Why do people do that?

[Cadillac]

Some time ago I was actively involved with Christian singles dating group. There were not in a church, but a separate entity that you had to pay money to get into.

I will not name them as I don't know how admins look at that. But here is my story.

Some girl shot me an e-mail, inquiring about me. Well we e-mailed back and forth once or twice and I suggested to meet. After 3 failed attempts we finally met. When we got into my car to go eat, one of her first words were : "But I am not into having sex". I am not 100% sure about verbatum, but basically, she told me upfront she is not interested in sex. That confused and surprised me tremendously as we were still moreless strangers.

After talking to her some more she said she is very disappointed with this singles group as almost every guy she met with was basically a horndog wanting to nail her on a first date. One of the guys were studying to be a preacher of all things. All of that sent a more then unpleasant shock down my spine.

Forget the morality, or, rather, immorality, of having premarital sex. Forget about her once actually having to physically fight a guy trying to take advantage of her. My question is this.

If you just want to "bang" there are plenty of services out there that are spesifically aimed at people looking for a lay and who could care less about the relationship. Why would people sign up to Christian Singles looking for that when that clearly is not the place to do that?

Why?

 

[TriptychR]

Um... you didn't want to name the place at the beginning, but you named it at the end. Just a heads up in case you wanted to edit that. I don't see why you really need to, though.

As to your question, it boggles my mind. I can only come up with two theories:
1. There are some Christians out there for whom pre-marital sex is simply not a problem. They don't even consider it as something other Christians would not be into.
2. There are some people out there so sick as to consider getting a virgin into bed a fun challenge, and what better place to find them than a Christian singles site?

Either theory is very disheartening. I feel horrible for women like the one you met who have had bad experiences like this and are now paranoid against every guy they meet. It also just makes it harder for innocent guys like us to form the God-centered, loving connection that both we and them deserve.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

If you just want to "bang" there are plenty of services out there that are spesifically aimed at people looking for a lay and who could care less about the relationship. Why would people sign up to Christian Singles looking for that when that clearly is not the place to do that?

Why?

Maybe they misread Romans and got he impression that being under Grace as opposed to Law gives them a "Get out of sin Free" card?

I've seen alot of what you've experienced. People are either afraid to wrinkle the sheets or they're a raging sl*t (guys as well as girls).

Don't know man. It's pretty sick though.

They might be snakes, they might be hypocrits, either way, you just have to brush them off and move on.

 

[OhhJim]

There are other theories:

3. She misinterpreted what they were saying.
4. For some reason, she is attracting men with less than Christian standards.

 

[TriptychR]

3. She misinterpreted what they were saying.

"So, do you want to go to Dairy Queen?"
"I will not fornicate with you, heathen!"

 

[the_man]

"So, do you want to go to Dairy Queen?"
"I will not fornicate with you, heathen!"

Yeah, that's a 'womanese' issue. If you don't use the right inflections...well.

 

[nhzname]

"So, do you want to go to Dairy Queen?"
"I will not fornicate with you, heathen!"

How could you misunderstand such a blatant sexual implication! You just don't know how hard it is for some women out there, beating off the men all the time.

 

[Thithy]

I don't know why. Maybe they are just desperate, and are signing up for every singles website they can. Just in hopes.

 

[OhhJim]

"So, do you want to go to Dairy Queen?"
"I will not fornicate with you, heathen!"

 

[Tenken]

How could you misunderstand such a blatant sexual implication! You just don't know how hard it is for some women out there, beating off the men all the time.

That's funny man. Seriously tho, women can be so sensitive with your use of words sometimes

 

[Living4Him03]

It is my opinion that they want a virgin, and believe they will likely find one there. Innocence seems to turn some guys on. They also know they won't get any STDs or whatever if they sleep with a girl who has never had sex.

 

[Laurel Crowned]

My question is this.

If you just want to "bang" there are plenty of services out there that are spesifically aimed at people looking for a lay and who could care less about the relationship. Why would people sign up to Christian Singles looking for that when that clearly is not the place to do that?

Why?

My friend and I were just discussing the very same question this morning. She was telling me how she goes to singles mixers for Christians. Everything is supposed to be above board, but at one or two of these mixers she and her friends have run into the same guys who are clearly not even Christian. There answers regarding Jesus, spirituality, and church attendance are so vague that my friend thinks they only come to those things for the food or to pick up on girls. Since these guys have hit on my friend and the other girls in her group when they strike out with one of them... she's coming to the conclusion that even christian events aren't safe places to meet decent guys.

A mutual friend of ours signed up with a christian dating service and every guy she met on there was trying to get her into bed. They liked the idea of conquering a christian girl. I guess to some it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

[Caligirl]

Interesting post, as this was something of a concern to me when I started to visit this site. From my experience, women become jaded to men online. Many of them lie and pursue public meetings only to get sex. I know some girls who have decided to visit only Christian sites or dating forums to escape these types of men. Of course they mistakenly assumed that these men wouldn't try these places as well. In many cases, these types of men prefer Christian sites becuase the women are friendlier and more trusting because they aren't expecting the men to be sexual predators.

 

[Cadillac]

I know some girls who have decided to visit only Christian sites or dating forums to escape these types of men. Of course they mistakenly assumed that these men wouldn't try these places as well. In many cases, these types of men prefer Christian sites becuase the women are friendlier and more trusting because they aren't expecting the men to be sexual predators.

I think, from a man's standpoint, when he knows he is dealing with a "good girl", he reads it as a challenge, as somebody he will have to try extra hard to "break", you know. That is huge bragging points to your drinking buddies and definitely an extra big notch on the belt. I joined Christian Singles specifically not to run into girls who think that love is when you and your man "do it", who think that if a guy is not hitting on you on a first date, it means that she is unattractive or he is just a closet gay.

But when I discovered that men join Singles to get laid, I was really disappointed as it devalues the group, makes it meaningless i.e. no different from, say, AdultFriendFinder.

I am also told that women, when approached to do something against their will or beliefs, never report what happens. A lot of these jerks, therefore, get away.

Um... you didn't want to name the place at the beginning, but you named it at the end. Just a heads up in case you wanted to edit that.

No, I didn't. Christian Singles is just a generic form. They do have a specific name that specifically identifies them.

 

[goodgirl]

hilarious! I usually wait to tell a guy that until it's clear he wants to get into my pants. But then I usually get "hey, why didn't you tell me that straight off!" And I'm like, "what -- hey, nice to meet you but that'll be all?" so anyhow, maybe this woman had similar experiences and was trying to be polite?

 

[TriptychR]

No, I didn't. Christian Singles is just a generic form. They do have a specific name that specifically identifies them.

OK, I was just checking. There is a christiansingles.com, you know.

 

[ashes2beauty]

Its possible that they want someone who's submissive... knowing that they can control her, and she'll obey his every command. Not that submissiveness is a bad thing.... but sometimes it can get out of control.

 

[Glorianna]

That's funny man. Seriously tho, women can be so sensitive with your use of words sometimes

Very true.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

despret I guess

 

[carmi]

After talking to her some more she said she is very disappointed with this singles group as almost every guy she met with was basically a horndog wanting to nail her on a first date. One of the guys were studying to be a preacher of all things. All of that sent a more then unpleasant shock down my spine.

I learnt to be careful when people volunteer this kind of information (about others and what they had gone through with others). No matter what she had to endure, you are not them. So, I don't see a point confronting someone with the mistakes of others. After all, she did go on a date with you ... it does not look as if she was so discouraged and decided never again to go out on a date.

I don't think attention seeking and wanting to make oneself more interesting is gender specific. Sometimes you can "secure" people (well, at least temporarily) by giving out the impression there is lots of competition and the person you are with is irresistable to all members of the opposite sex.

I am sorry, I don't mean to be unkind and harsh on this young lady ... but it is not very kind of her either to well, expose others. Especially since the person she is telling this (i.e. you) were not around. You have only her word for it, her interpretation.

I have not dated in a long, long time ... but I still remember the times I did date and a guy who would give an "evil report" on his previous dates would send up very red flags. Red is not my color.