Why I became an Atheist.

[Severing]

Ok then, lets begin.

I have had a mild case of CP since I was born. I was lucky that it wasn't worse. I was able to survive because apparently my twin sister died before I was born. I'm not sure I really understand it, but those are the basics. I was nearly unable to walk when I turned 7, but my teachers all consider me quite bright. With some OP and CP, (Sorry if the termology is incorrect), I was able to get my body to work again, but I still have problems.


I can't run fast for long at all, I need to use a computer for work because my hand sometimes cramps up when I write, and I just couldn't be a normal kid, like I always wanted to be.



Just when I was getting over that, I got sick. I got positive on all my Strep tests for about 3 months, and missed almost 1 semester of school. I was also extremely tired, and fell asleep in class. I was a Christian at the time and I prayed and prayed, yet recieved no answer from God or some sort of Miracle.


I still have both mild CP and what has been dianosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which most likely will still take another year, and may not make me feel completely nomal again for quite some time yet. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like I can worship a God who barely allows me to even enjoy a breath of life, somebody who makes me different, takes away something that I excess at and prohibits me from being able to do it for an extended amount of time, and then giving me a disease that takes forever to go away when I have enough to get on with. If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

 

[Aceybee]

I'm so sorry. You have had a rough time of it. This world is absolutely miserable sometimes, and it sounds like you keep getting dumped in the middle of it. My heart aches for you, and I can imagine its pretty discouraging. There aren't any easy answers. It sounds like its a miracle that you are even alive today, but the road hasn't been anywhere near easy.
I'm not asking that you believe in God, but I know that the God I serve knows that you hurt and how hard it is, but he's also limited by the fact that someone else is in control of the world, and the world being messed up isn't his fault. The best He can do while being a fair God, and standing by his promise to let us have choice, is providing a hope that one day, it will get better, and we'll be able to live the way that he intended.
Chronic Fatigue is hard to deal with- my brother had it, and I was borderline for several years. I don't know what your outcome is going to be, but I hope it improves.
Would it be ok if I pray for you?

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

. . . If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

Here's Jesus' answer to you . . .

Mark 16:17: And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
:18: They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
:19: So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
:20: And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen. . . .

Acts 2:4: And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. . . .:33: Therefore being by the right hand of God exalted, and having received of the Father the promise of the Holy Ghost, he hath shed forth this, which ye now see and hear . . . :39: For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.

That means you and me !

"According to your faith be it unto you."

If you find it hard to believe, God has given meetings where you will gain understanding & appreciation & thereby faith.

We have spiritual songs
testimonies
talk from the word
2 or 3 gifts of tongues, with interpretation
2 or 3 prophecies
prayer for needs
close/chat/eat

- Nick
www.revivalfellowship.org
www.revivalusa.org

 

[Endure2]

severing

there are alot of people who came to the conclusion that God must not be real, your not the only one.
there are alot of people who where christians but came to the conclusion that it wasnt really real and even though it was sad...they walked away from it becuase they couldnt believe it anymore.
that was the case for me.

when all christianity comes down to is what someone else says happens for them...its not enough. Good luck man, believe whats in your heart, what you really believe down deep not trying to be anything else...
and no one can blame you.

walking away from christianity can be a hard road, take your time in whatever decision you make and take it easy, relax and do what you feel is true and right. and dont let anyone blame you when you do the only thing that seems right to you.

 

[ambassador4Christ]

Severing,

My heart reaches out to you. I cannot begin to relate to how you feel since I've never been in the conditions that you've shared with us. What I do know is God does love you; eventhough, you cannot understand or see how. The fact that He has those of us here to reach out to you and lift you up in prayer is evidence of His love for you. Although you do not have faith to trust God for healing, there are those of us here who have faith in Him. He will accept our prayers in faith on your behalf...no doubt about it.

Have you ever heard of the faith of the friends of a paralyzed man? They believed and acted on behalf of their friend, and God healed him according to their faith.

Well Severing, those of us who trust and believe in God will lift you up in prayer. Our loving God will honor such loving prayers from His children who are in His Son Jesus Christ.

May you come to know His great love for you.

In Your Son Jesus Christ, we come to You Father. We thank You for hearing and answering our prayers. Our request is not a selfish one and is concerning the physical and health conditions of this person who goes by the username Severing. We know that You love him just as You love us. None of us are worthy of our own merits.

Though he may be bitter and resentful due to the suffering he has had to endure, we trust You for his healing as You reveal to him Your compassionate love for him. There is no doubt of Your great healing power. As You already know that is not why we desire to have a relationship with You. The fact that You are a loving God and have shown us this through Your Son Jesus Christ is the very reason why we respond favorably to You.

We were oppositional towards You before Your Son entered our lives. All of us do not deserve any of Your gracious kind acts. You love us and that is Who You are...the only true living loving God. Thank You for all that You do that we are not even aware of to help us. We also request for Severing's heart to be open to and receptive of You. May he come to truly know of Your love and the love that shines through Your children to him. Our trust is completely in You and not of ourselves or anyone else. May You receive all the glory and praise. Thank You!

Amen!

Severing, look up Mark Chapter 2 verses 1-12 and read what I am sharing with you.

May you come to know God's great unfailing love for you.

In Christ,
Al

 

[Severing]

Aceybee- Thanks for posting. It is amazing how long I've been able to survive as a functioning human being,and I must say that I'm impressed with my luck. Though I don't really understand how, if God exists, he could not be in control of his own creation. I apologize that you have had your own battles with Chronic Fatigue. I do hope that everything is going alright with you right now. I don't mind anybody praying for me, it is just that I don't believe that those prayers will be responded to in any way.

AllTalkNoAction, thanks for posting! Thanks also for the links, they are quite interesting.

Endure2, Thanks so much for posting! It is rather relaxing to be able to read posts like your, reminding me about things like what you have posted. Thanks so much.


ambassador4christ- Thank you so much for posting.

 

[BelindaP]

What kind of a sign do you want? I doubt that God will make the sun stand still for you, but perhaps something else?

 

[JesusWalks78]

Ok then, lets begin.

I have had a mild case of CP since I was born. I was lucky that it wasn't worse. I was able to survive because apparently my twin sister died before I was born. I'm not sure I really understand it, but those are the basics. I was nearly unable to walk when I turned 7, but my teachers all consider me quite bright. With some OP and CP, (Sorry if the termology is incorrect), I was able to get my body to work again, but I still have problems.


I can't run fast for long at all, I need to use a computer for work because my hand sometimes cramps up when I write, and I just couldn't be a normal kid, like I always wanted to be.



Just when I was getting over that, I got sick. I got positive on all my Strep tests for about 3 months, and missed almost 1 semester of school. I was also extremely tired, and fell asleep in class. I was a Christian at the time and I prayed and prayed, yet recieved no answer from God or some sort of Miracle.


I still have both mild CP and what has been dianosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which most likely will still take another year, and may not make me feel completely nomal again for quite some time yet. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like I can worship a God who barely allows me to even enjoy a breath of life, somebody who makes me different, takes away something that I excess at and prohibits me from being able to do it for an extended amount of time, and then giving me a disease that takes forever to go away when I have enough to get on with. If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

I got to ask, do you believe that following Jesus is a bed of roses, that no one of the faith is physically or mentally tested. Do you think you are the only one that God tests in this manner?

Read the book of Job, how he had more than you had stripped of him, he lost his children and family and yet his faith remained unmovable.

I have had a screwdriver, plunged into my ear canal at age 8, renedering me with 30% hearing after it smashed the cochlea and eardrum...surgery has not been able to heal it, and I am slowly losing my hearing in both ears....by the time I am 40 doctors reckon I will be completely deaf. Do I cry, do I wail at the unfairness of it all, do I turn away from God...no I thank God for everyday I can hear a bird sing, or hear my son laugh listen to my wife speak, hear the wisdom of my father.......and I do pray, for his will to be done, for his wishes to be carried out. And I have faith that when the sound of this world leaves me, that I will have God on my side to show me the steps that i need to take to see that will through to the end.

Instead of looking at that which you dont have, thank God for the things that you do have.........and try to make your faith unbendable like a steel rod, not breakable like a dry twig.

Have some strength and a positive outlook. Turn back to God, if you like you may PM me and I will try to help as best as i can.

I will pray for you brother,.

 

[Severing]

BelindaP- I want something that I can somehow precieve with all 5 of my senses, or my brain. I'm not that picky, it doesn't even have to be something that anybody else could see, I would just have to be able to precieve it as something that is quite obviously the work of God.


JesusWalks78- Thank you for replying. In no way was I trying to bring back the bitter memories that you have had in your life, and for that I apologize. I should have taken into account that other people would see this post and have been through messes like me, and I am truely sorry for being so selfish. I do hope that you are getting along in life as best as you can. Admittedly, mypain was part of the big reason why I became an Atheist, and perhaps I didn't have that strong of a faith to begin with. On the other hand, I didn't just suddenly decide "oh hey, I'm going to become an Atheist!" It took months of unfulfilled wishes and prayers to make me even try to think and see if the evidence points to a God or against a God a bit more objectively, and I for one believe that the evidence was pointing against God. I in no way was thinking that nobody else was suffering and still believed in God, this was just my personal perspective on things. If I find something harder to grab onto than just 1 book and a lot of faith, then I will automatically regret getting farther away from God, and I will renew my beliefs. Thanks again for your perspective.

 

[JesusWalks78]

BelindaP- I want something that I can somehow precieve with all 5 of my senses, or my brain. I'm not that picky, it doesn't even have to be something that anybody else could see, I would just have to be able to precieve it as something that is quite obviously the work of God.

So basically you are wanting to see, taste, smell, hear and touch God. Theres a whole world of his creation that is proof for the senses.

God is experienced in the spirit, in the teachings and in the church. Thats where you will find what you are looking for.

JesusWalks78- Thank you for replying. In no way was I trying to bring back the bitter memories that you have had in your life, and for that I apologize.

It isnt bitter memories, it is a fact of life.

I should have taken into account that other people would see this post and have been through messes like me, and I am truely sorry for being so selfish. I do hope that you are getting along in life as best as you can.

No need to be sorry, just that the will of God is far greater than our own, and there is a reason that you have had hardships....you mustnt lose faith in the fact that your existance serves a greater purpose.....one that you possibly could never work out, but God in his wisdom will know.

Admittedly, mypain was part of the big reason why I became an Atheist, and perhaps I didn't have that strong of a faith to begin with. On the other hand, I didn't just suddenly decide "oh hey, I'm going to become an Atheist!" It took months of unfulfilled wishes and prayers to make me even try to think and see if the evidence points to a God or against a God a bit more objectively, and I for one believe that the evidence was pointing against God.

The other thing that you must realise is that your wishes and Gods will are not always in accordance. Jesus asked that the cup be passed before him, he dint want to die on the cross...a horrible death to be sure. However in the end he submitted to the will of god. If you ask and expect you may be dissapointed.

I in no way was thinking that nobody else was suffering and still believed in God, this was just my personal perspective on things. If I find something harder to grab onto than just 1 book and a lot of faith, then I will automatically regret getting farther away from God, and I will renew my beliefs. Thanks again for your perspective.

1 book and faith is what most of us have, I see God in everything, good and bad.....faith ios all he requires, perserverance in the face of tests.

You may slip futher away from God, but God is always close to you, he wants to know you, and for you to know him...he wants to do his will upon you you just must trust that he will help you.

You say God never answered your prayers, tell me has not having faith cured you at all...if the answer is no, then the will of God is still in play and I beseech you to return to the faith and earnestky seek the will of God to be a part of your life.

 

[Everlasting33]

"If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist."

I completely understand how you feel. sigh...life is rough and i am certain all of us can agree on this! I am also struggling with my faith and i just wanted to let you know I understand. I don't have these cure all answers, just genuine empathy!
Take care!

 

[SavedByAnAngel]

and then giving me a disease that takes forever to go away when I have enough to get on with.

So young and yet so bitter. So you think that God should should have made you an olympic athlete and the would have been olympic athlete have what you have? Why should He. He had a plan for each of you (and yes He knows how much your hurting) and He wondered what each of you would do in your circumstances, whether you would truly seek Him or walk away not needing Him. He never promised any of us a rose garden here on earth.

If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

He knows how much your hurting and He's probably hurting right along with you for the most part waiting for you and if it was that easy to "receive some sign" we would all be christians.

 

[BelindaP]

Many here probably don't believe in asking God for signs, but I do. I have seen many ask and also receive. Right now, with as much faith as you can muster, ask God to grant you a sign.

It could be something as simple as a phone call or a silly e-mail, a post on this website, or even a dream. It just has to be something that is meaningful to you. I have faith that God will grant it if you are truly seeking Him within the next day or so. You have to remain open, though, because He often speaks in a still, small voice. I will also pray that he sends it to you.

God bless!

Oh, and please post when you receive it. I am always thrilled to hear the story.

 

[Severing]

Ok then JesusWalks. I couldn't get onto the computer and post a long reply for a while because my computer isn't working too well when it comes to internet access, but I think I can continue the discussion on the computer are borrowing for now.


Ok then, you say there is whole world that is proof of his creation. Could you explain this to me? If you mean Earth, there are other explainations for the creation of Earth that don't require a God, though I'm surprised that if he does exist, he would leave these possibilities open.


You do realize what I mean by bitter memories right? The whole "screwdriver plunged into my ear canal at age 8" thing is what I apologize forcing you to recall. I don't understand how that can be considered "a fact of life". sorry for being so dense.

I admit that it's possible that there is a greater beyond, I just don't believe that it exists at this time.


Once again, I consider the possibility that God is trying to teach me a lesson, but why is pain needed for this lesson to be learned? An omnipotent God should be able to just plant the lesson in my head.

So, there is no proof for God outside of the Bible? That seems to be what you are indicating. If a book is the only proof that you possess, then how can you have so much faith that your god exists? It just seems rather odd to me that millions of people can believe something just because of a book. Hope you are enjoying your day .

 

[BelindaP]

People would not still be believing if there were not proof outside the Bible. There is abundant proof. The problem that most athiests have with this is that most of the proof is based upon personal experience, which they attribute to coincidence and bias.

I can run down a huge list of personal experiences from my life and the lives of those that I know. I can also refer to my earlier post and say that God gives out signs to those who seek Him.

The question is: Are you interested in being convinced, or do you prefer to remain the sceptic?

 

[glo1]

Severing, I guess suffering can either get you to push closer to God and strengthen your faith - or do the opposite and push you away from God.

I know of people like yourself, who came away doubting in God's existance ... or actually preferring not to believe in God at all than to believe in a God who may allow them to suffer.

Other people - such as Joni Eareckson Tara - have gone through suffering (and doubting!), but came away with a greater faith and a greater belief in God! http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/programmes/songsofpraise/features/joni_eareckson_tada/

You are where you are in life, and you have made your stand with God.
You may stay like this, or you may find that God has not finished with you yet.
You are young!
Don't let bitterness and anger take over your heart ...

I pray that you will find peace and joy in life, and that you will seek od when you feel the time is right ...

glo

 

[PaulAckermann]

Ok then, lets begin.
I have had a mild case of CP since I was born. I was lucky that it wasn't worse. I was able to survive because apparently my twin sister died before I was born. I'm not sure I really understand it, but those are the basics. I was nearly unable to walk when I turned 7, but my teachers all consider me quite bright. With some OP and CP, (Sorry if the termology is incorrect), I was able to get my body to work again, but I still have problems.
I still have both mild CP and what has been dianosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which most likely will still take another year, and may not make me feel completely nomal again for quite some time yet. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like I can worship a God who barely allows me to even enjoy a breath of life, somebody who makes me different, takes away something that I excess at and prohibits me from being able to do it for an extended amount of time, and then giving me a disease that takes forever to go away when I have enough to get on with. If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

I myself have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I am not sure if that is what you meant by CP, whether that is the same affliction as mine. Mine is very mild, but it did give me a miserable childhood. I am partially paralyzed on my left side only. Because of this, I was extremely poor in all sports activities. Until I graduated from high school, my peers made fun of me. Except for two years in high school, I really had no friend in my pre-college years. I had no dates. No girlfiends. Everyone just laughed at me.

I never really thought of blaming God for this, but one thing I was plagued with - that is the feeling that no one loved me, I felt completely worthless. I became very depressed. When I entered college, I tried reading books about having a positive self-image. But no matter how hard I tried convincing myself that I had worth, that I am somebody, I just could not believe it.

Then I heard about God loving me, to the point the He died for me. I turned to God. I asked Him into my life. For the first time in my life, I felt I had value. Even though I had no friends, and nobody saw value in me, God did. He saw enough value in me that He died for me. True, the gospel says that I am unworthy, but the gospel does not say I am worthless. I have worth, God would not have died for me if I did not have worth. The world sees it the opposite. The world is offended by the idea that we are unworthy. But it sees us as worthless. We only have worth if we have something to offer. If we are disabled we have nothing to offer society, we are worthless.

It is funny how you and I respond to our sufferings differently. Suffering drove you away from God. But my suffering drove me towards God. Your suffering made you mad at God. How could God allow you to suffer like you did? At least you still had a feeling of self-worth. I had none. Every day, I had to convince myself not to kill myself. I felt I had no worth. I only felt I had no worth but by turning to God. And only by having a sense of self-worth from God could I start contributing to society and experience having true friends. I am married now, to a wonderful wife, with two great children. But I know that without God, I would not have been able to change my life around. Without God, I would have lived the rest of my life in loneliness. Maybe I would have eventually killed myself. I may have even been like those Colombine killers, who killed as many as they could until they killed themselves. I shutter to think how I could have turned out if God did not rescue me.

If I blame God for my affliction, I fail to see the upside in that. If there is no God, then I would be totally worthless. I had no friends, no one loved me. I might as well kill myself. I might as well kill others before I kill myself. It wouldn't matter. If there is no God, we all end up as meaningless dust. I can understand how people end up that way. Thatcould have been me. But I praise God that is not how my life went. God gave me value. He gave me meaning in life. If there is no God, I would be a freak of nature. I would have no value. I still experience suffering in my life but at least now my suffering has meaning. It is amazing how much suffering we can take if we think there is some meaning to our suffering.

But if I did not believe in God, there would be no worth or purpose in life. It is just be random chance that I exists. My Cerebral Palsy would have no purpose, I would be just a freak of nature. And thing will never get any better. When I die, that would be it. I would be filled with anger. Not at God, since I would not believe He existed. But at others for laughing at me. Before I turned to God, I used to daydream on getting even on all those whom riduculed me, for treating me as a freak. But God has saved me from that. He saved me from myself. God showed me how to forgive those who hurt me in the past. Without God, I think I could have turned into a monster. I had a lot of hatred inside me. But God got rid of all the hatred and replaced it with His love.

 

[Severing]

I myself have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I am not sure if that is what you meant by CP, whether that is the same affliction as mine. Mine is very mild, but it did give me a miserable childhood. I am partially paralyzed on my left side only. Because of this, I was extremely poor in all sports activities. Until I graduated from high school, my peers made fun of me. Except for two years in high school, I really had no friend in my pre-college years. I had no dates. No girlfiends. Everyone just laughed at me.

I never really thought of blaming God for this, but one thing I was plagued with - that is the feeling that no one loved me, I felt completely worthless. I became very depressed. When I entered college, I tried reading books about having a positive self-image. But no matter how hard I tried convincing myself that I had worth, that I am somebody, I just could not believe it.

Then I heard about God loving me, to the point the He died for me. I turned to God. I asked Him into my life. For the first time in my life, I felt I had value. Even though I had no friends, and nobody saw value in me, God did. He saw enough value in me that He died for me. True, the gospel says that I am unworthy, but the gospel does not say I am worthless. I have worth, God would not have died for me if I did not have worth. The world sees it the opposite. The world is offended by the idea that we are unworthy. But it sees us as worthless. We only have worth if we have something to offer. If we are disabled we have nothing to offer society, we are worthless.

It is funny how you and I respond to our sufferings differently. Suffering drove you away from God. But my suffering drove me towards God. Your suffering made you mad at God. How could God allow you to suffer like you did? At least you still had a feeling of self-worth. I had none. Every day, I had to convince myself not to kill myself. I felt I had no worth. I only felt I had no worth but by turning to God. And only by having a sense of self-worth from God could I start contributing to society and experience having true friends. I am married now, to a wonderful wife, with two great children. But I know that without God, I would not have been able to change my life around. Without God, I would have lived the rest of my life in loneliness. Maybe I would have eventually killed myself. I may have even been like those Colombine killers, who killed as many as they could until they killed themselves. I shutter to think how I could have turned out if God did not rescue me.

If I blame God for my affliction, I fail to see the upside in that. If there is no God, then I would be totally worthless. I had no friends, no one loved me. I might as well kill myself. I might as well kill others before I kill myself. It wouldn't matter. If there is no God, we all end up as meaningless dust. I can understand how people end up that way. Thatcould have been me. But I praise God that is not how my life went. God gave me value. He gave me meaning in life. If there is no God, I would be a freak of nature. I would have no value. I still experience suffering in my life but at least now my suffering has meaning. It is amazing how much suffering we can take if we think there is some meaning to our suffering.

But if I did not believe in God, there would be no worth or purpose in life. It is just be random chance that I exists. My Cerebral Palsy would have no purpose, I would be just a freak of nature. And thing will never get any better. When I die, that would be it. I would be filled with anger. Not at God, since I would not believe He existed. But at others for laughing at me. Before I turned to God, I used to daydream on getting even on all those whom riduculed me, for treating me as a freak. But God has saved me from that. He saved me from myself. God showed me how to forgive those who hurt me in the past. Without God, I think I could have turned into a monster. I had a lot of hatred inside me. But God got rid of all the hatred and replaced it with His love.

I apologize, I did mean Cerebral Palsey. My family and I always call it CP, and so it is just a habit. Sorry for not being clear. It's great that religion gave meaning to your life, but I have never felt that the world sees disabled people as worthless. Most of the teachers and staff seem to respect me even more because I have Cerebral Palsey, and yet try to live like a normal kid. I apologize that anything that resembled normal living is impossible for you. I'm truely sorry and please let me ever know if there is anything I can somehow do for you. I am sorry that you feel this way. I'm positive that there are people that would support you and like you dispite your troubles. In my opinion, nobody is a freak of nature. Nobody is a freak. Everybody has their challenges, very true, but everybody has another side as well. I do hope that either I or somebody else could help you and people like you someday, survive through this wretched cycle called life.

 

[PaulAckermann]

I apologize, I did mean Cerebral Palsey. My family and I always call it CP, and so it is just a habit. Sorry for not being clear. It's great that religion gave meaning to your life, but I have never felt that the world sees disabled people as worthless. Most of the teachers and staff seem to respect me even more because I have Cerebral Palsey, and yet try to live like a normal kid. I apologize that anything that resembled normal living is impossible for you. I'm truely sorry and please let me ever know if there is anything I can somehow do for you. I am sorry that you feel this way. I'm positive that there are people that would support you and like you dispite your troubles. In my opinion, nobody is a freak of nature. Nobody is a freak. Everybody has their challenges, very true, but everybody has another side as well. I do hope that either I or somebody else could help you and people like you someday, survive through this wretched cycle called life.

I appreciate your compassion. I am not sure why people reacted differently to our afflictions. You seem to had received a lot of support from your peers. I did not. I was laughed at by other kids. But I do not want to give to the wrong impression of my current situation. Because of God being in my life, I was able to overcome my past hurts. Sometimes I wonder if I would have turned to God if I never had CP. I don't know. Sometimes I think I would not. If that is the case, I would rather have CP, with all the past hurts I experienced, and have God in my life right now, then never to have CP and not have God. The joy I experience now is well worth the pain I experienced in my youth.

I agree nobody is a freak. We all have value. But the reason I feel that way is because I know that God created me. And as the saying goes, God don't make no junk. But I just do not see how I could feel good about myself if I saw things the way an atheist sees things. If there is no God, on what basis do you say that I am not a freak of nature? If there is no God, I do not see how you can prove that I am not a freak. Since our existence would then be by chance, then wouldn't anyone born with an abnormality be here by a freakish chance?

 

[matthew241006]

Ok then, lets begin.

I have had a mild case of CP since I was born. I was lucky that it wasn't worse. I was able to survive because apparently my twin sister died before I was born. I'm not sure I really understand it, but those are the basics. I was nearly unable to walk when I turned 7, but my teachers all consider me quite bright. With some OP and CP, (Sorry if the termology is incorrect), I was able to get my body to work again, but I still have problems.


I can't run fast for long at all, I need to use a computer for work because my hand sometimes cramps up when I write, and I just couldn't be a normal kid, like I always wanted to be.



Just when I was getting over that, I got sick. I got positive on all my Strep tests for about 3 months, and missed almost 1 semester of school. I was also extremely tired, and fell asleep in class. I was a Christian at the time and I prayed and prayed, yet recieved no answer from God or some sort of Miracle.


I still have both mild CP and what has been dianosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which most likely will still take another year, and may not make me feel completely nomal again for quite some time yet. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like I can worship a God who barely allows me to even enjoy a breath of life, somebody who makes me different, takes away something that I excess at and prohibits me from being able to do it for an extended amount of time, and then giving me a disease that takes forever to go away when I have enough to get on with. If I just could recieve some sign from God who would know how tortured I'm feeling, then I would feel better, but he just doesn't seem to care, and I thus came to the conclusion that the kind God in most religions most likely doesn't exist.

[Reply deleted due to inappropriate content. Sorry]