Wives submitting to their husbands judgement made in love

[ChrisHolland619]

So I was just having a conversation with someone about submission and how men should lead their families and wives in the spirit of love and meekness to benefit them.

Like, say a husband finds out that his wife is going to participate in an activity that is not "godly" but rather worldly. Now, the husband, after praying and making judgement based on what the Bible says, states that it's not a good idea and he doesn't want her to go. If she does, is she dishonoring her husband?

Is this not what kind of leadership a husband needs to exude over his wife?

What verses state this is how this should be done? Shouldn't a man be able to make decisions for his wife if he feels it's best? If made out of love and meekness, and not for personal gain or motive?

 

[ApparitionXVII]

Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 comes to mind...
It's pretty clear... wives submit to your husbands, especially when it's a matter of the husband wanting his wife not to do something 'wordly' as you put it.

If we are doing something that Jesus has instructed us not to do, do we not also dishonor Him in doing so?

 

[ChrisHolland619]

Precisely. If a husband says that after prayer and guidance from the Word, that something is best, that's how it is, end of story. That's what the Bible says. Why do Christian woman have a problem with this, despite it being black and white?

Yes, it's possible for some men to misconstrue that and take it too far. Men are commanded to lead, not command for personal gain or pleasure. A man has no right to boss his wife around for his personal gain. But if a husband feels that it's best for something to happen, based on the Word and the Spirit, the wife should submit to that guidance, just as we submit to Christ as the head of us.

 

[Naomanos]

I guess I will have a different take on this since my wife and I mutually submit one to another in our marriage. The submission isn't one sided.

If I ask her not to go because it's not a good idea and let her know why, if she chooses to go I don't see that as dishonoring me in anyway. She's a big girl, an adult and she can make her own decisions and I am not going to make them for her, just as she won't make my decisions for me.

So far this has never come up in our marriage and I'm not sure that it will, but if it does, the above would be how I would handle it.

 

[ApparitionXVII]

I guess I will have a different take on this since my wife and I mutually submit one to another in our marriage. The submission isn't one sided.

If I ask her not to go because it's not a good idea and let her know why, if she chooses to go I don't see that as dishonoring me in anyway. She's a big girl, an adult and she can make her own decisions and I am not going to make them for her, just as she won't make my decisions for me.

So far this has never come up in our marriage and I'm not sure that it will, but if it does, the above would be how I would handle it.

Of course every dynamic is different... however in general I would refer to this as yielding to your wife, not necessarily submitting to your wife.

I certainly don't expect myself to have ALL of the right decisions in my own marriage, but if I have sought the Lord and believe a certain decision to be right and my wife disagrees, then Biblically I am to 'pull rank' and she should submit to my decision assuming that I am seeking the Lord's guidance.

But like I said, every dynamic is different. =)

 

[Naomanos]

Of course every dynamic is different... however in general I would refer to this as yielding to your wife, not necessarily submitting to your wife.

I certainly don't expect myself to have ALL of the right decisions in my own marriage, but if I have sought the Lord and believe a certain decision to be right and my wife disagrees, then Biblically I am to 'pull rank' and she should submit to my decision assuming that I am seeking the Lord's guidance.

But like I said, every dynamic is different. =)

Thank you for saying that every dynamic is different.

I will never pull rank on my wife. It's just something I will never do, nor does she pull rank on me. We don't veto anything. Either we agree on a decision completely or it doesn't get decided on.

 

[vortigen84]

Like, say a husband finds out that his wife is going to participate in an activity that is not "godly" but rather worldly. Now, the husband, after praying and making judgement based on what the Bible says, states that it's not a good idea and he doesn't want her to go. If she does, is she dishonoring her husband?

Yes.

When you're married, you are one flesh, not two independent people doing your own things. The husband is nonetheless the head. It's teamwork, but you're the team leader, as appointed by God.

That is why you need to be very careful not to be an uptight and unrepentant legalistic so-and-so or you'll make her miserable, while a woman needs to be very careful who she ties the knot with.

It goes both ways, though. If a guy wants to do something his wife isn't cool with, and assuming his head - Christ - isn't commanding him to do it, then he drops it out of love for her. If a girl wants to do something her husband isn't cool with, she drops it too. That's just the way it goes, but the guy is still to be be the man and lead, that's the way God wants it. In case anyone is thinking, guy on a couch demanding a beer while wife slaves in the kitchen, let me spin it another way: frustrated woman wanting "dad" to man up and take responsibility and lead the home and the kids.

So: do not marry a weak Christian whose hangups and easily disturbed conscience will severely impact your liberty.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

I guess I will have a different take on this since my wife and I mutually submit one to another in our marriage. The submission isn't one sided.

If I ask her not to go because it's not a good idea and let her know why, if she chooses to go I don't see that as dishonoring me in anyway. She's a big girl, an adult and she can make her own decisions and I am not going to make them for her, just as she won't make my decisions for me.

So far this has never come up in our marriage and I'm not sure that it will, but if it does, the above would be how I would handle it.

No offense, but that's not what the Bible says. When a man and a woman marry, as wiremu.white says, you are one flesh, and the husband is the head.

Biblical love of the Bible is a love of caring through action. When Christ died on the cross for us, He demonstrated love.

When we go against God's will or His Word, He punishes us and judges us. Just because we think it's ok to sin doesn't mean God is like "Lol ok, you're right. Have fun!" That's absurd. God has rules for us because He LOVES us, and doesn't want us to get hurt. Just like when a man says to his wife "Don't do this", it should be out of love and kindness.

 

[Naomanos]

No offense, but that's not what the Bible says. When a man and a woman marry, as wiremu.white says, you are one flesh, and the husband is the head.

Biblical love of the Bible is a love of caring through action. When Christ died on the cross for us, He demonstrated love.

When we go against God's will or His Word, He punishes us and judges us. Just because we think it's ok to sin doesn't mean God is like "Lol ok, you're right. Have fun!" That's absurd. God has rules for us because He LOVES us, and doesn't want us to get hurt. Just like when a man says to his wife "Don't do this", it should be out of love and kindness.

Then we interpret the Bible differently, because for us Ephesians 5:21 comes before Ephesians 5:22. We don't see it as a separate piece of scripture, we see it all as one.

It goes from Ephesians 5:21 saying to submit one to another, then onto how the wife plays out submission to her husband and then how the how the husband plays out submission to his wife.

As for her going to something that I don;t think is ok, that is her choice to make after I have made it known that I don't think that it is ok. She is an adult and fully capable of making her own decisions and I don't think it's disrespectful if she chooses not to listen to me. As I stated, it is her choice to make, not me make the choice for her.

This is how our marriage works, and we will not be changing it.

 

[ApparitionXVII]

This is how our marriage works, and we will not be changing it.

Unless SHE says so!

 

[Naomanos]

Unless SHE says so!

Nope, because as I said, it's not decided unless we both agree.

Besides, I know my wife, she won't say different.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

It's good to mutually agree on things. I don't think anyone is arguing that.

But what kind of love are you exhibiting if you let your wife go into harms way just because "lol she wants to"? That's not really love, I'm afraid.

If God didn't love us, He wouldn't rebuke us for our sins.

"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Hebrews 12:6

 

[Naomanos]

It's good to mutually agree on things. I don't think anyone is arguing that.

But what kind of love are you exhibiting if you let your wife go into harms way just because "lol she wants to"? That's not really love, I'm afraid.

If God didn't love us, He wouldn't rebuke us for our sins.

"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." Hebrews 12:6

Then we'll need to agree to disagree.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

Then we'll need to agree to disagree.

How can you possibly disagree that it's not love to let your wife go into harms way because she wants to? If you disagree with that, you disagree with the fundamental Biblical truths of the Word of God.

 

[Naomanos]

How can you possibly disagree that it's not love to let your wife go into harms way because she wants to? If you disagree with that, you disagree with the fundamental Biblical truths of the Word of God.

That is your view and one that I do not hold.

I will say it yet again. My wife is an adult and if she decides to go somewhere even though I have said it's not a good idea, that is her choice. I'm not going to force her to stay home.

As I said, we'll need to agree to disagree. We have different viewpoints on this subject and I know that I'm not going to budge, nor do I think you can tell me that I'm not doing so out of love based on a disagreement that you and I have about a topic.

 

[Naomanos]

With my above post said, I will not be replying to this thread anymore.

I stated my view and beliefs, I stand by them as Biblical as I have interpreted the Scripture on submission in my studies and the leading of the Holy Spirit as I have meditated and prayed on them.

 

[vortigen84]

But what kind of love are you exhibiting if you let your wife go into harms way just because "lol she wants to"? That's not really love, I'm afraid.

How do you plan to stop her - an adult - from doing something dangerous if she's determined to do it? Use of force? If I stomped on your liberty in the name of protecting you, you wouldn't want that eh? Love your neighbour as yourself. Learn to plead with a person instead, to get them to come to their senses.

Besides, what kind of harm are we talking about? Is it something you couldn't work out a compromise on? For example, say she wanted to go and evangelize to pimps and dealers in the neighbourhood and you were worried about her safety... you could say no, or you could instead go with her. I'd recommend the latter. More liberty for her that way, while you can also protect her.

If it's something like smoking cigarettes and you say "Babe, you've got to stop smoking, I hate it and it's bad for you", well if she loves you then she's more likely to give it up to please you isn't she? I mean I'd hope you'd marry someone who loves you and isn't just thinking of herself, but at the same time you've got to be patient. But if you mean you use physical force to try and get a grip on her, well no. My sister was a pretty bad alcoholic and would go out drunk, but her husband didn't have to use physical coercion or chain her to a post in the house (not as far as I know, anyway) to help her get over that.

Lead her and inspire her so that she has your respect, so that you don't have be a tyrant without it. She's more likely to want to go out and do something you think is dangerous if you're so given to safety that you two have no life and she's bored as hell. On the other hand, you could just be married to a pain of a woman.

 

[WilliamB]

That is your view and one that I do not hold.

I will say it yet again. My wife is an adult and if she decides to go somewhere even though I have said it's not a good idea, that is her choice. I'm not going to force her to stay home.

As I said, we'll need to agree to disagree. We have different viewpoints on this subject and I know that I'm not going to budge, nor do I think you can tell me that I'm not doing so out of love based on a disagreement that you and I have about a topic.

This is not 2000-6000 years ago. Our wives are not property. Husbands and wives are in a partnership. Not a slave/master relationship.

 

[vortigen84]

This is not 2000-6000 years ago. Our wives are not property. Husbands and wives are in a partnership. Not a slave/master relationship.

They weren't supposed to be property or slaves back then, either. Eve was never meant to be Adam's biatch, but rather his wife. She came from his side, because she was supposed to be his ally, not a slave.

Just sayin.

 

[ApparitionXVII]

I personally don't let my wife out of the house... she gets 2 bathroom breaks a day and the rest of the time is spent cleaning or cooking. Period. Occasionally if she's well-behaved I might let her massage my feet when I get home from work.