Worried about calling a priest for Anointing of the Sick because I don't think my mom's qualified

[Lady Bug]

Any news @Lady Bug ?

This is where I disagree with the statement "no news is good news."

Here is the sequence of events, keep in mind that the parish is open from 7 am to 7 pm M-F.

Friday I give a voicemail to the direct line of the priest at around 4 pm-ish. No answer that day, but I understand on that day.

Monday, no answer from anyone.

Tuesday, I send an email to the priest's email address, at 4 pm-ish.

So far today, Wednesday no answer again (they close in 15 minutes from when I type this). Today, at around 2:30 pm, I had a visit with the hospice social worker. I told her these things and she thought it was very odd, because she had heard good things about this parish. She surmised that my mom (being fallen away) might not be given priority over a parishioner, which I suspect could be the case. She told me that the hospice chaplain could try to get in touch with them for me because the chaplain has connections, so I said that would be alright. But after she left, I started to think that we should have tried a different parish.

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Just call another parish and when the dust settles you could consider reporting this priest to the bishops office. Lapsed or not this is unacceptable behavior. As a catholic regardless of commitment to the church one has the right to demand the sacraments, especially under these circumstances. deathbeds and such is red alert for any priest.
If you cannot get a hold of any priest then call the bishops office and explain this disgrace and they'll get a priest for you.

 

[pdudgeon]

Unless the Priest is on vacation or ill, he should be checking e-mail at least once a day.

The next thing to try is the parish office.
call, do not e-mail.

they should know what is going on, and whom to call to get the sacraments to your mother.

 

[Lady Bug]

Just call another parish and when the dust settles you could consider reporting this priest to the bishops office. Lapsed or not this is unacceptable behavior. As a catholic regardless of commitment to the church one has the right to demand the sacraments, especially under these circumstances. deathbeds and such is red alert for any priest.
If you cannot get a hold of any priest then call the bishops office and explain this disgrace and they'll get a priest for you.

It's good to see another perspective about this. This whole thing doesn't seem right to me. I feel betrayed by this place. What's sad about this is that this seemed like a good parish to be an eventual member of. There are not many Catholic Churches in my town or nearby towns.

Unless the Priest is on vacation or ill, he should be checking e-mail at least once a day.

The next thing to try is the parish office.
call, do not e-mail.

they should know what is going on, and whom to call to get the sacraments to your mother.

I don't know how to get a hold of the bishop's office per se. I want to know how but right now I don't. This whole thing crushes me.

edit: I found the Diocese for my town. I don't mean to sound stupid but I don't know the difference between a priest and a bishop, or a church and a diocese.

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Call the diocese and explain your situation to them. The diocese is the seat of the local bishop. The local bishop holds the responsibility of the priests in his diocese (area). There are basically three levels of clergy in the catholic church. There are deacons on the bottom, then there are priests and over them the bishop reigns in the place of the apostles.
This is what's meant by apostolic succession etc.

So if you call your diocese then your basically going to the highest local authority. If you had to go further you'd have to contact the nuncio (papal ambassador of your area), but that's not at all necessary in your case. Call the diocese as soon as possible and they'll most likely help you out quite fast.

God bless

 

[Michie]

This is where I disagree with the statement "no news is good news."

Here is the sequence of events, keep in mind that the parish is open from 7 am to 7 pm M-F.

Friday I give a voicemail to the direct line of the priest at around 4 pm-ish. No answer that day, but I understand on that day.

Monday, no answer from anyone.

Tuesday, I send an email to the priest's email address, at 4 pm-ish.

So far today, Wednesday no answer again (they close in 15 minutes from when I type this). Today, at around 2:30 pm, I had a visit with the hospice social worker. I told her these things and she thought it was very odd, because she had heard good things about this parish. She surmised that my mom (being fallen away) might not be given priority over a parishioner, which I suspect could be the case. She told me that the hospice chaplain could try to get in touch with them for me because the chaplain has connections, so I said that would be alright. But after she left, I started to think that we should have tried a different parish.

I'm so sorry LB. I'm very disappointed. This should not be ignored.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm so sorry LB. I'm very disappointed. This should not be ignored.

I am too. I'm just baffled. I sometimes wish I didn't give the go-ahead for the hospice chaplain to try to get in touch with someone from that parish. I think I should have cut my losses with this parish and tried another, and now I'm worried I'll appear desperate to these people. But who wouldn't be desperate under these circumstances? Anyway there is something I'm really worried about. I'm worried that, let's just say, if I am able to get a priest for the anointment, that my mom will die very soon after. I saw someone say online that this one ailing person seemed to hang in there for what seemed like forever until one day she got the sacrament and within a couple days she was gone, as if she was waiting for the sacrament before finally going home. I'm worried that if my mom does get the sacrament, the same thing will happen to her right away.

 

[Michie]

Well LB, these are worries we naturally have. But you realize that people hang on for many different reasons. This could be one. I think you are being led by the Holy Spirit. It may seem like passing comes immediately after the annointing but these types of situations are inevitable anyway. I think most believers would want to see their loved one annointed before they go. I think what you are doing for your mother is a beautiful thing. There are many graces that go along with it for the one suffering that we cannot see from the outside. Please look into the Divine Mercy prayer as well. There are many graces for the dying with that prayer. In the meantime, keep trying as far as your mother getting the annointing of the sick. You are doing the right thing. Wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you? Let the chaplain proceed to contact them. It is what they are there for. You have enough to deal with. *hugs and prayers*

I am too. I'm just baffled. I sometimes wish I didn't give the go-ahead for the hospice chaplain to try to get in touch with someone from that parish. I think I should have cut my losses with this parish and tried another, and now I'm worried I'll appear desperate to these people. But who wouldn't be desperate under these circumstances? Anyway there is something I'm really worried about. I'm worried that, let's just say, if I am able to get a priest for the anointment, that my mom will die very soon after. I saw someone say online that this one ailing person seemed to hang in there for what seemed like forever until one day she got the sacrament and within a couple days she was gone, as if she was waiting for the sacrament before finally going home. I'm worried that if my mom does get the sacrament, the same thing will happen to her right away.

 

[Lady Bug]

I got in touch with the priest that I thought wouldn't get back to me (therefore, he got back in touch with me first through a voicemail and I called back later), but I'm feeling sad and awkward about the whole thing, and I don't know to explain this without becoming long.

Initially he asked me if my dad knew about all this and I said no, and he told me that I should talk to him first before proceeding so that this doesn't look deceptive. I said OK, but I feel awkward that I might have given the impression that I was a deceptive person. I talked to my dad and although he and I have always had our problems between us, he's OK with me doing this for my mom.

Another awkward moment is that the priest asked me if my mom would appreciate the sacrament if she were lucid, and I said that I honestly don't know, but he was OK with doing that anyway because he indicated (based on my description of my mom's condition) that we can't know what's going on her brain given her condition over the years.

Additional awkward (but I suppose necessary) moments were when he asked me what faith my father was, what faith I was, etc. It really sucked to give the answers. But something I didn't mention to him, and it didn't occur to me while talking to him on the phone, was the fact that my mom and dad are in an invalid marriage (my dad is divorced). To make matters worse, even though I said that there's a possibility that she would appreciate the sacrament, it didn't cross my mind while I was on the phone that if my mom were lucid today, and told by the priest that she was in an invalid marriage, that my mom would most likely have told the priest to blank off. Now I feel, in retrospect, that I wasn't honest (enough) with the priest. If he knew about my mother's invalid marriage and the fact that she'd probably tell the priest to blank off if the latter were to tell her about her invalid marriage, then I don't think he'd want to do the sacrament. I'm feeling nothing short of awkward now. I keep asking myself if I should still let him come over, but this is a dark cloud looming over my head. This priest seems pretty dry and matter of fact, not someone I'd want to let down.

On a side note, I did notice that starting from around the year 2000 or so, my mom and dad no longer slept in the same bed together, so maybe they quit "doing anything" for whatever reason...hence a possibility of the invalid marriage not being much of an issue...I don't know.

 

[Michie]

You are worrying too much LB. The priest is used to all this and more. There is nothing wrong with the priest annointing your mother. And your dad seems ok with it at this point. Just let him annoint her if you still feel led to do so. It will not take long.

 

[Lady Bug]

You are worrying too much LB. The priest us used to all this an more. There is nothing wrong with the priest annointing your mother. And your dad seems ok with it at this point. Just let him annoint her if you still feel led to do so. It will not take long.

I would feel worse if the anointing didn't happen; I just think so much.

 

[Lady Bug]

Something about my mom made me cry but it's not related to this. Are people allowed to derail their own threads?

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Something about my mom made me cry but it's not related to this. Are people allowed to derail their own threads?

Sure. For there to be an issue someone has to report it and 99 per cent of the time that someone is the op herself.

 

[Lady Bug]

Ok. I'm not sure I want to digress after all. I guess it wouldn't have been a derailment, but a digression, but at the same time I'm weary of drifting away from the main topic. I'll have to think about it.

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Get your mama this anointing, believe me you won't regret it when she's gone. If you believe in Christ and the church then you'll know what to do.
If she dies shortly after then you should consider the both of you very blessed that you had the time to go through with the anointment.
One thing is her and another one is you. When you go on with your life after her death I'm sure you'll consider this to be a good thing.

 

[Michie]

It's your thread. Go ahead.

Something about my mom made me cry but it's not related to this. Are people allowed to derail their own threads?

 

[Lady Bug]

It's your thread. Go ahead.

Ok. My actual intent is not to derail, but just to get it off my chest.

One of the things that bothers me more than anything on this earth is lack of closure. This is the most painful example right now.

I have been aware of an old family photo from my mom's generation, it was from the early 1960s. She was in her later teens. In the photo was her, her mother, and a boy next to her and my mother was holding hands with that boy, and I keep getting tears in my eyes, wondering who was this boy, why were they holding hands, were they just one date or were they a couple, and why didn't my mom ever tell me about this? My mom never mentioned any boyfriend to me EVER. Did my mom like this boy? Did he like her? My mom was very conservative so I'm sure that they didn't do any hanky panky, but I'll never know the nature of what was going on in this photo. I want to know about this picture, it literally made me cry. She can't talk to me about this, she is too ill. I feel awkward asking my dad if he knows about it. But I have no one else I can ask.

 

[Michie]

Well when someone you love is in the process of leaving or gone, pictures and mementoes will cause a lot of curiousity and feeling like you are missing out on their life story. You really should take advantage of speaking to the hospice chaplain and take advantage of some of the free counseling. I think it will help you tremendously. *hugs*

Ok. My actual intent is not to derail, but just to get it off my chest.

One of the things that bothers me more than anything on this earth is lack of closure. This is the most painful example right now.

I have been aware of an old family photo from my mom's generation, it was from the early 1960s. She was in her later teens. In the photo was her, her mother, and a boy next to her and my mother was holding hands with that boy, and I keep getting tears in my eyes, wondering who was this boy, why were they holding hands, were they just one date or were they a couple, and why didn't my mom ever tell me about this? My mom never mentioned any boyfriend to me EVER. Did my mom like this boy? Did he like her? My mom was very conservative so I'm sure that they didn't do any hanky panky, but I'll never know the nature of what was going on in this photo. I want to know about this picture, it literally made me cry. She can't talk to me about this, she is too ill. I feel awkward asking my dad if he knows about it. But I have no one else I can ask.

 

[Lady Bug]

Well when someone you love is in the process of leaving or gone, pictures and mementoes will cause a lot of curiousity and feeling like you are missing out on their life story. You really should take advantage of speaking to the hospice chaplain and take advantage of some of the free counseling. I think it will help you tremendously. *hugs*

I do talk to the chaplain from time to time, and at first it was alright, but it's not giving me the comfort it once did because I'm needing someone more likeminded. I don't think counseling is free because the social worker recommended me to look up some therapists; if it were free, I think the hospice people would be providing it wouldn't they?

 

[Michie]

Yes. In my area, my mother in law got free counseling through Hospice. I assumed your area would have the same. We are not that far apart.

I do talk to the chaplain from time to time, and at first it was alright, but it's not giving me the comfort it once did because I'm needing someone more likeminded. I don't think counseling is free because the social worker recommended me to look up some therapists; if it were free, I think the hospice people would be providing it wouldn't they?