Why can't I develop feelings anymore?

[throughchristimchanged]

I'm having real trouble moving on from someone I met a few years ago.(its okay, I will help you get through this)
I was never in a relationship with him but there seemed to be mutual interest and we were friends for a little while, until suddenly he cut me off for no reason.(he just seemed to have lost interest, maybe?) I've tried so hard to accept it and move on - blocking out any associations(which is wise of you to do) and trying to meet other guys but literally nothing works. I didn't actually see him in that way at first so it's crazy how so much is different now,(its hard to accept because your heart was into it) I feel like my life changed when I met him for the second time.

I've found guys attractive and forced myself to go on a few dates but in the end I've just treated(its okay) it as going out with a friend and not seen any of them again.(none of them were able to speak to your heart) Even though I want to have feelings for someone else I just can't(with time you could) - it's like my heart has shut down and I've lost interest in relationships.(I never want to see you fall, in pain, or hurting)
Family and friends ask when am I going to find a boyfriend and that I should make more of an effort to meet guys,(no you shouldnt) but I can't tell anyone how I'm struggling as it will sound ridiculous.(no it wont) I can't talk to him either as he won't respond to me anymore and I haven't seen him in 3 years.(its okay..) I've prayed for God to help me move past the feelings but I'm still stuck.

Any advice on what's wrong with me and how to move on?

yes plenty

 

[flower89]

yes plenty

Sorry I'm confused...what does your reply mean?

 

[throughchristimchanged]

Sorry I'm confused...what does your reply mean?

so how are you doing today.?

 

[flower89]

so how are you doing today.?

I'm doing ok thanks - it's become a daily habit to think of him so turning that off is strange but I'm getting there. I have a fear of getting involved with anyone else because I feel like they'll just drop me like a hot potato too.
As it happens, my dealings with men have always been negative. The only time something good and mutual happened was with this guy....maybe that says a lot.

 

[William67]

I'm doing ok thanks - it's become a daily habit to think of him so turning that off is strange but I'm getting there. I have a fear of getting involved with anyone else because I feel like they'll just drop me like a hot potato too.
As it happens, my dealings with men have always been negative. The only time something good and mutual happened was with this guy....maybe that says a lot.

Once bitten, twice shy. Weve all been where you are. I can only say that it will get better over time if you dont let the fear control you.

 

[throughchristimchanged]

I'm doing ok thanks(your more than welcome) - it's become a daily habit to think of him so turning that off is strange but I'm getting there.(amen, praise Jesus) I have a fear of getting involved with anyone else because I feel like they'll just drop me like a hot potato too.(a heart is delicate)
As it happens, my dealings with men have always been negative. The only time something good and mutual happened was with this guy....maybe that says a lot.(it does)

be sure an pray today please and thank you

 

[blackribbon]

I'm doing ok thanks - it's become a daily habit to think of him so turning that off is strange but I'm getting there. I have a fear of getting involved with anyone else because I feel like they'll just drop me like a hot potato too.
As it happens, my dealings with men have always been negative. The only time something good and mutual happened was with this guy....maybe that says a lot.

But honestly...it wasn't all good because he left and it never was a relationship. You are clinging to an ideal, not a real situation...and hiding behind it so that you don't have to risk being hurt again.

It is hard and strange to redirect our thoughts after letting them become a habit. Good for you to recognize that it needs to be done. There is only one way to avoid being hurt by a relationship and that is to never get into one. You have do decide what you are willing to risk. If you are not willing to risk your heart, start focusing on being single and having a fulfilled life that way. That is an acceptable option.

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

Flower89 -- Do you have any opportunity to communicate with him whatsoever? (Friends on Facebook, following each other on Twitter, living close enough that you could run into each other, etc.)

If so, I'm not suggesting you reach out through these channels, but maybe write a letter getting your feelings out. Maybe that letter is just for your eyes only and then you destroy it, or after you sit on it for awhile (like a good week at least) and you have a way of communicating with him, you send it. Pray about it.

 

[steflou64]

Flower 89-I know how you feel. I still think about the handsome attorney I dated two months this summer. I find myself wanting to contact him even though I know he is not looking for marriage. He does credit repair I may look into next year (am too busy now with the holidays). It is hard getting over someone you are really attracted to. He made me realize that I really do want marriage someday!

 

[steflou64]

Flower 89 I listen to country music at work (to drown out all the gossip) and there is a country song that explains yourself and my feelings for our exes called "We all want what we ain't got" LOL! The "Murphy's Law" of dating is that whoever you like won't like you and whoever likes you, you won't like!!

 

[hawkeyelovejs]

Flower89 -- A lot of people recommend the book "He's Just Not That Into You," for single women to read in these types of situations, but I can give you an even better reading. Mandy Hale is a Christian woman who has penned two books about her single life, bad relationships and moving on. The first book is called "The Single Woman," and the second book is called "I've Never Been to Vegas, But My Luggage Has."

I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND her books for all single Christian women. She's so honest about her past while committed to her future with Christ. Her Twitter and Facebook accounts are great, too!

https://www.facebook.com/TheSingleWoman

https://twitter.com/TheSingleWoman

 

[orangeness365]

So you said it was the only nice relationship you've had with a guy even though it wasn't that serious? Do you ever make friends with guys just to enjoy their friendship? I understand at the age of 25 being just friends tends to become less common than say in middle school and high school. What was about him that you were so attracted to? Is there a way to find the same traits in another guy, or do you feel like he was your soulmate or something?

 

[Neve]

May I suggest in the nicest possible manner that you suffer from OCD and/or depression. OCD isn't limited to just compulsive behavior, like handwashing, but can lead to compulsive thoughts about an object of desire, like a crush or infatuation. It's important to recognize the difference between a simple crush and a full-on obsession. Since the OP has not seen him for three years and never had a romantic relationship with him, it's difficult for me to accept this as a simple case of unrequited love.