Why I have anger at God.

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I'll be honest. I'm limited on the autistic people I've known. But he doesn't say no one will hire him because of the aspergers. He says his mom signed him up for disability. He seems to want to be treated like a normal person. I don't think there's a need to jump all over everyone. He wants to work, so encourage him to work.

I have nothing against his working if the right job is available. Therein lies the problem.

You don't understand Asperger's. Being brilliant isn't all that an employer wants.
 
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aspie3000

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Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him

Without faith you aren't going to get many prayers answered. Faith involves not only believing that God exists, but believing He is good and will reward you for diligently seeking Him. You have a laundry list of what you want God to do for you but what you really need God to do for you is to save you and transform you into a new person. This is called being "born again". Instead of praying for a better life, ask God to save you and transform your life the way He wants to. What you need more than anything is your sins to be forgiven and for Jesus Christ to enter your heart and make you into a new person. That is what I would be praying for.

In the meantime, are you attending a church or any Christian fellowships?

I posted a topic asking if I was saved and they told me I was, but I don't think so. Can a good tree bear bad fruit and all that. I want to be a new person, I truly do and have been trying for 14 years. How to I become born again? How do I become a new person. Saying a prayer hasn't worked. Saying a million prayers haven't worked. Maybe my heart isn't right but I don't know how to get it right. I want to be cleansed of my sin; I want to be a moral person. I want a God to talk to and to guide my life and give me direction. I want to serve this God. How do I become a new person? How do I become born again? I am willing but have been unable to do so.
 
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Cheylynn

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So, I'm trying to follow God once again and I have been (unsuccessfully) for a while. I'm trying to turn from my sin, I'm reading the Bible even though I'm not that into it, and I'm trying to pray to God. Regarding that last one I have hit a snag. I have a lot of problems. I'm 24, have aspergers syndrome, live with my parents, don't have a job (I can't get a full time job because my mother put me on disability when I was in high school), don't have a drivers license. I have no friends (not that I'd want one because I generally can't stand people) except my family which is why I'd never move out by myself even if given the opportunity, I have been separated from God for 14 years though I've tried vociferously to get back to him. I have a degree in Criminal Justice and I'm getting another degree in paralegal, so I'm not a complete failure. And all of this poses a problem because I want something basic in my life that as the years pass it looks like I'll never have. I want a wife and children, a car, a house, a job, children, and to live a moral life. I desire strongly to have a girlfriend right now, a companion to make life more livable and have since I was old enough to like girls. I have lived a past in high school where I was treated like garbage by everyone; and I live in a family where my borderline personality suffering mother sometimes abuses alcohol and my father who (also has aspergers) sometimes gets angry enough to lay hands upon her.

What I'm saying is that I have a lot of problems and I have brought all of them to God many times over the course of many years and he has not dealt with a single one of them. I have absolutely no power over my life. I cannot get a full time job myself, I cannot attract woman on my own, I cannot make my insane parents sane. I have been robbed of everything that makes a man a man, and whats more I have no real relationship with God. I pray and pray to God and he says and does absolutely nothing. I ask what he wants me to do to come back to him and he says nothing. So then I demand that he tells me what to do and does nothing. Then I yell and curse and rail against him and he still does nothing. I ask for a girlfriend and future wife and he gives me nothing. I ask he give me guidance on what to do in my life and he says nothing. My God has never competently lifted a finger for my benefit. What times he has intervened in my life has either left me confused or did not solve the problem. I'm trying to follow God again as I've tried many times but my prayer to him today was basically "what is there to talk about? I have many problems that I keep bringing to you and you don't even show any outward signs that you are listening. So if you don't care about my problems, if you will not tell me how to return to you, if you will not help me in following you, there is nothing to talk about." There is literally nothing to talk about with an absentee God.
Are you born again?
 
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Southernscotty

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Aspie, My heart breaks for you and I feel that you are being greatly deceived by satan's lies. This is his job, To lie to christians, and to deceive them, making them miserable. And he {Non capitalized on purpose} is very diligent in stealing people's peace because he continually whispers that you are not saved and by placing trust in this, You have given over to it and become miserable. This is not what God wants and He wants you to be secure. Read Romans 10:10-13 and accept it. Then when evil comes at you, reject it and say NO satan get thee behind me, because I am a blood bought child of the most high and you have NO authority over me. The Lord rebuke you satan. I truly hope this helps you my Sister :]
 
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aspie3000

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Are you born again?

I accepted Jesus Christ as a nine or ten year old boy on mothers day. Things did change; I loved God: I loved people: I felt a deep conviction for my sin; the spirit moved through me and caused me to good, read the bible, and praise God with joy. Then I read the passage of scripture regarding the unpardonable sin and was deathly afraid of committing it. However, as someone with obsessive tendencies, I slipped up and said something bad about God. I was horrified and kept begging God to forgive me. He would and his spirit would return to me, but I'd get afraid and beg and scream for forgiveness again. One day I guess God got tired of it and withdrew his spirit from me. From there I tried and tried to beg God to come back to me. It never happened and I feared that I had committed the unpardonable sin. I thought I was going to hell but I stayed loyal to God because he's God and he was the only way towards forgiveness. One day I fell in love with a girl from school and asked for her from God but that never materialized. This I guess was where my anger and railing against God began.

Anyways I thought that I was on the right track when I went to a mission trip for my Church to Nicaragua. There I was helped by those people and learned that I had not committed the unpardonable sin and could be forgiven. I went home to my house with my parents and brother convinced I was saved and planning to stop sinning and follow God. When I got there surrounded by my family which are very course and redneck like, make inappropriate jokes, racist jokes, and generally are uncouth I started falling back into my evil habits again. So I asked God almighty how to stop sinning and how to stop doing evil when I ran into a sermon by a Calvinist pastor in Texas named Tim Conway who preached on that verse everyone's afraid of in Hebrews. I was scared and went to the college ministry the next day and actually got a message from God through the preacher. God told me to deny myself of many things my sin, my time, my freedoms (the latter two to give to him), and a whole bunch of other things and I'd find myself in the will of God. Well, I tried to stop sinning and deny myself, I really did but I just kept failing at doing it, getting exhausted falling in a moment of weakness etc. So I continued to go to the college ministry and it seemed that God talked to me again. The mantra that I'd repeat to myself when trying to turn from my sins was, "turn from my behavior, change my behavior, change my behavior or I will die." The message that day basically stated that changing your behavior (that phrase was used exactly) was useless; that anyone who try to do it would just get tired trying to live legalistically and turn from their sins in their own strength, and that God would give me a new heart. Then they went over what sanctification was.

I was so happy at this preaching and came to God asking for a new heart, and nothing happened. Then I came across a youtube video by another Calvinist which eerily struck home which said that I need to stop sinning and clean up my life and then God would give me a new heart and bless me with the holy spirit. So, seeing as those three messages contradict each other and the only way I could be convinced of one or the other is if God gave me a clear message clearing the confusion I asked God to tell me which of these things is true. It's been over a year and a half and God has told me nothing, and now I'm simply confused and angry at God for not telling me how to fix my broken spiritual state. I don't know if I'm saved or not, I don't know what true Christian doctrine is, I don't know if I'm going to heaven or hell.
 
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aspie3000

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Aspie, My heart breaks for you and I feel that you are being greatly deceived by satan's lies. This is his job, To lie to christians, and to deceive them, making them miserable. And he {Non capitalized on purpose} is very diligent in stealing people's peace because he continually whispers that you are not saved and by placing trust in this, You have given over to it and become miserable. This is not what God wants and He wants you to be secure. Read Romans 10:10-13 and accept it. Then when evil comes at you, reject it and say NO satan get thee behind me, because I am a blood bought child of the most high and you have NO authority over me. The Lord rebuke you satan. I truly hope this helps you my Sister :]

I sincerely hope you're right, but i'm in such a degenerate state right now and God is so far that I don't know. Also its brother; no offense taken or anything, but I am a male.
 
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aspie3000

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First things first. Do you know the gospel?

You're right, there is no magical prayer that will save you. The sinners prayer is not found in the Bible.

The Bible says to repent and believe. But you can't do that without knowing the gospel.

Yes, Jesus who is God, came down to earth as a man, died on the cross and took the punishment that was due to every man because we are born sinners, destined to hell, and cannot be redeemed apart from him.
 
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aiki

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I posted a topic asking if I was saved and they told me I was, but I don't think so. Can a good tree bear bad fruit and all that.

There is definitely a place for making sure you are actually saved. Paul the apostle wrote:

2 Corinthians 13:5
5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified.


It is not devilish of believers to urge you to follow Paul's advice. What a horrible, horrible thing it would be to think all your life that you are saved when, in fact, you aren't and then to die and go to hell! Yikes!

How to I become born again? How do I become a new person. Saying a prayer hasn't worked. Saying a million prayers haven't worked. Maybe my heart isn't right but I don't know how to get it right. I want to be cleansed of my sin; I want to be a moral person. I want a God to talk to and to guide my life and give me direction. I want to serve this God. How do I become a new person? How do I become born again? I am willing but have been unable to do so.

Not just any belief will do. My grandfather used to preach a sermon called, "Missing Heaven By Eighteen Inches." That's roughly the distance from one's head to one's heart. My grandfather would point out in his sermon that an intellectual belief is insufficient to save a person. Merely agreeing to the truths of the Gospel, just accepting them as true, does not save. Demons have at least this measure of belief in God and none of them are going to heaven! (Ja. 2:19) No, what is really needed is a belief of the heart; that is, a belief that anticipates real change in one's values, beliefs and living. This was the apostle James' point when he wrote,

James 2:18-20
18 But someone will say, "You have faith, and I have works." Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.
19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe--and tremble!
20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?


The truth of the Gospel has to move from your head to your heart and when it does, your life will inevitably and necessarily change.

You know, so many Christians get busy living the Christian life but neglect to obey the First and Great Commandment out of which all other obedience to God is supposed to flow. We are first of all to love God with all of our being (Matt. 22:36-38) and then obey His other commands as a result. But there are many, many Christians who are going to church, reading their Bibles, praying and all the other "Christian" stuff who, if they are really honest with themselves, don't actually love God much, if at all. It is these same "Christians" who will one day stand before God and hear Him say, "Depart from me. I never knew you."

So, you want to be saved? Here's how:

1 John 4:15-16
15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.
16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.


What is the love that God has for us that John is talking about?

1 John 4:9-10
9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.


When you get hold of just how much God loves you, not in your head, but in your heart, it will transform your life. Pray, then, as Paul did:

Ephesians 3:14-19
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--
19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
 
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Southernscotty

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I sincerely hope you're right, but i'm in such a degenerate state right now and God is so far that I don't know. Also its brother; no offense taken or anything, but I am a male.
Sorry My Brother. Lol I do not Know why I missed that. Praying for you. :]
 
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Southernscotty

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Romans 7:24 Paul says what a wretched man am I, Who shall save me? The Lord Jesus Christ. This is why I stated in another thread OSAS earlier that I see people just miserable because they can't measure up. Brother NONE of us can. It's only by Grace we can make it and It is a gift given freely. You can't earn salvation by being good. Love God with all your heart mind and soul, And your neighbor as yourself. A believers only job is to believe :]
 
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Cheylynn

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I accepted Jesus Christ as a nine or ten year old boy on mothers day. Things did change; I loved God: I loved people: I felt a deep conviction for my sin; the spirit moved through me and caused me to good, read the bible, and praise God with joy. Then I read the passage of scripture regarding the unpardonable sin and was deathly afraid of committing it. However, as someone with obsessive tendencies, I slipped up and said something bad about God. I was horrified and kept begging God to forgive me. He would and his spirit would return to me, but I'd get afraid and beg and scream for forgiveness again. One day I guess God got tired of it and withdrew his spirit from me. From there I tried and tried to beg God to come back to me. It never happened and I feared that I had committed the unpardonable sin. I thought I was going to hell but I stayed loyal to God because he's God and he was the only way towards forgiveness. One day I fell in love with a girl from school and asked for her from God but that never materialized. This I guess was where my anger and railing against God began.

Anyways I thought that I was on the right track when I went to a mission trip for my Church to Nicaragua. There I was helped by those people and learned that I had not committed the unpardonable sin and could be forgiven. I went home to my house with my parents and brother convinced I was saved and planning to stop sinning and follow God. When I got there surrounded by my family which are very course and redneck like, make inappropriate jokes, racist jokes, and generally are uncouth I started falling back into my evil habits again. So I asked God almighty how to stop sinning and how to stop doing evil when I ran into a sermon by a Calvinist pastor in Texas named Tim Conway who preached on that verse everyone's afraid of in Hebrews. I was scared and went to the college ministry the next day and actually got a message from God through the preacher. God told me to deny myself of many things my sin, my time, my freedoms (the latter two to give to him), and a whole bunch of other things and I'd find myself in the will of God. Well, I tried to stop sinning and deny myself, I really did but I just kept failing at doing it, getting exhausted falling in a moment of weakness etc. So I continued to go to the college ministry and it seemed that God talked to me again. The mantra that I'd repeat to myself when trying to turn from my sins was, "turn from my behavior, change my behavior, change my behavior or I will die." The message that day basically stated that changing your behavior (that phrase was used exactly) was useless; that anyone who try to do it would just get tired trying to live legalistically and turn from their sins in their own strength, and that God would give me a new heart. Then they went over what sanctification was.

I was so happy at this preaching and came to God asking for a new heart, and nothing happened. Then I came across a youtube video by another Calvinist which eerily struck home which said that I need to stop sinning and clean up my life and then God would give me a new heart and bless me with the holy spirit. So, seeing as those three messages contradict each other and the only way I could be convinced of one or the other is if God gave me a clear message clearing the confusion I asked God to tell me which of these things is true. It's been over a year and a half and God has told me nothing, and now I'm simply confused and angry at God for not telling me how to fix my broken spiritual state. I don't know if I'm saved or not, I don't know what true Christian doctrine is, I don't know if I'm going to heaven or hell.
Oh my dear soul! How tender and sweet you are! I am blessed to hear you. You know much and I hear the spirit of God in you! I’m not sure if you have ever heard of that poem called footprints. Its essentially about a union with God that there is no longer a separation, but the two become one. This is what it means to be of the Spirit, you become one with Him. I think that you are troubled by many things, but lack what is important – like what Jesus told Martha. Instead of seeking God, for things and stuff how about just going before Him with no agenda. Think upon, who you know Him to be (in the positive sense) and speak words of love for Him, to Him. He knows your story. He knows it more than you do. Just leave all the clutter of your wants, sin, questions and all that – go before Him and offer yourself to Him as a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Remember, no asking, no expecting. Read Psalms and ask God for the Spirit that rested upon David. I believe that much has settled upon your dear one to cause this confusion because you are a threat to the darkness in this world if you were to walk in what is true. All your grievances and your pain, I don’t discount. No I hear them and my heart breaks for you. But! I encourage you to get off the platform you are on! You don’t belong there! As you come before God, in this way, you will receive your break through. My prayers are for you – bless you!
 
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Sabertooth

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aspie3000

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Oh my dear soul! How tender and sweet you are! I am blessed to hear you. You know much and I hear the spirit of God in you! I’m not sure if you have ever heard of that poem called footprints. Its essentially about a union with God that there is no longer a separation, but the two become one. This is what it means to be of the Spirit, you become one with Him. I think that you are troubled by many things, but lack what is important – like what Jesus told Martha. Instead of seeking God, for things and stuff how about just going before Him with no agenda. Think upon, who you know Him to be (in the positive sense) and speak words of love for Him, to Him. He knows your story. He knows it more than you do. Just leave all the clutter of your wants, sin, questions and all that – go before Him and offer yourself to Him as a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Remember, no asking, no expecting. Read Psalms and ask God for the Spirit that rested upon David. I believe that much has settled upon your dear one to cause this confusion because you are a threat to the darkness in this world if you were to walk in what is true. All your grievances and your pain, I don’t discount. No I hear them and my heart breaks for you. But! I encourage you to get off the platform you are on! You don’t belong there! As you come before God, in this way, you will receive your break through. My prayers are for you – bless you!

I thank you sincerely for your heartfelt words. I know what you wrote and I want to try it, but I really need certain questions answered by God. I know two things, that I am now separated from God and have no relationship with him to speak of and am a sinner. I also know that for me get better from this I need God to change my heart and give me a new heart. I don't know how to go about doing the latter. Prayer hasn't worked, turning from my sins hasn't worked. I don't know if I'm saved or not. I am in utter confusion. I tried to start praising God after I read your post but I couldn't think about anything to say. Its hard to say nice things at someone who you've been angered at for a while and when you're in this situation, and I don't have the energy. I really just want God to talk to me and clear up this confusion so I can move on in my life. This seems to be a problem that could be fixed with one conversation or explanation. All God has to do is speak to me clearly; I don't know why he doesn't say anything...
 
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All God has to do is speak to me clearly; I don't know why he doesn't say anything...
Trusting Him, first, will go a long way toward fixing that.

Jesus said,
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

For all of the other things on you to-do list, He said,
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?


“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
" Matthew 6:25-34
 
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redleghunter

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So, I'm trying to follow God once again and I have been (unsuccessfully) for a while. I'm trying to turn from my sin, I'm reading the Bible even though I'm not that into it, and I'm trying to pray to God. Regarding that last one I have hit a snag. I have a lot of problems. I'm 24, have aspergers syndrome, live with my parents, don't have a job (I can't get a full time job because my mother put me on disability when I was in high school), don't have a drivers license. I have no friends (not that I'd want one because I generally can't stand people) except my family which is why I'd never move out by myself even if given the opportunity, I have been separated from God for 14 years though I've tried vociferously to get back to him. I have a degree in Criminal Justice and I'm getting another degree in paralegal, so I'm not a complete failure. And all of this poses a problem because I want something basic in my life that as the years pass it looks like I'll never have. I want a wife and children, a car, a house, a job, children, and to live a moral life. I desire strongly to have a girlfriend right now, a companion to make life more livable and have since I was old enough to like girls. I have lived a past in high school where I was treated like garbage by everyone; and I live in a family where my borderline personality suffering mother sometimes abuses alcohol and my father who (also has aspergers) sometimes gets angry enough to lay hands upon her.

What I'm saying is that I have a lot of problems and I have brought all of them to God many times over the course of many years and he has not dealt with a single one of them. I have absolutely no power over my life. I cannot get a full time job myself, I cannot attract woman on my own, I cannot make my insane parents sane. I have been robbed of everything that makes a man a man, and whats more I have no real relationship with God. I pray and pray to God and he says and does absolutely nothing. I ask what he wants me to do to come back to him and he says nothing. So then I demand that he tells me what to do and does nothing. Then I yell and curse and rail against him and he still does nothing. I ask for a girlfriend and future wife and he gives me nothing. I ask he give me guidance on what to do in my life and he says nothing. My God has never competently lifted a finger for my benefit. What times he has intervened in my life has either left me confused or did not solve the problem. I'm trying to follow God again as I've tried many times but my prayer to him today was basically "what is there to talk about? I have many problems that I keep bringing to you and you don't even show any outward signs that you are listening. So if you don't care about my problems, if you will not tell me how to return to you, if you will not help me in following you, there is nothing to talk about." There is literally nothing to talk about with an absentee God.
Hey Aspie, welcome to Christian Forums. I've seen the other posts and there's some real good advice there.

I will cover your entire post with " God is bigger than your anger." My best friend went through a terrible time when he was younger. No matter what I did or what I said he was not comforted. It was tough to watch. The one quality he had though is he waited patiently for the Lord (Psalm 40).

At a certain point in our struggles we must realize He is God and we are not. As disciples of Christ we are here to serve His purpose. Serving His purpose means doing His will. That should be our first prayer, a humble petition to God on what His will and purpose is for us. Then patiently wait.

Once we get past seeing God as some cosmic waiter taking our orders off the menu (been there) we start seeing what He wants us to do as opposed to what we think He wants us to do.

Reading the Bible is great. However try reading it now with the mindset given above. You will get answers. Most of them will be uncomfortable and put you in a humble position to the point of wanting to serve Him.

Lastly, what is your church pastoral team doing to help you in your searching and praying? Do they know your situation? Do you attend a church?

Thanks and God Bless!
 
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aspie3000

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Hey Aspie, welcome to Christian Forums. I've seen the other posts and there's some real good advice there.

I will cover your entire post with " God is bigger than your anger." My best friend went through a terrible time when he was younger. No matter what I did or what I said he was not comforted. It was tough to watch. The one quality he had though is he waited patiently for the Lord (Psalm 40).

At a certain point in our struggles we must realize He is God and we are not. As disciples of Christ we are here to serve His purpose. Serving His purpose means doing His will. That should be our first prayer, a humble petition to God on what His will and purpose is for us. Then patiently wait.

Once we get past seeing God as some cosmic waiter taking our orders off the menu (been there) we start seeing what He wants us to do as opposed to what we think He wants us to do.

Reading the Bible is great. However try reading it now with the mindset given above. You will get answers. Most of them will be uncomfortable and put you in a humble position to the point of wanting to serve Him.

Lastly, what is your church pastoral team doing to help you in your searching and praying? Do they know your situation? Do you attend a church?

Thanks and God Bless!

This is good advice. I go to Church on Wednesday and Sunday but its been a bit spotty because I have an extremely out of sync sleep schedule/circadian rhythms. I've gone to some of these people in the past but really I'm not in contact with them on a regular basis. They've given me advice but I'm not sure its correct. However most people that I was close with at the Church don't work there anymore. We have a new Pastor and assistant Pastor and its a huge southern mega church with thousands of people.
 
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aiki

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I know two things, that I am now separated from God and have no relationship with him to speak of and am a sinner. I also know that for me get better from this I need God to change my heart and give me a new heart. I don't know how to go about doing the latter. Prayer hasn't worked, turning from my sins hasn't worked.

If God must give you a new heart, what is it you think you must do? The Bible says that God draws us to Christ (Jn. 6:44), convicts us (Jn. 16:8), gives us repentance (2 Ti. 2:25), and saves us (Tit. 3:5, 6). Salvation is entirely God's doing, not ours. All we must do is receive it by faith, in love yielding ourselves to His will and way. What keeps you from doing so?

I don't know if I'm saved or not. I am in utter confusion.

Here's how you can know:

Do you love God? (1 Jn. 2:3, 4; Matt. 22:36-38)
Do you love the Christian brethren? (1Jn. 3:14)
Do you love God's word? (Jer. 15:16)
Do you have the inner witness of God's Spirit with your spirit? (Ro. 8:16)
Is the fruit of the Spirit manifesting in your life? (Ga. 5:22, 23)

If you say, "No" to all of these questions, then there is a very good chance you aren't saved. However, you may be truly saved but have allowed unconfessed and unrepented-of sin to fill up your life which will stifle your fellowship with God and make it seem like He's a million miles away. You can sear your conscience and grieve the Holy Spirit and in so doing begin to feel like your salvation was never real. The answer to this situation is straightforward:

James 4:8-10
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.


1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
 
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aiki

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ly just want God to talk to me and clear up this confusion so I can move on in my life. This seems to be a problem that could be fixed with one conversation or explanation. All God has to do is speak to me clearly; I don't know why he doesn't say anything...

He's said a great deal to you in His word to you, the Bible. Perhaps the real problem is that you aren't listening.
 
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aiki

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God told me to deny myself of many things my sin, my time, my freedoms (the latter two to give to him), and a whole bunch of other things and I'd find myself in the will of God. Well, I tried to stop sinning and deny myself, I really did but I just kept failing at doing it, getting exhausted falling in a moment of weakness etc. So I continued to go to the college ministry and it seemed that God talked to me again. The mantra that I'd repeat to myself when trying to turn from my sins was, "turn from my behavior, change my behavior, change my behavior or I will die."

Just saw this post of yours.

No man can crucify himself. It's physically impossible to do and its spiritually impossible, also. But living a crucified life (Ga. 2:20; 5:24), dying to Self, which is the source of all our sin, is the only way to be free of sin. God knew this and so, through Christ, He made a way for you to be free of the power of sin. When Christ died on the cross over 2000 years ago, every genuine believer died there with him. Paul the apostle explained this to the Roman Christians:

Romans 6:1-7
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?
2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?
3 Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death?
4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
5 For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection,
6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.
7 For he who has died has been freed from sin.


The blood of Christ cleanses us from the stain of sin, but it is the Cross of Christ that frees us from the source of our sin which is our "old man." As you live in the truth of this accomplished fact, as you reckon yourself to be dead indeed unto sin (Ro. 6:11), it is only then that you will begin to experience the truth of your co-crucifixion with Christ in your life. But as you do, sin will become the exception rather than the rule in your experience.

Romans 6:17-18
17 But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered.
18 And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.
 
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