Why bother anymore?

[tyield1102]

ugh I just feel done. I can't sleep anymore which isn't good because I have 3 children that are awake during the day. Every time I try to go to sleep I get all these thoughts that I don't believe in Jesus and that none of this is real and it's all made up. Then my feelings start giving into the thoughts then I get anxious no matter if I try to pray or anything. I have been having a lot of feelings lately that God isn't real or Jesus or Heaven and Hell for that matter. This all just irritates me and is driving me insane. Why would I all of a sudden in the past month quit believing in Jesus? Why are my feelings and thoughts against me? What in the world did I do to God to make Him this angry at me? Where is the Holy Spirit to lead me into all truth? Did I not really get saved in Germany like I thought? I can't take it anymore. God is not answering my prayers. I am seriously so anxious that it's making me nauseous. Don't people who don't believe in God or Jesus and turn their backs not care? Do they sit up at night feeling anxious? Is my destiny to be an apostate? Is that where my whole life was heading? Is that why I got the OCD so it can twist my thoughts around so much that I start believing the lies of it? I can't even pray anymore I feel like what's the point I quit believing in Jesus and can't be renewed to repentance anymore anyways so it's pointless. The worst part is I don't feel at home here on Earth the last time I felt at home and it was where I was supposed to be was at the church that I believe God led me to. I walked in and just started thinking that I was in God's house with other believers and I felt at home truly at home with God and it was the best feeling in the world. Now all of it is gone. My relationship with God gone, my salvation gone, my hope gone.

 

[blackwolf001]

ugh I just feel done. I can't sleep anymore which isn't good because I have 3 children that are awake during the day. Every time I try to go to sleep I get all these thoughts that I don't believe in Jesus and that none of this is real and it's all made up. Then my feelings start giving into the thoughts then I get anxious no matter if I try to pray or anything. I have been having a lot of feelings lately that God isn't real or Jesus or Heaven and Hell for that matter. This all just irritates me and is driving me insane. Why would I all of a sudden in the past month quit believing in Jesus? Why are my feelings and thoughts against me? What in the world did I do to God to make Him this angry at me? Where is the Holy Spirit to lead me into all truth? Did I not really get saved in Germany like I thought? I can't take it anymore. God is not answering my prayers. I am seriously so anxious that it's making me nauseous. Don't people who don't believe in God or Jesus and turn their backs not care? Do they sit up at night feeling anxious? Is my destiny to be an apostate? Is that where my whole life was heading? Is that why I got the OCD so it can twist my thoughts around so much that I start believing the lies of it? I can't even pray anymore I feel like what's the point I quit believing in Jesus and can't be renewed to repentance anymore anyways so it's pointless. The worst part is I don't feel at home here on Earth the last time I felt at home and it was where I was supposed to be was at the church that I believe God led me to. I walked in and just started thinking that I was in God's house with other believers and I felt at home truly at home with God and it was the best feeling in the world. Now all of it is gone. My relationship with God gone, my salvation gone, my hope gone.

Ah welcome to my world No not really... I am in your position. I know how that feels.. I dont have OCD but i do have major depression.. and it is HARD. It is hard to believe sometimes. It does feel as if he has forsaken you .. i know it feels like that for me now .. but at the same time i feel his love... it is a calmness deep inside my chest .. real deep sometimes i cant feel it .. Just keep praying .. keep asking .. u will receive.. try to trust .. my struggle too at the moment. Do unbelievers struggle with their unbelief.. twist and turn .. yes but they dont know why. I know because i was one. My home is Heaven .. i kmow this .. Earth is .. well Earth .. I wish God would take me home but i am here for a purpose i cant see right now .. I pray it will come clear to me.. and for you. Be at Peace. keep praying .. dont give up .. my prayers and yours will be answered.. i am just impatient Ahh your hope and salvation are not gone .. u just misplaced them somewhat .. as i have I will find mine again and so will you

 

[Winter]

My relationship with God gone, my salvation gone, my hope gone.

Not true at all. That is the voice of "depression and anxiety" invading your heart and mind. The fact that you are concerned about your relationship with God means the Holy Spirit is there - working within you. If you didn't care, if you weren't concerned, then I would be worried.

Please start celebrating and embracing your relationship with God - stop basing it on fear. You are wasting your precious moments in fear of God. You underestimate God and your lack faith when you spend countless hours convincing yourself that there is no hope and no salvation.

God bless you. May the peace of Jesus and the Holy Spirit comfort you during your hours of sadness and pain.

 

[tyield1102]

thank you for replying. to be honest i just want to give up i'm so tired of fighting for something that seems out of reach for me. at times i think you know why is it so hard..believe in Jesus, obey and be saved i mean really it's not hard and very simple so why am i not getting it. i feel that i am starting to not care at all about God or Jesus or salvation for that matter. What is going to happen to me if that happens?

 

[NoelAsa]

I hope that you have seen your doctor and he has put you on some medication for your OCD and depression. If not please contact a doctor and get some help. Praying that you feel better.

 

[blackwolf001]

thank you for replying. to be honest i just want to give up i'm so tired of fighting for something that seems out of reach for me. at times i think you know why is it so hard..believe in Jesus, obey and be saved i mean really it's not hard and very simple so why am i not getting it. i feel that i am starting to not care at all about God or Jesus or salvation for that matter. What is going to happen to me if that happens?

It does seem so easy when put that way about belief in Jesus.. but really it is not easy. I wish it was so easy. When we experience trauma such that it makes us seem unworthy, unlovable, unliked, no friends, that no one will ever love or find us, it becomes a struggle to understand who we are and to trust ourselves; let alone in a being that seems unattainable. I am there right now. In that place u are. I too want to give up .. but i am not going to give up .. i am going to fight myself because i know deep inside that i am worthy of all those things that seem unattainable. I have just lost someone whom I am sure was brought to me be God because i didnt know how to be patient, not pushy, and abusive (I didnt know i was being abusive till it was pointed out to me) and now i lost her. My faith has been shaken; why would a loving compassionate God bring someone to me and then take her away? .. well he didnt.. i pushed her away. I so desperately want her back .. but i am giving her .. ,and God, space to let this happen .. i have no contact with her.. this is trust in God's will that he will bring her back .. i am hoping he will .. maybe he wont.. i do not know.. but I have to place my trust in God, place my faith in his will .. and if she does not come back then i have to accept it as God's will... He will bring to me the one i am meant to be with .. wish he would do it now .. but it is in his time... Do not give up .. he is there even though he seems unattainable right now.. Your struggle seems far worse than mine but i am tellng you that you are not alone in this.. and the fact that you have posted in this forum shows that u havent given up hope.. do not give up hope.. Last Thursday after I had had a fight with the one I love i heard clearly .."Do Not Give Up Hope" .. i did .. then lost her for what seems forever on Sunday because i gave up .. do not give up ... keep trying .. keep praying even when u dont know how .. just ask for help... Just pray for help.

 

[blackwolf001]

I am going to tell you this because it may help.. I hope it does.

I know that Jesus Christ is my lord and saviour. That he lays me down in green pastures .. but that i keep wandering away and getting lost.. and he keeps looking for me and bringing me back .. over .. and over.. and over again.. because he is patient and loves me .. (hard to type with tears in my eyes) .. and though i walk in the valley of death I fear no evil because he is always with me.. he surrounds me with his protection .. and i am only in a valley and it will soon end .. he fills me wiith his love and his light. Amen.

 

[Winter]

I am going to tell you this because it may help.. I hope it does.

I know that Jesus Christ is my lord and saviour. That he lays me down in green pastures .. but that i keep wandering away and getting lost.. and he keeps looking for me and bringing me back .. over .. and over.. and over again.. because he is patient and loves me .. (hard to type with tears in my eyes) .. and though i walk in the valley of death I fear no evil because he is always with me.. he surrounds me with his protection .. and i am only in a valley and it will soon end .. he fills me wiith his love and his light. Amen.

Oh my goodness. This is such a beautiful post. There is so much truth in this. Please Tyfield, pay attention to this post. This is what we are trying to tell you.

 

[tyield1102]

sorry i have not responded i got really sick yesterday. right now i feel nothing. i can't even pray anymore because it all just seems useless. i just don't know anymore. i don't know what to think or feel or believe.

 

[blackwolf001]

Read what I wrote .. and say it over and over and over.. use it as a prayer .. I did .. and it helped .. maybe it will help you. I have just been blessed with a truth I did not know.. i have actually started a path I thought was unattainable.. I feel God within me always now .. I have made a committment I did not think I could make .. I had to got rhough stress and pain .. till I made it .. i was being fought over.. When it happened .. when i made the commtittment .. i got a message for me .. but i will share it with you .. If u read what i wrote earlier about the girl i love .. then u know i thought she was gpne forever.. well God sent me a message .. as soon as I made a committment to him .. he said to me .. She is coming bacvk .. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] .. i need to trust in that .. and u know, I do trust in that .. whether she comes back as only a friend or more it is in God's hands.. and Only in his hands .. I pray u find peace Tyield I really do ... dont give up hope ... please. HE is only waiting for you to ask him to come to you .. and mean it ... it will happen .. it will .. i know this because it just happened to me .. yes i still get downs .. and I miss her terribly .. but i know it is going to be alright now .. for me.. Love and Light to you Tyield. Read the prayer i used for myself .. it worked .. oh did it work Jesus loves us all Sometimes it takes a lot to make us see it. have hope .. dont give up .. even reading the prayer i wrote for me .. it still brings tears into my eyes.. typing about it brings tears .. try it

 

[Noxot]

if you can do it, it really helps to read the Word every day.

 

[blackwolf001]

if you can do it, it really helps to read the Word every day.

Yes and I am trying .. lol reminds me I need to do some reading Take heart Tyfield .. God loves you, and so does Jesus, and the Holy Spirit .. I wish I had worked this out 20+ years ago .. I have missed so much .. but .. it takes the time it takes and i cant begrudge God for not pushing me harder .. whenhe as been ... i just couldnt see it .. Oh How blind are we Humans .. I love God and he Loves Me and YOU.

 

[dewba]

God has a purpose and time for everything. Everything is happening because God willed it. God was not mad at Job when he willed temptation on him; he was testing him. God is testing you.

You need a break, tyield1102. Find some peace and quiet; Reconnect with God; read your Bible;

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Phil. 4:13

 

[blackwolf001]

Amen

 

[tyield1102]

hey y'all. thank you for all of the encouraging words and advice. I'm just in a bad place right now. The other night when I posted on here I was being bombarded with thoughts of unbelief about Jesus and I felt that He wasn't real and I gave into the thoughts I just couldn't take it anymore. I now just feel passive yet at the same time when I went to church today all I could do was cry.

 

[blackwolf001]

hey y'all. thank you for all of the encouraging words and advice. I'm just in a bad place right now. The other night when I posted on here I was being bombarded with thoughts of unbelief about Jesus and I felt that He wasn't real and I gave into the thoughts I just couldn't take it anymore. I now just feel passive yet at the same time when I went to church today all I could do was cry.

God is working in you. Let him work .. dont hold back .. cry if you need to .. its all healing.. you will feel him again .. Great that you went to church Sometimes God wants you to be passive so that he can do the healing that needs to be done. Pray.. listen.. U will hear him again