I am so tired of hearing, "if you desire to change that's enough of a repentance and as long as you're sorry for sinning and trust Christ your saved." I know this isn't what repentance is so why do people keep comforting me and telling me I'm saved when I know I am not!
There is nothing I would love more than to serve God and to have genuine faith in Christ and be dead in my sins to bring glory to God and to serve Him in some kind of ministry and dedicate my life to Him... but I can't. I have been struggling with sin so much and I just can't repent of it. Of course I can say the words "Lord I know I'm a sinner and that Jesus Christ is Lord and died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead. I'm sorry and I trust in you for forgiveness, it's sufficient enough for me, and I will turn away and invite your spirit in me and submit to your will so that I can bring glory to you." Yet words are only empty words. I desire this, yet my heart seems to be deceiving me because I keep on sinning and am heavily addicted to sexual immorality and inappropriate contentography and self gratification. I have become lazy in my work because I am so despondent because I know I am going to hell and no matter what I do I can't repent. I say the words and I desire to AFTER I sin, but not during the sin, even though I know I should stop. I don't want to hurt the other persons feelings and I love the feeling myself so it is impossible for me just to turn from it. I'm afraid I might hurt them and then they won't want to come to Christ either. I'm so lost. These sins have consumed my life and I want to be free of them, yet I can't STOP. Every time I'm tempted I act on them, theres no fight, there's guilt but no fight. I'm come to the Lord so many times begging for forgiveness yet my heart must be deceiving itself and not truly repenting.
I no longer no what to do. In all honesty, I'm not suicidal so this isn't a threat because I'm not going to harm or kill myself, but I just feel like dying. I feel like hell would be sufficient because at least there wouldn't be this anxiety over my salvation. Or perhaps I am saved and will go to Heaven to be with Christ. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't seem to care. I just.. I've brought this up to many people and everyone just says "theres a struggle so you're saved." That's great people think this but anyone who habitual sins is an indication that they are not saved and this sexual immorality, inappropriate contentography, and self gratification is more than habitual it an addiction and I cannot be freed from it and I know that freedom is in Christ but I don't know how to rely on Him for it. It feels like my soul is in the wrong body. Someone please help... I don't know what to do. I don't want comfort, I just want honesty and truth.
There is nothing I would love more than to serve God and to have genuine faith in Christ and be dead in my sins to bring glory to God and to serve Him in some kind of ministry and dedicate my life to Him... but I can't. I have been struggling with sin so much and I just can't repent of it. Of course I can say the words "Lord I know I'm a sinner and that Jesus Christ is Lord and died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead. I'm sorry and I trust in you for forgiveness, it's sufficient enough for me, and I will turn away and invite your spirit in me and submit to your will so that I can bring glory to you." Yet words are only empty words. I desire this, yet my heart seems to be deceiving me because I keep on sinning and am heavily addicted to sexual immorality and inappropriate contentography and self gratification. I have become lazy in my work because I am so despondent because I know I am going to hell and no matter what I do I can't repent. I say the words and I desire to AFTER I sin, but not during the sin, even though I know I should stop. I don't want to hurt the other persons feelings and I love the feeling myself so it is impossible for me just to turn from it. I'm afraid I might hurt them and then they won't want to come to Christ either. I'm so lost. These sins have consumed my life and I want to be free of them, yet I can't STOP. Every time I'm tempted I act on them, theres no fight, there's guilt but no fight. I'm come to the Lord so many times begging for forgiveness yet my heart must be deceiving itself and not truly repenting.
I no longer no what to do. In all honesty, I'm not suicidal so this isn't a threat because I'm not going to harm or kill myself, but I just feel like dying. I feel like hell would be sufficient because at least there wouldn't be this anxiety over my salvation. Or perhaps I am saved and will go to Heaven to be with Christ. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't seem to care. I just.. I've brought this up to many people and everyone just says "theres a struggle so you're saved." That's great people think this but anyone who habitual sins is an indication that they are not saved and this sexual immorality, inappropriate contentography, and self gratification is more than habitual it an addiction and I cannot be freed from it and I know that freedom is in Christ but I don't know how to rely on Him for it. It feels like my soul is in the wrong body. Someone please help... I don't know what to do. I don't want comfort, I just want honesty and truth.