Will all Christian Husbands Cheat?

[Heismyrock2]

I'm not intentionally trying to be cynical here but I recently discovered that my Christian husband of 16 years has had affairs with over a dozen women over the course of our marriage. The last one was not even 2 years ago. (I still don't think he has fully disclosed to me the full truth).

I'm in a support group for betrayed women and going to a professional counselor as well as meeting with our pastor and his wife.

I'm so disheartened at how many Christian husbands (especially in ministry) cheat on their wives. Is this just something to be expected from men? I mean am I really that ignorant to think that a man who professes to love God would remain faithful to his wife?

I have always been there, available for my husband! I'm against the feminist movement in the church and believe that the wife should be submissive (not mousy) to her husband so it has not been because I'm not ready and willing to meet his needs.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm sorry. You have a right to be disheartened. It is a shame for the whole church as well as for your family. All men do not cheat. Your husband is wrong and the number of affairs suggests something a bit more complicated.

 

[annrobert]

I'm not intentionally trying to be cynical here but I recently discovered that my Christian husband of 16 years has had affairs with over a dozen women over the course of our marriage. The last one was not even 2 years ago. (I still don't think he has fully disclosed to me the full truth).

I really sorry that this happened to you.It is a deeply painful situation to overcome and naturally you will have very strong emotions and a wide range for awhile.Run to Jesus for healing and keep running to Him.Jesus will hold you up and comfort and heal you and give you strength during this time.

I'm in a support group for betrayed women and going to a professional counselor as well as meeting with our pastor and his wife.

That is really good.I hope you receive all the support and counsel and prayers you need.

I'm so disheartened at how many Christian husbands (especially in ministry) cheat on their wives.

That is disheartening and will be even more so to find it happened to you and it so painful.However the wives unfortunately are doing it as well.
It leaves such broken hearts, but Jesus comforts and heals.

Is this just something to be expected from men? I mean am I really that ignorant to think that a man who professes to love God would remain faithful to his wife?

It is normal to trust your partner especially when they are christian.It is very shocking to find out they were not trust worthy and deceiving you.Again it is not just husbands it is also wives doing this and it is very sad.

I have always been there, available for my husband! I'm against the feminist movement in the church and believe that the wife should be submissive (not mousy) to her husband so it has not been because I'm not ready and willing to meet his needs.

I am not sure why this happens, the unfaithful partner decides to do it and it is their choice and cannot be blamed on the other partner.I am sorry this happened.It is good that you are getting help.Keep running to Jesus for healing and strength and comfort.

 

[Macx]

Not all Christian men will cheat. I haven't. My father hasn't. My best friends, are all faithful to their wives. While I know it is a sin that God can forgive just like all the others, it just so goes against my value system, I'd probably have a hard time staying friends with someone if I knew they were cheating on their spouse. I put cheating on spouse right up their with molesting children and torturing animals as things I just can't abide. I think there are alot of guys out there like my friends and family, the cheaters get more attention, squeaky wheel & all that. Lots of us are out here loving and being faithful to our wives & quite happy in that.


I am sorry you got a bad apple Heismyrock2.

 

[dayhiker]

Not all men cheat. But neither is the precent close to zero. So your not alone. As meantioned men that cheat don't do it because of flaws in their wife even if they use a make believe flaw as the reason they cheat. Unfortuantely knowing this doesn't fix things.

dayhiker

 

[taku60]

Not all men cheat. But neither is the precent close to zero. So your not alone. As meantioned men that cheat don't do it because of flaws in their wife even if they use a make believe flaw as the reason they cheat. Unfortuantely knowing this doesn't fix things.

dayhiker

That is only half true, some men cheat because of genuine issues in the marriage not just back peddling excuses.

 

[Macx]

Spoken like a cheater. All men only cheat because they are weak & lack moral fiber. Any excuse is just that, an excuse. Would you say, "That is only half true, some men molest children because of genuine issues in the marriage not just back peddling excuses." or "Some men get sexual pleasure from setting cats on fire because of genuine issues in the marriage not just back peddling excuses." er, what? When does a man become responsible for his own actions, like a grown up? At what age? No, no men ever cheat for any reason other than abject failure to have learned what it is to be a man.

 

[dayhiker]

That is only half true, some men cheat because of genuine issues in the marriage not just back peddling excuses.

If there are genuine issues, then that man should divorce his wife and then go find what he wants. That's still not being a nice guy, but at least he is going about what he wants in a better way.

dayhiker

 

[HuntingMan]

I'm not intentionally trying to be cynical here but I recently discovered that my Christian husband of 16 years has had affairs with over a dozen women over the course of our marriage. The last one was not even 2 years ago. (I still don't think he has fully disclosed to me the full truth).

I'm in a support group for betrayed women and going to a professional counselor as well as meeting with our pastor and his wife.

I'm so disheartened at how many Christian husbands (especially in ministry) cheat on their wives. Is this just something to be expected from men? I mean am I really that ignorant to think that a man who professes to love God would remain faithful to his wife?

I have always been there, available for my husband! I'm against the feminist movement in the church and believe that the wife should be submissive (not mousy) to her husband so it has not been because I'm not ready and willing to meet his needs.

To answer the question, and not to be overly graphic, but Id put a gun in my mouth and blow the back of my skull out before Id hurt my dear wife so horribly.
No, not all husbands are going to cheat. Not even atheists or otherwise.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

There are good people in all walks of life, Christian or otherwise. The marker "Christian" does not necessarily deter a man from cheating. While some people would like it to be true, the identifier of "Christian" does not make a person more moral than his Atheist counterpart. One Christian husband happens to cheat, one Atheist husband happens to NOT... does this mean Atheists are better than Christians?

No. It means that all people are flawed. All of them, every last one of them. I personally don't hold Christians in any higher regard than any other. We are all men and women, all children of God, creations of God, whether we follow God or not.

I asked my husband what he thought about it. I asked him "Why do men cheat?" -- His answer?

"Because they can." No matter how many needs you meet of another person, if a person sees an opportunity to cheat the system? Be it marriage or work or any other system... some people will simply choose to do it. This transcends religion.

He especially stands behind this answer when I mentioned the part you told us about submission. Frankly, the whole submission thing scares me to the very core. When I hear "a woman in submission to her husband", I immediately think of husbands taking advantage of such a thing. Why would they do that?

Because they can. Because they can do it, and get away with it. They can especially get away with it when they know their wives are going to submit to whatever they say or do without question. It's such a dangerous thing and it boils my blood, I'm sorry but I have to say it. You'd do yourself well to make sure you area always standing up for yourself and the good of your marriage. Men are no less flawed than women. To submit to a flawed individual will not end in perfection, there's no logic in that ... but that's another topic entirely.

We all agree though of course, that even if they "can" do it, or even get away with it, not all people cheat. It's obviously. My husband and I agree of course on why this is. Why do some of the people cheat, and some do not... why in the end?

Because some people are just jerks. And I have no issues calling someone out on that. I'm not going to blame cheating on "marital problems" or "personality flaws" or whatever other messed-up reason people are going to come up with.

Some people cheat because they are just jerks. And Christians can be jerks too. Good, well-meaning, well-groomed, highly-skilled, intelligent people can still be complete and utter jerks.

I am deeply sorry your husband has chosen to do what he has done. He has completely taken advantage of your nature (the whole submission thing) and he has done these things most likely because he knew he could get away with it. It's terrible... but it happens. And it affects people regardless of religion.

 

[myanchor]

Dear Sister, if you widen the net to all spouses and you say that thinking I might like to be married to someone else then almost all spouses have cheated. If you say it only is cheating if the physical act has happened then I think it is more like 25-40 percent fro all spouses, male and female. If you say number 1 is true, then I have cheated, if number 2 I haven't.

I am so sorry for the pain you have and the loss of trust you have.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[Heismyrock2]

Thank you everyone that has replied with words of encouragement.

God really has taken me on a journey since I originally posted this. My other posts reflect where I am in that journey now.

I reread this original post and remembered how distraught I was when I wrote it. I was in so much pain and denial about so many things. Since then God has revealed a lot of things about me, about my husband, about God and about His word.

I am so thankful that God is always faithful and allows us to go through trials that ultimately bring us closer to Him.

 

[JohnDB]

Not all Guys cheat.

OK...for me it is too much like work. All of that lying, deception, money and worry that go along with it...not for me.

Sorry but I ain't that industrious. Don't get me wrong..when it is time for work it is time to work hard...but to work that hard for something that only will destroy your world?

From what I understand from hearing about it from other guys (no...most keep quiet about it but will confide in a few) there is the "thrill of the hunt". Some guys live for this. We are used to conquoring and winning...and when we begin to age some guys wonder if they still have that "winning edge"...so they go on the hunt. Yes, it is an ego stroke that they give themselves by extention of someone else...and it is never really satisfying because it is all based upon lies.
The same goes for women who feel like they are losing their physical beauty. They do the same thing.

The "accidental" affair never really happens. It is always a planned thing. (sorry to burst your bubble on that one) Fantasies and what have you go far into enticing people into this sort of behavior.

Some psychologists (I think of them as crazy) think that there is a link somehow in these men and women's brains with Gambling...that if you are prone to gambling or if you are prone to having affairs that you will also likely be a gambler of some form. (not neccesarily money)

How they come up with this stuff is beyond me...but whatever. I never would have made a connection until they said something. But many gamblers I know also would cheat on their spouse in the right circumstances...or is it that many cheaters i know also gamble? Who knows...(like I said, Psychologists are nuts) Anyway it seems that they point that they were making is that both are after a "winning feeling" and that they were "winners". How that sort of thinking became an ideal for them I haven't the foggiest clue.

 

[EmmyGV]

When I hear "a woman in submission to her husband", I immediately think of husbands taking advantage of such a thing. Why would they do that?

Because they can. Because they can do it, and get away with it. They can especially get away with it when they know their wives are going to submit to whatever they say or do without question. It's such a dangerous thing and it boils my blood, I'm sorry but I have to say it. You'd do yourself well to make sure you area always standing up for yourself and the good of your marriage. Men are no less flawed than women. To submit to a flawed individual will not end in perfection, there's no logic in that ... but that's another topic entirely.

I think you need to be careful to make such a blunt statement. I am one of those women also that has chosen to be submissive to her husband.
My husband does not take advantage of this, he highly respects me for it. Our values of marriage we hold very high and submission is not a dangerous thing always, it really depends of the individual arrangements and how it works in a specific marriage.
Being submissive does not mean that I am not standing up for myself. My husband does not want me to be a doormat, but a equal partner. He just has the final word and I have given him that trust. My husband also is aware that he is not perfect. I have my say, believe me.
Sorry for going off the topic here but every time when a judgement in this direction is made I feel I have to stand up for myself, and my husband for that matter, cause he is an absolute wonderful husband to me.

 

[obilove]

I know that I'm going to upset someone with my first post. I'm sorry about that, but it's the truth as I see it...

Most men cheat because they can. Period. It's harder for a woman to cheat because we are too busy holding down the household or we get fat. Once we are done with that, then we become too old and no men want us. This is a man's world and God is a man. Women were an after thought, come a dime a dozen, and don't really matter much outside of sex and cleaning. We are replacable anytime with a much younger model. The truth hurts! The only ladies that might have it good are the ones that are as they say nowadays, Hot.

See men, thats why women have to try to go for the money and the kids because in the end that's all we get to have. Don't hate me, don't be angry at what I'm saying. It just is what it is. I understand why a woman would turn gay in these times. Btw, God said that we would long for our husbands, not the other way around. Think about that ladies. It is part of THE PUNISHMENT!

 

[the sad clown]

I have never cheated on my wife. You are justifiably upset about your husband, but not everyone has had your experience.

 

[Easyk]

obilove what a twisted view... umm we will agree to disagree ok....

Men dont allways cheat because they can...neither do some women cheat because they can.. one can never justify it..

in the new testament it states "be separate for a short time, less you be tempted into sin.." think about that statment, we are being warned by God, that both man and women, only stop having sex for an agreed apon short time to pray and fast, if its too long you will be tempted. it also states even the strongest man falls, no human being can allways resist temptation. God himself warns us..

it also states, if the need in your groin is great get married.. for its better to marry than live in sin..

stop having relations for long enough and tempation so great will cause the greatest to fall..

men stop loving, honouring your wife long enough and a great temptation will cause her to fall..

sometimes it is because either can cheat.. sometimes its a fantasy that they seek, the green grass.. unlti they get there and see its desert..

i tend to want to do my best to follow the guidelines the bible has laid out for us..

to answer your questions not all men cheat.. or rather not every spouse cheats would be better i guess and far more acurate a statement.

 

[chaz345]

There are good people in all walks of life, Christian or otherwise.

Actually, doesn't the Bible tell us essentially that there is no such thing as a good person? That ALL sin and fall short, and that even the best of our good actions are as filthy rags?

Not trying to suggest that someone's infidelity is justifiable or expected, just pointing out that on God's scale the unfaithful spouse is no worse than the person who steals the pen from work.

 

[chaz345]

I know that I'm going to upset someone with my first post. I'm sorry about that, but it's the truth as I see it...

Most men cheat because they can. Period. It's harder for a woman to cheat because we are too busy holding down the household or we get fat. Once we are done with that, then we become too old and no men want us. This is a man's world and God is a man. Women were an after thought, come a dime a dozen, and don't really matter much outside of sex and cleaning. We are replacable anytime with a much younger model. The truth hurts! The only ladies that might have it good are the ones that are as they say nowadays, Hot.

See men, thats why women have to try to go for the money and the kids because in the end that's all we get to have. Don't hate me, don't be angry at what I'm saying. It just is what it is. I understand why a woman would turn gay in these times. Btw, God said that we would long for our husbands, not the other way around. Think about that ladies. It is part of THE PUNISHMENT!

The word filter won't let me say what I think of this post. Just let me ask one question. Who are these men who are cheating, cheating with?

 

[chaz345]

Dear Sister, if you widen the net to all spouses and you say that thinking I might like to be married to someone else then almost all spouses have cheated. If you say it only is cheating if the physical act has happened then I think it is more like 25-40 percent fro all spouses, male and female. If you say number 1 is true, then I have cheated, if number 2 I haven't.

I am so sorry for the pain you have and the loss of trust you have.

I'll be praying for you.

A passing thought about maybe wanting to be married to someone else is not, IMO cheating. Dwelling on it, mentally planning it, spending time fantasizing about what it would be like is where, IMO, that line is crossed.