Why does this always happen?

[TULIPgirl]

I just read the post about "looking in my own igloo" and gracealone's reply was one of the best ones I've ever heard to religious OCD fears. I know it wasn't directed to me, but thank you so much anyway!
I have trouble with being certain about the right thing to do, and that verse in the Bible always bothers me-the one (Romans?) that says "whatsoever is not of faith is sin". My mind tells me then that if I am not absolutely certain that what I am doing is the absolute right thing (and with OCD how can you be certain?) then I shouldn't do it at all. I can work myself into quite a mess with this one. I hope someone out there understands the feeling.
And I really understand about skipping parts of the Bible because of anxiety spikes. I don't always attribute that to OCD-I thought it was just because I obviously didn't love God like I was supposed to. I have anxiety spikes every Sunday; my family always listens to sermon tapes in the afternoon and after listening to the preacher on the tapes who has a very severe manner and even raises his voice sometimes, I always feel really guilty about whatever he's preaching on and start obsessing "maybe I'm doing something wrong" and "I must be really bad because I don't like what he's saying". I usually end up so panicked that I feel like I should be breathing into a paper bag...it may sound crazy, but it happens almost every time. My parents don't know that this happens and I don't want to tell them because I am afraid they would just blame it all on me. I am very good at keeping my feelings quiet, obviously!

 

[StephenDM]

Remember that satan uses scripture as well to his own ends but he takes it out of context or applies it to circumstances/people for which it is not intended. Scripture is a sword which can be wielded for good or bad.

I know I worry a ton about hell and stuff in the Bible. However you can know that this stuff is not for you because it does not bring godly conviction but anxiety instead. A sadness intended by God will bring "eagerness" in you, not depression and confusion (2 Cor. 7:9-11).

Finally, keep in mind that there are many people in the world that need to hear "fire and brimstone" type messages such as the ones delivered by the pastor you described. This is because they are people who are careless, unconcerned, who not worry about things they probably should - in essence the opposite of a Christian with scrupulosity who worries about more than they should. Jesus delivered fiery condemnation to the Pharisees of His day because they were not concerned about their own shortcomings at all.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Tulipgirl,

I struggle, as you mentioned, with being certain about things. For example, I'll tell my son he needs to clean his room before he goes outside to play, then I'll think that I shouldn't have said that and should just let him be a kid and enjoy life. I've even gone through a period of time when I didn't know whether to take a right turn or a left to get to where I was going. Even if I normally took a left turn, the thought might pop in to my mind to go right, and then I would think, "what if this if from God and He's trying to keep me from being in a wreck by telling me to turn right instead?" It's difficult to feel certain about lots of things with OCD. Also, I identify with the major fear you feel when listening to the preacher you spoke about. I seem to do better with those who speak gently and do not yell. If they get loud over things that don't scare me, then I don't care. But the moment they start raising their voice about being saved (something I fear a lot that I'm not) or about something else that bothers me that I feel I'm lacking, I have a tremedous amount of anxiety. Certain ministers spark that fear in me more than others. I have felt so fearful during a sermon that I could literally feel the blood draining from my face. My husband even noticed that my lips looked pale it was so obvious. I hide things mostly, but sometimes it's just been too much to hide. I've thought that some people could probably even see the real fear in my eyes. I used to make myself listen to preachers that scared me because I thought something was very wrong with me and I needed to be able to hear them. I felt if I was right in my relationship with God that I wouldn't feel that fear, so I tried to make myself listen hoping that God would change me. It never worked. Please read the messages from other posts. There has been some very good advice and it has helped me tremendously. I finally opened up and confessed some things to my mother quite a few years ago, but not to my dad. She surprisingly told me some similar things she had went through. I'm not for sure of the advice to give to you about your parents, but believe me when I tell you that others have felt the horrid fear you've spoken of during sermons. I've said this in other posts, but I'll say it again. You are not alone. I felt for so long that I was alone in these feelings, but I'm not. You are not. God knows and understands us even when we don't. I will be praying for you.

Rebecca