Why are mothers so harsh when brushing daughter's hair?

[Autumnleaf]

I saw this claim in another thread and I've seen it first hand with my wife. Why is it so?

 

[Alithis]

im going to leap in and guess its time sensitive ...

 

[PersephonesTear]

I don't recall my mother being harsh with my hair when I was little. She loved my hair, and I never had any issues with pain or anything when she worked on it.

My sister in law doesn't seem harsh with my nieces' hair either, and they sit pretty perfectly still without complaint when any of us work on them. They are currently five.

 

[kristina411]

I love doing my daughters hair. I only had trouble when she was like 4-5 and that was because she was always getting food in her hair. It would stick together and knot up. She also always pulled her ponytails out causing her long hair to get knotted. Amshe and I both got tired of it and cut her hair. She wanted it cut.
Now shes nearly 7 and is starting to want me to do her hair. I put it up every day but only in braids on special occasions. Now that she takes care of her hair it isn't so hard to brush and we both like the process.

I have learned to be more gentle but as adults our hair has taken a lot more abuse and our scalp isn't as tender. I used to forget this. I'm much better with it now. I love braids ♥

 

[Annessa3]

if you think your wife is harsh AL, perhaps you should be doing it.

 

[Alithis]

if you think your wife is harsh AL, perhaps you should be doing it.

lol i saw that coming

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I saw this claim in another thread and I've seen it first hand with my wife. Why is it so?

My mom wasn't harsh with me. I would guess that some moms get frustrated or maybe they're a little jealous that the little one can grow a beautiful head of hair. If your wife is being harsh with your daughter, I would suggest that maybe you talk to her about it or offer to learn how to do your daughter's hair yourself.

 

[Inkachu]

I think it's because you can't feel what another person is feeling, and it's hard to judge just how much pressure is comfortable vs. what's a little painful when you're dealing with someone else's head. Some moms are in a hurry and just want to get it done. Some kids have nappy tangles that snag the brush or comb, even if Mom is trying to be gentle. Lots of Moms think they sort of "own" their daughter's hair and insist on doing all the brushing and styling even when the kid is plenty big enough to do it herself.

Unless your child is really, really little, they should be brushing and combing their own hair.

 

[brinny]

I saw this claim in another thread and I've seen it first hand with my wife. Why is it so?

cuz dey LOVES dem'

 

[.chrys.]

I never thought I was harsh when doing my daughter's hair. She thought I was harsh though. It was painstakingly difficult to get her to sit still. Her hair is super curly and out of control without combing it. When she was very young, I tried to get her to wear braids a lot because it kept it from being so messy. Ultimately, we got her haircut before 1st grade and she hated that even worse.

For the record, I was no more "harsh" coming her hair than I was when combing my son's hair. His was a lot easier though being shorter and very, very straight.

From an entirely different perspective, it may be that women know this world is harsh and combing hair is an easy way to help their little girls learn that if they want to look pretty and (later) attractive to the boys, then they're gonna have to go through hell to get that way.

 

[lisah]

I saw this claim in another thread and I've seen it first hand with my wife. Why is it so?

It is usually time related, especially if you have more than one child who needs brushing. Plus, some girls have hair that is difficult to get a brush through. I was one of those girls with long curly hair and a sensitive scalp. I was always in tears afterwards.

You would think short hair would be preferred in that case, but some people are funny about girls and their hair.

 

[Hetta]

I have wonderful memories of my mom brushing my long, thick (at the time waist length) hair. She was never rough.

Maybe dad could take over and show her how it's done.

 

[Annessa3]

I had long curly hair-- when I got tired of it, I ask for the haircut.
Oh, how loved I would have felt if my dad brushed it.....

 

[kristina411]

I do not know what happened lol oops

 

[LinkH]

I think this is an individual thing. Not all mothers are. The trick is to comb it out with conditioner while the hair is still wet. You can buy detangling spray, but conditioner and water works best. We bought several bottles of that spray for my first daughter before I figured out the conditioner trick. It's one of those things I just didn't know about being a man who always had short hair.

I get on one of my girl's case for not taking a comb with her to the bathroom and combing her hair out with conditioner or not combing it while it is still wet. If she doesn't, she may have to walk around with a bird's nest on her head. Anyone who tries to comb that dry is going to have to do it harshly to get through.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I think this is an individual thing. Not all mothers are. The trick is to comb it out with conditioner while the hair is still wet. You can buy detangling spray, but conditioner and water works best. We bought several bottles of that spray for my first daughter before I figured out the conditioner trick. It's one of those things I just didn't know about being a man who always had short hair.

I get on one of my girl's case for not taking a comb with her to the bathroom and combing her hair out with conditioner or not combing it while it is still wet. If she doesn't, she may have to walk around with a bird's nest on her head. Anyone who tries to comb that dry is going to have to do it harshly to get through.

DO NOT comb through tangles while the hair is still wet unless you've used a detangling conditioner. Wet hair is more prone to breakage.

I have hair that's about to my hips. I do not comb it out after I wash it. I wash it at night and go to bed with it wet. In the morning I can brush it out and the tangles come right out. Another secret is when attempting to comb out tangles, start at the bottom of the tangle and work your way up.

Another help is to braid dry hair before bed. A French braid is easy to sleep on and will keep the hair from getting tangled overnight. It only takes a couple of minutes to do and will also eliminate much crying and screaming in the morning.

 

[.chrys.]

Just have to say...a French braid is NOT "easy" to do. LOL They're beautiful, but not easy on a 5 year old girl with curly, long hair.

 

[Devorim]

Oh, my. I am going to have to ask my daughter if I was rough on her hair. I don't think I was.....

 

[sunshineforJesus]

...

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Just have to say...a French braid is NOT "easy" to do. LOL They're beautiful, but not easy on a 5 year old girl with curly, long hair.

With practice you can do it in 5 minutes. I can do my own in nothing flat. It's not really pretty but I'm going to bed, I just want it out of my way. If I leave my hair down, my kittens will attempt to "groom" me while I sleep and that's a HUGE mess to wake up to in the morning.