why should women stay virgins until they get married?

[kittycat7]

Women should stay virgins until they're at a point in their lives where they would not be tempted to terminate an unplanned pregnancy. (If you never want kids, get your tubes tied.) For most women, this point is marriage.

 

[AceHero]

As to the original question.

If a woman want to marry a man who is a virgin she would do well to be a virgin herself as it will most likely increase her chances.

Men would do well to think the same way.

^this.
Makes a lot of sense.

If you desire someone similar temperament to you, then try your best to remain sexually responsible prior to marriage/ engagement.

Just don't put-down those that aren't following that same path as they have a right to choose their life's direction.
Conversely, those that are sexually active shouldn't intimidate or try to make like those that aren't sexually active are somehow "lesser" than the non-virgins...

My experience has been that women who wait until marriage to have sex AND have a healthy attitude about sex going in have a much, much, MUCH healthier and higher sex drive within marriage than women who do not; which makes for happier wives, happier husbands, and more harmonious homes. One could speculate as to why this is, but it's obviously a good trend.

It's an interesting observation, but personally I've never known someone with a healthy attitude towards sex who -didn't- have sex before marriage. (Healthy = Understanding the risks and how to minimize them, not feeling ashamed of their sexual desires, expecting to be treated with love and respect by their partners, etc.) I'm not saying none exist, but it seems that most people with a healthy, guiltless, unafraid view of sex who are working off accurate knowledge of the risks (not the horror show that abstinence-only education so often pushes) and are in a long-term relationship simply don't have a lot of reasons not to do it.

I'm waiting for marriage but I totally understand the inefficiency of abstinence-only programs. Many people are going to have sex regardless. But I don't think my commitment to sex after marriage somehow gives me a less "healthy" view of sex than someone who is sexually active before marriage.

2. He wants you to offer your husband on your wedding night something that he will cherish with great thankfulness and total appreciation for what you offer him.

Well, I'd rather have a wife that's not a virgin, so she already knows how things work.

Or you could just figure it out during the marriage.

its the best feeling knowing that both me and my wife where virgins to know that we where both our firsts and only as we plan to be married for life and plan to have a great sex life together... we see people who have sex before they marry and often they divorce later in life or break up cause there relationship is only sex and not true love. i feel god made sex that way he made it to be wonderful when you are married. but if you try before your married he makes it hard for you.

Makes sense.

 

[jminnesota]

well its in the bible and its what my pastor kept teaching me is that you save yourself til you get married. so both me and my wife waited til we married before having sex. i know in todays would its hard to wait til your married with peer pressue and all.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

well its in the bible and its what my pastor kept teaching me is that you save yourself til you get married. so both me and my wife waited til we married before having sex. i know in todays would its hard to wait til your married with peer pressue and all.

What I really dislike is the (more than) suggestion, by popular culture, that you are somehow abnormal if you don't have sex before marriage. I can think of two examples from 90's television, right now. In the sitcom Empty Nest, the older daughter was dating a man, but came to have doubts about that relationship because he was a virgin. She thought that meant he had a freakishly low sex drive. The possibility that he was acting out his morality wasn't considered. But if it had been, he probably would have been portrayed as some kind of whacko religious extremist, with the suggested message being, who wants that? Also in the 1990s, on a talk show, several men took the stage to discuss their decision to stay virgins until they were married, and the crowd spent the entire edition of that show jeering at them. One woman stood up in the audience and said to them, "I think you're all a bunch of mama's boys." Besides these, doesn't every teenage-geared program have a "main character loses his/her virginity" episode? If you don't lose your virginity while still in your teens, people nowadays wonder what's wrong with you.

By noting that this seems to be the modern societal norm, I am not saying I agree. In fact, I think it's a rotten shame, and the Scripture that comes to my mind is Isaiah 5:20. Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

 

[jminnesota]

yea i wish there was more christian family tv shows on that showed its ok to wait til your married to have sex with someone. tv shows that show mom and dad married and loving eachother and the kids grow up with morals and values. that they wait til they marry before having sex.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Unfortunately, it seems that any time a television show has a Christian character in it, that person is always portrayed as obnoxious and/or crazy. Aunt Esther, from Sanford and Son, is among the more *likeable* examples, and she was depicted as a loudmouthed grouch with no sense of humor who disapproved of anything that looks like fun.

Her usual facial expressions:

This was, and is, done deliberately. Hollywood doesn't want to show a Christian as someone who is happy, agreeable, or enjoyable company, lest someone might consider becoming one. Wouldn't want that to happen, would they?

 

[quatona]

Unfortunately, it seems that any time a television show has a Christian character in it, that person is always portrayed as obnoxious and/or crazy. Aunt Esther, from Sanford and Son, is among the more *likeable* examples, and she was depicted as a loudmouthed grouch with no sense of humor who disapproved of anything that looks like fun.


This was, and is, done deliberately. Hollywood doesn't want to show a Christian as someone who is happy, agreeable, or enjoyable company, lest someone might consider becoming one. Wouldn't want that to happen, would they?

I guess that´s why atheists have about the lowest reputation imaginable in the USofA. Talk about a counterproductive Hollywood strategy (or - more likely - a conspiracy theory on your part).

 

[elephunky]

*blind post*

Yeah seriously, lets not leave men out of it here.

Agreed.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I guess that´s why atheists have about the lowest reputation imaginable in the USofA. Talk about a counterproductive Hollywood strategy (or - more likely - a conspiracy theory on your part).

I'll springboard that into a different thread, so I don't derail this one.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Unfortunately, it seems that any time a television show has a Christian character in it, that person is always portrayed as obnoxious and/or crazy.

What you say isn't the case in my experience. The Simpson family is religious, and they aren't portrayed as obnoxious or crazy, even if they aren't Americans at their best. Neither is the Flanders family, who is actually the straight arrow contrast to the dysfunctional Simpson family. The minister is also portrayed in a positive light.

The SF show Babylon 5, while written by an atheist (Joe Straczynski), often portrayed explicitly religious characters in a positive light. Some were valuable members of the Resistance against an evil alien power in that plotline.

If you look for positive portrayal of Christians, you will find them.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[jminnesota]

yea even shows that are geared twards kids and teens often make it look in order to fit in you have to be sexual in high school and outside of being married. Soap operas are even worse as they show people sleeping together right when they start dating eachother. magazines are also bad. i mean other day i was in the doctors office and the magazine table there was a teen magazine and on front cover it said 10 ways to please your boyfriend in bed. its like really do we really need that. instead of that how about why you should wait til your married? no wonder there are so many teens having babies and its like parents need to teach morals and values again. start writing to ABC NBC CBS and tell them you want to have more family friendly shows on that show christian family values. Fox tv same thing. not just the stiff christain but show loving christians where mom and dad are married and have wonderful kids and if kids do something wrong have a lesson built into it.

7th heaven was a good show i remember when that was on. when the kids messed up the parents would sit with them and tell them why its wrong what they did it delt with teen sex and stuff but it showed what happen when you do that kinda thing. and families always come together when you need them.

 

[Zanting]

What if you don't have a choice...rape removes the chance to remain a virgin by choice...young lives have been devastated by rape because that choice was taken from them. Some can move on and live reasonable lives, but many others have a very difficult time having "normal" intimate relationships. Molestation and rape of children and teens has life long effects.

 

[Larry Mondello]

What if you don't have a choice...rape removes the chance to remain a virgin by choice...young lives have been devastated by rape because that choice was taken from them. Some can move on and live reasonable lives, but many others have a very difficult time having "normal" intimate relationships. Molestation and rape of children and teens has life long effects.

Of course.
That's why I consider women who've been raped still virgins or innocent.

Of course, they're not physical virgins but because they didn't (and couldn't) give consent... they're still "innocent" and shouldn't think less of themselves.

An online friend of mine was raped when she was 14.

Some can move on and live reasonable lives, but many others have a very difficult time having "normal" intimate relationships. Molestation and rape of children and teens has life long effects.

That rape, by a family friend who was moving out of state, really messed her up.
For years, she (understandably) remained afraid of men and deliberately married a man she knew she couldn't ever have sex with.
She never had sex as an adult and @50, I tell her she should think of herself as a virgin.

 

[FrenchyBearpaw]

Let's just admit the elephant in the room here, and admit that the whole notion of women staying virgin's until marriage is a self-serving patriarchal construct. It is a notion from a time in which women were considered property, and to have coitus meant that she was "used." It's a silly notion, and in this day and age, should be a their own decision, based on their own reasons, without fear of ridicule, harm or death if they choose not to be a virgin.

 

[I Eat Pie]

Yup ^

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Having been sexually abused myself as a child, I was told by a very sensitive and understanding doctor that spiritually my virginity was intact. It didn't "count" unless it was voluntary, and under informed consent.

 

[lenamuo]

To remain pure before you become one with your husband. The same applies for men with their wife

 

[Joshua0]

]why should women stay virgins until they get married?

If a women cheats on her husband before they get married, then it is going to be more difficult for her NOT to cheat on the husband after they get married. Also we are told that the two become one. So to be joined with someone that is not your husband or wife could cause people to be fragmented. This presents issues and problems people really do not need to deal with.

 

[Joshua0]

It is a notion from a time in which women were considered property

Another popular myth. Although as long as we are on the subject. Is that why men have to pay alimony and half their retirement check, because the women was his "property"?

 

[wannabeadesigirl]

If a women cheats on her husband before they get married, then it is going to be more difficult for her NOT to cheat on the husband after they get married. Also we are told that the two become one. So to be joined with someone that is not your husband or wife could cause people to be fragmented. This presents issues and problems people really do not need to deal with.

Sorry I'm calling bull on this one. You're telling me if a woman has sex before she's married she's more likely to cheat on her husband when they're married...well what if her husband has sex before getting married? Will he be more likely to cheat on her? How is it that her virginity is more valued than a man's? Why is a woman's purity more valuable than a male's purity?


As to your second post "Another popular myth. Although as long as we are on the subject. Is that why men have to pay alimony and half their retirement check, because the women was his "property"?"

Because women were for so long considered property, and taught their place was solely in the home, if they were dispossessed of a home because of a divorce then the man, in order to make sure she was taken care of, was forced to pay alimony and child support for any children in the family.

I believe it is as antiquated an idea as virginity and ought to be reconsidered because the work place has become more willing to hire females. However you also have the pay gap, wherein women make .88 to every dollar their male counterparts make. So perhaps until pay is equalized across the board alimony ought to be paid, and child support ought always to be paid simply because it's for kids.