Worried about calling a priest for Anointing of the Sick because I don't think my mom's qualified

[Lady Bug]

Glad I got all the words I wanted in the subject line. Anyway. I haven't been here in years. But my mom is in her latter stages of dementia and it's very hard telling from one day to the next what her condition will look like. The hospice people said that the nearby parish, whose name I'm familiar with, are very nice people and if I call for getting my mom anointed by the priest, they will help out, but I'm afraid they might not. I don't know what to say to them if I were to call. I don't want to lie by omission (which I don't plan to do, don't get me wrong), but if they knew the truth, they might refuse it. She had apostatized from the Catholic faith in her early adult life, did not show any signs of returning to it, and is married to a man who had been married before back in Pakistan. What saddens me is that if she were lucid right now, I'm very certain that she would outright reject the notion that her marriage to my dad is not valid, and that alone would cause her not to want to return to her faith. I agree with the teachings of Jesus Christ on divorce and remarriage, but in this fallen world, it is obvious that not everyone will see eye to eye on it.

How would you feel if you were in this situation? If you were recommended to call a priest for the Anointing of the Sick, would you feel awkward doing it, knowing that your loved one is probably disqualified? I've been looking up Anointing of the Sick for older sick people in danger of dying but from what I see, it's for people who have been faithful Catholics prior to becoming incapacitated. It's a very difficult pill to swallow. The hospice people don't know the details of my mom's personal life that I mentioned in this post.

 

[Lady Bug]

Talk to your priest, to whom you make your confession each sunday. Get his advice.

If your mother were lucid what would she want?
Would she want to return to the roman catholic church?
Did she attend any other church? If so what does her minister say?

Unfortunately I'm not Catholic, but after many years, I'm feeling led to Catholicism again. I had been frustrated with what seemed like no denomination being true, but if the Lord wanted us to fellowship with one another, I would surmise that there is one true Church on this earth with which to do that.

If she were lucid, she would probably still want to be anointed.

But as far as returning to the Church, I am uncertain, because as I said, if she were told her marriage weren't valid, it would have turned her off (as I said, I agree with Jesus' teachings on D & R, but many people don't unfortunately). If she had a valid marriage, then maybe she would have wanted to return to the Church, but I also heard her say shortly before she lost the ability to speak that because of the scandals she wasn't interested in Christianity anymore (I don't like when people use the scandals to say they don't believe in the faith, because the faith and the scandals are separate issues). After that comment I never saw her repent and announce she wanted to come back.

She never attended church while being married to my dad either. This whole thing really wears me down. She attended a Catholic church while growing up but I don't remember the name of it.

 

[Lady Bug]

p.s. I know it might not make sense when I said she'd still want to be anointed in spite of her defiance of the faith.

 

[Michie]

p.s. I know it might not make sense when I said she'd still want to be anointed in spite of her defiance of the faith.

I assume you are looking for Catholic answers since you came to the Catholic forum. The anointing of the sick is not a superstitious practice and is infact, Biblical. Even Protestants do it. My advise is to call your local Catholic priest and see what he says. But do you think your dad would allow it??

 

[Lady Bug]

I assume you are looking for Catholic answers since you came to the Catholic forum. The anointing of the sick is not a superstitious practice and is infact, Biblical. Even Protestants do it. My advise is to call your local Catholic priest and see what he says. But do you think your dad would allow it??

Yes of course I know it's the Catholic forum. That's why I asked it here.

To my surprise, my dad has plans (when the time is almost official) to have a Catholic funeral service for her. I actually didn't think he'd be ok with that but I think he's deferring to the faith she was born into, for this situation. The hospice people did bring up the anointing issue with me and my dad and at the time he didn't object to it for her but he might have forgotten about it for the time being because 1, he probably never heard about it before and 2, he gets bogged down with other tasks and worries. I still hope it's ok with him but I haven't reapproached him about it.

 

[JohnAshton]

Call the Priest and let him decided.

 

[Michie]

Yes of course I know it's the Catholic forum. That's why I asked it here.

That was not directed at you. You are getting non-Catholic answers here as well.

To my surprise, my dad has plans (when the time is almost official) to have a Catholic funeral service for her. I actually didn't think he'd be ok with that but I think he's deferring to the faith she was born into, for this situation. The hospice people did bring up the anointing issue with me and my dad and at the time he didn't object to it for her but he might have forgotten about it for the time being because 1, he probably never heard about it before and 2, he gets bogged down with other tasks and worries. I still hope it's ok with him but I haven't reapproached him about it.

I don't think you should have an issue with the annointing. She was born into the faith and lapsed. The funeral? I'm not sure. Calling a priest to feel out the situation would be your best bet. Continued prayers for you and your family.

 

[Davidnic]

Mod Hat

Thread has been cleaned. Implying the Sacraments are superstitious or that we would charge for the last rites is a violation of the safe haven rules.

Mod Hat

 

[Davidnic]

Talk to the priest but many will give the last rites just in case there is an internal disposition that we cannot know. That is the case even with dementia.

 

[pdudgeon]

Absolutely call a priest and have the anointing.

All the priest is really doing in that ceremony is presenting your mother to God
for His forgiveness, for her healing, body and soul, and for the reconciliation (as much as possible) of her heart with the heart of God.

If it helps and comforts you, remember the Bible story of the humble, wayward, penitent Son, and of the actions of his father, who saw him coming home and ran to him with joy, and with arms outstretched to greet and enfold his wayward son.

That is what your mother will be going through in the anointing. May God bless you both!

 

[Lady Bug]

I had no idea that I was acting superstitious. I'm really sorry about that. If anyone wants to tell me privately what I did, that's fine. I didn't know what I said that was wrong. My bad.

 

[Davidnic]

I had no idea that I was acting superstitious. I'm really sorry about that. If anyone wants to tell me privately what I did, that's fine. I didn't know what I said that was wrong. My bad.

You weren't acting superstitious that was a non-catholic bashing our faith who said that. Posts had to be removed so it might be hard to follow.

But the thread starting getting input from those who shouldn't have been posting

 

[Davidnic]

What you are doing it's acting in great love for your mother.

 

[Lady Bug]

You weren't acting superstitious that was a non-catholic bashing our faith who said that

Oh OK. I remember a non-Catholic answering this thread...but my short-term memory is so lousy that I don't even remember what happened with that. I understand why you did what you had to do.

 

[Lady Bug]

Talk to the priest but many will give the last rites just in case there is an internal disposition that we cannot know. That is the case even with dementia.

Something I remember, is that the last words I ever remember her saying before she stopped speaking entirely was "God save me" and I had been reading Scripture when that happened. She was able to walk back then, and she was sauntering in the kitchen and had this distressed look on her face. I hope that this meant something, but God only knows.

 

[Davidnic]

Tell the priest that one of the last lucid things she said was asking God to save her. I think that will help him make the decision to perform the last rites.

 

[Michie]

I had no idea that I was acting superstitious. I'm really sorry about that. If anyone wants to tell me privately what I did, that's fine. I didn't know what I said that was wrong. My bad.

You did nothing at all wrong LB. Don't worry about it.

 

[JohnAshton]

You are acting out of love for your Mom, lady bug. Good on you.

 

[Lady Bug]

I just wish I could be talking to that priest, whoever he will be, for inquiring into the Church but something tells me I have to wait until my parents die...Jesus did say, he (in my case, she) who was "ashamed" of Him, of him shall He be ashamed

 

[anna ~ grace]

I just wish I could be talking to that priest, whoever he will be, for inquiring into the Church but something tells me I have to wait until my parents die...Jesus did say, he (in my case, she) who was "ashamed" of Him, of him shall He be ashamed

I'm in a similarly weird situation. Prayers, Bug. If you don't find the opportunity to come back into the Church right now, take the time to talk, learn or re-learn, pray, and grow. You sound like a really good kid who loves and wants to help her Mom.