Wizards, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits: Why They Are Extinct Today

[CJF]

This is a project that took six months of time and effort. A friend of mine, who goes by the name of Master Yoda, and I have written this for you. This is to be taken seriously. We studied long and hard, trying to find out why Wizards, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits died out. We wish to keep our refferences anonymus. By the way, this is a spoof off of the council, but you must wait until the end to realize the importance of the spoof. Here you have it:

Wizards, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits: Why They Are Extinct Today

Frodo looked around the council and noticed that everyone was assembled accept for Lord Elrond. Suddenly, Pippin jumped out of nowhere.
"BOO!" he yelled.
Everyone just stared at him, completely un-affected by his sudden outburst. He looked around sheepishly.
"Sorry guys, just thought I'd guve it a try." he said and sat down on a step.
Elrond walked in and sat in his chair. Frodo noticed that Elrond was wearing a T-Shirt over his Elven robe. on the dark-blue shirt, in bright pink, read the letters L.A.M.E.
"Hey Gandalf," Frodo whispered. "what's with the shirt?"
"Lord Elrond is an L.A.M.E. veteran."
"He's lame?" Frodo exclaimed.
"Don't you Hobbits know anything?" an Elf named Figwit said, standing to his feet. "Last Alliance of Men and Elves! Duh!"
"Elves," grumbled Gimli, son of Gloin. "they're so rude."
"Sounds like somebody I know." Legil-Galad said to himself.
"Well at least I fight goblins, unlike someone I know, who climbs trees whenever a goblin get's too close." said Calenlanthir.
"Well at least I can climb trees. And at least I kno what L.A.M.E. stands for."
"Don't bring the Hobbit into this, alright? And if you're so smart, what does L.A.M.E. stand for?"
"Lost Alliance of Me-"
Calenlanthir interrupted him with a burst of laughter.
"What?" Legil-Galad asked rudely.
"Lost Alliance of Men and Elves?"
"Yeah."
"Lost Alliance?"
Legil-Galad thought a moment.
"Oh wait! I meant Last Alliance of Men and Elves!"
"Yeah, right. Whatever." Calenlanthir mumbled.
Frodo drew his attention away from Legil-Galad and Calenlanthir and saw Boromir reaching for the Ring. Gandalf stood abrubtly to his seat, and yelled in a mighty and powerful voice, "Oubbune Rubbing tubbo rubbule thubbem ubball. Oubbone Riubbing tubbo fubbind thubbem. Oubbne Rubbing tubbo brubbing thubbem ubball ubband ubbin thubbe dubbarknubbess bubbind thubbem!"
Frodo looked around at everyone, in shock at Gandalfs new language. He observed that all had their gaze fixed on Gandalf, accept for Legolas, who seemed to be staring into the trees.
"Wow, was that bazzar or what?" asked one of the elves next to Legolas, who didn't answer.
"Legolas?" he asked.
Legolas still didn't reply. The elf groaned and said to his buddies, "Guys Legolas fell asleep again."
"Hey! Let's do the hair maneuver!" another elf suggested.
They all nodded enthusiasticly as one elf yelled, "Legolas the dwarf spit in your hair!"
Legolas bolted out of his seat, fealing frantically for dwarf spittle.


Sorry folks, must wait for volume number two. Until then, we remian yours, DARRIONS and Master Yoda.

Have a nice night!

 

[Blessed-one]

this IS great!!!!!!!

/me laughs seriously off the chair.

 

[will_wait4Him]

..........umm...........I'm lost. Will volume two reveal why the things are dead now?

 

[Kookaburra]

fun!

 

[TheDerek]

 

[CJF]

And here it is. Volume two. I supose you'll have to read to find out.

Here is where we left off:

Legolas bolted out of his chair, frantically fealing for dwarf spittle. All of the elves pointed and yelled, "Psych!"
Suddenly, all memebers of the Fellowship were in order, standing before Elrond.
"Nine companions. So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the R-"
At that moment, Faramir chased Gollum onto the scene. Gollum looked around and said, "We not in Gondor anymore, preciousssss."
"Wrong movie." said Gandalf.
"Told you we should have turrned right, gollum, gollum." Gollum said.
"You said left." Faramir stated.
"Right."
"Left."
"Right."
"Left."
They continued to argue until they were off the scene.
"I'm glad that's over." Frodo said to Gandalf a little too loudly.
Figwit heard Frodo's remark and stood to his feet.
"What is it with you hobbits? You're so...ignorant and impolite!"
"Don't even go there." Frodo said, annoyed at the prospect of another fight. Legil-Galad heard Figwit's remark about ignorance and said, "Sounds like sombody I know."
"You know what? I've put up with your rudeness long enough. Shut up." Calenlanthir said angrily.
The Company groaned as Calenlanthir and Legil-Galad started fighting again. Frodo leaned into Aragorn.
"Not again." he said......

Wizards, Elves, Dwarves and Hobbits: That is why they are extinct today.

 

[Boy Wonder]

Is that it? No more parts? hehe, that was short...

 

[CJF]

Oh, you never know. Master Yoda and I just might make another one.

 

[Blessed-one]

hehe, cool!

/me climbs back onto the chair.

i'd love to read another one of these.

 

[CJF]

Hey, the one above took six months to write. It was alot of work. But we might be gracious enough to write another.

 

[will_wait4Him]

Wow!!! I deffinitly want to read another. I esspecially liked the part where Gollum comes in. Precioussss. LOL!!!!

 

[CJF]

Wow. I'm really glad you liked it. I was worried it wouldn't be funny to anyone else but Master Yoda and I.

 

[Boy Wonder]

That was great, please make more! *will be glad to assist*

 

[TheDerek]

That was good!

 

[EspressoDuck]

*sits and thinks for a moment*

Okay, then I want to make one of A Knife in the Dark!

*gets out a pencil and paper, poises herself for some creative writing, and immediately falls asleep*

 

[EspressoDuck]

Can I post mine? I did it last night, I was so bored!

A Knife in the Dark

"Here we are, Weather top!" said Aragorn.
"Nice Place." said Sam, "But it could use some
chrysanthimums here, and maybe a small
strawberry garden near the left wall..."
"Oh, put a sock in it for once would you,
you little pip-squeak!" growled Aragorn.
"You're distracting the others from watching
me swing around my sword gracefully.
Look at me, I'm such a good fighter!"
*SMACK**THUNK**PLOP* "oops. ..Sorry, Merry."
Suddenly, a noise pierced
the dread calm always following the decapitation
of a hobbit. The terrifying, spine chilling noise
that can come only from....yodeling?
"YODELAYHEEHOOOOO! YODELAYHEEHOOOOO!"
"Blasted hobbit! He'll give away our position to
all of Middle Earth!" Aragorn fretted.
The noise continued, "Yodelayheehoohoohoohoohoohoohoo
hoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohooh
oohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo
hoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohooho
ohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohooho
ohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo
hoohoohoohoohoohoohoo...." It went on
like this for an hour or two. Finally,
Frodo said with impeccible wisdom far
beyond his years, "I think he's stuck."
Sam agreed, and started up the rustic stairs.
*SMACK!*  "Thanks Sam." "Any time, buddy." "YODELAYHEEHOOOACK!COUGHCHOKEGASP..."
*THUNK* Sam walked back down, triumphant.
Suddenly, the REAL terrifying spine-chilling noise
pierced the dread calm always following the
strangling of a hobbit. The noise that can come only from....RINGWRAITHS!!
Frodo knew this was his
cue to look scared and drop his sword in utter
terror as the bloodthirsty spirits drew closer.
As they flung the second to last remaining
hobbit aside, (obviously annoyed by his futile
attempts at distracting them by reading aloud
from the latest issue of Better Homes and Gardens.)
Frodo shouted something which was surely meant
to be an Elvish call for help from a higher power,
but came out as "Viva La Chupa Cabra en el Banos!"
Which as everyone knows, means "Long live the
goat-sucker in the bathroom!" This confused the
Ringwraiths long enough for Frodo to make his
getaway as they pulled out their pocket
English-Spanish dictionaries. But luckily for the
sake of the story, a RingWraith noticed him
escaping and shouted "Hey Frodo! That's not
how the book goes! Don't you remember?
My buddy over here get's to stab you!!
"Oh, Okay." Frodo said, running back to
his spot and lying down. Everything went
as planned, until out lept Aragorn,
accompanied strangely by Indiana Jones music,
brandishing a blazing torch.
The Ringwraiths recognized their cue to flee in
terror and annoyance, and Sam commenced to
calm Frodo by reciting his favorite editions of Romantic Homes.

/me takes a bow.

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

hehe.

Darrions: OH...MY....GOSH! We are so alike it's SCARY! I write stuff like that all the time! In fact i should go post some of one of them right now! Btw, your story was great, sooo funny.

/me hugs Darrions (just because she's so cool) and then falls off the computer chair...

 

[CJF]

lol, thanks Vixen.
/me hugs Vixen cause she's cool too.

 

[Boy Wonder]

I should of post some of my best friends works... Bwahahahaha DARRIONS has seen some of his stuff...

 

[will_wait4Him]

teehee.....