Why is finding someone so hard?

mmhmm. I hear you. its frustrating. There's nothing wrong with meeting someone online though. I haven't met many guys IRL I really connect with, but then again for so long i never made much effort to connect with guys IRL just because of various personal issues, and now that I am ready to make that effort... my schedule won't allow me. The kind of man I would date is rather rare anyhow sooo.... i wind up meeting guys online who I would date in a heartbeat but they tend to live rather far away. or they're not interested. or both

(not to knock LDRs because for the right guy I would be all in, but it does tend to make you think twice when they are far away )


I figure there's a plan for it though. I honestly do wonder if my future husband, if he exists, lives elsewhere. I think there's a reason I was never able to develop a deep connection with a guy here. I think there's a reason my heart is set on living elsewhere. I think there's a reason I keep meeting people who live far away. I couldn't tell you I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He's leading me away from here to find my husband, but I trust His sovereignty. And I trust that He can open and close doors where He pleases. If He really wants me to meet someone, then He can use whatever means He chooses - the internet, church, the coffee shop, etc... to bring us together.

that was a rather longwinded way of saying I understand and empathize

It is hard to find the right person where everything is just good; and I don't know why.....

Finding someone isn't hard. Finding the RIGHT person is hard.

lafillecherie said:

mmhmm. I hear you. its frustrating. There's nothing wrong with meeting someone online though. I haven't met many guys IRL I really connect with, but then again for so long i never made much effort to connect with guys IRL just because of various personal issues, and now that I am ready to make that effort... my schedule won't allow me. The kind of man I would date is rather rare anyhow sooo.... i wind up meeting guys online who I would date in a heartbeat but they tend to live rather far away. or they're not interested. or both

(not to knock LDRs because for the right guy I would be all in, but it does tend to make you think twice when they are far away )


I figure there's a plan for it though. I honestly do wonder if my future husband, if he exists, lives elsewhere. I think there's a reason I was never able to develop a deep connection with a guy here. I think there's a reason my heart is set on living elsewhere. I think there's a reason I keep meeting people who live far away. I couldn't tell you I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He's leading me away from here to find my husband, but I trust His sovereignty. And I trust that He can open and close doors where He pleases. If He really wants me to meet someone, then He can use whatever means He chooses - the internet, church, the coffee shop, etc... to bring us together.

that was a rather longwinded way of saying I understand and empathize

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^Wisdom right there!

Ester, it sucks. That's just the way it is. Here's something else to consider though... I have a friend who divorced about the same time I was, but she's been on a TON of dates. TONS. She admitted those dates were mostly fun and make out, and then when the guys realized she wouldn't put out then they were old news. I've avoided doing what she does though because I already know that the man I'm looking for is a man of quality, and I'm not going to find him going about it willy nilly like she has (I love her, I swear she's an amazing woman). But her method works for her and mine works for me, so even though it gets lonely I prefer not having to deal with superficial relationships either. When the going gets tough, just try to remember God loves you and he wants you to be with a man who's worthy of you.

I hope all that rambling made sense like it did in my head

Are you looking for "a date" or are you looking for "future husband"? Big difference most of the time. We don't marry everyone we date, so that's a lot of non-potentials passing through our lives sometimes. It's not that hard just to find someone to hang out with; the hard part is waiting and discerning and being patient and listening to God about who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It's hard because 1) you're searching for someone out of 6 billion people on the planet, and 2) God won't make it happen until it's the right moment, and for the more stupid and stubborn among us (points at self), that can take a lot of years lol.

The good news is, if you're patient and faithful, it CAN happen.

^Dating is kinda like this

Starnchrist said:

Thanks. Yeah I have connected well with some people and made great friends through CF, but It feels like I don't know... Like there is always a block or something for me to find that right person. Sometimes I feel like I won't find them you know, but Waiting can be soo hard... that is so true. I shrugged my shoulder and said, "What ever" but then when you start talking to guys who are far away you can't help but hope right?

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true.

I'm learning though to just let things be. and develop on their own without trying to read too much into things so I can hope something will happen (which is actually quite something for me - I can be terrible about that ).

Waiting is very hard. But then i think of the alternative. I'm sure we both could be in relationships right now if we really wanted to, but that would likely mean settling for someone who isn't right for us. And thats more painful and stressful than the singleness. And when the right man finally does come along... it will make the waiting more than worth it.

Starnchrist said:

Just wondering. Why is it so easy for others to find love or just someone in their lives, while other's can't even get a date! I mean...It's like... crazy. I've had more internet flings then real life prospects! It's so complicated. I mean...I can have guy friends easy. I'm into action and adventure movies, Video Games, Football, (not so Wrestling fan) I mean I have lived around guys my whole life and I just don't get it. I know it's not about that, but at least I can find something of commonality with guys, but I can't get a date to save my life. I know what it is, but changing that part of my life is not easy. I wish I had someone who could be my motivator. I can't be the only one feeling this way for sure. I mean some people complain about being single, but they can do the dating thing every week, while...others take years just to get 1 date. Life is so cruel.

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I like this thread a lot

Thank you for making it!!!!

I am content in my single walk and until April 2012 passes I won't be going on dates or courting someone until that passes because I made a vow to not date/court anyone for 2 years after my last relationship ended in April 2010 - to focus my life around Jesus more. I am not against meeting any "potentials" that the Lord enters into my life but it is one vow that I made to the Lord that I won't break until next year.

Awhile I am content being Single - I do have my Lonely Days and I want her in my life right now. Who hasn't. And to be honest lately CF been having a love bug where EVERYONE is finding SOMEONE from getting involved, in a relationship, engaged, getting married. I am happy for everyone because a lot here are my Brothers, Sisters, and my friends. I've been praying for them to find someone and I'm happy for them. But it is a Catch 22 to wonder "Lord, what am I doing wrong" when in fact there is NOTHING WRONG with US - we ain't DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR it is just not our TIME yet. I know "some" will be like "don't wait on the Lord you be Single forever" well DOH - no "lady will jump on my lap from Heaven" and it does take some "effort" and to "introduce" yourself and ect.

But I am not desperate for someone, I don't "need" someone to fulfill my life to be content in our Lord, rebounds are stupid, and going from one relationship to another without healing and to chill out for awhile and be content in Christ being Single isn't healthy. I do not "show off" that I am some sort of "saint" I am not whatsoever and I do not condemn anyone who is currently involved - I am happy for everyone that the Lord has finally bless you all with someone in your life - I am praying for the best - and the Lord will guide your hearts together in Him. So I am not "attacking" anyone but speaking from my own heart and giving my 2 cents to this awesome engaging thread that my awesome friend created

I just want to be real and completely honest about it - and if someone gets offended by it - it isn't my fault - I'm just speaking from my own experience - I won't censor myself any longer...

It isn't my time to be involved yet. I talked to someone last week about stuff - and we both came to the same conclusion - we aren't built to be alone forever - we are built to have someone in our lifetime. For everyone each one is different but that is what I concluded for myself.

I believe that when it is HIS TIME - everything will fit smoothly and everything will open with ease - it won't be forced and it won't be difficult. I've been through mostly LDR experience and for each I always encountered a difficult period - of the Lord simply not opening doors for it to work out - I was very wise to know this - and I ended it off with my last relationship - it was mutual - and we remain friends to this day. I felt I was going in a different direction and my past SO was going in an opposite direction. That is alright - God has His perfect plan, purpose, and direction for each. I am blessed with the experience that I learned from it and I shall move forward in Christ.

So I can relate to StarnChrist and a few other posters in this thread.

I just simply want to give each one a

Some has said to me "why are you single - you are such a gentleman - a Man of God" trust me I heard it all when it comes to those "lines" and I take them as compliments. And I say simply "...it ain't my time yet."

I have blessed so much more people being Single in the past 1 1/2 years than I was when I was Involved with Someone. So right now in my young adult life - I am content - God is preparing me for that Someone (my mom calls it hubby-in-training) - until that day - I am to bless others in Christ with my experience and be a lending listening ear

Sorry for being "wordy" but some things you just got to say to help others in Christ

Take Care

God Bless,
Drew

HazelWings said:

^Dating is kinda like this

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very much so

HazelWings said:

^Dating is kinda like this

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Easiest game of Where's Waldo Ever?

Lord Herdsetk said:

Easiest game of Where's Waldo Ever?

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But only ONE is the real Waldo There are many out there but only one who is the Right One.

I hear ya on this!

It's so hard to meet someone. I think it's partly my fault due to the fact that I just don't get out a lot. I tend to "meet" more people online that I'm interested in than in RL.

I'm 28 and I've never dated. Sometimes I think that something is wrong with me. Deep down though I know that God has got this. I try not to dwell on it but it's hard not to at times. It just kinda comes in waves.

I just have to keep reminding myself (daily) that God knows best and I have to trust Him. I don't think I'm meant to be alone but I have to trust in His timing to bring the right guy into my life.

Eh thing is about the net is often times we are more upfront about who we are and how we approach things. I could be very outgoing to that guy or girl online but when I meet them in real life my fear of screwing things up or takes over and quiet and shy amber is once again more dominant. Course that's just me. Had about a billion online flings and one or two real life ones. My love life and statistics are also skewed because of who I am and my fear of being the real me up until the past few years. Finding that mate is so hard :/ *paws at her tail*

Obviously there are millions of shades of grey, but really you can date with intention and seriousness, or you can date for fun and to try and ease that feeling of loneliness. Dating for fun makes it easy to get dates all the time, but most of it will be casual and that's hard to keep up without bringing sex into the equation. Dating with intention has more meaning but it also means patience, as well as really putting your heart on the line.

Keri said:

Finding someone isn't hard. Finding the RIGHT person is hard.

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EXACTLY!

Anyone can be with someone if they're happy to be with anyone.

Having standards is a good thing. Don't compromise them.

There could be a lot of reasons.

I've never had a problem getting a date. But honestly, not all dates make suitable relationships. Maybe for some people it's fun. I've never minded it, I'd go on dates for the heck of it, but I've dated more for the company and to have somebody to talk to than to have a make out buddy or somebody to flirt with. I've never cared for that, I don't want to risk leading somebody on if I'm not interested in them that way. I try to keep it to "friend dates" as Drewski would probably call them.

If you're actually looking for somebody to love and have a long term relationship with, the whole dating thing can just be very frustrating. You go out on more dates with people who you're incompatible with than those you could be with long term. Then you have to deal with awkward situations like holding hands or kissing goodnight if he's into you and wants to make those moves and you're just not feeling it. You have to deal with telling a guy that you think he's a cool friend, but not relationship potential. If you're unsure, then you have your own feelings to figure out as well and you don't want to lead him on only to say, eh, sorry. Or even worse, maybe you need more than just a couple dates for feelings to develop, yet, the general dating game expectation is that you have it figured out after the first couple.