Why can't I stop? Why don't I want to get better?

[Corbobs]

Why can't I stop? Why can't I see that cutting doesn't really do me any good? I want to stop, yet I don't want to stop. They just keep getting deeper, and I'm scared that they might start to leave permanent scars. I don't want to have to look at my arm in the future and remember all of this. I want to try and get better, but I don't see much point. I can't see the future anymore, I can't see anything to look forward to. My friends continue climbing the ladder called dating, while I'm left at the bottom dreaming of being able to climb. I feel so alone, so left out. The thought that no one has ever liked me enough to say anything to me is so depressing, that no one has ever thought me special enough. I know it sounds stupid that something so small could be so depressing, but it's the truth. I don't see a whole lot of point in trying to get better, because even if I do get better, I'll still be just as far away from my friends as I am now, I'll still be at the bottom of the ladder.

 

[puregrl]

you just told yourself why, but you do have a future, everyone does, we were made to have one. Why dont you see the point in getting better? God has a plan for you. You were born with a future, maybe you were ment to cure something, so invent something, later down the road something you say may change someones decision and they may decide they want to live. You dont know what the future has in store for you. You know that i never even dated anyone until i was 16. I mean that may not matter to a guy, but i was freakin out. I felt lonely, depressed. But i remembered that my God, he loved me. He went though loneliness. Stop doing what you are doing, get back to hanging out with you friends, have fun, go to the movies, You seemed to have a wonderful personality, and that was just from your picture, in no time you can work your way up that ladder, but you have to make that first step. you can pm me anytime if you would like, if you have any questions, i spend a lot of my time on here!!

 

[cracked_pelicans]

Hi Corbobs. I can definitely sympathise with you. I have the scars from my youth as a reminder of similar struggles that I went through. I too was alone, depressed and hurt.

But there is hope! Now I am married to a wonderful woman who loves me back! She works with youth, and has to come to me, looking for insight that I can provide from my experiences.

Remember, God has amazing plans for your life, and one day you will realize those plans.

You know, your words echo the words Paul wrote in his letter, Romans:

Romans 7:14-25
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Paul can get a little wordy at times, but the point is - we all go through what you are feeling. But don't let this discourage you. Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ, He will rescue you.

You are in our prayers.

 

[luv4godremains]

Corbobs,

it's a really hard thing to stop, I've been trying to stop now for I don't know how long, it's gotta be at least a year and a half! and with the dating scene, God has someone special for you, someone whom he has decided, right, I want to bless my son with a wonderful marriage to someone whom he can fall deeply in love with who will love him in exactly the same way back and the same amount! God has great plans for you, he will help you get there, and at the end of the day, would you really want to go out with someone who it would not last with, it would just bring you more pain than you are already in if you broke up, so maybe God is trying to protect you from more pain!

I dunno, it was just a thought, I'll keep praying for you! if ya ever wanna chat, I'd be happy 2 do so, just PM me or add me 2 ur msn!
God bless!

 

[IKTCA]

Brother Corbos:
It is exactly as you said, you want to cut and you don't want to cut. There are 2 minds in you, one says to cut, and the other says not to. We can call them Bad Mind and Good Mind. When Bad Mind comes up and wins over Good Mind, you cut yourself.

As Brother CrackedPelican said, everyone has 2 minds. I am not an exception. Bad Mind says that prayer is useless and God does not hear them. Good Mind says to pray with strength and diligence. Bad Mind did not come from God.

There is a cure. You need to strengthen Good Mind and remove Bad Mind. No man can do that by himself. Even Paul could not do it and asked God to do it for him.

You tried hard but failed. (So did I. So did CrackedPelican) Give all your minds to Jesus. Since he has your minds, you become his and you do what he says. What he says to you is recorded in the Bible. Read the Bible and do as he says. If you read, "Forgive," forgive even your worst enemy. If you read, "Give thanks to the Father," give thanks to the Father. If you read, "Do not anger," do not anger. Jesus will remove Bad Mind and strengthen Good Mind.

Are you resolved to walk this path? If you are, Jesus will lead you gently.
Rupert

PS: "Staying at the bottom of the ladder" is actually a very minor issue. Once the Good Mind is in firm control (meaning Jesus is in control of your minds), your beauty will outshine your friends. Girls with beautiful mind will be attracted to you. (Brother CrackedPelican is a living proof.)

 

[Captain_Tripp]

i no what u mean,the same here.although i cut the palm of my left handthe cut mark is almost gone now though.i want 2 stop but whenever i feel real depressed i cut my self.i dont want 2 but i do.*sighs*oh wells.gd luck 2 ya though.

 

[bassdrum1]

you say no one loves you but you are worng. God loves you. and no your reason for cutting isn't stupid b/c that was just one of my many reasons i used to cut. i'm sry u feel this way. i wish there was something i could say that would help u to stop. all i can tell u is this. Trust God no matter what. u say u can't see your future anymore. God has a plan for you though. Even if u can't see it. I was the same way too but God helped me through this rough time and eventually showed me what he had in store for me. Even if u can't see the future God knows what he has in store for you. Just hold on to that. If u ever really need to talk to me though, pm me. I'l be here for you.