Why are you single?

[GritsnGrace]

The reason I think I am single is that I am a single mom and there is not too many men where I go to church. I have been hurt so I am careful.

cw, that's pretty much why I have stayed single all this time. I have seen so many friends who felt that had to have a man to feel 'needed', but I felt my kids were more important. I didn't want them to ever feel like someone else was more important to me than they were (and still are) They are now both grown and on their own, so now, it's my turn!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I wish more parents were like you two, cw and mamabear. When my parents divorced and remarried I pretty much felt like I was thrown to the side. If I ever had kids I hope I would have been a little more conscious of this and made sure they were nurtured and knew without a doubt that they were loved regardless what my situation would have been. Thankfully I didn't have kids when I was in my marriage situation back in the day because I fear that my young age and stupidity would have definitely been a time of bad mistakes in that area as well.

 

[jenelis]

Hi Everyone!

I just read this thread... its pretty long and it left me wondering where I've been for the six months while this thread has been going on.

It's interesting to me that many of you express shyness. That is definately not my problem. Extravert is my middle name.

Then there's "ugliness" (which you all should be hung by your toes for saying about yourselves! We were created in God's image, hello???). Everyone has their own attributes! HoosierCanuck & Kelco-- you've got star personalites! Kelco's picture is hilarious! Stanfi - you're clealy a very caring and thoughtful guy. And I think it was you who talked about good-looking people hopefully having more under the surface. My major flaw, I think, is being too persnickidy!

BUT... here's my real problem with relationships:
I have a SO. We've been togther for about 4 1/2 years or so. I don't LOVE him, he DOES love me. We're open about this. So, we're killin' time, right?

I have a just-turned 8 year old daughter. She is #1 in my life. i am totally committed to raising her to be a well-adapted, fun-loving, intellectual believer. So I beleive i have no time to commit to a *better* relationship.

My husband was a cheater, and verbally very abusive. i think I technically left him, but he left me really by cheating. I don't really care who takes the blame for it. But I have this perfect little angel to mold right now. So that's my excuse.

Plus (on a humerous note), I believe my perfect man died at birth because I haven't ever seen him!

I hope ya'll keep this thread going. I'd like to get to know you all better!

 

[Tumbleweed64]

I don't know.... maybe guys just aren't all that attracted to me or maybe they can sense that I am a VERY strong and independent sort of gal!!

 

[MadFingerPainter]

I have several reasons at the moment. The main one being that before I was saved I was married twice already. The 2nd marriage was extremely damaging to my mental and emotional state and took quite a while to recover from. The 2nd reason is that I can't find anyone who interests me at all. The third reason is lack of time. I work odd hours and I'm taking a college course at home so, unless someone wants to eat lunch with me while I'm grocery shopping or date me while I'm napping...*Grin* I simply don't have the free time to date right now. I also don't think most men even notice me much. I keep to myself and don't pay much attention to men in general right now either. I have other things in my life to worry about besides whether or not some goofy guy is looking at me. *LOL* So who knows...maybe they're checking me out and I'm not noticing. Most of them are not Christian so that doesn't help their cause at all with me. Plus since I still smoke I think that makes a big difference as well. I plan to try to quit when I go on vacation at the end of July. Who knows...maybe that will help. Not that it matters all that much anyway. I figure if God wants me to be with someone He'll bring him my way.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I can't find anyone who interests me at all. The third reason is lack of time. I work odd hours I also don't think most men even notice me much. I keep to myself and don't pay much attention to men in general right now either. I have other things in my life to worry about besides whether or not some goofy guy is looking at me. *LOL* So who knows...maybe they're checking me out and I'm not noticing. Most of them are not Christian so that doesn't help their cause at all with me.


I can agree with all of this!

 

[MadFingerPainter]

*giggles @ HC* i believe it's called being a gal on the go! *grins & pops a handful of cheerios into my mouth*

 

[harmmony]

I think I am having de jevu. I haven't been around the forum for an age and then I saw this thread which I thought was the same as the thread from a year or so ago, but it's new, obviously. Anyway I will say something similar to what I said before and I still believe is absolutely true. If it's been said already I apologise but I didn't read through this whole thread.

I feel as though God has a priority list of all the things that He and I need to work on and get straight in my life - personal, emotional, mental, spiritual. Meeting my future husband is a little bit down on the list because I could never have a successful relationship with anyone until I work out certain things. So, I feel like God and I are working our way through the list (only He knows all the things that are really on it), He reveals things I need to work on or change in His timing and when He knows that I am in a position to make a success of my relationship or that He feels the time is otherwise right He will bring that person into my life. Does that make sense? Of course I (and all of us) will always be a work in progress, but there are sometimes things which you need to heal or change which would specifically interfere with having a successful relationship/marriage.

So, my firm believe is that as I said God knows when I'll be ready (I may be now, I don't know) and also when my man will be ready , he is likely going through a similar process. I believe that if I stay with God and be where I believe He wants me to be, we will cross paths in God's timing.

 

[BlestByTheBest]

I think I am having de jevu. I haven't been around the forum for an age and then I saw this thread which I thought was the same as the thread from a year or so ago, but it's new, obviously. Anyway I will say something similar to what I said before and I still believe is absolutely true. If it's been said already I apologise but I didn't read through this whole thread.

I feel as though God has a priority list of all the things that He and I need to work on and get straight in my life - personal, emotional, mental, spiritual. Meeting my future husband is a little bit down on the list because I could never have a successful relationship with anyone until I work out certain things. So, I feel like God and I are working our way through the list (only He knows all the things that are really on it), He reveals things I need to work on or change in His timing and when He knows that I am in a position to make a success of my relationship or that He feels the time is otherwise right He will bring that person into my life. Does that make sense? Of course I (and all of us) will always be a work in progress, but there are sometimes things which you need to heal or change which would specifically interfere with having a successful relationship/marriage.

So, my firm believe is that as I said God knows when I'll be ready (I may be now, I don't know) and also when my man will be ready , he is likely going through a similar process. I believe that if I stay with God and be where I believe He wants me to be, we will cross paths in God's timing.

I've been single (actually widowed) for over 5 years and I believe that is the main reason I'm not married. It took the first 3 yrs to work through my grief. And then I fianally fully surrendered my life to God and He's done a ton of work in me!!
I feel very similar to you, Harmmony. My man has to be God sent. And I believe when the timing is right, The Lord will cross our paths.
I pray about it often, and when I do, I quote Ecclesiastes 4:9 and ask God for specifics.
Thanks, all...for this thread. It's been great to read.

 

[Jenster]

I pray about it often, and when I do, I quote Ecclesiastes 4:9 and ask God for specifics.
Thanks, all...for this thread. It's been great to read.

That's a great scripture, BBTB! Thank you for pointing to it.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I think I have to 'officially' and 'once and for all' conquer depression first. I wouldn't want to subject the "Prince" that God has for me somewhere (supposedly) to my emotional baggage. That just wouldn't be fair.

The ironic thing is though that sometimes the LACK of a relationship is a contributing factor to the depression....

catch 22, eh?

 

[barbaraclarke]

I think I have to 'officially' and 'once and for all' conquer depression first. I wouldn't want to subject the "Prince" that God has for me somewhere (supposedly) to my emotional baggage. That just wouldn't be fair.

The ironic thing is though that sometimes the LACK of a relationship is a contributing factor to the depression....

catch 22, eh?

yeah I know how you feel however I began to over come it by focussing on other things and hope that one day God will bring Him along . I try not focus on the parts of the future that might be very scarey.

 

[sreno7]

I think I am single because when I was younger I didn't put God first and probably married the wrong person. I was depressed through much of my marriage and very angry and controlling. My husband has issues he hasn't dealt with and I haven't heard from God whether I am to wait, remain single or if there is someone else for me.

 

[Jenster]

Hi sreno7! Welcome to Mature Singles!

 

[sreno7]

thanks

 

[Jenster]

Today I'm thankful that I've been single. I've been working on an interesting project at work, putting in some extra hours, and I realized that it's much easier to have no one (husband, kids) around to report to or be responsible for. I switched careers late (in my 30s), and I don't think I'd have been able to establish myself well in my new career if I always had some family responsibilities. It was a struggle to get off the ground and required my focus.

Of course, not having taken the marriage path, I can't say all that for sure. If I had a husband who was understanding and supportive, he might've been helpful to me when I had to put in weekend and weeknight hours. It's more the thought that your attention is all spread out when you have husband, house, kids, etc. to take care of -- and one of the joys and curses of singleness is all that time on your hands.

 

[sistakrista]

Why Am I Single?
I have answered this question, many, MANY, times in my life. I have only ever met ONE person I considered WORTH marrying - ahhhh, but I believe I'm *called* to be single, maybe JUST to be a living example that it's OKAY? Jesus completes me. I KNOW I would enjoy the companionship & sex is ALWAYS an issue. Paul wrote something about the single person has less to worry about, right? And, it's better to marry than burn! Maybe I'd enjoy being married?
NAAAAAH!

 

[Kawliga]

Why am I single? I don't know, but I feel like a dog chasing it's own tail.

 

[sreno7]

I don't want to stay single,but I dont' want to appear desparate.

 

[God Child]

just not into the whole "Dating" scene.... (oops didn't catch the forum name, thought it was just "singles ministry" )