Where is my engagement ring, I'm irritated

[Angeleyes7715]

So I've bugged my current bf of a year about getting married often enough. I do not like playing house and we got stuck in a situation where we live together.

My bf is quiet a bit younger than I am like 5 and a half years younger. And I know I've been back and forth because he's a difficult person, but so am I. Anyway, I want an engagement ring and he told me he wants to wait sometime between this year and the next until marriage. He said one year is not enough for the rest of my life.

I mean I get it but I'm also at a different point mentally. And my current mentality is fairy tale love and perfect careers and "the right time" doesn't exist. Just propose to me and let's get on with our lives now.

How much longer should i really tolerate this before I start searching for a different guy who is ready to marry me and settle into married life?

 

[Antig]

If you are thinking about searching for a different guy then you can't be truly in love. All u seem to want is a ring!

 

[HereIStand]

You either known or you don't at some point. If your boyfriend isn't ready now, then he likely won't be next year. My advice would be to find someone else.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Rushing into marriage when one isn't ready isn't a good idea. Given his age he's probably doing the right thing by not getting married so quickly. Either wait till hes ready or as you say find someone who is around your age who is also looking for marriage. It doesn't seem like he wants to be married so young.

 

[Endeavourer]

Dating is an interview for marriage. Generally, after two years you know enough to decide yes or no. Any time after that is usually wasted time.

If you are considering moving on, I'd move on and only consider coming back to this relationship if your boyfriend seeks you out (pursues you) with more to offer. So many marriages are so bad because they are between couples who forced the relationship out of comfort and habit, but not out of purposeful compatibility.

What do you think of this article?
Living Together Before Marriage Letter #1

 

[Angeleyes7715]

It hasn't hit two years yet this is just our one year mark.

And it's not so much that i'm not in love because I feel like I do love my boyfriend. It's just not the cute romantic love it's the I spend time cooking and cleaning and buying things for you and putting up with your attitude and eating habits and we manage our finances together dedication love.

I'm 26 and I've dated a lot. I've grown past romantic love and just want to get married now and have kids and be about the next stage in life like the rest of my peers. I don't really care about being in "love" as long as I can tolerate the other person, they don't cheat, give me respect, and we can manage our lives together that's what's important.

Besides most Americans families never see each other anyway they are always working.

And then there's the fact that we all just get old and sick and die anyway and end up single in the grand scheme of things so ultimately it makes romantic love pointless.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It hasn't hit two years yet this is just our one year mark.

And it's not so much that i'm not in love because I feel like I do love my boyfriend. It's just not the cute romantic love it's the I spend time cooking and cleaning and buying things for you and putting up with your attitude and eating habits and we manage our finances together dedication love.

I'm 26 and I've dated a lot. I've grown past romantic love and just want to get married now and have kids and be about the next stage in life like the rest of my peers. I don't really care about being in "love" as long as I can tolerate the other person, they don't cheat, give me respect, and we can manage our lives together that's what's important.

Besides most Americans families never see each other anyway they are always working.

And then there's the fact that we all just get old and sick and die anyway and end up single in the grand scheme of things so ultimately it makes romantic love pointless.

I don't think marrying someone just because is a good reason. Never settle. Know your worth.

 

[Tree of Life]

So I've bugged my current bf of a year about getting married often enough. I do not like playing house and we got stuck in a situation where we live together.

My bf is quiet a bit younger than I am like 5 and a half years younger. And I know I've been back and forth because he's a difficult person, but so am I. Anyway, I want an engagement ring and he told me he wants to wait sometime between this year and the next until marriage. He said one year is not enough for the rest of my life.

I mean I get it but I'm also at a different point mentally. And my current mentality is fairy tale love and perfect careers and "the right time" doesn't exist. Just propose to me and let's get on with our lives now.

How much longer should i really tolerate this before I start searching for a different guy who is ready to marry me and settle into married life?

Don't give him any of the benefits of marriage. So long as you give him the benefits of marriage - a woman who lives with him and possibly even physical intimacy - then there's really no urgency for him to marry. And it even enables him to subtly "keep his options open". This is not a good situation.

Stop being physically intimate with him and make plans to move out or - if you own the house - to request him to move out.

This should inspire him to either get serious about you or to move on entirely.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Don't give him any of the benefits of marriage. So long as you give him the benefits of marriage - a woman who lives with him and possibly even physical intimacy - then there's really no urgency for him to marry. And it even enables him to subtly "keep his options open". This is not a good situation.

Stop being physically intimate with him and make plans to move out or - if you own the house - to request him to move out.

This should inspire him to either get serious about you or to move on entirely.

I feel like you're right. I care about this person but I think I'm setting myself up for failure expecting it to go differently. My sister and her husband are both not Christians and they told me no guy will ever get married without get what they want first. That's a rarity they said.

You know tbh I don't know why I really care so much about marriage or dating anyway. I'm probably the most miserable person or close to it that you'll ever meet and mostly feel like I'm just tolerating life until I die so I don't know ow why I bother doing extra stuff. It's just stressful and life usually turns out bad anyway.

 

[Endeavourer]

And it's not so much that i'm not in love because I feel like I do love my boyfriend. It's just not the cute romantic love it's the I spend time cooking and cleaning and buying things for you and putting up with your attitude and eating habits and we manage our finances together dedication love.

Does your boyfriend know that this is all your love for him is? It would be a terrible injustice for you to marry him without his being aware of this.

I'm 26 and I've dated a lot. I've grown past romantic love and just want to get married now and have kids and be about the next stage in life like the rest of my peers. I don't really care about being in "love" as long as I can tolerate the other person, they don't cheat, give me respect, and we can manage our lives together that's what's important.

Girl, the years ahead of you will stretch looooong and dreary if this is what you are settling for. Ask anyone in an unfulfilling, barely-loving marriage and they'll likely tell you they'd be happier single. It is a terrible thing for you to steal your boyfriend's future without full disclosure of these expectations. It honestly sounds like you are using him to populate your uterus.

Besides most Americans families never see each other anyway they are always working.

This rationalizing will grow very thin with time. You will bitterly regret this marriage. I'd move on and look for someone you are suited for romantic love with.

 

[Tree of Life]

I feel like you're right. I care about this person but I think I'm setting myself up for failure expecting it to go differently.

It can go differently if you listen to the wisdom of God. The wisdom of God would tell you that you shouldn't be living or sleeping with this guy. You have done at least one of those things and you see the sticky situation it's gotten you into. But it's never too late to turn around and start listening to the Lord on this one. Listen to the Lord and see what kinds of different results may come from it.

My sister and her husband are both not Christians and they told me no guy will ever get married without get what they want first. That's a rarity they said.

This is worldly and unspiritual wisdom. It can only bring about heartache.

You know tbh I don't know why I really care so much about marriage or dating anyway. I'm probably the most miserable person or close to it that you'll ever meet and mostly feel like I'm just tolerating life until I die so I don't know ow why I bother doing extra stuff. It's just stressful and life usually turns out bad anyway.

This isn't where the Lord wants you to be. Somewhere along the way you've gotten off track. What does it mean for you to whole heartedly return to the Lord and seek him right now? Surely this confusing relationship you're in right now is not helping. This doesn't mean that the relationship must certainly end. But something must certainly change. You can bring about that change.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

My bf just came in with Christmas presents for me. I feel guilty for being mad at him, but still I feel like there's probably no engagement ring. And also I've known this guy since childhood. If he's not the one no one is.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Well I just came out and said it again. I told him why can't we just get engaged and stay engaged until your ready to marry me. People do that all the time.

He said no there's no point in staying engaged for years. I told him, I want to stop sleeping together then.

Well he said, that's fine. He said remember when I told you that. It doesn't seem to bother him at all!
I don't know whether to feel grateful that I can serve God in peace without sinning and keep my boyfriend too or to feel mad that he isn't upset at me for not sleeping with him. Like what if it means he's uninterested in me like that... I think I worry too much.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Well he said, that's fine. He said remember when I told you that. It doesn't seem to bother him at all!
I don't know whether to feel grateful that I can serve God in peace without sinning and keep my boyfriend too or to feel mad that he isn't upset at me for not sleeping with him. Like what if it means he's uninterested in me like that... I think I worry too much.

Best not to sleep with him and see how long he can go.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Btw from you guys saying there needs to be romantic love not just dedication, well, I've been in the married couples forum reading and from what I'm seeing most of these people say romantic love doesn't exist and it's a fantasy. They point out that marriages were arranged in bible days and romance simply wasn't there.

I wonder if this means I've been technically married for a year to this guy because romance seems dead and life sucks. I mean that's what I'm learning from the married couples section. It seems like no one likes their spouses and no one has sex and love is just dedication lol. I mean am I wrong?

I do like my bf though I mean I like him when he's not annoying me. And we are basically attached at the hip. Okay, I love him to death,but still I'm dead when it comes to romance, but maybe it's not him. Ive never really been crazy about or had a crush on any guy that I've dated.

The guys that I've crushed on are very very rare. I let it go because my expectations are unrealistic I was in love with movie stars and book characters stuff no real person could live up to.

 

[Petros2015]

You know tbh I don't know why I really care so much about marriage or dating anyway. I'm probably the most miserable person or close to it that you'll ever meet and mostly feel like I'm just tolerating life until I die so I don't know ow why I bother doing extra stuff. It's just stressful and life usually turns out bad anyway.

And you are irritated and impatient that you don't have a ring.

Wow.

Go fix yourself. You'll feel better, ring or no.

 

[Antig]

Selfishness comes to mind OP. Be humble, please

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I guess a better way to phrase this post is to say the lack of marriage or engagement tempts me to cheat. I don't want to cheat though.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I guess a better way to phrase this post is to say the lack of marriage or engagement tempts me to cheat. I don't want to cheat though.

Better to leave him than cheat on him.

 

[Bluerose31]

So I've bugged my current bf of a year about getting married often enough. I do not like playing house and we got stuck in a situation where we live together.

My bf is quiet a bit younger than I am like 5 and a half years younger. And I know I've been back and forth because he's a difficult person, but so am I. Anyway, I want an engagement ring and he told me he wants to wait sometime between this year and the next until marriage. He said one year is not enough for the rest of my life.

I mean I get it but I'm also at a different point mentally. And my current mentality is fairy tale love and perfect careers and "the right time" doesn't exist. Just propose to me and let's get on with our lives now.

How much longer should i really tolerate this before I start searching for a different guy who is ready to marry me and settle into married life?

I am praying that Jesus guides you and him so that you will know when the right time to be married is.