2008 has been a very rough year for me. It's been 1 obstacle over another. As I'm writing this, I'm crying because I don't understand why all these horrible things are happening to me. I consider myself a good person. I won't say good christian 'cause I always think I can be better but I try. I try to be the best christian I can be.
From what I see, the people who has done me harm walk away being "satisfied" putting me down & I'm left feeling miserable. I'm a big believer in what goes around comes around but how do I know those who have caused me harm are actually reaping what they sow? I don't think they are. I think they're walking away from pushing my face in the dirt perfectly fine & happy. If they're reaping what they sow, why am I falling deeper & deeper in a black hole? If God is "punishing" them, why do I still feel taken advantaged of? Why aren't I feeling better? Why am I still crying? Why am I still suffering?
Why is this happening to me? Why is God giving me harsh obstacles that are killing me little by little? Call me ignorant but I didn't believe in depression. I thought depression was just something people went through as a really bad "moment" but I'm starting to experience it 1st hand. I started cutting myself, losing sleep, not caring about my studies, became bulimic. I don't understand what's going on!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I thank the Lord whenever I get the chance, I pray for everything, I try to listen to His word when I'm not at church so why? God, why? Why are You doing this to me? I'm starting to slip...I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY AM I LEFT FEELING MISERABLE?! WHERE ARE YOU?!
From what I see, the people who has done me harm walk away being "satisfied" putting me down & I'm left feeling miserable. I'm a big believer in what goes around comes around but how do I know those who have caused me harm are actually reaping what they sow? I don't think they are. I think they're walking away from pushing my face in the dirt perfectly fine & happy. If they're reaping what they sow, why am I falling deeper & deeper in a black hole? If God is "punishing" them, why do I still feel taken advantaged of? Why aren't I feeling better? Why am I still crying? Why am I still suffering?
Why is this happening to me? Why is God giving me harsh obstacles that are killing me little by little? Call me ignorant but I didn't believe in depression. I thought depression was just something people went through as a really bad "moment" but I'm starting to experience it 1st hand. I started cutting myself, losing sleep, not caring about my studies, became bulimic. I don't understand what's going on!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I thank the Lord whenever I get the chance, I pray for everything, I try to listen to His word when I'm not at church so why? God, why? Why are You doing this to me? I'm starting to slip...I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHY AM I LEFT FEELING MISERABLE?! WHERE ARE YOU?!