one? Lol

 

[Somber]

Let me guess...you're the rebellious one? Lol

I never had a rebellious bone in my body growing up...not until my mid 20s about. My family all jokes that I'm now in my teen years. I just am finally standing up for myself.

 

[JAM2b]

I never had a rebellious bone in my body growing up...not until my mid 20s about. My family all jokes that I'm now in my teen years. I just am finally standing up for myself.

It took me until my 30's to stand up for myself.

 

[Somber]

It took me until my 30's to stand up for myself.

That's good that you learned to stand up for yourself!!! Not always an easy task!!!