Why does God want me single / celibate?

day time · Jan 5, 2012

jimfish said:
IF, of course, the Spirit so leads, and He sometimes won't, and the self-deceitfulness of our heart makes it VERY difficult to know. (We don't want to hear what we don't want to hear.)

Not to derail the thread (that was a joke) .... but just to comment on this statement right here .... if a person doesn't want to hear what they don't want to hear, and the Spirit is speaking ... I don't think it's a matter of being able to identify the Spirit's leadings verses your own hearts desires because it's very difficult ... I think it's a matter of *accepting* what the Spirit is saying instead of rationalizing, denying, or choosing to reject it away. The very difficult part is you making a choice to trust the Spirit or not.

People who actually are getting their own heart speaking confused with the Spirit speaking, leading, guiding, etc ... I might argue that they have not heard the Spirit speak at all and that they are delusional, trying to see something that isn't even there, or that they are not capable of seeing.

Larry Mondello · Jan 5, 2012

jimfish said:
BIG amen. [It's all about motive.]

Church attendance was not a factor. I was attempting to be as ambiguous as possible out of respect. I didn't even personally know her. It was something God used to teach me during my prep for ministry.

Same was true, or so i allege, concerning K, who on his last album b4 his premature death told his followers to "JUST GO" in to whatever their perceived mission, not waiting upon the Lord's timing. How does one spell that horn noise when a goal is made at a hockey game, used in the opposite sense during conversations?

Very, very sad. But we can and should learn from the errors of others.

Keith Green was married to Melody Green.
I think he knew a lot about living the Christian life.

His music was so cutting. His lyrics were intense and full of fire and make much of the last 20 or so years of shallow CCM look like cotton candy, in terms of substance.

Larry Mondello · Jan 5, 2012

1Prophetess said:
I just had to write you Ash. Wow! I've SOOOOO been in your situation before. I can feel your pain.

But let me explain some ideas to you the way a Hebrew/Greek teacher showed me.

God has three ways to answer us.
1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Wait.

The first is easy. It comes fairly quickly--maybe in a week or at most a month.

The second is frustrating. Man, I hate it when the Lord tells me "no." In fact, I've spent a great share of my life saying, "Yep, I know I can figure this out better than You, Lord. And anyway, I think it looks good, and I really think, since it looks so good and all good things come from God, so it seems to me that you really meant to say yes." OHHHHHHHHH, have I created problems for myself in this.

The third way is this:

Wait. Just wait until I get it to you says the Lord.

Daniel 10: 12 Then he continued, Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. 13 But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.

Now you see, sometimes the angels who are bringing you something (even something as simple as a message) can't quite get there in your timing. So we have to wait upon the Lord.

Sometimes someone has to find something out before you can get your blessing (like your future wife needs to learn something).

Numbers 9: 8 Moses answered them, Wait until I find out what the LORD commands concerning you.

Maybe you need to learn to be strong and patient (women will try your soul--just ask an older married man.)

Wha does David, a man after God's own heart, tell you to do in Psalm 27: 14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Just as a side note, David, you know? The guy who didn't wait on the Lord and stole Bathsheba from her husband and then killed her husband and lost his kingdom for a while? Yep, that David!

But the Lord will answer. He always does.

Ps 38:15 LORD, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.

...and He will hear your cry.
Ps 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry

If you don't wait, there are consequences:

Ps 106: 13 But they soon forgot what he had done
and did not wait for his plan to unfold.
14 In the desert they gave in to their craving;
in the wilderness they put God to the test.
15 So he gave them what they asked for,
but sent a wasting disease among them.

I don't think I would want whatever it is with a "wasting disease." I think I'd rather wait on the Lord.

Ps 130: 5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

Sometimes, the Lord seems to be hiding His face. But He will answer.

Isaiah 8: 17 I will wait for the LORD,
who is hiding his face from the descendants of Jacob.
I will put my trust in him.

The Lord wants very much to make you happy. But in being happy, you have to consider what is happening to the woman you will marry. Is she ready for you? Are you praying for her several times a day? What problems does she have that would make it hard for you and her to stay together? Would you rather have her today or be blessed when she comes?

Isaiah 30: 18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him.

Nobody has ever heard that God let them down. Nobody.

Isaiah 64: 4 Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

So is it time to make God your portion instead of a woman (that isn't ready for you yet?)

Lamentations 3: 24 I say to myself, The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Maybe you need to try to seek the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will direct your paths to the woman of your dreams.

Hoseh 12: 6 But you must return to your God;
maintain love and justice,
and wait for your God always.

Your God will hear you and respond!

Micah 7: 7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.

But you have to have faith to get what you want.

Hebrews 11: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
...and you need to wait on the Lord.

Romans 8: 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Now if you've read this far, I will give you a very key verse that will help speed up the answer.

Ps 50: 23 Whoever offers praise glorifies Me;
And to him who orders his conduct aright
I will show the salvation of God.

This will open doors for you. Any time you have a request, give it, then start thanking the Lord for the answer. Do it times and times a day. It works!

And then, I prayed the prayer of Jabez: I Chronicles 4: 10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain! So God granted him what he requested.

I prayed this with another person, and I was meeting my future husband within a matter of months.

But I should have waited on the Lord. It has taken me nearly ten years to get him to follow the Lord. He is just beginning to do it. Without my interference, he might have come to the Lord before I met him, and I might have not had to fight so hard to get him there. Trust me, I wish I'd waited and let the Lord prepare him instead of thinking I could do it and NOT!

So my advice to you: Wait upon the Lord. Keep your eyes and ears open, and wait on the Lord.

I recently read, on CF, a couple of posts by two women, either in their late 20s or early 30s, that were also waiting on the Lord. They were both virgins, and they felt the same way that you do. They felt like they were never going to meet that special man. I also read a post by a younger "virgin" who had let her boyfriend play around with her until she was nearly played out and she felt spoiled by him. Very sad. Don't go that direction. It soils your soul.

You can either wait, or go ahead and mess it all up. Which would you rather do?

That's good advice, Prophetess.

OP -- please listen to her and take heed of the Scriptures she quotes.

Larry Mondello · Jan 5, 2012

Ash Crimson said:
As far as I can understand, God is keeping me single because he's punishing me. I'm not sure why exactly, but it's not for us to know, right?

He seems to enjoy it, evidently.

Heard a minister on the radio the other day quote this great verse:

Psalm 103:12
New International Version (NIV)

as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

OP,
Methinks you need to take that verse to heart.
The guilt you're feeling over whatever perceived sin you committed, it's gone if you seek forgiveness.

As far apart as the verse says.

You're not being "punished" over past actions.

Hope this helps.

Peripatetic · Jan 5, 2012

jimfish said:
I assert that ANYONE, be it a spouse or whoever, with whom we have a relationship, has of course their own personal needs and desires, some of which they will look to us to fulfill. The problem is, their needs and desires will often differ from what God needs/wants from us at particular times. And because our flesh seeks to please the people in our lives more than it does God (after all, THEY are the ones we must face, or so it only seems at the time), we who have intimate relationships will more often fail God than if not so involved.

On the other hand, providing and caring for others is exactly what God does want us to do, as Matthew 25:37-40 so beautifully illustrates:

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

It is true that God does not want all of us to be married. Celibacy is not something to be under-appreciated. However, neither should we discount the service to God that a married person does in his/her loving devotion to spouse and family.

candle glow · Jan 6, 2012

Hi peripatetic,

I'm not quite understanding where you are coming from with your comments. You quoted this paragraph from Jim...

I assert that ANYONE, be it a spouse or whoever, with whom we have a relationship, has of course their own personal needs and desires, some of which they will look to us to fulfill. The problem is, their needs and desires will often differ from what God needs/wants from us at particular times. And because our flesh seeks to please the people in our lives more than it does God (after all, THEY are the ones we must face, or so it only seems at the time), we who have intimate relationships will more often fail God than if not so involved.

...and you response was this...

On the other hand, providing and caring for others is exactly what God does want us to do, as Matthew 25:37-40 so beautifully illustrates:

You say "on the other hand" and then talk about caring for others, as though the hand that Jim was speaking of was NOT to help others (i.e. the other hand). It's confusing.

It looks like Jim is saying that staying single DOES give people more opportunity to help others. He is not saying that married people cannot, (or don't) but that singles have MORE of a chance, or inclination, because they don't have the same obligations to a spouse that marrieds do.

For example, if there is disagreement between one of the spouses then that could very well impinge on the other spouses ability to help others, because he/she can't just go out and get the job done. This is particularly true if it's a complex disagreement involving finances, location, time, and any number of other interpersonal dynamics.

Such disagreements CAN also be present in a group of singles discussing how to go about various projects, but in a marriage it becomes many times more difficult to disagree with a spouse (particularly if the disagreement is strong) because of the emotional ties between the two. In a marriage the couple are more likely to make decisions based on their feelings for one another rather than a cold, hard, rational look at all the options.

I'm not making a blanket statement, but just a general observation.

neither should we discount the service to God that a married person does in his/her loving devotion to spouse and family.

But the point of Jesus saying "whoever loves [family] more than me is not worthy of me" is to teach us that the CHURCH is our family now and we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

True, our biological parents will always be our biological parents etc, but in the same way blood is thicker than water, so too is spirit thicker than blood.

I'm not saying that we can (or even should) treat everyone exactly equally, (even Jesus seemed to have his favorites) but invariably this idea of "family" almost always comes with strings attached (i.e. the emotional ties), and that is when it becomes a hindrance to the Kingdom of Heaven.

For example, I've seen many times a young person who decides he/she wants to go into missions, but the parents/family had high hopes for this young person and inevitably use their emotional ties to wrangle the young person back into a more respectable "career" path. "Do you really want to hurt us like this"? "After all we've done for you". "Are you really going to choose them over us?", etc, etc, etc...

The same can happen in a marriage relationship too. The fact that it does not happen in every situation does not make it any less real or relevant to ALL family situations.

Peripatetic · Jan 6, 2012

candle glow said:
It looks like Jim is saying that staying single DOES give people more opportunity to help others. He is not saying that married people cannot, (or don't) but that singles have MORE of a chance, or inclination, because they don't have the same obligations to a spouse that marrieds do.

You are correct that a single person probably has more opportunities to serve in a variety of ways. In my case, I was more self-centered as a single person. Sure, I had more time to serve, but I didn't take advantage of it. I am more mindful of serving others now that I've learned valuable lessons from my time as a husband and father. I don't disagree though... if a celibate person has a generous heart to begin with, along with the proper focus, he/she could potentially touch a greater number of people.

candle glow said:
But the point of Jesus saying "whoever loves [family] more than me is not worthy of me" is to teach us that the CHURCH is our family now and we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

The warning is about putting family above God, not against having a family or loving a family. I think the bigger issue with marriage today is that people put themselves above both family and God. The typical perspective is, "what is this marriage doing for me? Is it meeting my expectations (that are often based on unrealistic Hollywood ideals)?" God and family can and should have a healthy coexistence if the perspective is correct.

The Bible does not discourage marriage for Christians. It is a sin to have sex outside of marriage, so Christians would have no way to reproduce if marriage was also wrong. Nor does it discourage celibacy. Both have an important place in humanity.

candle glow · Jan 6, 2012

You are correct that a single person probably has more opportunities to serve in a variety of ways

Thanks for acknowledging that, peri.

if a celibate person has a generous heart to begin with, along with the proper focus, he/she could potentially touch a greater number of people.

I think this may be an unrealistic view of what it means to be celibate. You don't need to be generous to start with; it's a learning process. Single people SHOULD be attempting to learn all the same qualities that it takes to make a successful marriage; it's just that they choose to forgo the romantic aspect of those relationships.

I think the bigger issue with marriage today is that people put themselves above both family and God.

I'm not sure what you mean by "themselves" here. I was suggesting that people put their relationships (not just themselves) before God, based on the emotional feelings they have for one another.

I do not feel this is limited to romantic relationships. it can include any number of familial relationships as well as very close friendships.

I believe that, along with physical celibacy, EVERYONE should be attempting to discipline themselves in a kind of spiritual celibacy where they examine how much influence their emotions and feelings make on their decisions, and how much that influence affects their decision making.

I am definitely not against emotions and feelings; I believe they are God given for us to enjoy. But I do feel strongly that reason must always come before emotions.

The Bible does not discourage marriage for Christians.

You are right, it does not, and neither do I. However, I do, along with the Bible, say that celibacy is the superior option when it comes to single mindedness and focus on what God wants from us.

That does not mean marrieds are second class citizens or inferior as Christians; I am not saying that. I am saying that singles face less temptation to be distracted or influenced by emotional tugging.

jimfish · Jan 6, 2012

candle glow said:
...

But the point of Jesus saying "whoever loves [family] more than me is not worthy of me" is to teach us that the CHURCH is our family now and we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

True, our biological parents will always be our biological parents etc, but in the same way blood is thicker than water, so too is spirit thicker than blood.

I'm not saying that we can (or even should) treat everyone exactly equally, (even Jesus seemed to have his favorites) but invariably this idea of "family" almost always comes with strings attached (i.e. the emotional ties), and that is when it becomes a hindrance to the Kingdom of Heaven.

....

Amen. A sad and hard-to-entreat Truth (one like those resulting in Jn 6:66, "many of His disciples went back, and walked with Him no more").

For any reader who doesn't know the Scripture upon which the above to a great extent is based (in addition to what CG already ref.): Matthew 12:46-50.

Jonathan95 · Jan 6, 2012

Pray to him, tell him you believe it's his will that you find someone, and so let his will be done.

Read about this in my book "Secrets of a Prayer Warrior by Derek Prince"
he says we have to let his will be done, or something.

jimfish · Jan 6, 2012

Peripatetic said:
On the other hand, providing and caring for others is exactly what God does want us to do, as Matthew 25:37-40 so beautifully illustrates:

....

True of course. But God was quite wise when He assembled (or perhaps rather, dis-) the Holy Scriptures, doing so in a way that we would need Him and/or whatever others He ordained at any given time (apostles, teachers, etc.) in order for us to know eternally profitable Truth, AKA sound doctrine, AKA the WHOLE counsel of God.

It's what old timers called "stringing pearls."

When determining a doctrine on any given tenet of our faith, we must assemble all applicable Scriptures, and then add to the mix the general attributes and methodologies of God, juxtapose the doctrine with other doctrines, etc.; and if all is not in harmony then we can know the doctrine is not accurate.

For example, in the above passage you, Peri, quote, while by itself it serves well the church at large, causing many self-righteous to be good in order that the church benefit by having a less hostile environment within which to function (as compared to pre-Noah days when there was evil continually upon the earth); we as committed Christians should take it to the next level. Born-agains are to be led by the S(s)pirit in ALL that they do, even and perhaps especially in their good works. To just do good deeds as we see opportunity is self-righteousness, and we should all know how much God hates that, even when done by His children (despite the Scripture that says to do good when we see opportunities, because, again, we must couple that commandment with all others).

Jesus clearly stated that the good works He did were in direct obedience to what the Father specifically commanded Him to do. And we as His brethren are commanded to imitate Him, Christ. Amen?

A good book on the subject, especially in the last of its four chapters, is "Reality; the Hope of Glory," by Aaron/Art Katz, viewable free on the BenIsrael website or in ppk. for 5 or 10 bucks. (It's one of my 3 all-time favorites, up there with Gurnall's "The Christian in Complete Armour," Vol. II, abridged.)

Blessings Peri, jim

Larry Mondello · Jan 29, 2012

gospotgo said:
I would also offer this, if I may: I think you must be pretty young. You are clearly devoted to your faith and this is awesome. You have every right to your wish-list concerning a potential mate, but I personally wonder if God isn't giving you time to assimilate a few truths.

Like, Godly women aren't always wrapped up in a neat, tidy package. Actually, no one is, but there are awesome women of faith who just might drink a beer sometimes. Prepare to wince, but some of them might smoke, cuss, or, ohmygosh, have kids outside of marriage.

These things do not make them less Godly. It means that their sanctification is still rocking, just like everyone else. God deals with our messes individually and at His pace.

Relating to the above great points, recently read this from

Sex and the Supremacy of Christ.
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ - Desiring God

Download the book and read it, OP.

QUOTE:
The rate of sanctification is completely variable. We cannot predict how it will go. Some people, during some seasons of life, leap and bound like gazelles. Let’s say you’ve been living in flagrant sexual sins.

You turn from sin to Christ; the open sins disappear. No more fornication, sleeping with your girlfriend or boyfriend. No more exhibitionism, wearing revealing clothes. No more inappropriate contentography, buying Penthouse or the latest salacious romance novel. Ever. It sometimes happens like that.

For other people (and the same people, at another season of life) sanctification is a steady, measured walk. You learn truth. You learn to serve others constructively. You build new disciplines. You learn basic life wisdom. You learn who God is, who you are, how life works. You learn to worship, to pray, to give time, money, and caring. And you grow steadily—wonder of wonders! Other people (and the same people, at
another season) trudge.

It’s hard going. You limp. You don’t seem to get very far very fast. But if you’re trudging in the right direction, someday you will see him face to face, and you will be like him. Some people crawl on their hands and knees. Progress is painful. Praise God for the glory of his grace, you are inching in the right direction.

And then there are times you aren’t even moving, stuck in gridlock, broken down—but you’re still facing in the right direction. That’s Psalm 88, the “basement” of the Psalms. This man feels dark despair—but it’s despair in the Lord’s direction. In other words, it’s still faith, even when faith feels so discouraged you can only say, “You are my only hope. Help. Where are you?”
That counts—it made it into the Bible!

There are times you might fall asleep in the blizzard and lie down comatose and forgetful—but grace wakes you up, reminds you, and gets you moving again. There are times you slowly wander off in the wrong direction, beguiled by some false promise, or disappointed by a true promise that you falsely understood.

But he who began a good work in you awakens you from your sleepwalk, sooner or later, and puts you back on the path. And then there are times you revolt, and do a face-plant in the muck, a swan dive into the abyss—but grace picks you up and washes you off again, and turns you back.

Slowly you get the point. Perhaps then you leap and bound, or walk steadily, or trudge, or crawl, or face with greater hope in the right direction.

DreamerOfHearts · Jan 29, 2012

Ash Crimson said:
Is there any specific reason for why He would? I've sought how I can seek out ways to become no longer interested in women, but the general agreement was I was wasting my time. So I dropped it. But the truth is that God does seem to want me to follow the single and celibate path in my life, and I'm not really sure why. I have my own ideas which I've already mentioned before, but I'm open to other ideas too.

I doubt it, God said "not good for man to be alone".

I was single and celibate for awhile. I could do it without thinking about women. Largely by isolating myself, though I socialized. I was naturally pretty much introverted anyway, though.

The whole monk and priest and nun thing I find unnatural and strange as some kind of system. For people like an Elijah going out into the woods alone or whatever, why not.

If that is what they want to do.

Do what you want to do, God doesn't have any demand on you for such a thing.

candle glow · Jan 30, 2012

Do what you want to do, God doesn't have any demand on you for such a thing.

There is no law forbidding marriage, either in what Jesus taught or what any of his followers taught, so in that sense you are right.

However, there IS some indication that Jesus may want some people to stay single. In the gospels he talked about how some people were born eunuchs, some who were made into eunuchs by others, and some who make themselves into eunuchs for the kingdom of heavens' sake. He says "let him who is able, accept it".

So, the demand may in fact be there, but it's kind of up to the individual and his/her personal relationship Jesus as to whether he she is able to accept it, but I think the implication is there that Jesus is looking for people who are willing to put their own desires on hold in order to stay single for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake.

Larry Mondello · Feb 11, 2012

bumped.......

Jupiter Drops · Feb 11, 2012

Ash Crimson said:
Is there any specific reason for why He would? I've sought how I can seek out ways to become no longer interested in women, but the general agreement was I was wasting my time. So I dropped it. But the truth is that God does seem to want me to follow the single and celibate path in my life, and I'm not really sure why. I have my own ideas which I've already mentioned before, but I'm open to other ideas too.

Erm, how do you know that God wants you to be single/celibate?

Give yourself some time and keep on praying about this.

Being interested in women is healthy. Nothing wrong with that. So don't even try. Someday there might be someone for you. But one day, maybe God doesn't want you to marry and devote yourself to Him alone. And there might be a good reason why.

Who knows. You might be still young. No one knows. You don't know. Don't take this as a serious issue. Just live and be happy that you're single. Being single is a gift too. Being single is not a curse. It's the time where you can build up your relationship with God and be a great man in Christ. Be strong and courageous.

Pal Handy · Feb 11, 2012

Jupiter Drops said:
Erm, how do you know that God wants you to be single/celibate?

Here we go again....

Jupiter Drops · Feb 11, 2012

Sorry, didn't read all the 26 pages... heheheh...

But honestly, being single is not a curse.

Pal Handy · Feb 11, 2012

Jupiter Drops said:
Sorry, didn't read all the 26 pages... heheheh...

But honestly, being single is not a curse.

It is an old thread and the op was a person that would
say up was down if you told him down was down...

I haven't seen him around lately....

Jupiter Drops · Feb 11, 2012

Oh I see. Well, the thread got bumped. I shall leave it as it is.

Why does God want me single / celibate?

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