Worry

[aparker2005]

Hey everyone! I just started dating an amazing girl back in October. We became "official" on Christmas eve. We both love each other and want to eventually get engaged. We've talked about it and she would love for me to propose this year for her birthday. She'll be 19 and I turn 23 this month. On her birthday, we will have been together for 6 months. We are both very strong Christians and go to the same denomination church. She attended church with me last Sunday. She usually will be attending with her parents at her church and I'll go with her every now and then. I am on the praise and worship team at my church so it's hard for me to miss.

This is the first girl I've been in a relationship with that I really feel that I truly love and actually want to think about engagement. I trust her and she trusts me.

I have been in a lot of bad relationships up until now. NO trust, no communication, nothing like now. So this relationship means a lot to me and I want it to really last. I just always have this problem with a little bit of worry in my head and I can't seem to stop it. It's not I feel that she's going to cheat or anything, but it's just the worry that I'll become boring or stale and she'll want to find something new, or something like that. She's given me no reason to think this way, it's just teh way I think.

She's a very outgoing girl and is always doing something with her best friend, who is dating one of my good buddies. We all 4 hang out almost every weekend and do something fun. My buddy and I are relatively "calm" and aren't always out doing stuff like my girlfriend and her friend are. I just don't want to seem like a boring guy to her or anything and that's what I worry about.

I talked to my best friend about it and he said I shouldn't worry because she DID choose to be with me and is still with me and acts very loving and happy with me. Her best friend told me that she talked to her Sunday night about everything she felt about me, and said I had nothing to worry about. So, is this just me, or do most guys worry when they have "the one" they want to marry? Thanks!

 

[The Nihilist]

What's the hurry?

 

[xDenax]

Sometimes life is boring. There are times when marriage is just kinda "blah" but it's not abnormal and it doesn't mean it's not still wonderful. I really wouldn't worry about this.

Also, can I say that planning your day of proposal is really not at all romantic. Surprise proposals are so much sweeter. You are going a little fast but I'll leave that topic for others to discuss.

 

[aparker2005]

I told her at first I wanted to wait for the engagement until maybe next year just to make sure we are where we want to be. I ended up praying about it and talking to her about it more, and it didn't seem out of the question. I'm not sure I'll be doing it, specifically since she hinted that she'd like it on her birthday because then it wouldn't be a surprise. I may end up waiting a little longer. Nothing wrong with rushing the relationship if we know we want to be together in the end right?

 

[xDenax]

It depends. Rushing works for some people...not others. I know a couple who were married the day after they met. They have been married over 40 years. But to be honest, they were pretty perfect for each other and I don't think anyone else would have ever suited either of them (they are both very odd). For others rushing into marriage has been absolutely disastrous. I know age isn't always an issue but may I ask how old are you? Do you have jobs? Family support?

 

[aparker2005]

I am 23 and my girlfriend will be 19 in June. We've known each other since early 2009. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and had been friends for a while until we both started liking each other.

I just graduated college with a Bachelors in Marketing. She is going to college for Pre-Dentistry. I work full time with my best friend and his family at their family picture and frame shop. It's a very good job and it pays the bills. I have a brand new truck that I'm paying off, and paying off school loans. My girlfriend works as a waitress at our local diner. She makes good money. Our parents both help support us at the moment too.

 

[xDenax]

Oops, you did already give your ages. I forgot. Maybe you could get one of those books for couples considering marriage. You know, the ones that have questions to ask each other? It helps you communicate on the important things to know where the other stands.

 

[aparker2005]

Well we already discussed if anything did happen, we'd know we'd have a long engagement. We wouldn't be discussing the wedding until either she starts her main Dentistry school, or after she graduates. I was thinking of maybe waiting to ask the question until one of those times, but I guess I'll just see how the relationship ends up going. Thanks!

 

[Luther073082]

Well there is always going to be some worry when it comes to making a long term committment such as marriage. Its a big commitment and so its not going to matter who you are marrying, its a very daunting thing to look at.

What I would ask myself is, are these worries person specific?

If you have worries about the specific person you are marrying, then you should probably address those before you get married.

But if you have worries that you would probably have no matter who you are marrying. Well thats normal to have.

Personally I wouldn't get engaged if you arn't going to be getting married for several years. If you are working, pay off debts and save up your money as much as you can. Also now might be a good time to start discussing deeper things about life.

Yes you have fun together, but do you have the same values? What about the same ideas in terms of how to handle money and children. Do you belive the same things? I'm not just talking about basic Christian stuff but also the same doctrines.

There is a lot to talk about that you can fill your time with to make sure this is the right person to marry. Just because you love eachother and you don't lie to eachother doesn't mean that you will have a successful marriage.

If you arn't going to get married for another several years, I would hold off on the engagement.