Why?

PegasusOnFire · Apr 12, 2005

Ok, I have a question. I get asked all the time if I am breastfeeding or bottle feeding, then when I tell people that I am bottlefeeding, why do they look down on me?

I am sorry, but I simply cannot breast feed. It isn't because I don't want to, it is because of the medication I am on, to help with the PPD. I don't think that my daughter is any less attached to me, after all she is nearly 4 weeks old and crys if I leave the room for more than 10 minutes. She loves to cuddle with me and her father, so I don't see anything wrong with bottle feeding. Heck I was bottle fed, after all it is hard to breast feed twins.

But am I any less of a mom for bottle feeding my daughter?!

Utah Knight · Apr 12, 2005

i think the reason is that breast feeding is healthyer than bottle feeding but it shows you really want to bond and others might not know you are on meds

ScarletRubies · Apr 12, 2005

I think in essence it comes down to western women (and maybe women in other cultures, I don't know) using their children as tools in a competition. Perhaps we don't intend to (or at least, maybe we can forgive women for not really thinking it through), but it is a sign of our pride and our insecurity. If we judge others, we also have a place to put ourselves - "better than her, not as good as her". Insane, and certainly not in the imitation of Christ.

If you are confident enough, perhaps you can either decline to answer questions about parenting choices, or follow your answers with a brief "my dh and I are really confident that we've made the best choices for our family."

I believe, though, thaat if you are confident of your choices, then what other people think really won't affect you. Don't feel guilty - you're dealing with situations you didn't necessarily expect, and you're doing the right things for you[/]. Don't forget, there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Also, don't take people's praises on, either; if you accept your valuation by others, then you have to take the bad as well. Much better to rely only on God's opinion of you... and His opinion is SO much higher than anyone elses.

Bless ya,
Ruby

erin74 · Apr 12, 2005

I think breastfeeding and bottlefeeding has been a bit of a pendulum. When I was a kid it was all the thing to bottle feed, and I have heard that women who were breastfeed were looked down on, and that there were predictions that breastfeeding might stop almost completely in some countries. Now it has swung the other way, which I think is generally a good thing. With it though comes the extremist thing. I am very for breastfeeding, but had to bottle feed my second child cause I just couldn't get my milk back up after an operation. I have a friend who is like you and has to bottle feed because of PND meds. Unfortunately there are people for whom the pendulum has swung too far, and consider anyone who bottle feeds to be doing the wrong thing. I don't think many people stop to think about how difficult the decision might have been, and that some people have very legitimate reasons for bottle feeding.

You are not a bad mum at all. You are doing what is the very best for her. Treating your illness so that you can be at your best for her. It doesn't actually matter what other people think. You don't have to apologise for bottle feeding, nor do you have to explain to them. You are her mum, and you are doing what's best for her. That's all that matters.

erin

Serving4Christ · Apr 12, 2005

On the medical side, its important to give a child the moms immunity for at least the first 3 months. A greater amount of nutrients and auto immune is passed on to the child during breastfeeding.

I agree, you're not a bad mom. Keep your chin up! Take care of you so you can better take care of your baby.

jazzbird · Apr 12, 2005

Well, "breast is best" as the saying goes. It is healthier for baby, but that does not mean that a baby who grows up on formula will be unhealthy. It's just a preferred start.

I think the reason some people look down on bottlefeeding moms is because they think the mother is only doing it out of convenience, and is therefore selfish and putting herself before her child. Now, in our busy society, I think that often is the case, but it is unfortunate that moms like you who are simply and truly unable to breastfeed should be lumped into that group and looked down upon.

You are not a bad mom. You are doing the best thing for your little girl. It sounds like she is healthy and thriving. Be confident in your decisions and don't let other women make you feel bad.

andiesmama · Apr 12, 2005

Well, I CHOSE not to breastfeed! There weren't any medical reasons why I couldn't...Andie was born tiny and had trouble initially latching on...so I just decided to go with bottle & formula feeding right from the start.

I just didn't listen if people mentioned and/or were negative about my choice...I knew I made the best decision for Andie and myself. She was a totally happy baby, she bonded with me with no problem, it gave daddy & others a chance to feed her as well, AND she was not sick once in her first 6 months...she's only had maybe 3 colds since she's been born, and she's almost 3! And (if I can brag)....she's so smart it scares me sometimes! lol

So try not to feel guilty...you're a great mommy because you're doing what you know is best for you & your daughter!!

EmSchmem · Apr 12, 2005

I think it's because it gives uppity women something to be judgemental about. They can hold they're own (insecure) head up high and say look at that woman! While noone can really argue whether or not breastmilk is best, that doesn't mean it's always possible or that sometimes sufficient isn't what our kids have to learn to live with. I would much rather the OP be bottle feeding while on these meds, than forgo the meds and risk so many of the things that can come along with PPD.

Zoomer · Apr 12, 2005

Like it has been said, brest milk is best. Breastfeeding is one thing mothers can get realy combative about, because every mother knows whats best for their child. However, what may be best for them is not best for everyone. Some mothers fail to see that, and believe that anyone not to their standards are bad mothers. I stay away from people like that.
It's also a bragging point. Like mothers who say, "My 1 year old is potty trained so how is your 3 year old doing at it?" I will not stand being around anyone who wants to compare their kids control of body functions to my child's.

PegasusOnFire · Apr 12, 2005

Thanks guys. I guess it stems from my twin sister thinking that she is better than I am, because she doesn't have a problem. I am just glad that she doesn't. It isn't something that I am proud of, I just have to deal with it. I thank God that my mother is around her to set her straight. Though my sister has always had superiority complex.

EmSchmem · Apr 12, 2005

PPD is nothing to be proud or un-proud about. It's just something that's there that happens to some women. Anyone who lords their lack of PPD over another woman is just nuts.

~Mrs. A2J~ · Apr 12, 2005

I'm sure I'm probably one of those women that come across as uppity Breastfeeding is just one of those things that I'm passionate about. I probably do judge some women too hard about not breastfeeding. I guess it's because I've heard every excuse in the book from "my breasts are for my husband not my baby" to "I just never produced enough milk". There are some women who cannot breastfeed but that's only about 2%. So when women say they couldn't breastfeed it's usually either cos they didn't want to or they didn't educate themselves about breastfeeding and set themselves up for failure.

Yes, there are medications that some women can't take while breastfeeding. I'm NOT judging the OP but let's take PPD for example. Breastfeeding can actually help PPD. Also there are medications that women can take for PPD while still nursing - Zoloft for example. It just takes a little research to find these things out which goes right back to getting yourself educated.

I kind of equate breastfeeding to using an infant carseat. If you can make your baby as safe as possible why not use it? Sure babies rode around in cars for decades and many survived just fine but they survived in spite of not being in a carseat not because of not being in one. It's the same with breastfeeding. Yes, you can formula feed and your baby can turn out just fine but just like a carseat wouldn't you want to give your baby the best chance?

Runs from flames

Katydid · Apr 12, 2005

I'm sure I'm probably one of those women that come across as uppity Breastfeeding is just one of those things that I'm passionate about. I probably do judge some women too hard about not breastfeeding. I guess it's because I've heard every excuse in the book from "my breasts are for my husband not my baby" to "I just never produced enough milk". There are some women who cannot breastfeed but that's only about 2%. So when women say they couldn't breastfeed it's usually either cos they didn't want to or they didn't educate themselves about breastfeeding and set themselves up for failure.

I'm not going to flame you, truly I am not. But, perhaps there are more instances than most people think about. People used to look at me bad when I breastfed my 6 month old in public, thinking he was way too old. I was going to nurse for 12 months, but ended up in surgery when he was 9 months old and on antibiotics for 8 weeks after. Had to wean in one day. Then my daughter, I nursed her for 4 months, and then I noticed the other side of it. All of a sudden people were looking at me like I was horrible for bottlefeeding her. What they didn't know is that at 4 months old she was diagnosed as FTT because of an infection in her blood (don't ask details, the doctors were German and I was lucky to understand that much). She was so weak she COULDN'T physically nurse, she had been getting weaker but the army docs blew me off until she fell off the chart. By the time the 7 day hospitalization was over, I was already completely dry because she had already been weaning herself literally to death. The reason I bring this up, is because I have seen BOTH sides of the spectrum. I have been ridiculed for BOTH situations. I guess I just want to warn anyone of assumptions. They are often times wrong. But, I understand what you are saying, because with my first I was all "breast is best" and I was one that felt so strongly and did look down on others, I am ashamed to admit. I think that is why I had to go through what I did, I had to see what it was like on the other side. I will not look down on anyone again. I have to remember, "But for the grace of God, go I".

Katydid · Apr 12, 2005

Oh, I wanted to add, just so you don't think to yourself, "but she could have pumped while the baby was in the hospital". There are two reasons I didn't, first, I was too busy sitting by my baby watching her go through that, and second, the doctor was afraid that the infection might have come from me and ran a whole myriad of tests on me as well.

andiesmama · Apr 12, 2005

I'm not going to flame either, but like I said I chose NOT to breastfeed and chose bottle & formula feed....bottle feed due to the fact that Andie was a very low birth weight and not eating much, it allowed me to keep track of how much she was eating in a feeding (info the pediatrician wanted to know)...as far as pumping my breasmilk...simply chose formula over the whole pumping/storing thing.

I just don't think it's fair to judge people if you don't know the whole story. I don't think I gave Andie any less of a good chance than any other baby, or kept her less safe than other babies.

Just my humble opinion...

andiesmama · Apr 12, 2005

And Bobbie....there's no reason to say you're not proud of yourself (I'm thinking you mean the whole feeding thing)...you SHOULD be very proud because you have chosen the best thing for you and your little one!! And don't let anyone make you feel any different!!

~Mrs. A2J~ · Apr 12, 2005

Katydid said:
Oh, I wanted to add, just so you don't think to yourself, "but she could have pumped while the baby was in the hospital". There are two reasons I didn't, first, I was too busy sitting by my baby watching her go through that, and second, the doctor was afraid that the infection might have come from me and ran a whole myriad of tests on me as well.

While I am very pro-breastfeeding I'm not a "breastfeed at all costs" person. In your situation it's a no-brainer and IMO what formula is for. Ok, so maybe I am somewhat "militant" because I don't think whether to breastfeed or formula feed is a lifestyle choice but I view formula as somewhat of an intervention to be used only when breastfeeding is not a viable option.

~Mrs. A2J~ · Apr 12, 2005

andiesmama said:
I'm not going to flame either, but like I said I chose NOT to breastfeed and chose bottle & formula feed....bottle feed due to the fact that Andie was a very low birth weight and not eating much, it allowed me to keep track of how much she was eating in a feeding (info the pediatrician wanted to know)...as far as pumping my breasmilk...simply chose formula over the whole pumping/storing thing.

Sorry, but I guess I'm going to come off as judging again. And, you're right I can't know the whole story, noone ever can. But was the only reason you chose to formula feed because your baby had low birth weight and you needed to track how much she was eating? Was she premature? Tracking how much breastmilk a baby is eating is very simple. Weigh them before and after they feed and you'll be able to tell how many ounces they've eaten.

andiesmama said:
I just don't think it's fair to judge people if you don't know the whole story. I don't think I gave Andie any less of a good chance than any other baby, or kept her less safe than other babies.

Just my humble opinion
[\QUOTE]I'm sure you're a great mother and there are always compromises we as parents have to make but breastmilk is better than formula healthwise so breastfed babies do get a better chance and are safer. Those are just facts. If you didn't think the benefits of breastfeeding were worth it compared whatever the alternative was for you that was a compromise you had to make. We all have to make them.

EmSchmem · Apr 12, 2005

There are still a myriad of other issues not condsidered. It's so easy for us to be militant about something but it's not so easy to live another person's life.

Leanna · Apr 12, 2005

No, you are not less of a mom. I bottlefeed too after trying to breastfeed. I know how you feel, when my son was younger I used to try to hide when feeding him so people would not look down on me. It is something that really bothers me. I feel extremely bonded to my son and no one can convince me that I would feel closer to him if I breastfed him.

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