why wont he tell me?

[lynnie]

Ok so i met this guy lets call him john. we hung out for like 2 weeks straight having a great time kissing holding hands. He acted like he was "dating" me so forthe and so on... well one day i was over at his house watching a movie and the whole time he sat on his computer while i watched the movie by myself. then the movie ended and he came and sat by me and was like "us dating isnt going to work" so i asked "why" and he said "its too complicated" so whatever i let it go.. now we've been hanging out as friends. He's like my best friend he and i talk about anything and everything well today we were chatting on messenger and i asked just for my personal knowledge why it wouldnt work between us. he said "its need to know information and you dont need to know." i said " well im involved in it so i do need to know" and he said "its personaly information and that i should just drop it" WHAT!? i dont get it! why wont he tell me? ugh! well thanx for letting me rant there...

 

[BlackRain]

i'm kind of the guy in the situation. i have a friend and he asks me that every now and then. we're best friends and we, too, tell eachother everything. i've told him some of why it wouldn't work out between us, but i save the other stuff because it would just hurt him so much. we've already been in so many arugments and silent treatments that i'm not risking it. i've been trying to think of a "good" way to tell him, but i haven't thought of one yet. i'm so sorry and i'm sure it's frustrating. i don't know, maybe it's for your own good. not that you're a bad person, but some things are just meant to be let be. when he feels like he needs to tell you, he will.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Instead of asking why he won't tell you, you might want to ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with stuff like that.

If a guy treats you like that you can either:

move on, get out of it.
pretend like everything's okay.
be one of those women who puts up with guys who treat her like that thinking this guy's going to magically change some day.

 

[chanis]

if he said hey just drop it dude drop it and move on...for whatever reason he's chosen to not date you and that's just the way it is...move on...don't linger around waiting for something to magically happen...and then when it doesn't turn out the way you wanted it, you end up more hurt...

 

[Manuel]

I would just put a gun to his head, he'll tell you then!
Just kidding...

Well if I was in the guy's place, there would be two reasons why I would say "it will not work out with us" and "drop it"...
First would be if I would just have been fooling around with you and not having really feelings for you and getting scared that you are getting too serious,
Secondly if there would be an other girl involved.

Any of both reasons, would be difficult for him to tell and would kinda break your heart


But I think it's actually good for you that it's like "over" cuz if he can't even be honest with you, what a start is that?

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Any of both reasons, would be difficult for him to tell and would kinda break your heart

I was thinking that too, but I have not yet found a way to say "This fool needs to cowboy up and be a man about this." without sounding insulting.

edited.

 

[Pyrogenesis]

Guys are allowed to go through emotional stages too It might even be something that he can't nail down himself. I've got mutual friendships that could grow into dating relationships, but this is not the right time.

If it's personal information, then it's personal. He is being honest with you, more honest than most guys would be. He's not in the right place for a relationship, and he doesn't want to hurt you by letting it go any further without his commitment. Sometimes it's more loving to not start a relationship than it is to start one!

 

[chanis]

I think that as women we sometimes hold on to the "what if's" and the "maybe's" and we sometimes want to put the best effort out to make this work even when we know this is not working out and then we demand answers to see if we can still fix what shouldn't be fixed...if this guy has made his decision he has his reasons and that should be it...ideally it would be nice to have that open communication and to discuss what ever the issues might have been but it just seems like that's not gonna happen...

 

[Sketcher]

If it were me, I would refrain from telling you because I wouldn't want to destroy you. If I see no future in my relationship with someone, it might not be due to something she needs to "fix." It might be something that isn't a problem for the right person but it sure is a problem for me.

I wouldn't have jumped into the kissing in this exploratory stage, though.

 

[country woman]

At a young age most guys don't know what they want.guys at 20 are not at the same level as girrls of the same age.

 

[mina]

Honestly, It would be hard for me to be friends with this guy if I was in this position. I think that he was confused and fooled around with you b/c he could and now maybe he feels guilty and almost like he owes it to you to be your friend so he won't hurt you more. He might come around, but those "what ifs" will drive you insane and you deserve better than a guy who is wishy washy in his feelings about you. It is very hard to be friends like nothing happed when it has. Although it is probably the wrong advice, In this situiation I would stop contact with him b/c I wouldn't be able to take it if it was just a pity friendship.

 

[RED that's ME]

It stinks and hurts I'm sure. You need to decide is a friendship with him is worth it and what you want.
My advice: Don't chase after him for a relationship more than friendship, on the most part guys really dislike girls chasing after them. If you need some space to clear your mind over this for a while I suggest you do that too.

 

[lynnie]

I should clearify that i am totally fine with us being friends he's turned into my best friend and he's told me that i have become the same for him. so im not asking to try and fix things so that we could date i was just wondering just for the knowledge of knowing so if if it was something i need to improve in myself then i could do that.

 

[RefinedByFire]

Umm, yeah. You are getting a glimpse of his immaturity here. This is gold.

"Need to know basis?" What the..... Is he in espionage or something. Give-me-a-freakin'-break!

 

[Babymine]

Umm, yeah. You are getting a glimpse of his immaturity here. This is gold.

"Need to know basis?" What the..... Is he in espionage or something. Give-me-a-freakin'-break!

That is so funny, and exactly the phrase I was going to talk about. What in the world is a "need to know basis"?

Hey, do you like me?

That information is on a need to know basis, and you dont need to know.

Uhh ok, are you breathing?

That information is on a need to know basis, and you dont need to know.

Do you see how that phrase doesnt at all fit into real life situations? He's not even thinking of your emotions enough to give you a serious answer.

I think , like someone else said already, it's on you and when you decide to let him know that his treatment of you is not acceptable.

 

[the_man]

Too much effort has been put into worrying about this. Don't waste your time babe; move on up.

 

[lynnie]

I think it is completely stupid that he said it's need to know information! HELLO!! i am the other person in the situation...
and as for him not telling me because it might be that he's not attracted to me then how come all the time he tells me im hot and that im goodlooking....? i dont get it... im done with this whole dating thing....

 

[Jesus-is-the-1]

I think it is completely stupid that he said it's need to know information! HELLO!! i am the other person in the situation...
and as for him not telling me because it might be that he's not attracted to me then how come all the time he tells me im hot and that im goodlooking....? i dont get it... im done with this whole dating thing....

I think the attractive comment was just used as an example, not that it was actually that he didn't find you attractive.

I personally would not waste my time worrying about why. I do understand that it is human nature to want to know why, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Someday you will meet a guy that will give you the upmost respect that you deserve. Don't waste your time on anyone that gives you less than that.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

maybe he's gay.

 

[Pyrogenesis]

I think it is completely stupid that he said it's need to know information! HELLO!! i am the other person in the situation...
and as for him not telling me because it might be that he's not attracted to me then how come all the time he tells me im hot and that im goodlooking....? i dont get it... im done with this whole dating thing....

Heck, I know a lot of girls that are 'hot' and good looking, but I'm not prepared to date them. At 20 he's probably still dealing with the transition from high-school/college into the real world; there are a lot of issues that come up at this stage in people's lives, and it's a wise decision to not start a dating type relationship during this time.

He's not trying to be rude when he says "Need to know", it's just that he probably doesn't fully understand what's going on himself. He needs time to deal with whatever he needs to deal with, time to come to terms with the man he's becoming.

Heh, you can't get put off dating that easily. I've got stories of betrayal that would make epic movies. On two seperate occasions I've had girls I nearly married; one of them got drunk and slept with someone she barely knew the very night we talked about marriage, and the other one told me that she loved me and that I'd make a perfect husband, then 3 hours later she left me to look after her 4 year old son while she hooked up with someone else. I had a girl ring me in the middle of the night, crying and sobbing because her boyfriend beat her up. I drove for 7 hours across the country in the middle of the night to get her before he woke up and took her to her aunt's house. Then just as I'd dropped her off, he rang her cellphone and she turned around and went back.

I've given up hope for myself, but there's still someone out there for you. Don't let this little thing put you off.