Why do I do this?

[Hermit7]

I'm sorry for posting and bothering you guys again.

I've trying RTT for a while but recently it's starting not to work as well.

For instance I was trying to reach into my coat pocket for my wallet to buy a soda. I struggled a little with it. And one point a thought came that if I got the wallet out then I would hav bargained my salvation away.

I tried to dismiss and leave it into the Lords hands. But I couldn't stop thinking of it. Now I'm afraid to use anything in my wallet or else the bargain holds.

I tired to think it away but another thought came out about I would trade away my salvation to make it all end.

I'm still afraid. What am I doing wrong?

Hermit

 

[followJesus1811]

When those kind of thoughts come up, just tell yourself this is a lie and I have no reason to believe it.

Will pray! Praise God who has a stronger hold on us than we have on Him.

 

[flowerforever7]

Ugk.. that sounds definitely like OCD. I know because I experience similar things. You are not doing anything wrong from what I can see. These sound like they are intrusive thoughts that you are ruminating on. Ofcourse you really wouldn't bargain your salvation away to get out your wallet. God knows that.

It sounds just like OCD to paint you into a corner so that you cannot use something that you will most definitely need to use or have access to. I can guess what may happen next in the OCD progression... at some point you have to get into your wallet for something, and then OCD urges you to ruminate on whether or not you are condemned. The storyline becomes familiar. OCD does similar things to me. OCD was happening in my sleep some nights ago, in a dream I made a vow before God that I would not type anything with the letter "o" in it; of course while writing in the dream I broke that vow. How can you not type anything without the letter "o" in it? It is a part of the alphabet that is necessary for communicating in English. But it is like OCD to generate a scary intrusive thought, and urge you to feel compelled to honor the intrusive thought as valid. And then when you can't honor some of the demands of OCD because life and reality get in the way (you need to use your wallet, someone needs to do their laundry, I need to be able to type the letter "o"), then OCD compels you to ruminate about it again and again. It is a cycle. You know deep inside that you really don't want to bargain away your salvation.

I prayed for you after I read your post.

God bless you.
_____
Acts 2:38 "Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, everyone of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."

 

[TheWorriedOne]

Oh dear God I had a problem very similar to that but I'm not going to say what it was incase it causes triggers but it sort of has the same aspects of this situation so we'll just say it was vows/bargains for this situation my mind would make stupid bargains all the time and I was makingtupid one in my head constantly I vow to touch this I vow to do that. It was out of control. Like one time i told God in my head i would give up my salvation if he invented a cure to my disability before I died so yeah it was pretty serious. Well then I got on some medicine and I learned how to counteract the vows to the opposite thing so I could do what I really want to do. I guess what advice I could give you is this is definently OCD and the vows don't stand. Two try to not think about it but if it won't leave you alone counteract the vows and kind of trick yourself like let's say you wanted a Soda when your mind says you vow not to get a soda say in your mind I vow to get a soda that's how I ind of dealt with that situation. I'm not really sure how I got rid of that topic in my OCD but for the most part it's gone now and I barely think about it. Trust me though you will get better.