Why do nice guys finish last?

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

No, don't give up yet. Here's how it usually works for us nice guys, in five easy steps, so I'm sure it will work for you too:

1. Find the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, and treat her like a queen.
2. Watch as she decides that you are only worthy of being her friend and not a romantic interest - and proceeds to devote herself to jerk who uses her and doesn't appreciate her.
3. Be her shoulder to cry on every time this jerk gets out of hand.
4. Wait until she FINALLY realizes that she needs a loving and caring man to be with, not a knucklehead.
5. Then continue to devote yourself to her and bear the responsibliity of cleaning up the emotional trainwreck that could've been avoided had she been smart enough to realize the guy was a jerk in the first place.

And then live happily ever after.

LOL

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

No, don't give up yet. Here's how it usually works for us nice guys, in five easy steps, so I'm sure it will work for you too:

1. Find the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, and treat her like a queen.
2. Watch as she decides that you are only worthy of being her friend and not a romantic interest - and proceeds to devote herself to jerk who uses her and doesn't appreciate her.
3. Be her shoulder to cry on every time this jerk gets out of hand.
4. Wait until she FINALLY realizes that she needs a loving and caring man to be with, not a knucklehead.
5. Then continue to devote yourself to her and bear the responsibliity of cleaning up the emotional trainwreck that could've been avoided had she been smart enough to realize the guy was a jerk in the first place.

And then live happily ever after.

LOL

and
6. she still doesnt want to be any more then friends
7. still outta the ball game


fixed

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

Simple answers.

 

[Fungal Growth]

because we choose to not rush to the end of the race?

i dunno hehe, ive always felt like this too, being shy and hesitant about things like this doesnt work well in this outgoing and extraverted world, most people see us shyer (is that a word??) people as weak or strange, but dont take the time to see the strength that we have inside, or to even see the person that we really are, my 2 cents

 

[klewlis]

Shy is ok as long as you can still carry on a conversation... what bugs me is when I try to talk to a guy and he is SO shy that he has nothing to say and I stand there pointlessly trying to make the conversation happen all by myself. After one or two attempts, I'll give up. It's frustrating because I know several guys who always want to talk to me but they still have nothing to say.

The reason girls tend to go for the more outgoing guys is because they see them as adventurous and mysterious. Every woman wants to be rescued, protected, etc. She wants a hero... outgoing guys are more *obviously* hero-types. This doesn't mean that shy guys aren't heroes too--it just means that you might have to work harder to let the girl know who you are.

The plain fact of the matter is that if you don't get out there and break your own boundaries a little, the girls won't have a chance to get to know you well enough to see your great qualities. Don't give up. There are many girls who want and need someone who is gentle and sensitive instead of agressive. But not only are they harder to find because *they* are shy, but you are harder to find because *you* are shy. So you have to just keep looking and don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone.

 

[Living4Him03]

Adventurous girls tend to like guys with the same sense of adventure. For me it's not finding a "hero"...cuz the only hero is Christ, but it's finding a companion, someone who I can really enjoy life with. If a guy is really quiet and never says anything and never shows when he is angry or sad or hurt, well that's going to be tough for me to get to know him! A guy can be shy as long as he isn't so shy that he won't take risks, ever live in the moment, hold a conversation with me, open himself to being known. My advice is let a girl get to know who you truly are...what are your interests? Be proud of them and be confident. Girls despise dependence just as much as guys do. I don't want to be rescued, I want someone to explore the world with and have an adventurous life with...even if that involves having 10 kids or something. The point is that a guy who is always nice and is so shy is not going to seem, upon first impression, like the kind of guy I can do that with. Hope that makes sense!

 

[Matthew Hobbs]

"Nice guys finish last" is the lament of the uninspired.

I'm a "nice guy," dated girls all through high school and college, and have been happily married to my soul mate and the most wonderful woman in the world for 2 1/2 years now. To "finish first" you must be confident, engaging, bright, caring, sensitive, friendly and happy. Most of those qualities don't apply to guys who sit around crying their beers about "nice guys finishing last."

Tough love, but it's true. I left behind my angsty teen poet days when I turned 15 - the sooner, the better.

 

[Living4Him03]

"Nice guys finish last" is the lament of the uninspired.

I'm a "nice guy," dated girls all through high school and college, and have been happily married to my soul mate and the most wonderful woman in the world for 2 1/2 years now. To "finish first" you must be confident, engaging, bright, caring, sensitive, friendly and happy. Most of those qualities don't apply to guys who sit around crying their beers about "nice guys finishing last."

Tough love, but it's true. I left behind my angsty teen poet days when I turned 15 - the sooner, the better.

 

[stray bullet]

2. Girls don't like "nice" guys because we like for a guy to be able to stick up for us! We want a MAN not a boy, we want someone who is not afraid to take risks or be a bit dangerous (in a good way),

And women wonder why so many of them get abused....

 

[Living4Him03]

ok you took my statement out of context, you didn't even post the rest of what I said! Also, where did you get your knowledge of battered women? If you think it's the woman's fault for choosing a jerk or that most women who are battered date "agressive" men think again. I was simply saying that we don't want a wuss...ie. a guy who is passive.

 

[stray bullet]

ok you took my statement out of context, you didn't even post the rest of what I said! Also, where did you get your knowledge of battered women? If you think it's the woman's fault for choosing a jerk or that most women who are battered date "agressive" men think again. I was simply saying that we don't want a wuss...ie. a guy who is passive.

I think women know what they are getting into, but are too shallow or have too many issues with their self-esteem to stop it.
'I want someone dangerous and exciting...' 'how'd I end up in jail?' 'How'd I end up pregnant?'
Shesh.

I love the standards of society, women get to be whatever they want, but men need to be masculine to get a woman. I've seen that repeated here many times, "I want a MAN".

To me, that standard is as revolting as men wanting dumb subservient women. It is simply a shallow, biological urge women too often take to the extreme. How would women feel if men said they wanted women with big breasts?

 

[Living4Him03]

Did I give a definition of a man? You can still be a MAN and not be an angry, mean, wife beater!!! I mean that I don't like men who are passive and are not going to stand up for themselves, who will follow Christ at whatever cost and are not worried about society's standards, not ones who are getting into gangs, fights, etc. I think you are way misreading what everyone is saying and are blowing it out of proportion. A lot of men, sadly, do base whether they will date a woman on whether they have big breasts and a good body, etc. You really seem to be talking off the top of your head, basing what you say on emotions instead of facts.

 

[stray bullet]

Did I give a definition of a man?

Masculine. Assertive.

You can still be a MAN and not be an angry, mean, wife beater!!!

Sure.

I mean that I don't like men who are passive and are not going to stand up for themselves, who will follow Christ at whatever cost and are not worried about society's standards, not ones who are getting into gangs, fights, etc. I think you are way misreading what everyone is saying and are blowing it out of proportion. A lot of men, sadly, do base whether they will date a woman on whether they have big breasts and a good body, etc. You really seem to be talking off the top of your head, basing what you say on emotions instead of facts.

How many men go on about how they want only women with big breasts here? How many women go out of their way to make their breasts look like something they are not to attract the opposite sex? Some do, but not nearly as many as the men who have to pretend to be masculine in order to get girls and be accepted.

Men are confined to a rigid set of behaviors to come off masculine. Failure to act how you are expected to results in you being a sissy (to put it lightly), thus girls don't like you and guys don't want to be near you for fear of being a sissy too.

Most men have lived in the prison too long to notice how confined they are, but I've listened to homosexuals and intersexuals who have become liberated from it or observed it. As one intersexual who lived as a man for part of her life said, it was awful and she feels a lot of sympathy for guys for being so constrained.

It would be as though a woman has to keep up the illusion of a large chest at all times, for fear of not being able to get a man and being shunned by her friends.

Men have one choice, act like a man or be isolated. Women expecting men to be masculine while at the same time enjoying the benefits of feminism are total hypocrites.

 

[mina]

Real men love Jesus. Not all men are going to be an assertive, sweaty, hairy, etc....
Some guys are passive and have non aggressive personailities. To me the definition of a "real Man" is someone that loves God and will not compromise the standards of God in his life. Someone that is actively pursuing and following Christ. Someone that treats women and others with the respect that Jesus would. God can use whatever personaility someone has. I think that's sort of the definition of a "real woman" too.

 

[klewlis]

I think women know what they are getting into, but are too shallow or have too many issues with their self-esteem to stop it.
'I want someone dangerous and exciting...' 'how'd I end up in jail?' 'How'd I end up pregnant?'
Shesh.

I love the standards of society, women get to be whatever they want, but men need to be masculine to get a woman. I've seen that repeated here many times, "I want a MAN".

To me, that standard is as revolting as men wanting dumb subservient women. It is simply a shallow, biological urge women too often take to the extreme. How would women feel if men said they wanted women with big breasts?

Goodness. Not only are you wrong, but you just insulted every woman here.

1) Women who get into abusive relationships were almost invariably abused and/or neglected (by men) as children. Before you go around making assumptions and calling them shallow and stupid, have a heart and think about the pain and abuse that they have suffered. Try getting to know some of these women.

2) Agressiveness in men is NOT the same as abusiveness. Jesus himself was one of the most agressive, "manly" men that I know of. He was also the most gentle and kind. Don't make the mistake of thinking that the two are mutually exclusive. The best men I know are the ones who are both strong and kind, agressive and gentle. It's not one or the other.

3) You seem to have a lot of bitterness and anger towards women. I don't know your background to know where that's coming from, but I guarantee that if it is not dealt with it will prohibit you from having a healthy relationship with someone yourself. Take Christ's example and treat women with compassion and respect, and you will be a whole lot happier and better off.

 

[Kirisutokyoo-shinja]

*yawn*
A thread gone wild, turned to bashing.
Women have been insulted in this thread.
Men have been insulted in this thread.

Time to leave it alone.
*stiffles comments* hehehe
Let it go people.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

 

[Saxman]

Mmm.
I am confident in what I do: my work, my hobbies, my ability to cope with the strife of modern day living, but when it comes to socialising and talking to women I am not confident at all and no amount of trying seems to make it any better. I am no pushover either and nobody tells me what to do or think against my will. While I am not very good at conversation I can answer any questions that are thrown at me, small talk a little, and know a little about most things.

But I cannot see myself becoming adventerous, a risktaker, dangerous, or "masculine-whatever that is supposed to mean". Nor do I want to change myself just to get a woman. I cannot see myself being happy with a woman who only likes this act I put on. Whenever I put on the happy, friendly, charming, outgoing act on around women I just feel fake, awful about myself, and drained afterwards.

Unfortunately for better or for worse I am shy, thoughtful, quiet, introverted, reserved, awkward, and too intellectual for my own good: which seems to be the complete opposite of most other people at college. I am not helped by having been at an all-boys college for all my life bar the last two years, and also have a fragile heart which has suffered a lot already in the game of love.
Presumabely I will find a girl when I am 30 and girls are in their 30s and looking to settle down with a boring, loyal, rich guy who will provide for them, as seems to happen to most guys like me.

I would understand if I was unable to attract the good looking, popular girls, but I cannot even seem to interest the more average looking girls either. I know that when I am attracted to a girl no matter how shy and quiet she is I will at least make a good stab at trying to open her up, but no girls seem to even attempt to help me out when I flounder when I try and make conversation with them.

Sorry if I am being very negative and bitter. I am afraid this time of the year is the one period where it really starts to get me down. Even at my church everyone seems to be in a couple. We have a church ball coming up and I asked a few girls from Church I quite liked and one already had a date and a boyfriend, the other made some excuse about keeping her options open, and the other gave a non-commital response and now seems to be avoiding me. I think I might give it a miss.

Once couples stop kissing everywhere I go and hugging each other, and the birds stop their courtship songs and I stop hearing love songs everywhere I go I will cheer up.

 

[klewlis]

Mmm.
Once couples stop kissing everywhere I go and hugging each other, and the birds stop their courtship songs and I stop hearing love songs everywhere I go I will cheer up.

Those things will never stop. But with God's grace and some time and practice, you can learn not to focus on those things and instead focus on the rich blessings that God pours continuously into your life. I know because I have recently attained that blessed state myself, and it is wonderful.

When you feel lonely, do something for yourself that you love--spend time with a good friend or alone, doing something that inspires you. For me that can be anything from buying myself daffodils to spending time outside to going on a roadtrip--find things that make your heart sing, and do them. Then you will find yourself thanking God for the life he has given you, instead of wishing for something he has not yet given you.

 

[Aijin]

God you must love first. Its possible that God is simply waiting for you to be ready for your soulmate before you are united with her. To be ready though for her, you must be ready to still have God first in your life. If you can't put God first now, then what makes you think you'll put God first once you do have somebody?

Its the same with everything else in life... if you want money, or to be happy, or a companion... if you want them, you're not supposed to chase them. But when you surrender them and simply want God, you'll be given everything.

Me, it took me a while, but i've finally managed to draw close enough that my loneliness is but a small whisper. Yet i know that i still need to draw closer to God before i get into a relationship. There are things God is doing in my life and they are more important and a part of preparing me for that wonderful woman i'll have one day.

Do you not believe in soulmates? I believe when you have a soulmate it means this: There is no woman good enough for you but the one God created for you to be with, and vice versa. So what does it matter if no other woman wants or doesn't want you? They're not the ones that count.

Me... i'm one of the weirdest/strangest people i know. I am sooo odd, but when it comes to girls, i like this part of me. It makes it easier for me to realize that none of those women who shoot me strange looks aren't for me. It cuts down on the number of women who i'll go through my days thinking "Could she be the one?". Its rather stressful if you ask me. The more unique i am, the easier it will be to recognize her right away. That's what i say.

I hope this helps

 

[stray bullet]

Goodness. Not only are you wrong, but you just insulted every woman here.

I haven't insulted women, I have spoken against an attitude that many women hold. I don't hesitate to speak against any attitudes that hurt men or women.

1) Women who get into abusive relationships were almost invariably abused and/or neglected (by men) as children. Before you go around making assumptions and calling them shallow and stupid, have a heart and think about the pain and abuse that they have suffered. Try getting to know some of these women.

What makes you think I don't know any, especially since I included them in my mentioning of self-esteem being a factor?

The women that I am talking about are the ones that want an over-masculine risk-taker that is 'exciting', well, that's just what they find. Should I feel sorry for them... no more than women feel sorry for the men whose demands kept them in the kitchen.

2) Agressiveness in men is NOT the same as abusiveness.

Abusiveness is often found in aggresiveness, if you want to play in that fire, don't cry when you get burned.

Jesus himself was one of the most agressive, "manly" men that I know of. He was also the most gentle and kind. Don't make the mistake of thinking that the two are mutually exclusive. The best men I know are the ones who are both strong and kind, agressive and gentle. It's not one or the other.

Some men are gentle and effeminate. Of course, that's not what a lot of women want and men are too sacred and insecure to want to be around them. Thus, they become isolated or forced to be someone they aren't to be accepted.

3) You seem to have a lot of bitterness and anger towards women.

Bitterness towards women that continue to push men in stereotypical roles, you bet. Even so, I still feel sorry for them when their caveman boyfriends hurt them, however that may be. Afterall, you should love those that hurt and oppress you.

I don't know your background to know where that's coming from, but I guarantee that if it is not dealt with it will prohibit you from having a healthy relationship with someone yourself.

Did you really need to throw in a little dig?