Would like some feedback

[FFD]

Hello everyone. I'm still very new to these forums but have been reading some posts and found some very comforting and interesting stuff. I just thought a lot of you might be able to give me some advice or feedback on my current situation. I have been praying and asking God to guide me in this particular situation and will continue to do so, but would like to know what you guys think.

A co-worker and I have become very good friends the last 8 months or so. At first I didn't see her as anything more than just an aqcuaintance at work. I became interested in getting to know her better outside of work and asked her out about 6 months ago to see a movie. She said yes and things were fine. However, she made it clear that she does not like the word 'date' and would like to be friends. As the months have passed we have spent a lot of time together and have become closer. She has also helped me re-establish my relationship with Jesus and I have been going to her Church. She seems very excited about the fact that I am becoming more involved in my faith because she herself is very strong in her faith.

We definitely have chemistry together and people have been asking questions about us. She trusts me a lot and I know this for certain. She is amazing and I really admire her faith and conviction. She is 28 and is always going out of her way to help people, especially those who are sick and in need. She always has something going in her life such as travelling and such, and finding a boyfriend or getting married is something that doesn't concern her at all. We have done a lot, going for nice walks, going to Bible study together - she introduced me to her friends and even invited me over to hang out at her place a couple of times, which according to people that know her well, is unheard of for her to do.

Deep down I know that the best thing to do is just let things unfold and to be patient and just see what happens. But my feelings for her have grown to the point where I need to express them and would love to know more about where she stands with me. We are good friends now and I know this, but her and I both know my feeling and interest is slightly more than platonic and I don't mean in any unclean or impure way. I have thought about just coming out and talking to her about these feelings but I'm afraid it could ruin what we have now established or that it may make her step back.

What do you guys think would be the right thing to do? Wait it out and just enjoy what we have, or come right out with how I feel and see what happens? She has a lot of plans for this summer and will also be travelling for about a month later in September. I'm just worried that I will miss her to death and I'm also not sure I can continue to bottle up these feelings inside.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Carri20]

Hmm, that's a tough situation. You're already doing the best thing possible by praying though! Something that seems to work in my family: If we like someone and we're not sure what to do about it, we ask God to take our romantic feelings for that person away unless it's in His will for something more than a friendship to occur. My father did that when he started to like my mom, and God answered by not taking his feelings away and they ended up getting married. I also did that when I started to like one of my coworkers, and God answered by taking my feelings for him away. Either way God answers is painless. You just have to trust Him.
Not sure if that helps, but I thought I'd share it just in case...

 

[Eagle_Wings]

Wow...the stands she takes sound alot like my own...in fact I had to recheck your name to make sure I didn't know you! If I were the girl I would want you to be open and honest about your feelings. The only way it would ruin the friendship is if you guys have already talked about it and she made it clear that she just wasn't at that point, but you keep bringing it up. In that case she would probably be feeling pressured and then the best thing for her to do would be to cut all ties. But if you haven't let her know how you feel yet, by all means do so. The only thing that keeping them to yourself is going to accomplish is adding stress to the relationship that is already there, because you feel that you can't be yourself around her. In my opinion, honesty is always best!

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Please be careful and stay in prayer about this. First, because you are dating a co-worker, regardless if things work out for the good or bad, it may affect your work environment - which in itself presents a whole host of other problems.

I don't know if this helps either, but all I can say is to really try to discern whta the Father tells you your next move (if any) should be.

 

[Stanfi]

You definitely need to put this through much prayer, and be very careful. So many times when our romantic interests go bad, we have to get away from the person. In your case she is a co-worker, it could be very hard having to face this person each day, if things were bad between you. It could even get to the point of causing one of you to quit your job. Yes, I know the extreme worst case.

She is obviously wanting to get to know you better or she would not be wanting to spend time with you. My advice is use patience, let things happen, and don't create an awkard situation between the 2 of you.

 

[FFD]

Thank you all for the replies and opinions. It would seem that most females agree that coming out with my feelings by telling her is the thing to do, while most males advise to not be so upfront like that. This seems to be the case not only with my friends but with the replies so far in this thread.

I will continue to ask God for guidance in this matter. I have been in other relationships, but don't recall another time where I felt I have met the one person that I could see and wish to spend the rest of my life with. She has all the qualities I am looking for at this stage of my life.

For now I think I will try to continue to use my patience and allow God's will to decide what happens. I will gladly welcome any further insight or advice.

God Bless.

 

[Carri20]

It would seem that most females agree that coming out with my feelings by telling her is the thing to do, while most males advise to not be so upfront like that.

Yeah um...if you're gonna choose, listen to the girls.

For now I think I will try to continue to use my patience and allow God's will to decide what happens.

*thumbs up!*

 

[london boy]

God will bring you together if that's what he has in store for you both. He will give you the opportunity and possibility to let her know how you feel in His timing. Love is something that cannot be rushed, so I would continue to pray and seek God's will for your situation. Like BeautyForAshes said, my only worry is what if she doesn't feel the same way. That will affect your working environment. The best thing to do if you feel you can't wait anymore is to hint at the way you may be feeling and see how she reacts to that.

 

[JPPT1974]

God will bring you together if that's what he has in store for you both. He will give you the opportunity and possibility to let her know how you feel in His timing. Love is something that cannot be rushed, so I would continue to pray and seek God's will for your situation. Like BeautyForAshes said, my only worry is what if she doesn't feel the same way. That will affect your working environment. The best thing to do if you feel you can't wait anymore is to hint at the way you may be feeling and see how she reacts to that.

Love is meant to be patient and never in a rush for anything. That the Lord will let you both know what to do. And to lean on Him for guidance & support. See what happens between the two of you.

 

[revelations12_12]

this summer's time apart is what will make the relationship progress. If she cares about you she will miss you. Remember the old addage? "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." Tis true. She needs to be told but only after she is done being away. This will get you the best results IMO.

 

[Talie]

My suggestion would be focus on God and your relationship with Him - you've indicated that at least for some amount of time your relationship with Him wasn't the best, but it's through your friendship with this girl that you've started working things out with God...... my concern is the relationship between your friend and your relationship with God

I think you need to develop your faith on it's own, and make sure that you're not just "going through the ropes" so to speak because you sub-conciously know it's what your friend requires in a partner...... a lot of relationships don't work out because of an inbalance in faith foundation. Especially when one becomes a christian because of the other person - this can often be a case of the person just wanting to do whatever needs to be done to win the other over - but then after the relationship is established, things fall apart because the foundation (relationship with God) was never really there to begin with.

now please don't for a second think i'm saying this is what's going on with you, I'm sure it's not but i'm just trying to establish that there is a need for you to work on your relationshp with God first and foremost before becoming involved with any person, particularly when your faith is only new - or recently "renewed". Doing this will mean that whatever happens, your relationship with God will stay strong.

 

[FFD]

Some of the things some of you have written here has really helped me, and a lot of it is really hitting home with me.

I understand the importance of continuing to grow in my relationship with God and to be able to separate my romantic interest in this woman with my faith.

I trust in God's will, but I'm having a bit of a difficult time deciding what the best thing to do is. The best as I have mentioned before that I feel is to wait some more and allow things to work themselves as they may. It's just a matter I suppose, of being able to keep my feelings and emotions in check. Later, near the end of July, we are going on a 4 night camping trip with some other people. I'm thinking of waiting at least until then to see what should happen next. Until then I'll continue to pray - even though sometimes I feel it might be a little selfish to be praying about this when there are so many other things to pray for. And I do pray for other people but when it comes to asking God for help in this matter, sometimes I feel like it's asking for too much.

I have had a few dreams about her and they were all good - to the point that when I woke up, I was disappointed to find out it was only a dream.

 

[OhhJim]

Date someone else and see how she reacts. That should tell you a lot.

 

[FFD]

Well, yesterday we spent a few hours together and said goodbye. She will be gone for about 2 weeks, but I will probably see her before that. I miss her already and I just can't believe I feel this way.

I have continued to keep this in prayer and asked God to take away my feelings for her if it is not his will for us to end up being together. My feelings havent changed and are still very strong.

I didn't come out and tell her how I feel about her, but I think that through my actions and the time we spend together, she must know.

Also, not surprisingly, people at work are starting to gossip. Her and I talked about this yesterday and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it even though we would both rather that it was not happening. I just told her I didn't want it to stress her out and that was what was mostly worrying me.

Anyway, just thought I would update on what is going on. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice in this thread, it has helped me immensely. God Bless you all!

 

[JPPT1974]

Focus on what the Lord wants you both to do and that you will lean on the Lord for understanding as well as feedback!

 

[Highland Watchman]

To be completely honest, I think that honesty truly is the best policy. The worst that can happen is that she'd say no, and things could be rather awkward between the two of you for a while... but at least you'd be able to recover from it now, rather than continue asking "what-if" and making secret plans for the two of you, when she might not even be aware of this.

And the best that can happen? Well, the interest could very well be mutual, and by your mustering up the courage to be honest, it would free her to be honest with you also. And then, you are into uncharted waters, which is where it gets really exciting.

Other option... don't tell her and keep the friendship... what's the best that can happen there? Well, the friendship could stay the same, but you will be tortured by the "what ifs" and the wall of dishonesty would eventually wear on the friendship. And any feelings that she might have would pass in time. On the other hand, she might just take initiative and come right out and declare those intentions to you, but this is only VERY rare (though I have heard of it happening)...

Dating other girls, just to get her reaction? Not a great idea. For one, it would break all three of your hearts if there is something there. For what happens to the girl you are currently dating as your "cover"? And what will this do to this girl, let alone what it would do to you when you see what it's doing to her?

 

[lunalinda]

Funny that I'm in kinda the exact same situation. The only difference is that in our case, we both already know that we like each other but can't get into anything more serious than we already have for our own personal reasons. We've worked together and have known each other for over 3 years, but became much closer for the past 5 months. He's liked me for perhaps the entire 3 years (or maybe 2) and me, well...I'm only just beginning. I can already tell one major hindrance may be God's calling in our lives, which may not include the two of us being a romantic item. But I can't say for certain. What I CAN say for certain is that if I'm meant to be with this guy, it's definitely not going to be for awhile, unless God intervenes with a miracle. We just take it one day at a time, praying for each other, and learning more about each other as we go along.

Anyway, I dunno what advice to give other than what's been given, which has all been very good advice. Honesty of course is always the best policy, and actually, a lot of times the guy doesn't even have to actually TELL me anything to be honest. Actions do speak a lot louder than words. My guess is, if you SHOW her enough about how you feel regardless of what you actually SAY, then she'll have a pretty good idea about what's going on in your end. I'm not suggesting you never SAY anything, but...you can at least give her hints by your actions if you're still not ready to come right up and vocally say things to her. So...little by little is what I say. I think I can speak for most girls when I say that a man's actions tell us more than his words. I certainly know that's how it is MY case. Hopefully God'll reveal to you what He wants for the both of ya and will bless you regardless of what His will is.

 

[FFD]

Funny that I'm in kinda the exact same situation. The only difference is that in our case, we both already know that we like each other but can't get into anything more serious than we already have for our own personal reasons. We've worked together and have known each other for over 3 years, but became much closer for the past 5 months. He's liked me for perhaps the entire 3 years (or maybe 2) and me, well...I'm only just beginning. I can already tell one major hindrance may be God's calling in our lives, which may not include the two of us being a romantic item. But I can't say for certain. What I CAN say for certain is that if I'm meant to be with this guy, it's definitely not going to be for awhile, unless God intervenes with a miracle. We just take it one day at a time, praying for each other, and learning more about each other as we go along.

Anyway, I dunno what advice to give other than what's been given, which has all been very good advice. Honesty of course is always the best policy, and actually, a lot of times the guy doesn't even have to actually TELL me anything to be honest. Actions do speak a lot louder than words. My guess is, if you SHOW her enough about how you feel regardless of what you actually SAY, then she'll have a pretty good idea about what's going on in your end. I'm not suggesting you never SAY anything, but...you can at least give her hints by your actions if you're still not ready to come right up and vocally say things to her. So...little by little is what I say. I think I can speak for most girls when I say that a man's actions tell us more than his words. I certainly know that's how it is MY case. Hopefully God'll reveal to you what He wants for the both of ya and will bless you regardless of what His will is.

Yes, it does sound like a very similar situation. It is also interesting that you mention showing how I feel rather than telling her. I have slowly been doing that and in some ways I feel like she has as well, but maybe I'm not as good at reading these things. Just not sure where to take it from here, but leaving it up to God seems to be the best thing to do.

Well, Monday her and I spent the afternoon together because we thought we wouldn't see each other since she is leaving for a trip until next week. But it turns out we ended up seeing each other Tuesday and Wednesday as well - both times unplanned. It seems to me like God is listening and is giving me several opportunities to express my feelings to her or he just knows how much I'll miss her, and allowed me to see her an extra couple of days.

When she gets back from her trip next week, I'll definitely just keep doing what I'm doing but will not hesitate to show her how I feel. So far, it's been little things I guess. Such as buying her a gift which was something she had talked about a long time ago and one time I surprised her with it. And only recently have we started to hug and both times were initiated by me but they were excellent and comfortable hugs Some ways in which I feel she might have showed her feelings are such as when she invited me into her home - something she does not normally do. Also inviting me on a camping trip she is going to later in July and calling me real late at night one time, to see if I could drive over to her place to scare the skunk that was outside her house entrance.

This is definitely a different type of romantic situation for me, because in the past I would waste no time - but I feel that she is worth the patience and whatever God's will is, I will trust it.

 

[lunalinda]

...calling me real late at night one time, to see if I could drive over to her place to scare the skunk that was outside her house entrance.

lol that's the cutest thing ever! She wanted a hero haha. Too adorable. As far as everything else you said, well geeze, her actions are telling ME something. I won't say they're saying that she likes you for CERTAIN, but they're at least saying that you're a guy she definitely likes having around. All is definitely well it seems.

 

[FFD]

lol that's the cutest thing ever! She wanted a hero haha. Too adorable. As far as everything else you said, well geeze, her actions are telling ME something. I won't say they're saying that she likes you for CERTAIN, but they're at least saying that you're a guy she definitely likes having around. All is definitely well it seems.

Yeah, we laughed quite a bit about that situation. Turns out the skunk was gone by the time I got there...lol

There is no question she enjoys my company and we get along real well and our friendship has progressed quite a bit, but like you said nothing is certain.